My Wife's Li'l Secret (23 page)

I paused with my pouring and looked at him. “That sounds really tempting, but I have to decline.”

His eyes squeezed shut.

“Mainly because I have all your money already.” I jerked my head toward the front door. "Six bags full.” I cocked my head and looked at him. “Hey, that sounds like a nursery rhyme!” I grinned. “By the way, do you know where Nadia is?”

His eyes opened to look at me.

“Nadia, Olga’s sister? The one you used to fuck up my life, steal my identity and eventually axe me? Huh?”

His eyes shifted away from mine.

I continued splashing my accelerant.

“Well, my
friend
, I do. She’s safely stashed away with my lesbian cousin in South Africa.” Again, I paused with my pouring. “Lesbian, racist cousin, I might add, yet I do love her and her partner, in spite of the fact that I won’t admit to anyone I am related to them.”

With a smile, I continued dousing the men, paying particular attention to their faces and heads.

“Ten liters placed here earlier on by my comrade. Ten liters, as I need to ensure you guys don’t survive this. Especially you, who I know has no plans to leave me and my kids alone.” I threw more petrol on him than the others.

“Giving you an unfair share, more than your friends because…?”

He didn’t answer.

“Because you’re my favorite.” I chuckled. “You put a gun to my head. Came into my home in the middle of the night, threatened me, and beat the shit out of me. Unfairly, I might add.” My voice turned hard. “’Cause I assure you, had it been one on one, Ari, I would have kicked the shit out of you. You threatened to harm my
daughters
? My precious little babies? You dared bring my
daughters
into this shit? Huh?” I paused to ram my fist into his face. Immediately, his mouth and nose started bleeding.

Satisfied with my punch, I stood up and doused the cream curtains, the Italian couches, the Persian rugs, the designer cushions, and the jackets lying around.

“And most of all,” I paused to look at Aristov, “you
littered
. Threw a cigarette butt on the ground and
failed
to put it out. There’s a two-hundred-and-twenty-five-dollar fine for that, my friend. You aware of that?”

He did not answer.

I left the living room to sprinkle petrol throughout the rest of the house, then ran back into the living room.

“How the bloody hell could you do that to our beautiful, sunburnt country, huh?”

No answer.

Shaking my head in disgust, I went around removing all the spy cameras and slipped them into my pocket.

“I’ll give you a million dollars!” Cyanide said, speaking for the first time. “I have that amount. Plus an E63. How ’bout it, huh?”

I paused to look at him, a thoughtful expression on my face. “A million and a Merc…” Then I shook my head. “Nah, I don’t need any more money. What this world needs is one less drug dealer. You were in the right place at the right time and I’m guessing with your death, the cops will want to give me a medal of honor for burning you alive. If they could.”

“Fuck you!” he spat.

“All those people you silenced with cyanide – they’re waiting to meet you in hell. But don’t feel bad – in hell, everybody smokes!”

“You fucking bastard!” he cried.

My response was to splash his face with petrol. He blinked rapidly, his eyes obviously burning. I drew a line of petrol from Cyanide to the back door.

I looked at Aristov. “Just in case you’re wondering, my friend, I’m going to get away with this. All the usual bullshit that will tie me to this crime has been taken care off. My mobile phone has been pinging off my suburb cell towers as we speak, my Jeep will be getting a parking ticket soon, blah, blah, blah! Knowing the cops, they’ll be happy to know your arse was barbequed.”

I grinned at him.

He didn’t return my smile.

“Two million dollars, then!” Cyanide yelled.

“Oh, and Cruikshank and Olga, they probably aren’t coming back,” I said, ignoring Cyanide’s offer. “I’ve taken care of them. Let me let you in on a secret.” I leaned in and whispered into his ears.

His eyes bulged.

I nodded and put my finger on my lips. “Just between you and me. If they do come back, you and your brother are not here to take care of them. All of you and your evil arses are history, my friend.”

“You fucking…you fucking bastard!” he snarled.

He shook his head, squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them again.

“So long, my friend,” I said. “Even if I get caught, it’s okay. As long as I know my kids are safe from you.” I turned on the ceiling fans. “People say, 'Aussies put shrimp on the barbi.’ Well today, I’m putting
Russians
on the barbi.”

Aristov was swallowing hard, his eyes now threatening to leave their sockets.

“And just as a matter of interest, I’ve
never
seen an Aussie put shrimp on the barbi. Seriously, the world has it wrong – we Australians barbeque meat, sausages and chicken, not shrimp. Never shrimp. Furthermore, we don’t even
call
it shrimp – we call it prawns. Stupid, huh?”

I rubbed my hands together. “Well, that's it. All the fans are on. Should be a great fire.”

