Authors: Margery Allingham
Mr Campion nodded. âI don't see how we can escape it,' he said. âYou see,' he went on hastily, âI had to get the old boy out of the city and down here, because in a place like this if there're any strangers knocking about we know at once. Look here, Giles, I shall need you to help me.'
Giles grinned. âI'm with you,' he said. âIt's time something happened down here.'
âAnd I'm in it too,' said Biddy, that expression of determination which the others knew so well appearing at the corners of her mouth.
Mr Campion shook his head. âSorry, Biddy,' he said, âI couldn't have that. You don't know what you'd be letting yourself in for. It was only in a fit of exuberance that I went into it myself.'
Biddy sniffed. âI'm staying,' she said. âJudge Lobbett has a daughter, hasn't he? If she's going to be in it, so am I. Besides, what would you three poor fish do without me? We'll move over to the Dower House.'
Mr Campion turned to the rector. âBring your influence to bear, St Swithin. Tell her that this is stern stuff â no place for the tender sex.'
The old man shook his head. âIn the words of the poet, “I do remain as neuter”,' he said. âPersonally, I always obey her.'
Mr Campion looked abashed. âYou're making it very awkward for me,' he said. âI'd never have done it if I'd dreamed that I was bringing you into it, Biddy.'
The girl laid her hand upon his knee. âDon't be a fool,' she said. âYou silly old dear, I'm with you to the death. You know that.'
Mr Campion almost blushed, and was silent for an appreciable space of time. The rector brought him back to the
subject on hand. âLet us be specific,' he said. âNo doubt you have your own dark secrets, Albert, but what are we expected to do?'
Mr Campion plunged into the details of his scheme. âFirst of all,' he said, âwe've got to keep the old boy here. And that means we've got to keep him interested. St Swithin, I rely on you for the archaeology and whatnots. Show him the village trophies. Get out the relics of the witch burnings and polish up the stocks. Make it all bright and homely for him. Then there's the doubtful Romney in the drawing room. Get his opinion on that. He's a delightful old cove, but obstinate as sin.'
He hesitated. âWhat he's really interested in,' he went on after a pause, âis actual folk-lore and superstition. Haven't you any prize yokels who know a few ancient wisecracks? â old songs and that sort of thing?'
Giles glanced up. âPlenty of those,' he said. âDid I tell you, Biddy, I set George to cut down that dead thorn at the end of the home paddock this morning? When I passed by at lunchtime he grinned at me, as pleased as Punch â he'd been all the morning at it. “How are you going, George?” said I. “Foine, Master Giles,” he said, “I can cut that down quicker than that took to grow.” When I said, “So I should hope,” he seemed quite offended. We might pass him off as the original Old Saw himself.'
âThat's the sort of thing,' Campion agreed. âBut I warn you to go carefully. The old boy's no fool. This sort of thing's his hobby. You'd be surprised how much more the average American knows about England than we do.'
The Reverend Swithin Cush coughed dryly. âThere is enough here to interest a genuine antiquary for some time,' he said. âHow long do you expect him to stay? Is the length of his visit indefinite?'
Mr Campion became suddenly vague. âI don't know,' he said. I've cracked up the place a lot, but he may give us one swift look and go home, and then
bang
goes little Albert's fourpence an hour and old Lobbett's sweet young life, most likely. Oh, I forgot. He'll be here the day after tomorrow. Can you be ready in time, Biddy?'
The girl sighed. âJust,' she said. âIt'll be a bit of a camp at the Dower House.'
They sat discussing their plans until after midnight, when the old rector rose stiffly out of his chair.
âBiddy, I'll have my hurricane,' he said. âYou ought all to be in bed now if you're going to move tomorrow.'
The girl fetched the storm lantern, and they watched him disappearing into the darkness â a gaunt, lonely figure, his white hair uncovered, the lantern bobbing at his side like a will-o'-the-wisp.
As they came back into the shadowy hall, Mr Campion grinned. âDear old St Swithin,' he said. âYou've known him since you were muling and puking in Cuddy's arms, haven't you?'
Biddy answered him. âYes,' she said. âHe's getting old, though. Alice â that's his housekeeper, you know â says he's gone all Russian lately. “Like a broody hen,” she said.'
