MySoultoSave

My Soul to Save

S.W. Vaughn

Blush sensuality level: This is
a suggestive romance (love scenes are not graphic).

He’s a demon…and she’s no angel.

Logan, failed singer and recovering
meth addict, is given the chance of a lifetime when a friend offers her the
lead spot in his established rock band. But things get complicated when she
starts hallucinating human-ish creatures with black eyes who disappear through
walls. So when the gorgeous, mysterious Jaeryth falls into her life, claiming
he can see the creatures too, she can’t help but feel a bond with him.

Jaeryth is a demon who’s long been
obsessed with Logan—so much that he’s been ignoring his demonic duties. As
punishment, he’s been made human and charged with corrupting Logan, who harbors
a power she’s unaware of that could be used for great good…or evil. And if
Jaeryth can’t corrupt her, he has to kill her.

If he doesn’t complete his mission,
he’ll spend eternity being tortured. Unfortunately, he’s falling in love with
the woman he’s supposed to destroy.

Chapter One

Friday night wasn’t exactly a strategic time to check out of
rehab. The bars were open and the dealers roamed in full force. Perfect
conditions for a relapse.

Logan Frost lit a cigarette and glanced over at the clinic
entrance. No sign of Tex yet. She sighed and leaned against the brick building,
eyes closed, wondering for the hundredth time if she was truly ready for this.
Meth addicts never recovered. Everybody knew that.

But she’d beaten it this time, and at the moment she’d
rather cut her own fingers off than shoot up again. Cigarettes, on the other
hand, weren’t going anywhere for a while. She wasn’t ready to quit them. Maybe
she’d never be—but it was better than injecting potential death straight into
her veins. At least lung cancer took its time.

She dragged and blew smoke into the halo of light from the
security lamp above. “Come on, Tex,” she muttered. The jitters hadn’t set in
yet, but the longer she stood here, the greater the temptation would grow. This
place was too close to her former neighborhood. A few blocks from here lay a
pocket slum where the faucets might as well have dispensed drugs instead of
water. Everybody used, everyone was into somebody else for money or favors. Too
many times, those favors were repaid in blood.

She could walk away, right now, and have herself a fix in
twenty minutes. Flush six months of agonizing detox and reprogramming down the
drain. That was why her caseworker—Miss Turner, if you please, never Mrs. or
Miz—had set her up with an apartment in Pottstown. A quiet suburb, worlds away
from Philly and its siren song of easy highs and shaking, sweat-drenched lows.
She didn’t have a car, and her license was suspended anyway, so she couldn’t
just drive into the city whenever the cravings struck.

Stay
.

The voice in her head, familiar as the sun, sent her stomach
into a slow roll. Him again. She didn’t know why her worst thoughts chose to
announce themselves in a male voice, but she’d heard it for as long as she
could remember. She’d even named it—Fred, the troublemaker, the demon of her
subconscious. Her own personal demon. During rehab she’d enjoyed six months of
blessed silence in the space between her ears. She thought he was gone for
good.

Stay. You belong here. All your friends miss you.

“Shut it, Fred,” she said through clenched teeth. No one at
the clinic knew about the voice. They already thought she was crazy enough, so
she hadn’t told them. “I’m gone, out of here, road dust. My body just hasn’t
caught up with me yet.”

Just one more time, then. One last party. That won’t
hurt, will it?

Jesus. How many times had she thought that exact thing
inside this place, even without Fred’s provocation? Just one more when I get
out. One more high, then I’m done. The last blast. But her first “only once”
had led to seven years of hell.

Her hands were shaking.

Please stay.

Icy shivers trailed her spine. Fred had never said please
before.

Logan…

Her own name was a lover’s caress, warm and delicious,
gilded in longing. God, what she wouldn’t give for another fix. Sobriety
sucked. A clear head let her think too much and remember how she’d failed. How far
she’d fallen.

“Fuck off.” A trembling whisper, but it fueled her resolve.
Never again. “I’m through,” she said in stronger tones. “Leave me alone, Fred.
You can’t have me.”

Something touched her arm, dry and feather-light. Like
fingertips.

She gasped and bolted erect. There was no one in sight, much
less standing next to her. Fred was a voice in her head, damn it. But she’d
felt the touch. Real as the smoldering cigarette between her fingers.

Just as she was deciding whether to scream, run or both, the
clinic door opened and a man in black denim strolled out. Tex—long, lanky,
adorable. Currently her only friend in the world. Also currently on her shit
list for leaving her out here alone so long.

Don’t trust him.

