My Only (18 page)

Especial y when Aaron liked her, too.

But I was a double idiot for doing what I’d just done to her. I shouldn’t have told her that I liked her. I should’ve kept it to myself. I could’ve accepted the soup and let her think that I real y was sick.

I sat up in bed and eyed the blue container. The soup smel ed good.
Really
good. She’d even brought over a spoon. God, she was thoughtful. I hadn’t eaten anything al day, so I grabbed the container, pul ed off the top, and started devouring it.

I knew that soup was traditional y what people ate when they were sick, but this must have had special powers to influence moods and emotions because after eating it, not only did I feel warmed inside and out, I also felt better. After placing the empty container on the desk, I flipped off the covers and got out of bed. My body was a bit stiff after lying around al day. I stretched on my way over to the window. Olivia’s bedroom window was dark, but the downstairs glowed with light. They were probably eating dinner.

I took a deep breath and stood up straight. Al owing them to finish supper would give me enough time to clean up, wash the bowl and spoon, and plan what it was I was going to say.

An hour later, I stood on the Cartwrights’ porch, fisted hand raised to knock. By the time I’d showered and washed dishes, the light was on in Olivia’s room. The curtains were open, but I couldn’t see her. I’d had a brief cowardly moment where I thought about just texting her, but in my gut I knew what I needed to do. With no more hesitation, I knocked.

Olivia’s grandfather opened the door. He was a thin man with gray hair. I thought my dad mentioned once that he was in the military a long time ago. Now that I was standing right in front of him, I could see by just his posture that he must have been. His back was straight as a board and even though he was an old man, his shoulders were thrown back, making him a relatively intimidating figure. I was slightly tal er than he was, but he had a much wider—and much stronger—frame than I did.

Mr. Cartwright said nothing. He just looked at me with his pale blue eyes.

“Hel o, sir,” I said, sounding every bit as nervous as I felt.

“Hel o.”

“Um, is Olivia available?”

As soon as I said her name his expression softened. “She’s studying.”

“Oh, wel , I just needed to speak to her for a moment. Could you tel her I’m here?” For a moment, he didn’t say anything, so I said. “Would that be okay?”

“Sure,” he said, final y cracking a smal , sly grin.

He didn’t invite me in, so I backed away from the door. I didn’t know if he was expecting me to come in or what, but he cocked an eyebrow like he was surprised I was just going to wait outside. I’d pul ed on my light jacket before walking across the street.

He gently shut the door.

After a minute or two, the door opened again and Olivia came out. She was clutching her black hoodie around herself. Her shoulders were raised, like she was trying to protect her neck from the elements.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hey.”

I almost chickened out again, but I knew I needed to do this. “So, I’m sorry. About earlier. I
am
your friend, Livie. I
want
to be your friend. It wasn’t right of me to act the way I did.”

She looked down at her purple-fuzzy-slipper-encased feet. “I didn’t know you felt like that, Adam. If I did, I would—” I didn’t want her to feel obligated to say something comforting. She liked Aaron and for the most part I thought I could deal with it. I’d have to if I wanted to maintain a friendship with her. “You don’t have to say anything. Most people like Aaron more than me. It’s okay.”

“That’s horrible,” she said, her head snapping up. “I know you’ve probably thought that al your life, but it isn’t true. People like you.” That wasn’t what I said, but I wasn’t going to interrupt her.

“I real y like you, Adam.”

I gave her a smile, but it was smal and sad. “But you don’t like me as much as you like Aaron.” Her expression, that had become a bit hopeful, fel . “Adam,” she whispered.

“It’s okay. I understand. I stil want to be your friend.”

I thought she was just going to placate me or something, but she didn’t. Instead, she punched me in the bicep. “I don’t like him
more
. It’s just different.” It seemed like her eyes softened, then she said, “It’s not like anyone else asked me to the dance.” I didn’t have a chance to absorb the comment because she shifted her weight. Olivia clutched her jacket closed again. “Now, are you going to be an idiot al night or can we move on?” I chuckled, which seemed to diffuse the situation.

“I’m glad you came over,” she said.

“Yeah?”