âHe must be hundreds of years old,' said Albert. âThere's an idea in that. We might pass him off as the original St Swithin himself. Dropped in out of the rain, as it were.'
âGo to bed,' said Biddy. âThe machinery wants a rest.'
Up in the chintz-hung bedroom the oak floor was sloping and the cool air was fragrant with lavender, toilet soap, and beeswax. Mr Campion did not get into the four-poster immediately, but stood for some time peering out into the darkness.
At last he drew a small, much-battered notebook from an inside pocket and scribbled âSt S'. For some time he stood looking at it soberly, and then deliberately added a question mark.
â
ALTHOUGH YOU'RE A
foreigner, which can't be helped, and therefore it ain't loikely that you'll be used to our ways, all the same we welcome you. We do 'ope you'll live up to the old ways and do all you can for us.'
The speaker paused and wiped round the inside of his New-gate fringe with a coloured handkerchief. âNow let's sing a 'ymn,' he added as an afterthought.
He was standing by himself at the bottom of his cottage garden, his face turned towards the meadows which sloped down sleekly to the grey saltings. After a while he repeated his former announcement word for word, finishing with an unexpected âMorning, sir,' as a thin, pale-faced young man with horn-rimmed spectacles appeared upon the other side of the hedge.
âMorning, George,' said Mr Campion.
George Willsmore surveyed the newcomer thoughtfully. He was a gnarled old man, brown and nobbled as a pollarded willow, with great creases bitten into his face, which was surrounded by a thick hearthbrush of a beard. As the oldest able member of the family of which the village was mainly composed, he considered himself a sort of mayor, and his rural dignity was enhanced by a curious sententiousness of utterance.
âYou come upon me unawares,' he said. âI was sayin' over a few words I be goin' to speak this afternoon.'
âReally?' Mr Campion appeared to be interested. âYou're thinking of making a speech of welcome, George?'
âSummat like that,' conceded the old man graciously. âMe and the rector was 'avin a talk. 'E was for singin'. And me bein' churchwarden, seems only right, seems, I should do the greetin'. Him bein' a foreigner, 'e mightn't understand the others.'
âThere's something in that, of course,' said Mr Campion, who had followed the old man's reasoning with difficulty.
George continued.
âI put on some new clo'es. Seems like 'tis a good idea to look smart. I be a wunnerful smart old man, don't you think?'
He turned himself about for Mr Campion's inspection. He was dressed in a pair of tight corduroy trousers which had once been brown, but were now washed to creamy whiteness, a bright blue collarless gingham shirt, and one of his late master's white waistcoats which hung loosely round his spare stomach. His straw hat, built on the Panama principle, had a black ribbon round it and a bunch of jay's feathers tucked into the bow.
âHow's that?' he demanded with badly concealed pride.
âVery fine,' agreed the young man. âAll the same, I wouldn't make your speech if I were you, George. I was coming down to have a talk with you about this business. Aren't there some customs, maypolings and whatnot, suitable for this afternoon?'
The old man pushed back his straw hat, revealing an unexpectedly bald head, the crown of which he rubbed meditatively with the edge of his hat.
âNot give the speech?' he said with disappointment. âOh well, sir, I reckon you know best. But I'd 'ave done it right well, that I would. I do be a powerful talkative old man. But the time for maypolin's past,' he went on, âand Pharisees' Day, that ain't come yet.'
The young man sighed. âNone of these â er â feasts are movable?' he suggested hopefully.
George shook his head. âNo, you can't alter they days. Not for nobody,' he added with decision.
Mr Campion regarded the old man with great solemnity. âGeorge,' he said, âtake my advice and make an effort. It wouldn't be a bad idea if you could think of some sort of turnip-blessing ceremony. You're a smart man, George.'
âAye,' said the old man with alacrity, and remained in deep thought for some time. âNo, there be nothin',' he said at last. âNothin' but maybe the Seven Whistlers.'
âSeven Whistlers?' said Mr Campion with interest. âWhat's that? Who are they?'
The old man studied his hat intently for some time before replying. âSeven Whistlers, sir,' he said at last. âNo one knows if they be ghosts or Pharisees â that be fairies, if you take me. You 'ear 'em passin' overhead about this time of year. Whistlin'. Least, you only 'ears six on 'em. The seventh's got a kind o' whoop in it, trailin' away like a barn owl, terrible to 'ear, and when you 'ears that, that's the end of the world. Only no one's ever 'eard it yet.'