I patted his cheek, the way he had patted mine. “The thing ’bout me, Ari – I fuck back.”

Suddenly, he smiled.

I cocked my head at him.

“Of all the girls, I had most fun with Nadia,” he said in a calm, controlled manner. “She was thirteen, very scared, quiet, didn’t know anything, so I taught her everything, showed her, gave her the experience she needed.” His grin widened.

“Big, walk away!” Bear shouted in my ear.

“I always sampled the girls first,” Aristov continued. “Every single one of them. Nadia, she quickly learned how to please me.”

“Big, strike the match and get out of there!” Bear said.

“All the things she did to you, all the pleasure she gave you,
I
taught her. Me. Those were
my
moves. All of them.  So when you fuck her in the future, know that I am in the bed with you.”

“Walk the fuck away, Big! Now!”

As Aristov spoke, the room started to shrink and became very hot even though I hadn’t started the fire yet. A red curtain appeared before my eyes, and I suddenly had the urge to drive a knife into his eyeball.

“Take control, Ritchie,” Bear urged. “Take control! Light the match!”

Ignoring Bear, I smiled. “Well, go to your grave with this – it was her idea.” I was lying, but I wanted to wipe the smile off his face. “She told me what to do, how to do it, when to do it. She gave me a map of your house, told me about your safe, instructed me to steal all your money.” I smiled. “Bringing you down, all your henchman, your big organization, Olga, Cruikshank, burning you alive – all her idea. Oh, and she asked me to steal your cocaine. A whole brick of it.” I shrugged and threw out my hands. “Cutting off your dick, that is also her idea.”

With a smile, I walked into the kitchen.

“Big, don’t do it!” Bear hissed in my ear.

Ignoring him, I picked up a large knife and walked over to Aristov. “Nadia’s idea!” I said as I pulled down his pants. He literally began to foam at the mouth.

“Where is it?” I asked with a chuckle.

“Please don’t! Please don’t!” he begged.

I made a face as I eyed his dick. “It’s so little.” I looked at my gloved hands. “Hate to mess up my gloves,” I shrugged, “but Nadia’s orders. Have to carry them out.”

“Please! Please! Please!” he begged.

“Now you’re begging like she did, right?” I whispered in a voice foreign to me as I slowly ran the knife across his dick. “How does it feel?”

“I will give you anything you want! Please don’t do it!”

My response was to slice off his dick, and when he opened his mouth to utter a scream, I shoved it deep into his opened mouth.

As he coughed and spluttered, I said, “That scared little girl managed to escape your clutches, arranged for your dick to be cut off, and for you to be burned alive. How’s that?” I held up a match.

“Three million!” Cyanide shouted. “I’ll give you three million! Please!”

I shook my head, lit the match, threw it on the ground, and raced toward the door as a bolt of fire shot like lightening towards Aristov and his men.

That was all I needed to see.

I ran out the front door, grabbed the bags of money and high-tailed it out of there.

Before I entered the car, I removed all my clothes, my beanie, my gloves, my shoes, shirt, pants – everything, and placed it all in a garbage bag.

After pulling on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, I got into the Nissan.

“Dogs okay?” I asked.

“Yep,” Bear said as he eased the Nissan out of the parking spot. “They’re at the neighbor's, the old bird. Chained to a pillar.” He looked at me and shook his head. “Was tough handling them.”

“I’ll bet. Water and food for them?”

He nodded. “Enough for about a day.” That’s the kind of hit-men Bear and I were – we took care of animals first.

“Whew!” I said as I slid deep into the seat of the Nissan. “That was…”

We looked at each other and grinned.

“Big, that was some blaze, man!”

“Really? I didn’t turn to look. Didn’t want to get turned into a pillar of salt.”

“Towering inferno, man! Fuck! They’re toast.”

“Yeah,” I said, bolting upright, adrenalin-charged and unable to sit still. I reached over and slapped him on the back. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Just two more to go, then we’re home free,” I said. “I can’t wait for Cruikshank and Olga to discover that their security blanket is toast. Man, I can really do with a drink. Fuck!”

“Me too!” Bear said.

At a red traffic light, we looked at each other. “Fuck!” we chorused.

****

Back at Bear and Arena’s, we shot three whiskies each before we did anything else.

Counting the money was an arduous task, but it had to be done.

The amount was two million, three hundred and sixty-six thousand dollars!

All Aristov’s wheeling and dealing was now in my hands.

“Wow, that’s a lotta dough,” Bear said.

I nodded.

“Not gonna be dumb enough to hand it over to the cops, right?” Bear asked.

“Nah. And I can’t deposit it into my bank account either.”

“Guess it’s under your mattress for now,” Bear said.