With a nod, she answered, “Yeah. You’re, like, my only friend here.”

I could’ve brought up Aaron and al of his crowd that seemed to flock to her, but I didn’t.

“I’m stil waiting for drum lessons.”

I was feeling so much better. I opened my mouth to tel her I stil wanted to give her lessons, but the door opened. Mrs. Cartwright appeared.

“Olivia, it’s too cold for you to be out here.”

Olivia sighed. It was chil y, but I didn’t think it was
too cold
. I gave her a look that told her I thought her grandma was nuts. She turned to address Mrs. Cartwright.

“Just another minute, okay?”

“Olivia.” Her grandmother’s voice was firm and her gaze was just as rigid. “You know the cold—”

“Al right!” she said. “I know. I’l be in in a second, okay?”

As her grandma retreated back into the house after shooting Olivia a very pointed look, I wondered what she was going to tel Olivia about the cold. Whatever it was, Olivia already knew it would be annoying.

She rol ed her eyes at me and I laughed. “I guess she likes warm better than cold?” I asked. I wanted to question her more. Things didn’t seem to add up, and the worry that I’d pushed away before was creeping back. I didn’t want to mess anything up now that we were okay again, so I stayed silent.

She didn’t reply, just shook her head in apparent irritation. “So, are you going to school tomorrow?” I nodded. “And we’re cool now, right?” I nodded again. “Yeah.”

“Good.” She turned as the curtains from the bay window swayed. Her grandmother was hovering. “I’ve got to go before she flips. I’l see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. Tomorrow. Good night.”

I walked the short walk home feeling better than I had in many days. But the feeling didn’t last long. As soon as I walked in the door, Aaron was waiting for me. I hadn’t even seen his JEEP pul in when I’d been across the street.

“What were you talking to Olivia about?” he asked as I kicked off my shoes. His tone was undeniably annoyed. It was almost amusing.

“Nothing,” I replied as I took off my jacket and hung it up.

“You were talking to her about
something
.”

I purposeful y glared at him as I went into the kitchen. He fol owed. I opened the refrigerator and grabbed out the milk, and he leaned against the freezer and stared at me. He was going to do this al night unless I appeased him. I crossed the room, dodging him as I grabbed a glass and poured the milk. “She brought me soup.”

“She brought you soup?” he asked, his voice a sort of bored exasperation.

“Yeah.”

“Because she thought you were sick?”

I sighed then replaced the milk in the refrigerator. After taking a sip, I trained my eyes directly on my brother’s.

Raising his left eyebrow and jutting out his jaw, he asked, “Did you tel her that you were just moping? Is that what you were over there talking about?”

His intensity about the whole thing surprised me. Then it dawned on me. My brother resented that I had been talking to her. “Jealous?” I asked, my tone obviously smug.

“Of you?” he said, laughing. “Please! She’s going to the dance with
me
. Al you’re doing is giving her puppy-eyes while hoping that she stil needs you to tutor her!”

I didn’t have a reply for that, so I pretended to ignore him. But the damage was done. He was right. Nothing had changed just because I’d gone over to talk to her. She was stil going to Homecoming with Aaron and I was stil going to be sitting home alone, wishing I’d asked her first or lamenting the fact that even if I had asked her, she real y was just the girl I tutored.

No, that wasn’t right. She wasn’t “just the girl I tutored,” but to her I was just the guy who tutored her in history.

No, I reminded myself, it wasn’t like that either. She said that I was her only friend here. She hadn’t included Aaron in that. I reminded myself that she barely knew Aaron and quite possibly Homecoming would be their one and only date. She was smart enough that it wouldn’t take long to see through him. Right now she was only looking at the surface of him, but soon she’d see the honest version of Aaron—the version that showed he didn’t real y care about anyone other than himself. The one that would prove he wasn’t real y interested in Olivia; he was just interested in the idea of her.

I finished my glass of milk and went to walk past him. The fact that he was jealous of me because I was talking to Olivia should’ve made me feel at least a little better. He’d never been jealous of me for anything before. But honestly, I just felt like I’d lost a battle over something important.

