My Way Back to You (Harlequin Large Print Super Romance) (25 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

M
AGGIE
STEPPED
OUT
of the motor home into the chilly mid-November air, carefully juggling her hot tea, phone and paperback. The weather was so unpredictable in Kentucky in November. One day could be warm enough for shorts and the next cold enough for gloves.

This one fell somewhere in the middle. The jeans she wore gave just enough cover to her legs and the steaming cup warmed her hands.

Several more campers had pulled out today, leaving the campground nearly empty. Only she and four other RVs remained. The entire place would be closing down December first, and her Dad would come get the motor home and take it back to Taylor’s Grove. But for the next week, it would be here if she and Russ wanted to camp a bit while he was home.

She suspected he might. Maybe he’d even want to go tomorrow as soon as he got home. He loved being on Kentucky Lake as much as she did.

Dragging her chair down to the edge of the water, she settled in to watch the flocks of Canada geese passing overhead in their race south. Romantic creatures that mated for life, they held a special place in her heart.

“Lur-erk!” She bellowed a honk like her dad taught her when she was eight. Thirty years later, she could still get the attention of those in hearing range. These weren’t, and her call went unanswered.

She watched until she lost sight of their V formations, which reminded her of arrowheads all pointing the same direction to some great unknown. Always forward—never back.

Back was never an option.

This day had been a duplicate of the one before and the one before that. Gray water meeting gray sky, thin gray clouds muting a setting sun. Nothing that required focus. A dull, peaceful canvas that allowed her thoughts to travel wherever they wanted.

Mostly they traveled to Chicago and San Diego.

She’d thought her mom was way off base when she suggested they leave the motor home at the lake after their last camping trip and let Maggie use it as a getaway on her days off.

Who needed a getaway when they lived alone?

But Mom had been proved right...again.

Getting away from Taylor’s Grove and the house and the memories and the loneliness had been a good thing. A wonderful thing.

Silent time with no distractions—time to reflect on the changes in her life the past year. Time for her soul to heal and fill with peace as she let go of the negative and began to, literally, count her blessings, touching her thumb to her fingers in silent enumeration.

Foremost in the things she counted was Russ, eighteen and in college, making it on his own. She’d allowed his age, coupled with her widowhood, to convince her she was old. But blessing number two—the baby—proved to her otherwise. Although still there, grief took up a much smaller area than it had previously and acceptance filled in the surrounding gap. And with that acceptance came the acknowledgment that she was much younger than she allowed herself to think. She could still get pregnant. Her body still brimmed with hormones...with life—enough to create more life. Getting pregnant a third time certainly wasn’t in her plans, but knowing she
could
brought thanks to her heart.

Blessing number three. She touched her thumb to her middle finger—her dad’s health. She’d lost the baby, yet another precious life had been restored. Grief and joy commingled. Neither existed without the other. The never-ending cycle.

Never ending
was a fitting description for other things, too—like blessing number four. She made herself speak the name aloud. “Jeff.” Then she breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth to ease the pain that still lingered. If she said his name often enough, maybe it would become commonplace like
water
or
food
. But right then, she craved him more than the other two.

God, she loved him.

But she’d made the decision to push him out of her life and cut off any contact. And he’d respected her wishes at last—finally relinquishing control.

That accomplishment sounded better in her head than it felt in her heart.

During these weeks of silence, she’d found her strength again, both mental and physical. She would move forward now like the geese, accepting the unknown with courage, grace and dignity.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath—finding once more that place of inner peace, accepting that the ache deep in her soul would always be there as a reminder of all she’d lost.

Only then could she be truly thankful for all she had.

An explosion of sound came from nowhere. Her eyes jerked open to the sight of a flock of Canada geese, low and directly overhead. She sprang from her seat and honked, laughing as all seven tilted their heads and answered.

Seven.

One was without her mate.

Had he died? Or had they gotten separated by life’s uncertain circumstances? Maybe he was waiting patiently at the end of her journey, watching the sky, positive she would find her way back to him.

The thought stirred a yearning at some primal depth, causing Maggie’s heart to explode into a wild rhythm that pushed blood to every part of her body. Her arms and legs and fingertips and toes tingled with the lively certainty she, too, could soar if she would only spread her wings and have faith.

The flock disappeared, obscured by the treetops, but she continued staring at the sky where it had passed. This path was different from the one the others had taken, and the image of the V-formation arrowhead imprinted on her brain.

It pointed the direction she knew her heart lay—west toward the sun. Toward California and Jeff. And, despite the cloudy day, her vision was crystal clear—she and Jeff together forever.

