Naughty Little Secret (20 page)

“I think you believe everything you’re saying, but the way you plan…

You say I’m not just a challenge for you. Maybe not, but how do I know you don’t have some grand checklist of life that includes acquiring a wife and kids? Now that you’re pushing forty, maybe you’re feeling…desperate to settle down and convinced yourself that I’m the one because I’m suitable and comfortable.”

He looked at her as if she’d come from an alien planet. “I didn’t pursue you because my biological clock is ticking. Marrying and having babies with you has been on my list for years, but only with you. I want
you
.”

“Noah, I don’t think you really understand love or the realities of marriage. It takes more than good chemistry.”

“I know that!”

“How could you? You don’t exactly have the reputation for staying in a relationship.”

He shook his head. “This is about you. You’re painting me with Tim’s brush and penalizing me because…why? You can’t let go of your fear left over from the divorce. You’re afraid to try again, and you’re too scared to admit that you fell into bed with me because you fell in love with me. You keep insisting what we have is just fantasy because that’s easy. The reality scares you, and you won’t even try to accept it, no matter how big the reward. You simply refuse to deal with it. You bitch at me about lying.” He cocked a dark brow, cynical fury burning in his eyes. “Look in the mirror, sugar.”

Without looking back, he turned away and marched toward the hall, anger set in the taut lines of his shoulders and clenched fists.

-167-

Shelley Bradley

He was leaving. Just like that, leaving. Panic welled up inside her at the thought, grabbing her heart and squeezing. “Wait!”

With a sharp turn, Noah pinned her with a glare. “For what? I’m not going to tell you to find me when you come to your senses. I’ve done my waiting, ten years of it. I’m not waiting a minute more.”

-168-

Naughty Little Secret

Noah spent Saturday drunk. Sunday was looking like a repeat.

Yeah, Lauren was willing to throw their relationship away over her irrational fear, but his grand scheme, his lies, hadn’t helped. He’d fucked up. Big.

Clutching a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and bracing himself against the portal of the open French door, Noah stared out at the quiet morning hovering in a hushed mist over his backyard.

Just days ago, Lauren had been here, smiling, laughing. Her girls swimming and playing. The sense of rightness had screwed with his head, made him believe in a faulty plan. That had been his downfall.

Raising the bottle to his mouth, Noah chugged swallow after swallow of the liquid fire. The alcohol burned his empty stomach. A quick glance in a decorative mirror on the wall to his left told him he looked like shit—

hair askew, two days’ growth of beard, rumpled clothes, sunken, hollow eyes that echoed the sensation in his chest.

For a wild week, he’d had Lauren, held her, fantasized about everything from the taste of her cream to sliding a ring on her finger.

After one sweep of his mask to the floor, it was all over.

Where had he gone wrong? She’d been interested in him at the office.

Her discreet glances, sexy blouses, the glimpses of thigh-high stockings…they hadn’t lied. He believed she’d been thinking of him, of

-169-

Shelley Bradley

Noah, when he sneaked into her bed and body dressed as Mr.

Mysterious. He’d gotten drunk on the need in her intoxicating touch.

If he hadn’t miscalculated…

Oh, hell.
If onlys
wouldn’t help him now. Lauren was gone, probably forever.

On that cheerful note, the phone rang. Probably his mother. She’d been horrified when she’d stopped in yesterday afternoon to find him surrounded by two empty bottles of tequila and he’d confessed that he hadn’t eaten since lunch on Friday.

With a suffering sigh, he reached for the phone on his belt. The caller ID surprised him. Not his mother…

“Yeah.” He couldn’t quite keep the rancor out of his tone.

After all, the man on the other end was one of the big reasons for his own torment.

“Noah, buddy. How’ve you been?”

Tim sounded a little too chipper for Noah’s mood, particularly since he wanted to reach through the phone and beat the shit out of Lauren’s ex. If the bastard hadn’t neglected her and hurt her, she wouldn’t have been so gun shy about getting involved.

“Busy.” He barely sounded civil. “You?”

“Actually…not so busy. I’ve been backing off my work schedule some.

Spending more quality time with the kids. They’re growing up so fast.”

