My Tattered Bonds (34 page)

I cried for at least an hour and when my heaving sobs finally subsided, I lay spent for a moment longer before I sat up, reaching a shaking hand up to smooth my hair.
 
I glanced at the magic mirror.
 
Did I want to see?
 
I knew by now, they had to know that I was gone.
 
Did I really want to see that?

No, I didn’t.
 
I couldn’t stand to see Cadmus in pain or see the look on Raquel’s face.
 
I couldn’t imagine what she would feel.
 
She had only just discovered that I was her mother and to have me snatched away now, it would have to be devastating for such a little girl.
 
I truly hoped that Aphrodite would swoop in and provide all of the motherly things that Cadmus wouldn’t be able to provide.
 
He was a glorious father, but children needed a mother’s touch in some things.
  

Standing up, I re-covered the mirror with a velvet drape.
 
I would look again sometime in the near future, but I couldn’t handle it today.
 
My heart was just too fragile.

Straightening my clothes, I left my rooms to explore the palace.
 
I would do anything to occupy my mind so that I didn’t focus on how on my own devastation.
  

My suite was apparently in a wing dedicated to bedrooms.
 
It was quiet and tranquil during the day with the halls lit softly.
 
I followed the winding corridors out until I emerged in a great room.
 
Books lined the walls, from floor to ceiling and I found Persephone seated by a raging fire, a book in her hands.
 
She wasn’t reading it, however. She was staring absently into the flames.

“I’ve heard that you can control the Phoenix,” she murmured, without looking up.
 
I had no idea how she knew it was me and I didn’t ask.
 
I quietly crossed the room and seated myself in the chair opposing her.
 

“Yes,” I answered simply.
 
The fire felt wonderfully warm and quickly made me sleepy. The emotions of the day had drained me and I closed my eyes, soaking in the warmth.

“It must be exquisite to be in control of so much power,” she replied. I felt her eyes on my face, but I didn’t open my own.
 
I was suddenly very, very weary.

“Not particularly,” I answered.
 
“I don’t even know how I do it sometimes.
 
It just happens.”

“That is because the bird is in tune with you,” she mused.
 
“I have a book here somewhere about the Phoenix.
 
You are welcome to read it.
 
In fact, you are welcome to use anything that you find here…except for my husband.”

My eyes snapped open.
 

“I don’t wish to use your husband,” I snapped.
 
“I don’t want anything to do with him and I don’t want to be here at all.
 
I want to be with my own husband and my daughter and the rest of my family.”

“Nevertheless,” she continued.
 
“I’m very possessive and when Hades wants something, he can be very persistent and patient.
 
Don’t think that I don’t know what kind of effect he has on women.
 
In fact, he has the same effect on men- it just manifests itself differently.
 
People, male or female, usually endeavor to please him.
 
Something about him is so… delicious.”

“I don’t find it delicious,” I confided. “I find it disturbing. I don’t wish to have any feelings about him at all.”

“But you will,” she sighed.
 
“Particularly now that you are living here with us.
 
Resist it as much as you would like, but I am sure it is bound to happen.
 
Unless Hades loses interest.
 
That could always happen.”

I shook my head.
 
“Just remember… I don’t want your husband.
 
I only want my own.”

“But your own is not here.
 
And you will be here a very long time, away from Cadmus. You can remember that.”

She rose from her seat and took two steps to stand next to me.
 
Bending, she kissed a cool kiss on my cheek.
 
She smelled vaguely of oriental spices.
 

“It will be nice to have female company,” she murmured.
 
“I’m sorry that this has happened to you, Harmonia.
 
You are a sweet girl.
 
But take comfort knowing this:
 
I didn’t like the Underworld at first, either. But it has become my home and I am happy here.
 
So you shall be, too.”

Her long skirts rustled as she glided from the room and I found myself staring at the fire in the same exact way she had been doing when I had found her.
 
The flames were warm and mesmerizing, a good way to allow my overwhelmed mind to rest.
 
I stared into them until the warmth lulled me to sleep.

Immediately, Cadmus faced me, his face drawn and anxious.
 
He was clearly beside himself, as I knew he would be.
 

“Where are you?” he demanded.
 
“I’ll come to you, just tell me where.”

My heart automatically lurched hopefully, but I tampered it back down.
 
He couldn’t help me.
 
No matter how strong of a warrior he was, he couldn’t help me now.
 

“You can’t,” I answered sadly.
 
“I am with Hades and you can’t come here.
 
You can’t help me.
 
I’m sorry, Cadmus.
 
I had to come.
 
Hades threatened everyone that I know and love.
 