She didn’t bother telling Fred to shut up. Instead, she
glared at Tex and said, “Interesting definition of a minute. The rest of the
world counted fifteen of them.”

“Sorry, Frost. Last-minute paperwork.”

“Since when do volunteers have to fill out paperwork?”

“Always. Reams of it.” He took the five stairs in two steps,
grinned and scooped her into a hug. “You look fantastic.”

“I look like an anorexic.” It was a step up from the
skeletal freak she’d been when she came in, but she wouldn’t mention that.
She’d turned twenty-six during her stint here, but she looked thirty on her
best days and far older most of the time. At least her cheekbones had filled
out. And she’d managed to avoid meth-mouth. “Stop smothering me. Trying to
smoke here.”

He moved back and his smile flattened. “How do you feel?”

“Oh no you don’t, counselor. We’re outside the walls now. I
forbid you to mention feelings.”

He smirked. “Emotions?”

“Nope.”

“Fine. But if we’re redefining our relationship, you don’t
get to call me counselor any more.”

She smiled and relented. “I’m okay,” she said. “Really. And
I’m ready to get out of here.”

“Your chariot awaits.” He crooked an arm, and she slipped a
hand through. “It’ll be a long drive,” he said. “Do you want to stop and get
anything before we leave the city?”

Yes. More drugs.

The second Fred spoke in her head, Tex stiffened. His eyes
narrowed and focused on an empty spot next to her. “We’d better hurry,” he
said. “It’s getting late.”

She looked from him to the place he stared. Nothing there.
But it sure as hell seemed as if he’d reacted to the voice—and she could still
feel the ghostly touch on her arm, a fading brand. “Tex,” she said slowly. “Did
you hear something just now?”

He blinked, and his expression knit itself into bemused
concern. “No. You cracking up on me already, Frost?”

“Not me. Solid as a rock.” Somehow she kept the words from
trembling in sync with her gut, where a swarm of moths had taken up residence.
If she couldn’t get rid of Fred, she’d never make it out here. She’d be back in
the gutter—and there would be no second recovery. She didn’t know why, but she
was positive if she started using again, this time she’d die.

“Good.” Tex patted her hand and steered her toward the
parking lot. “Let’s get you home.”

She gave a weak nod. “Can’t wait.”

“What’s wrong?” He stopped and stared at her. “You’re just
about green. Are you coming down with something?”

“No. It’s just…”
Home.
The last place she’d called
that had been anything but. Before her seven-year run as Junkie Queen of Other
People’s Couches, her family had consisted of a father who’d pretended she
didn’t exist and a sister who’d cared when it was convenient for her. Which
wasn’t often. Only Gran had kept her sane—so when Gran died, she’d run straight
into the memory-destroying solace of drugs. Now that she was clean, she’d have
to confront all that again, even if it was just to close that chapter of her
life forever. “I’ll have to call Angie,” she finally said. “Tell her I’m out.
In case she cares or something.” She hadn’t even told her sister she was going
into rehab. Hadn’t spoken to her in over a year.

Tex sucked in a breath. He knew most of the story, though
there had been a few things she’d left out. Stuff she’d rather not remember.
“Are you sure?” he said. “You don’t have to put yourself through that yet.
You’re still healing.”

“I’m sure. I need to get it over with.”

“All right,” he said. “If you want me to be there, I will.”

She shook her head. “I’ve got to do this on my own.”

“I understand.” He gave her a quick hug. “Ready to go?”

She looked back at the clinic. Leaving this place was
supposed to feel good. It had been hell inside, especially the first few months
when she’d existed in a black pit of alternating rage and despair. In the
beginning, no amount of antidepressants or counseling sessions or group therapy
could stop the cravings, or the nightmares. Now she should’ve been happy,
fucking ecstatic to walk through those doors for the last time.

But inside represented order, and safety. Anything could
happen out here. The ghosts she’d struggled to banish—Dad, Angie, the endless
string of junkies and pushers—were flesh and blood once more, just waiting for
her to drop her guard and let them in again.

“Frost?”

She blinked. “Yeah,” she said, and gave Tex a smile she
didn’t feel. “I’m ready.”

Fresh reluctance filled her as they moved toward the parking
lot and she almost balked. The notion of a home was no longer comforting. Even
if it was one she didn’t have to share with her so-called family. Once Tex
left, she’d be alone with her addiction, the ravenous beast that knew she had
the means to sate its desires if she chose.

She’d be alone with Fred.