That snagged Noah’s attention. “You’re not paying homage to the work god twenty-four/seven anymore?”

“No. Work isn’t life. A lot of people tried to tell me. Hell, Lauren begged me to get that. Guess it took losing her and most of my friends to buy that clue. I don’t want to wake one day to find my kids grown and hating me.”

Noah’s gut tightened. “You looking to get Lauren back?”

-170-

Naughty Little Secret

“No. She and I…we were good friends, but in the end, what we had wasn’t enough for either of us.”

Relieved, Noah exhaled, his mind racing. He lifted the bottle to his lips again and took a healthy chug. “Well…congrats on your balanced life.” Or whatever. “What do you want?”

“Emma and Cass spent the weekend with me and told me they’d been swimming at your place a few days ago.”

Yeah, the night he’d fallen hard and been delusional enough to believe Lauren loved him. Just before he’d bought into a flawed plan and fucked everything up.

“Yeah. They’re good kids.”

“Lauren has done a great job.”

Noah grunted in response. Where the hell was this going? Tim wasn’t usually big on the phone.

“Anyway,” Tim cut into the silence. “Emma tells me that you and Lauren looked…pretty cozy that night. She got the impression it would have been quite the date if she and Cass hadn’t been there.”

Ah, the interrogation. No doubt, Tim expected him to dodge and play the game, work the information to his advantage.

At the moment he was too drunk—and too hurt—to do anything but tell the man what he really thought.

“No, it would have been way more than a date. I would have claimed her, pure and simple. Do you know I’ve been in love with your ex-wife since the day I met her?”

Tim hesitated for a long moment. “I suspected. The way you looked at her…” He sighed. “I never felt that way about her. Honestly, I expected you to do something about it years ago and give me an easy out of the marriage.”

“
What
?!”

-171-

Shelley Bradley

“Look, I knew for years I wasn’t the man for her. I just didn’t…want to hurt her by telling her I wanted the divorce. I encouraged you to spend time with her, thinking the inevitable would happen.”

“It didn’t. It never happened while you were married to her. Ever.”

“Yeah.” Tim gave him a hollow laugh. “I found out the hard way that for all your ruthless business strategy, you’re an honorable bastard. But in the end, something happened that convinced her to leave me, so it’s all the way it should be now, I guess.”

“No, it’s not,” Noah growled. “You son of a bitch. Your neglect made her feel so unwanted that she’s afraid to try an actual relationship with anyone, much less someone who would walk to the ends of the earth on hot coals for her.”

“Ouch. I guess I deserve that.”

“And more.”

“Yeah… Well, you still want her. What’s your angle?”

“I’m out of them, man.”

“C’mon. You’re the master of strategy. You can turn every situation to your advantage. You have contingencies for your contingencies. Knowing you, you’ve got some grand plan, and she won’t know what hit her until she’s fallen so hard—”

“It’s over.”

Hearing Tim’s utter silence, Noah cursed into the phone. His head spun. Master of strategy? Is that how everyone saw him? Lauren had certainly cast him in that light.

Okay, so he planned his moves with as much precision as possible when it came to work. And yes…he’d done the same with Lauren. He hadn’t known what else to do.

She’d accused him of methodically attacking their relationship like one of his execution strategies.

-172-

Naughty Little Secret

He frowned. Put in that light, the way he’d pursued Lauren sounded…ugly. Mercenary. Decidedly unromantic. Though he’d never gone to such lengths before, he’d used strategy to woo dozens of nameless women to his bed over the years. And she knew it.

Shit.

Tim’s indifference had hurt her. But his own calculated plotting…that was just another huge reason she didn’t trust him. Her refusal to be with him was, in large part, his own damn fault.

Just as he’d thought; he’d fucked up. Only now, he realized it wasn’t a flaw in the plan, but the fact he’d made the plan at all.

He should have led with his heart.

Approaching her slowly, wooing her with flowers and attention and all the romantic stuff she’d never had in her life would have been a much better idea. Playing on her loneliness and using her own sexuality to seduce her hadn’t been wise. He’d played pre-meditated dirty pool. He’d lied to her about pursuing a divorcée so he could ask Lauren how to win her and use her own advice on her…brilliant, devious—totally wrong.