Was it still possible to make the vision a reality?

Perhaps. But it would take her head and her heart agreeing on what some people would find absurd.

Moving forward in her life actually meant the same as finding her way back.

* * *

T
HE
CLUB
HEAD
connected with the golf ball, and Jeff heard the satisfying
ping
,
confirming he’d hit the sweet spot. He watched the tiny orb soar upward then down in an arc so perfect Tiger Woods would’ve been proud to have made the shot. Sure enough, it landed exactly where he’d aimed—at the top of the rise on the green—and then started rolling down, gathering speed, curving with the lay of the land until it found its way to the edge of the hole and disappeared inside.

An eagle—two under par on a tough par five hole. A rare occurrence among amateurs.

He stalked toward the hole to retrieve his ball, trying to work up some excitement. He should feel proud...elated even. He should have dinner in the clubhouse and brag about the shot. He should give Maggie the credit because the damn woman had him so damn frustrated he’d crushed the first damn shot of the hole, sending the damn ball farther than any damn drive he’d ever made.

Damn it!

He penciled his score into the box on the scorecard and thrust it and the ball into his pants pocket. For weeks, his conversation with Rosemary had played on a continuous loop in his brain.

She told me for a fact she loves you and always will.

She loves you...always will.

Love finds a way.

Where was the way? Wasn’t the fact they
hadn’t
found a way proof in itself that love doesn’t have the best sense of direction?

He shoved his pitching wedge into his bag and got back in the cart. Despite the score he’d just earned, the mood to play had abandoned him. Well, honestly, he hadn’t been in the mood to play in the first place. He’d thought the game would get his mind off Maggie, but it hadn’t worked.

Nothing worked.

He followed the cart path and was nearly back to the clubhouse when his phone vibrated in the holder. The caller ID flashed
Russ
. Finally something to brighten his mood!

“Hey, son.”

“Hey, Dad. How’s it going?”

He’d been granted the chance to brag a bit, after all. “Couldn’t be better.” Certainly an exaggeration, but he didn’t want to let on anything was wrong. “I just got an eagle on number twelve.”

“Wow. Impressive.”

The words were correct, but the lack of enthusiasm put Jeff’s nerves on edge. Of course, they didn’t have to go far to get there. They’d been hovering on the edge for over a month now. “Yeah, well...um, is everything okay at school?”

The long pause said it all and brought the hairs on Jeff’s arms to attention.

“You know I’m going home tomorrow for Thanksgiving.” Russ’s voice was pulled so taut Jeff felt the tension in his own neck.

“Yeeeah?”

“Well...” Another pause and then words rushed out. “I’ve decided I’m not coming back. I mean, since I don’t have my car up here, I’ll have to come back and get the rest of my stuff, but—”

“Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Jeff fairly shouted, garnering angry glares from the people putting on the green he was passing. “Wait just a minute,” he said to Russ, and then stomped on the pedal to quickly get to a place where he could talk. The next fairway was empty, so he pulled under some trees and stopped the cart. “Now.” He fought to keep his voice calm. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“I’m moving back home, Dad.” Russ’s voice trembled.

“Why, son? What’s happened?”

“I...I just don’t like it.”

He couldn’t remember Russ ever saying those words before. The kid had always been the easiest person to get along with. What in the hell could’ve brought this on? “I understand that Chicago’s really different from Taylor’s Grove, Russ, but you can’t—”

“Yes, I can, Dad.” The harsh tone was one he’d never heard, either. “I’m grown now, and I can do what I want.”

That attitude lit the fuse on the keg of dynamite Jeff had been sitting on since Rosemary’s call. “Now you listen to me, young man—”

“I don’t have to listen” was the angry retort. “I’m going home tomorrow. And I’m staying.”

“Talk to me. Tell me what’s happened.” Jeff waited for an answer. It came as three short beeps. “The little shit hung up on me!” Jeff exploded, and hit Redial, listening to it ring. No answer. He waited a few seconds and hit it again. No answer. He jabbed the pedal with his foot and raced back to the clubhouse. A wide-eyed attendant who met him didn’t ask any questions as he brought the cart to a skidding stop. Jerking his clubs from the cart, Jeff threw them over his shoulder and stormed to his locker, where he tossed them in and slammed the door.

He was almost back to his car when his phone rang. He answered without looking at the caller ID. “Hello.” It was a harsh statement, not a question.

“You’ve talked to him then.” Maggie’s voice, her tone matching his own.

“Yeah. What in the hell is going on?”

“I have no idea. He hung up on me, and won’t answer when I call him back.”