The feeling permeated everything. I zombie-walked through the week. Class was just class. Practice was just practice. Work was just work. The only thril ing moments came when I was able to talk with Olivia. We both worked Tuesday night. We ate together again, but other than that, it was void of excitement for me.

Everyone was getting ready for the Homecoming game and dance on Friday. When the night came, I drummed without any enthusiasm. We played Glenbrook High and beat them. Of course, Aaron made several key plays and everyone gathered around him at the end of the game. I tried not to notice Olivia in the stands cheering for him but it was difficult not to. She was bundled up. The night was cold—colder than the night we stood out on her porch. She wore a black coat and a white fuzzy scarf and she jumped up and down when he made a touchdown.

At one point she looked at me but I quickly looked away. She was supporting Aaron on his big night, not me.

After the game, Casey came over but I was pretty much a lump. We basical y sat around my room doing various activities independently. He was using my computer to update his Facebook page and I sat by the window, tapping my fingers against the conga drum, watching the Cartwrights’ house.

Around midnight, Aaron’s Wrangler pul ed up. Olivia got out of the passenger side and he went around quickly to meet her. Together, they crossed the street and I watched as they walked slowly up the steps to her house. My jaw clenched when he moved in to kiss her.

“That sucks,” Casey said, from right next to my ear. I jumped in surprise. “What a bitch.”

“Shut up,” I said immediately. She wasn’t a bitch. She just didn’t know what she was doing. Or maybe she did. Maybe I was just a condescending prick who was trying to be al caveman and claim her.

“Sorry,” Casey mumbled then he stepped back and flopped down on my bed. “Stil sucks, though.”

“Yeah.” I turned away from the window, not wanting to see them anymore.

“So I guess you don’t want to go to the dance just to go, do you?”

Yeah, like I wanted to stand around watching Olivia have a great time with Aaron at the dance. I was miserable enough watching them from across the street. “Nope.”

Casey didn’t seem surprised, but I could tel he was disappointed. There was no doubt in my mind that he wanted to go, if only to imagine that instead of dancing with Nate, Hannah was dancing with him. I sort of felt bad. I probably should’ve been a better friend to him, but if the two of us went, we’d both feel like bigger losers than we already did.

I heard the front door open and close. I peeked out from behind the blinds. Olivia’s light was on now. I could hear Aaron’s loud footsteps on the stairs. A moment later my door swung open. “Hey,” my brother said as he leaned against the doorjamb.

“Hey,” I responded.

“What’s up?” Casey asked, sitting up then swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

“You guys sounded good,” Aaron said. It was decent of him to pretend that he actual y heard the band over the thunderous cheers of the crowd.

Casey responded before I could. He went back to my computer as he said, “Thanks.”

“You played great,” I said.

Aaron beamed. “Thanks. It was a good game.”

I stood up and scratched my neck. It wasn’t rare that we were chatting, just that it was after a game. Usual y he had a party to go to, but I supposed that it was postponed until after the dance. “Yeah,” I said.

My twin craned his neck a bit, his eyes focused behind me. He stepped inside my room and with three large strides he was next to me, pul ing up the blinds. “Shit. Olivia’s room is, like, right there.”

I swal owed down the disappointment I felt. Now that he knew, he’d be in here al the time. Aaron pul ed out his cel phone, pressed a bunch of keys and then waited silently. Olivia’ appeared, and she waved. I wanted to believe that she waved to the both of us, but it was probably only to Aaron.

I moved out of the view of the window and began organizing my
Magic
cards and didn’t turn around until I heard the blinds being lowered again.

“That’s awesome,” Aaron said, I supposed in reference to being able to see Olivia in her room. I must have been giving him a dirty or sad look because he turned his gaze from me pretty quickly once our eyes connected. “So, you going to the dance, Case?” I sighed. I didn’t want him cal ing my friend
Case
. Like they were friends. His name was
Casey
. He was
my
friend. Just like Olivia was
my
friend.

Aaron should stick to his own people and leave mine alone.

“Nah,” Casey said as he swiveled around in the chair. “Bigger and better things to do, you know?” To his credit, my brother didn’t laugh. He just nodded and said, “That’s cool.”