“It’s over?” Tim asked incredulously. “You’re just going to give up?

That’s not like you. Maybe it would help you to know that after I dropped Emma and Cass off earlier, Lauren looked like she’d been crying. A lot.”

No, that didn’t help him. In the least. Hearing that only made something in his chest buckle.

He staggered back to the sofa and swore. “Why tell me? Why try to hook up your ex-wife with one of your buddies?”

“I owe her, man. I think you could make her happy. I just…never cared enough to try. Come up with one of your great plans, and I’ll help you—”

“No.”

-173-

Shelley Bradley

He couldn’t do it to her. Her residual fear from her marriage and divorce wasn’t helping his cause. But he’d done the most damage, treating her like a challenge to overcome. The feelings and reasons had been so different, but he’d plotted her downfall as methodically as every other business strategy or sexual conquest.

He hadn’t fucked up by being caught up in the emotion and revealing himself too early. He’d done that entirely by plotting so ruthlessly to start with.

“That’s it? Just a no?”

“Just a no.” Noah took another swig of whiskey. The pain of not being with her would eat at him, but he deserved it. Stupid ass.

“Seriously? You love her, right?”

“More than you can fathom, yes.”

“You want to marry her. You’d be great in helping her raise the girls, and—”

“Yes, and if she wants all that, it will be up to her. But at this point…well, let’s just say retirement will probably come before Lauren agrees to marry me.”

Even though he downed another quarter of the potent whiskey, Noah couldn’t drown out the reality of his words. He’d plotted, all right, believing like an asshole that he knew better and could push and cajole Lauren into the sort of love he felt.

Idiot. The only thing he’d done was earn a lifetime without her.

Z Z Z

Two weeks had passed. Two miserable weeks. And on a muggy Friday afternoon, Lauren was ready for the weekend.

-174-

Naughty Little Secret

The office had been busy. Very busy, and she’d purposely arranged her schedule that way. If she was focused on her projects and deadlines, she couldn’t be reliving her last night with Noah and wishing things between them had ended better, second guessing herself and wondering if there was even a tiny possibility that Noah actually loved her. Work gave her an outlet for her buzzing, dazed mind, thank God.

Unfortunately, nothing had distracted her from the ache in her heart.

The Monday after her blow-up with Noah, she’d nervously returned to work only to hear that he’d volunteered to spend the week in their downtown restaurants, which he never did, to work through some

“ongoing issues”.

In other words, avoiding her.

Later that day, she’d requested a transfer to Danson’s management team. If Noah really loved her, as he claimed, would he just let her go? It was a test, perhaps a juvenile one. But Lauren was so in need of a sign from him—something to convince her that she mattered. Noah was too good a strategist not to realize that if she spent any significant amount of time with him, she would surrender, not just her body, but her heart and soul.

Within hours, she’d been notified that he had approved the request.

That little faxed scrap of paper had nearly crushed her.

He’d released her without talking to her. Without asking why.

Without fighting for her, for them. Hell, without blinking.

He had turned his back on her, exactly as he’d done Friday night.

Well, now she had an answer. Lauren could only infer that she’d been right all along. Noah probably didn’t love her…even if his speech and righteous anger, when she’d pondered them later in her lonely bed, had been convincing. But he’d let her go to Danson’s team in a jiffy, apparently pining for…what? All of ten minutes?

-175-

Shelley Bradley

To top it off, he was punishing her because she knew he wouldn’t do fidelity for long and she’d called him on it. Okay, so she did have residual fear from the divorce, as he accused, but that didn’t change the simple fact that Noah wasn’t the marrying sort. She simply wasn’t setting herself up for future failure with a man for whom fidelity was a four-letter word.

So she’d moved her cubicle over to Danson’s part of the building, taking her suburban expansion project with her. She hadn’t seen Noah at all in the last two weeks. Small wonder, given the fact she’d attended all the focus groups during that time, extracting the statistical and empirical data. The results were exciting. Now it was time to present her recommendations to the management team—including Noah.