“Something like that.”

After paying back Bear and Arena their money and allocating an amount to pay Bradley for Girly’s immigration, I left Girly and the kids at Arena’s and went home. There I dug a hole in my garden and buried the rest of the money. I’d handle it later.

Around midnight, I drove back to Arena’s.

Knowing Aristov couldn’t hurt me and my girls was like a boulder off my shoulder.

But I couldn’t relax just yet. There was Olga and Cruikshank. Fur was going to fly soon, and I braced myself for it.

As we were talking, my phone rang. “Out of area,” I announced. I put my finger to my lip and hit
answer
.

“You bastard!” Olga’s voice shrieked on the phone. “You did this to me!”

“Nadia, honey? What is it?” quickly, I hit speakerphone.

“Ritchie, I know what you did! You…you…you set me up, Ritchie! You bastard, you! You did it!”

“What are you talking about, Nadia, dear?”

“Stop calling me Nadia! I’m Olga! OLGA!”

“What? Come now, dear. What are you raving on about? How’s the holiday thus far?”

“Holiday? I’m at Denpasar Airport in Bali, you moron! They found one hundred and twenty-two grams of cocaine in the lining of my suitcase. You did it! I know you did! You planned this.”

I turned my neck to look at Bear and gave him the thumbs up.

He returned two thumbs up.

I looked at Arena. She winked.

“I told you not to go to Bali, didn’t I? I told you go straight to Odessa. Why did you…?”

“Bali was on the goddamn way! And the drugs, it’s not ours!”

“That’s what they all say,” I mumbled.

“You wait. Aristov is going to kill you, you stupid bastard! He and his men, they will tear you apart. You have no idea who you are fucking…”

I was dying to tell her about Aristov…
dying
. But I didn’t. “Drugs, Nadia? Why did you do something so stupid, huh? A grown woman like –”

“What? I did not put the cocaine there. That wasn’t mine, you cocksucker!”

“Where’s Cruikshank?” I asked, ignoring her fury and name calling and resisting the urge to tell her that
she
was the cocksucker, and that I had a video to prove it.

“They won’t let him talk to me,” she said, her voice wavering. “He’s being detained too.”

“Oh, dear! How much cocaine again?”

“One hundred and twenty-two grams.”

I whistled. “Fuck, Nadia! That’s a lot of jail time in Bali. Jail time in an
Indonesian
prison, too.” My smile was smug.

“
You
did this. When I wasn’t around, you opened the suitcases, put the cocaine in the lining of the case, and that’s why you looked so happy the day I left. You planned this all the time. And Cruikshank—”

“Nadia, just a min –”

“Stop calling me Nadia! I am OLGA!”

“You need to take responsibility for your actions. You’re a grown woman now and you need to stop all this drug pedd –”

“I was not
peddling
drugs, you stupid fuck!”

“Mind your language, dear.” I winked at Bear and Arena, who were chuckling.

“Fuck you, you stupid cunt!”

“Look, I assure you, I had no part in the drugs. I think your boyfriend Cruikshank, he put it there. I think he does drugs. His behavior is really erratic at times, Nad—”

“No, he didn’t, Ritchie,” she wailed. “He didn’t!”

“How do you know that? Maybe his friends asked him to take it over. You know how you can’t say no to
certain
friends?”

“You think so?”

Great, it appeared like she was starting to believe me. “Yeah. How could you trust a druggie?” I asked.

“He…he…Ritchie, I have to—”

The line went dead.

“Hello? Hello!”

I stared at Bear, then at Arena as the situation deluged over me. If Olga was convicted, she would be doing a really long jail sentence in Bali. If she wasn't convicted, my nightmare was not over.

My phone buzzed again. “Out of area caller,” I announced.

“Hello?”

“You bastard!” the voice shouted at me. “I know what you did to me. I will kill you. I will kill your children, your family! And Aristov, he will kill you. He will rip you apart like a –”

“Cruik? Is that you? What’s going on?” I asked, more curious to know what was happening with him, my dear brother-in-law. Or wife’s lover. Call him whatever you like, I’m not fussy.

“They found over two hundred grams of cocaine in the lining of my suitcase. Two hundred grams. All packed neatly into little bags, ready for distribution.”

“Oh? Why did you do that, now? You know Bali’s take on drugs.”

A string of abuse in a mixture of Russian and broken English followed.

“Listen, Cruik, I don’t have any cocaine. I don’t do drugs, remember?”

“Ha! Aristov is going to kill you. He is going to put a hollow-point through that head of yours.”

“Hollow-point, huh?”

“Yes! A farking hollow-point!”