* * * * *

Jaeryth could do nothing but watch as years of careful,
patient preparation walked away, climbed in a car and rode out of his reach.
Fury sizzled his blood—if anyone had been standing near enough, they probably
would have caught a whiff of brimstone. Little Logan had made herself a friend
and she had no idea what the so-called counselor really was.

Of course, she didn’t know what
she
really was
either. But she would soon. The signs were there.

Tex. What a ridiculous name. Jaeryth bared his teeth at the
retreating taillights and snarled under his breath. He’d almost had the woman
completely turned before that bastard had interfered. She’d been away from his
influence for six months, since he couldn’t get inside the damned clinic.

No demon could. The angels had fortified the place too well.

Logan looked good. Healthy. She had been physically
decimated before she came here, not much more than skin stretched over bones,
though even emaciation couldn’t erase her beauty. Now she was ethereal and the
shadows of hard living only served to enhance her attraction. He hadn’t been
able to resist touching her.

She’d felt his touch. Her awakening would not be far off
now—and he had to bring her back before that happened. Or she would be lost to
them forever.

He rode the night breeze away from the clinic, phasing
through buildings and vehicles as he went. The unease his presence generated
from nearby mortals failed to comfort him. He lingered a few moments near the
center of the crown jewel of his turf. Ten square blocks of corruption and
madness, reeking of desperation, forever stained in blood. Here, even humans
could see the edges of Shade oozing into their narrow plane of perception. Its
denizens called it Crystaltown. He called it progress.

It was here he’d found Logan Frost, who dreamed of singing
and drowned her mortal pain in chemical happiness. He had seen her potential
and nurtured her decline. But she’d left him for that thing who called himself
Tex.

The sweet discordant music of decay in Crystaltown failed to
improve his mood. He swept from the area, leaving a dazed crack whore and her
grunting, clumsy customer trembling and impotent in his wake. Time to leave the
mortal level for a while—with Logan gone, he just didn’t feel like spreading
sin to the masses.

Jaeryth controlled the corruption in the northeast quarter
of Philadelphia. His district’s performance far surpassed the other three, and
he’d earned the respect of Hell itself. There had been mention of promotion,
whispers of Samael’s interest in his work. The Prince of Hell was pleased with
him. Huzzah. Not that he cared what Samael thought.

Losing Logan wouldn’t disrupt his advancement, since he
hadn’t been able to convince any of his superiors that she was Nabi. The fools.
But it mattered to him—and they’d change their tune when the prophet Logan
manifested. He would be vindicated.

However, if she remained on the side of the angels at her
awakening, he might be blamed. And likely punished. The twisted politics of
Hell made no allowances for reason.

He stopped at the center of Old City, the epicenter of the
demon population in Philadelphia. Sixty full demons, and five times that in
lessers, patrolled the area—more than enough for full twenty-four-hour
rotations of assaults on the city’s mortals. Of course, the demons all looked
human enough here. There was always a slim chance that some perceptive mortal
would catch a glimpse into Shade. If they walked about with wings and tails and
talons, they would spread madness instead of sin. Lunatic humans were usually
lost to both sides.

He had an office of sorts nearby where he would be afforded
privacy. But he would have to shift fully into Shade to reach it. Oh bliss.

With a bracing breath, he closed his eyes and let himself
slip from the mortal plane. Heat consumed him, stifling and oppressive. The
smell hit next—rancid decay, the stench of things burnt and dying. Shade, sweet
Shade. A demon’s natural state of existence. How he loathed it. At the moment,
though, he couldn’t concentrate enough to sustain himself further up.

He opened his eyes and watched the rippling, ghostly
suggestions of a few oblivious humans pass in front of him. The nearly clean
sidewalk he’d been standing on a moment before was now cracked and blasted,
stained black with untold fluids. Dried blood smeared the wall of the crumbled
structure beside him in a path to the savaged carcass of a rat crumpled on the
ground. Ahead, an eternal flame pot blazed, casting a constant haze of heat
shimmer and flickering light over the settled darkness.

This was a demon’s paradise. The rest of them reveled in the
filth and stench of Shade. By rights, Jaeryth should have been comfortable,
even happy, in this state. But he despised every foul corner, every breath of
reeking air he was forced to draw.

As always, his gaze was drawn irresistibly up, past the
edges of Shade to the pristine towers and the great golden rays of Citadel that
loomed over the human realm. Another aspect of the world mortals would not see.
He caught sight of a winged figure streaking across a chasm of light high above
and scowled. Damned angels. Too good to let their precious Citadel mingle with
humanity. No wonder they were losing.