âThat sounds all right,' said Mr Campion. âBut it doesn't get us more forrarder, does it, George?'
An unexpectedly crafty expression appeared upon the old man's venerable face. âToime was,' he said, âwhen the old squoire used to give a barrel o' beer for they Seven Whistlers. Just about round this time of the year it was, now I come to think on it.' He paused and looked at Mr Campion hopefully.
âFor the Seven Whistlers?' said the young man dubiously.
The old man broke into hasty explanations.
â'Twas so, only they Seven Whistlers they never came to drink it, so it had to be drinked up by the poor, for fear of that goin' sour.'
âI see,' said Mr Campion, who had begun to comprehend. âThe poor, I suppose, were the villagers?'
âAye.' George paused, and remarked after some consideration, âMaster Giles and Miss Biddy most likely wouldn't know anything about it if you asked 'em. Doubt not they 'eard o' the Seven Whistlers, but not of the beer. You understand, sir?'
âPerfectly,' said Mr Campion. âIt occurs to me, George, that you and I might get on very well together. You have the flair, if I may say so. You've got a brother, haven't you?'
âOh 'Anry?' said Mr Willsmore with contempt. âI'm the clever one. 'Anry is not. I'm the man for you, sir.'
Mr Campion regarded him gravely. âI believe you are,' he said.
They remained deep in conversation together for some time.
When the young man walked back over the rough grass he
was considerably easier in his mind than before. As he approached the house he was surprised to see a long black Daimler outside the oak door. He hurried forward. Biddy met him in the hall.
âAlbert, he's a dear,' she said. âThey're in the library with Giles now. I've been looking for you everywhere. They've been here nearly an hour. We've shown them all over the house and they're just charming about it. The boy's awfully handsome, don't you think?'
âNonsense!' said Mr Campion. âYou should see me in my new moustache. Quite the latest thing, my dear. Only ten-three. Illusion guaranteed. I'm being ringed for it. Mother need never know.'
âJealous!' said Biddy. âCome and see them.'
He followed her down the stone-paved corridor to where the library door stood ajar.
Judge Lobbett stood looking out across the lawn. The sun glinted on his face, on the pictures let into the panelling, and on the sherry glasses on the table.
âIt's a lovely place,' he said, turning as Albert and Biddy came in. âGood morning, Mr Campion. I congratulate you on your choice on our behalf.' He turned to the young people. Biddy had crossed over to her brother and they stood together with their backs to the fireplace, looking wonderfully alike.
âSeems I'm turning you out of your homestead,' he said bluntly. âAre you sure you want to let?'
Biddy smiled at him, her brown eyes meeting his gratefully.
âIt's awfully nice of you to say that,' she said, âbut we've got to let. Did Albert warn you, you'll be taking over half our responsibilities as far as the village is concerned? We just couldn't do it as Dad did before the war. The money won't go so far. Being squire at Mystery Mile is rather like being papa to the village.'
The old man smiled at her. âI'll like it,' he said.
Biddy sighed. âYou don't know what a relief it is to know that someone's got the house who really likes it.'
Judge Lobbett turned to his daughter, a slim little figure wrapped in furs. âIf you don't think you'll find it too quiet â'
Isopel glanced at him, and a faint scared smile passed over her face. âNot too quiet?' she said meaningly, and a sigh escaped her.
Meanwhile Marlowe Lobbett had crossed over to Mr Campion and the two young men stood talking together.
âYou weren't followed?' Mr Campion spoke softly.
Marlowe shook his head. âI think they were waiting for us,' he said. âYour policemen held up a car directly behind us. The chauffeur you found us is a genius. We got out of the city in no time. Anyone following us would have had an almighty job.'
Biddy's voice broke in upon their conversation. âWe'll leave the place to you now. You'll find Mrs Whybrow's prepared everything for you. She's a wonderful housekeeper. You've all promised to come to dinner with us this evening, haven't you?' she went on, turning to Isopel. âThe Dower House is only just across the park. Old Mr Cush, the rector, will be there. In his Sunday clothes, I hope. You ought to meet him.'