Nearly Broken (22 page)

Looking back at Thea
with judgmental eyes, she cried, “So it was no little thing for
her to remember. You traumatized her!”

Appalled, Thea’s
mouth opened wide and her hands went to her heart. “I was
seven! All I wanted was for her to never touch my doll again!”

The look on their
faces was so priceless I couldn’t help but laugh as the tears
flowed freely down my cheeks. Maybe it was silly of me, but part of
me kept thinking
this is weird
. I barely knew these people.
Hell, I sort of
didn’t
know these people. But another
part of me wanted to just let go and accept what the DNA test already
told me. That they were my family, even if I couldn’t remember
the life I shared with them. Was it wrong that I wanted to have my
mother’s arms around me? To hug me and kiss me and tell me
everything would be okay? Because inside, it was what I yearned for.
Family. People to love me unconditionally. And for that, I tried to
lose myself in the moment as much as my heart would allow, trying
desperately to push back the uncertainty that lingered inside me.
Soon enough, I allowed myself to join in on a three-way hug,
listening to them continue to blabber as we wiped away our tears.

Our commotion didn’t
break until we heard Nick’s snarky remark. “Oh, Lord. Did
I choose the wrong time to head up here or what?”

Thea humorously told
him to
shut up
as my mother made her way past him in the
doorway, still wiping her tears, saying she had to get back to
cooking the meal or we’d never get to eat.

Thea then reached for
the side of my shoulder. “I’m so sorry I was such a
bitch. I promise I’m going to make it up to you. I don’t
care if I have to pay a thousand dollars on eBay, I’m going to
replace that doll for you.”

My hands going out
before me, I chuckled and said, “I don’t need the doll.
Really.”

“No!” she
cried back. “You get your first memory back and it’s me
destroying your favorite doll? Hell no! I’m replacing your damn
doll!”

“You remembered
something?” I had almost forgotten Nick was there, he was so
quiet and still.

“Yeah,”
Thea said bitterly. “About me being a horrible sister.”

“Oh,” he
said. “So you just remembered a typical day in your life
then?”

“Shut up!”
She hit him on the arm for giving her such a hard time, but the power
behind her punch did nothing. She wiped her cheeks clear of tears and
added, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go
freshen up.” To me, she added, “Use anything in the
bathroom if you want. I left some stuff here for when I stay the
night, and we always used the same products for everything.”

I gave her a thank you
and she closed herself off behind the bathroom door. Nick gently
grasped the sides of my head and angled it towards his. “You
remembered something,” he repeated, this time with quiet awe.
Kissing my forehead, he added, “I told you it would all start
to come back.” He gathered me into his arms. “I’m
so proud of you, baby.”

I closed my eyes and
fully embraced his hug, like his essence was flowing into me and
recharging my courage battery. When I reopened my eyes, my line of
sight was fixated on the bed, and a smile formed across my face. “So,
is this the same bed?”

“Yes, it is,”
he said quickly. “Now hush up before your parents hear you.”
He pinched my ribs and I swatted him off me. “So have you gone
through any of your stuff yet?”

“I’m
warming up to it. Maybe you’ll know if something’s
important to me.” I pulled open the top drawer of the chest and
we peeked inside. I was immediately drawn to a stack of photos and
Nick fingered through a bunch of jewelry in a large, square-shaped
box lined with crushed velvet.

“Hmm…”
he said, but it was really more of a groan.

“What?”

“The necklace I
gave you for your seventeenth birthday isn’t here. I bet you
were wearing it the day you went missing.”

“Fuckers,”
I mumbled. Of course they would’ve taken it, that and anything
else on my person that could trigger a real memory. But seeing how I
had no idea what I was missing, it was easy for me to shift my focus
back to the photos. It seemed to be me with various people I couldn’t
recall, save a few with Thea or Nick. “Do you know any of these
people?”

He looked through a
few with me, saying, “Yeah, these are some of the people you
used to hang with from school. That’s Michelle, Sarah, Winnie.
A few more I can’t really remember anymore. I hardly knew
them.”

“So where are
they now?”

Apparently, he’d
rather try to eat his lips than tell me, because it took some time
for his mouth to let go. “I don’t really know. Some of
them continued asking and checking in with your parents, but after a
few months…”

“They gave up,”
I replied bluntly.

“No,” he
said softly. “It’s not that they didn’t care,
because I promise you they did. They were just in a better position
to let go after awhile.”

Everybody kind of
acknowledged that I wasn’t coming back. Except Nick and my
family, of course, who never lost hope. “Oh,” I said
dismally, dropping the stack of those I didn’t know into the
trash. Even if I got my memory back, I had no intention of revisiting
lost friendships with people that would always look at me funny.
Funny
. I suddenly remembered my burns and looked to see if I
was exposed anywhere. No one had asked me about them today. They
treated me like they probably always had. Well, maybe with a little
more fragility, but once again, I found people who loved me for me
and didn’t run from the damn burns disfiguring my skin.

We rummaged through
the rest of my drawers, my closet and under my bed. Nick pulled
things out he thought
Claire
would’ve held on to, like
pictures, a certain pink hoodie he said I wore a lot, a few pieces of
favored jewelry that wasn’t missing from the collection, a
soft, wool blanket I loved to cuddle under while reading, and the
stack of books I kept in my closet that he claimed were my favorites.
We tucked them all inside a duffle I found in the closet. I don’t
know why, but I left behind all my old school stuff, including
several yearbooks. Maybe one day though, as it was doubtful my
parents would ever throw anything away. Alas, I never found a diary
or journal, even when I checked under the mattress. I sort of wished
I had one. Who better to tell me what went and on and how I felt
about it all, other than myself?