Jeff detected hurt in her voice. Well, he sure as hell didn’t feel hurt. He was mad. Pure and simple.

“I guess I’ll find out when he gets here,” she said.

“
We’ll
find out.” He stressed the word, a plan of action already formed in his mind. “I’m coming out there, Mags. We’ve got to talk some sense into him before he loses his scholarship.” The thought of that happening made Jeff’s jaws tighten to the point of pain.

“Oh...” He heard her discomfort.

“Don’t worry. I’ll get a hotel room.”

“No. Don’t do that. Stay here.” Her voice quivered, but he couldn’t tell much from her tone.

Was she pleased? What did it matter, anyway? Right at that moment, he didn’t give a rat’s ass. Parenting took precedence over everything else.

“Okay,” he halfheartedly agreed, knowing he’d book a room, anyway. That way she’d truly have the choice, and he wouldn’t be forcing her into anything. He reached his car. “But I can’t talk now. I’m mad as hell, and I’ve got a shitload of stuff to take care of before I leave.”

“I understand,” she said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She was gone.

He climbed into his car and gave the steering wheel a swat with the palm of his hand. “What in the hell else can go wrong?” He sat there a minute, breathing deeply, then he leaned forward. “Please don’t answer that,” he said with a glance through the windshield up at the sky.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

T
HE
ALARM
SIGNALED
someone was coming up the drive. Maggie glanced expectantly out the window. As she’d hoped, it was her mom’s car with Jeff in the passenger seat. She threw on the sweater lying on the back of the chair and hurried out to meet them.

Jeff was out of the car in a flash, worry etched into the crease between his brows. He looked older than he had two months ago, though still the sexiest guy she’d ever known. No salutation was uttered. No hug. He simply stepped toward her, took her arms in his hands and rubbed them gently up and down. His touch caused her heart to bounce hard in her chest like a ball thrown against a brick wall.

“How is he?” he asked.

She gave a one-shoulder shrug. “Silent. I’ve never seen him like this.”

Her mom popped the trunk but didn’t get out. “So he’s not said anything?” she called through the passenger door Jeff left open.

Maggie stepped over to the car while he retrieved his luggage from the trunk. “Not yet.”

“He will.” Her mom gave her a reassuring smile.

Jeff’s hand pressed the small of her back, its warmth seeping through her sweater and the knit top below. She breathed easier now than she had in the twenty-four hours since Russ’s call.

“Thanks for picking me up, Rosemary.” Jeff leaned down and gave a small wave. “You saved me the money and the hassle of dealing with a rental. I’m grateful.”

“Happy to do it.” She made a shooing motion with her hand. “Now, go straighten out my grandson.”

Maggie nodded and closed the door. They held off going inside until her mom’s car made the turn around and headed out. Then she turned to Jeff. “I’m glad you’re here,” she said honestly, though not giving away the depth of emotion she felt.

Jeff searched her face, his gaze lingering for a fraction on her mouth and then moving up again to lock with her eyes. “Me, too,” he said.

She intertwined her fingers with his and filled him in as they made their way through the garden. “He hugged me really tight when he got off the train and made chitchat, but as soon as I mentioned school, he sulled up like a possum.”

When she opened the door, the house was pulsating with the beat of heavy metal music originating from the second floor.

Jeff grimaced, his eyes rolling toward the ceiling. “No indication at all of what’s wrong?”

She shook her head, reluctantly letting go of his hand. “He went upstairs and locked himself in his room as soon as we got home. He’s been there ever since.”

They passed through the kitchen and great room, and Maggie dropped her sweater onto a chair as they passed. Then they continued down the hall toward the front of the house, where they simultaneously came to an abrupt stop. Their eyes met.

Her bedroom was to the right, the staircase to the left.

An excruciatingly awkward moment passed, her pulse throbbing to the beat of the drums overhead while her breath stilled in her chest.

Jeff’s grimace deepened. “I know you said I could stay here, but I got a room in Benton. I thought you could take me into town later.”

He didn’t want to stay with her.

Maggie’s heart sank with a thud, but she managed a nod. “Okay.” She glanced around—anything to break eye contact so he wouldn’t see her disappointment. “Do you, um...want a drink first? Or a minute to catch your breath?” She wasn’t sure how he was being affected, but the room felt ten sizes smaller than normal to her.

He shook his head and ran a hand through the top of his hair and down his face. Then he gripped his hips with both hands. “No, I want to talk to our son.”

She led the way up the stairs, and when they reached Russ’s room, she would almost swear she could see the door vibrating from the sound waves buffeting the other side. She knocked lightly. “Russ?”