He brought my mother here, and Jess and Jenn… I had to exchange myself for them. And if I refused, he would’ve come for you and Raquel. This was the only way.”

“There is never only
one way,”
he admonished me painfully.
 
“You should have come to me and we would have figured something out.
 
Something feasible.
 
Your parents are beside themselves and Raquel…” his voice trailed off.
 
I nodded sadly.

“I know.
 
Please tell her that I love her and I’ll always love her.
 
Everything that I do is for the two of you.
 
Please believe that.”

“I do,” he said.
 
“I believe you, of course I do. I just know there has to be another way.”

His handsome bronzed face was tormented and he paced to and fro as he spoke.
 
With each step, his taut muscles flexed and he reminded me of a caged lion.

“I will think of something, wife.
 
I will not leave you there.”

 
“You have to,” I whispered, leaning up to kiss him.
 
His lips were warm and soft and I wanted to stay in his arms forever, even if it was only in a dream. “I love you, Cadmus.”

I forced myself awake.
 
I couldn’t stand the pain on my husband’s face for one more second. It was killing me.
 
I stood from the chair and retreated back to my rooms, lying on my side in the giant soft bed.
 
It was strange, sleeping alone again without Cadmus at my side.
 
I gritted my teeth and stayed awake as long as I could.
 
I wanted to make sure that Cadmus wouldn’t be waiting for me in my dreams again.
 
As much as I wanted to see him, seeing him this way was unbearable.

Chapter Fourteen

No one could say that I didn’t go through the motions.
 
I went to sleep, I ate with Persephone and Hades, I went for walks in the gardens, I read books in the library.
 
But my heart was dead.
 
Day by day, I forced myself to become number and number, until finally I felt like a living, breathing, piece of wood.

It was the only way I could survive it.
 

Being away from those that I loved was torturous, an existence that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I could even forgive Eris for defecting to Hades’ side, because he had given her back Alexi. I knew the feeling now- I would do anything to get my family back.
  
I thought about begging Hades, to see if there was anything at all that I could do to pay for my own freedom.
 
It was a long shot, though, so I mulled on it for quite a while.
 
I didn’t want to ask, only to be shot down.
 
It would be a crushing blow.

One evening, as Hades and I sat by the fire in the crushed velvet armchairs, I looked up from the book that I was reading.
 

“Hades,” I began uncertainly.
 
“Is there anything at all that I can do to persuade you to let me go?
 
It is killing me inside to be away from my family. I feel as though I am dying slowly.”

He looked up from his own book and studied me thoughtfully.
  
With his dark gaze glued to mine, he closed his book slowly and rose from his chair, kneeling in front of me.
 
Taking my hands, he whispered.

“There is one thing.”

“What is it?” I cried.
 
“I’ll do anything. Please.
 
I promise you, I’ll do anything.”

He smiled and brushed the hair away from my face gently.
 
“Anything?”

I nodded silently although the expression on his handsome face caused my stomach to sink.
 

“I want you,” he murmured, leaning up to kiss the side of my neck.
 
His lips grazed my skin ever so softly, enough to leave a trail of goose bumps. “And not just once. That would never be enough.
 
I want you for one night a year for the rest of eternity.”

I fell silent as I listened to the beat of my own heart.
 
It throbbed against my ribcage loudly, echoing in the room.
 

“What do you think of my terms?” he asked, sliding his thumb along my bottom lip.
 
I wavered.
 
I had never felt so desperate in my life.
 
But to expect Cadmus to live with that—to return here to the palace for one night a year… and heaven only knew what perverted things Hades might do to me.
 
I would almost rather die.

I shook my head slowly.
 
“I can’t,” I whispered.
 

He was disappointed, I could see it on his face.
 
But he didn’t say so. Instead, he simply stood and returned to his chair, re-opening his book.

“The offer stands,” he said as he casually went back to reading.
 
I squeezed my eyes closed and forced away the pain.
 
I would do anything.
 
But that.
 

* * *

Days turned into weeks.
 

I could never say that that either Persephone or Hades were cruel to me or even unpleasant.
 
It wasn’t true.
 
In fact, it was the opposite.
 
They were kind and welcoming.
 
But each day was more painful for me than the last because nothing changed the fact that I was a prisoner.
 

I realized more than ever that I was a person who thrived on loving relationships.
  
I needed them.
 
I overheard Hades and Persephone whispering in the hall one day.

“She is wilting,” Persephone said anxiously.
 
“I can see it more and more every day. She eats, she drinks nectar, yet she grows weaker.
 
I don’t know what to do.”