“Well, then,” I said in a voice my mother used on me when I didn’t listen to her. “I’ll just have to explain to him that it’s all a misunder –”

The line went dead.

“Hello? Hello? Brother-in-law…?”

No answer.

I squinted at my phone. “He hung up on me. Rude asshole!”

We all burst out laughing.

I held out my empty glass to Bear. “Wow, what a day!” he said. “Aristov dead, Olga in prison, Cruikshank in prison, fuuuuck!”

I shook my head and looked at the ground. “I’m almost free,” I muttered.

“
Almost
,” Arena reminded me. “Round two coming up soon. She’ll be humble and begging you to help her.”

Arena was right; Olga called shortly thereafter, crying on the phone. “Ritchie, Indonesian authorities have
formally
charged me with drug smuggling. You have to help me, Ritchie!”

“Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear!”

“They refuse to believe that I am Olga, an Australian citizen, Ritchie.”

“What do you mean, hon?”

“They are charging me as Nadia Alvang. I told them that I was travelling on a false passport, but they don’t believe me!”

“Oh, no!”

“Ritchie, the Ukrainian government won’t try to help in any way because it’s a drug-related charge.”

“Okay, so what would you like me to do, Nadia?”

“Don’t call me Nadia!”

“Oh, okay...”

“Secure me an Australian attorney, please. Ask him to come here and identify me, then maybe get some help from the Australian embassy.”

“Okay, if you aren’t Nadia, who is Nadia Alvang?”

“Just some random person,” she answered in a dismissive voice. “You have to insist I am Olga MacMillan and that we have been married for over five years. Please! I need an Australian attorney to come down here and sort things out.”

“Okay, but for an attorney to go to Bali, we’re talking big bucks. How do I pay for one?”

“Get a bank loan.”

“But Nadia, my credit is ruined.”

“You have assets, tons of them. Take your financial statements and mortgage papers and go to a private loan company. They will grant you a loan. Pawn the Ford and the Jeep, too. They will bring you big money, Ritchie, I promise you. Go to
Cash for Goods
in Auburn
;
they will help you. Ask to speak to Stem. Tell him Olga sent you. He will help you.”

“But Nadia, where –”

“Don’t call me Nadia! You are making things bad for me. They are probably listening to this call, Ritchie.”

“Okay, okay! Where is Aristov? Why isn’t he helping?”

There was a slight hesitation before she answered. “He’s not answering his phone.”

“What about all his men? Surely –”

“None of them are answering. I’m not sure why. Are you going to get me an Australian attorney?”

“Okay, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Bring the children over.”

What? Did I hear correctly?  She actually wants to see the children? Wow, what a change of heart.

“They will help my case too. Everybody will see the kids and feel sorry for me.”

Ahhhh!

“Oh, okay then.” I hung up and looked at Bear, then Arena. “Like bloody hell I will use my kids like that.” I shook my head in disgust. “Well, now we know where she pawned her jewelry and how she got money when I took away the credit cards. Connected and resourceful, isn’t she?”

“Ritchie,” Arena said, “if you don’t appear to be cooperating, you will come under scrutiny. And even though you had nothing to do with her drug smuggling, you don’t want that kind of attention, because it will meander into all aspects of your life, and maybe into Nadia’s as well. The
real
Nadia’s life.”

I sat back and narrowed my eyes at my sister. She was sharp, all right.

“Let’s just say she somehow makes bail and flees to Australia,” Bear said, sitting forward in his seat and looking at me. “Legally, she is your wife, and even though she is travelling on Nadia’s passport, she can still make heaps of trouble for you and Nadia. Play along, pretend you are helping her, and wait for the sentencing. Drag things a little. Once she is sentenced, you can relax.”

“Yeah, I worry that if I don’t appear to be helping, she may manage to get in touch with Aristov’s nephew, Vlad or something. The crooked attorney who was supposed to obtain power of attorney from me? He may step in to help her. Then I’m fucked.”

“Personally, I think Vlad may be too busy trying to figure out who whacked his father and uncle,” Bear said. “He may believe that Olga and Cruikshank took the money from the safe. That may send him to Bali. You never know.”

I nodded. Vlad was a worry.

My phone rang again. Out of area calling again. I hit speakerphone after answering.

“I got a hold of Vlad,” Olga said.

My heart lurched.
Already
? I looked at Bear and pointed to my phone. “And…?”

“Ritchie, apparently Aristov and his men were burned in a fire!”

“What? That doesn’t sound right. You sure?”

“Aristov’s brother was also trapped in the house when the house caught fire.”

“Wow! That’s too bad. Are they in hospital?”

“They’re dead! Burned to death.”

“You’re kidding!” I said with a smile. “All of them?”

“All of them,” she said, her voice once again becoming watery.