Dinner went a little
smoother since I was beginning to feel like I belonged. No one
hassled me with questions of the past or future. Instead, they simply
discussed things they normally would’ve discussed whether I was
there or not, save how I was studying to take the GED. I think Nick
might’ve been responsible for keeping the focus of conversation
off me this trip, and I loved him even more for it.

I received several
rounds of hugs and kisses as we made our way out the front door,
which ended up taking thirty minutes in itself. It was all still a
little weird for me, but I didn’t want them to know that, so I
put forth my best smile. My mother told me to eat more, my sister
told me she’d start calling in the evening, and my father
handed me a box that contained every single family video he could
find. I was pretty sure my father and I had been a little more aloof
compared to the relationships I had had with my mom and sister,
because he only offered a side hug. And right now, I was sort of
grateful, because I felt a little aloof about all of this myself. I
could tell it was difficult for him to relay his feelings, but tears
tried to overcome his eyes as I said my final goodbye, so I knew he
loved me, too.

“Here,” my
mom said. “One more thing for your bag.” With that, she
tucked a sealed envelope into the front pocket of my duffel.

“What is that?”
I asked curiously.

“Your birth
certificate and social security card. You’re going to need them
to apply for an Oregon ID since we no longer have your Washington
driver’s license.”

“Oh, right.”
I no longer had any form of ID. My license, my school IDs, everything
I had in my wallet was long gone. I thanked her with a final kiss to
the cheek and followed Nick down the walk. I sighed with relief when
we sat in the car and Nick gripped my hand. “You did it. So how
do you feel?”

“Exhausted.
Emotionally and physically. And so ready to crash in bed when we get
home.”

Grinning his
agreement, he started the engine and began the long drive back to
Portland. Truthfully, I was relieved that was over. They were
incredibly nice people and Claire was lucky to have had them.
I
was lucky to have them. And I hoped the weirdness inside me would
fade quickly, so I could embrace their love as fully and
unconditionally as they seemed to share for me.

Nick and I finally fell
into a routine. Every morning we’d get up around ten, have an
early lunch and spend a few hours together, then around two in the
afternoon he’d head off to work and didn’t return home
until after midnight. I was relentless about checking the lock on the
front door and still kept the lights on while he was gone, but I
managed to cut back some, turning on just enough to keep the shadows
away.

Thea wasn’t
kidding about checking in every single evening. At first our
conversations were short and involved a lot of silence on both ends,
but the more we talked, the more we began to open up and share. So
now our phone calls typically lasted an hour each night. It was kind
of nice to get the girl’s perspective, especially from one that
had known me my whole life.

My parents called
every few days to keep tabs on me. At Nick’s suggestion, I
began calling them Mom and Dad like I used to. He knew how much that
would warm their hearts, so as long as I wasn’t uncomfortable
doing so, he thought it would be a nice gesture. My first few
attempts saying that felt a little unnatural, but the more I called
them that, the more it began to feel right, so much that the words
just flew out of my mouth second nature. Nick’s Mom called us
during the weekends, when Nick was home from work. Everything was
finally falling into place; my family, my studying (I planned on
taking the GED in just four weeks), and I had applied for an official
name change to Megan (though I kept Whitaker as my last name). It was
almost as if my life seemed normal now.

So I guess it
shouldn’t have surprised me when I got an unexpected visitor
one night.

BAM-BAM-BAM!

My heart went spastic
and jumped at my ribs, the banging on the front door scaring the shit
out of me. Nick was long gone for work and my family wasn’t
expected, so I had no idea who was banging so loudly on the other
side of that door.

BAM-BAM-BAM!
“Claire Whitaker?” A gruff voice called through the
door. “This is Detective Alvarez. Please answer the door.”

Claire? Shit.

I carefully pushed
back the chair from the breakfast room table and closed Nick’s
laptop. Inching my way closer to the door, I braved a peek through
the eye hole. I didn’t recognize the man, who appeared
middle-aged, with dark honey skin and brown hair. Whoever he was, he
wasn’t in uniform. Did detectives even wear those?

BAM-BAM-BAM!
“Claire Whitaker?”

Tiptoeing along the
hardwood, I snatched my new phone off the kitchen counter and hit the
number two to speed dial Nick. After three rings, I realized it was
already after seven o’clock. Dinner rush. What if he couldn’t
answer the phone? My breath caught in my throat when his end of the
line finally picked up on the fifth ring.

“Megan?”
he said quickly. I could hear lots of voices muffled in the
background, and also the sound of dishes clanging together. “This
isn’t a good time. Are you alright?”

“I’m not
sure,” I replied quietly. Another heavy knock, the man
repeating my former name through the door.

“What do you
mean you’re not sure? And why are you whispering?”

“There’s
some detective at the door that won’t go away, like he knows
I’m in here. He keeps asking for Claire.”

“Don’t
answer it.” I heard his words clearly now, so he must’ve
stepped inside his office.

“No?” I
asked with relief.

“Megan, you’re
clearly not comfortable opening it up for him, so don’t. Just
because a cop is knocking on the door, doesn’t mean you’re
required to open it. You have rights. Let me call Hank and I’ll
have him deal with it. If he’s legit, he won’t object to
making an appointment for us to meet him at the station.”

“Okay,” I
said meekly.

He told me to sit
tight and promised to call when he knew more. I retreated to the
bedroom, closed the door and turned on the TV to drown out the
BAM-BAM-BAM
of his fist. Ten minutes later I got a text from
Nick saying the cop left, and that he’d talk to Hank, the
security guy, to find out more once the dinner rush passed.