No answer.

Jeff stepped up and pounded with his fist. “Russ!” he shouted. “Get over here and open this door now.”

The music stopped and footsteps shuffled their direction. The door opened and Russ’s sad puppy-dog eyes greeted his father. “Hey, Dad.”

“Hey, son.” Jeff pulled him into a hug, and Maggie’s heart shattered under the onslaught of emotion.

Jeff loosened his grip and stepped back, tilting his head toward the staircase. “Downstairs.” It was an order, not a question, and Russ slunk by them, imaginary tail between his legs.

Maggie followed, with Jeff bringing up the rear. The silent procession made its way down the steps and to the great room where Russ flopped unceremoniously into a chair.

Maggie sat on the couch and, without hesitation, Jeff sat down beside her in a show of solidarity. Her breath shuddered in her lungs at his close proximity.

Jeff dove right in. “We’re all here to talk like adults, and that’s what we’re going to do. We won’t tolerate any sullen, childish behavior. Is that understood?”

Russ nodded. With his head lowered, his eyes shifted between theirs, making direct contact with both.

Jeff leaned back, turning slightly in Maggie’s direction and resting his arm across the back of the couch behind her. He held his other hand out, giving Russ the floor. “You start.”

* * *

“
I
T
’
S
JUST
NOT
what I expected.” Russ shrugged, looking miserable. “I thought living in the big city would be great. I mean, I love San Diego. But Chicago’s not San Diego. I miss my friends, and I miss home.”

Memories of those same feelings squeezed Jeff’s heart. Murray, Kentucky, had been a far cry from the city and culture he’d grown up in. “A move like this takes time to adjust to, son,” he said gently. “It’s natural for you to miss your friends, and, of course, you’re going to be homesick. That’s all part of growing up. But you make new friends. You’re not having trouble with that, are you?”

Russ shook his head.

“And remember...” Mags entered the conversation. “Most of your friends aren’t here, either. They’re away at school, too. Do you talk to them? Stay in touch?”

“We talk some.” Russ scooted back in his chair, a bit more relaxed.

“They’ll be home this week, too,” Mags said. “Invite them over for Taco Tuesday. We’ll fix tacos and y’all can play pool like you used to. It’ll help you see that though some things have changed, other things remain the same.”

Russ nodded, but the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard told them they hadn’t touched on the real problem yet. Jeff wasn’t surprised. Russ had spent summers in San Diego, away from his friends, his entire life, and had never suffered homesickness. That it was rearing its head now seemed off. “But that’s not what’s really bothering you, is it?”

Russ leaned forward again and rested his elbows on his knees. His fingertips pressed together and apart in a push-up motion. Jeff recognized the gesture—the same one he used when he was agitated. “Everything’s just a lot harder than I thought it was going to be,” he said. “The competition on the team is tough. I mean, really tough. And the classes. Man, they’re so hard!”

“College is hard, no doubt about it,” Jeff agreed, trying to be supportive.

“And high school was really easy for you,” Mags added. “You didn’t have to study much, and now you’re having to develop study habits.”

Russ crossed his arms and flopped back into his seat. “But I don’t like having to study all the time. I’m either on the golf course or studying. I never get to do anything fun. I want to go someplace easy.”

Jeff could hardly believe his eyes...or his ears. He wasn’t sure where this chuck-it-all behavior came from, but he sure as hell didn’t like it. He opened his mouth and stretched his tight jaw muscles before he spoke. “You don’t just leave school in midsemester because it’s hard. You figure out what you have to do, and you do it.”

Russ rolled his eyes. “I
have
figured out what I have to do. I have to quit. It’s not fun. It’s hard. I want out.”

“Russ—” Mags began, but the speech rushed out of Jeff’s lips before he could stop them.

“You do not quit something simply because it’s not fun or it’s hard.” Jeff surged to his feet, slapping the fingers of one hand against his other palm. “Giving up is not an option when it comes to the important things in life.”

Russ came to his feet then, too, meeting Jeff’s gaze full on. “You mean, the important things in life like marriage, Dad?” His voice was quiet, but the edge was sharp and it sliced Jeff’s heart wide open. “Or is that one of those throwaway things it’s okay to walk away from?”

The punch from his son’s words landed hard in his gut and knocked the breath from him, rendering him speechless for a moment.

How could it be that the silence in the room was so much louder than the earlier music had been?

He coughed to make some room around the piece of heart lodged in his throat. “Russ, your mom and I...”
What?
What could he say to make his son understand that no matter how much you love somebody, sometimes you have to give them up, let them go? Especially when the entire premise sounded absurd, even to him.

A warmth moved through him, and he became aware Mags was standing beside him...had slipped her arm through his and pulled it close against her. When she reached out and took Russ’s hand, Jeff watched the tension ease in his son’s face. “Russ, your dad and I have made mistakes, and we admit that.” Her voice was gentle yet firm and unwavering, and she intertwined her fingers through his. God, her hand felt wonderful. “But we want you to learn from our mistakes. Quitting is not an option. Maybe at the end of the semester or the end of the year, if it comes to that. But not in the middle. Now tell us what’s really going on.”

Russ’s eyes welled with tears. He blinked fast in an effort to hold them back and then his shoulders slumped in surrender. “Nothing’s ever been this hard for me. I’m afraid of...of failing. Y’all...and Grandma and Grandpa...and all my high school teachers. Everybody’ll be so disappointed.”

Jeff laid a hand on his son’s shoulder and squeezed lightly. “Are you failing? Really?”

“No. Not yet.”

Maggie’s hand twitched, and Jeff met her eyes, read the relief.

“But I feel like if I let up for even one second, it’ll all blow up.” Russ swiped his hand down his face. “I’ve got two papers due when I get back and a test coming up soon, so I don’t even get to enjoy my time at home. I’m so tired I feel like I could sleep the entire week.”

“Then the first thing we need to do is let you get some rest.” Maggie cradled their son’s cheek in her palm. He closed his eyes and leaned into it briefly. “You can’t think straight or make any kind of decision when you’re this exhausted.” She shot Jeff a meaningful look before she went on. “Go crawl into your own bed, leave the music off and just rest. Sleep as long as you want. Tomorrow, we’ll revisit this and look at it with fresh eyes. Okay?” She raised a questioning eyebrow toward Jeff and he nodded.

“Good idea,” he said.

Russ took a long deep breath. “Okay. That sounds great actually.”

Jeff patted his son’s shoulder as Maggie kissed his cheek, then together they watched him climb the stairs, feet dragging with exhaustion.

“He’s going to be fine,” Maggie said as soon as they heard the door upstairs close. “When he got whiny like this as a little boy, I always knew he was just overtired.” She dropped his hand and rested hers on her hip, absently touching her other hand to the base of her throat. “I could use some fresh air. How about you? Want to go for a walk?”

He nodded. Anything would be better than standing within arm’s reach of the woman he loved and feeling a million miles away.

* * *

T
HEY
SPENT
THE
first few awkward moments roaming around the front yard, shedding their anxiety about Russ by discussing the abundance of walnuts still hanging on the branches and the Indian corn stalks and pumpkin display she’d put up as decoration.

The sun had dropped below the trees, adding an additional coolness to the air, when Jeff finally came to a standstill, shoving his hands into his pockets and looking her directly in the eyes. “How are you doing, Mags? I mean...are you still doing okay?”

She started to cross her arms but caught herself and instead slid her fingers into the back pockets of her jeans. “I’m fine. I’ve been resting, not pushing myself too hard. It’s given me a chance to work through the grief. You?”

He nodded. “Chloe’s been a great counselor. I feel almost normal again. I mean, the pain’s always going to be there...”

“But it’s bearable,” she finished his sentence, and they shared a sad smile.

“Exactly.”

“Jeff.” She dropped her eyes for a moment to catch the breath that eluded her when his gaze was so unflinching. “I said a lot of things I regret the last time we were together.”

“Let’s not rehash any of that, Mags.” His eyes closed in a long, tired blink. “Rosemary said you told her we’d said everything that needed to be said. Let’s just leave it at that.”

Maggie winced at the thought of her mom and Jeff having such a conversation. But she should’ve realized they’d fill the time in the car from the airport with
something.
“I don’t
want
to leave it at that.” She was determined to at least apologize. “I said things I didn’t mean, lashed out at you when you were being wonderful. I’m sorry.”

He shrugged. “It’s okay.” He backed away from her at a quick pace and turned toward the driveway.

She caught up with him, grabbing his arm and jerking him around to face her. “It’s
not
okay.” She ground the words out through clenched teeth. “I said I regretted letting you in my life, and that’s a lie. I don’t regret you in my life. Not the first time. Not the second. Not ever. No regrets.”

Jeff held up his hands in a surrender pose and shook his head. With a purposeful stride, he stalked back toward the house.

“Where are you going?” she called.

“I’m going to get my luggage,” he answered over his shoulder. “Go get your car. You’re taking me to Benton.”

The sledgehammer pounding in Maggie’s chest told her with absolute certainty if she let him go this time, it would be the end.