Needed: Full-Time Father (Medical Romance) (13 page)

If he wanted it. And from what he had said before, clearly he did.

Walking out of the meeting, Madison held herself back from catching up with Guy, determined not to let their relationship spill over into the workplace, to give anyone even the slightest hint of what was going on. But her own troubles, real or imagined, disappeared as she saw Yvonne sitting in the waiting room. In the last few weeks the weight had fallen off her. Her usually vibrant eyes looked exhausted, her hair, though well styled, was somehow lifeless. Without her beloved Gerard she looked lost, and naturally Madison made her way over to say hello to the woman.

‘Yvonne.’ Madison smiled warmly. ‘How are you?’

‘Getting there,’Yvonne said. ‘Did Terrence tell you about the scholarship programme?’

‘He did,’ Madison replied. ‘Yvonne, it sounds wonderful. So many people could potentially benefit. I can’t get my head around it. How about you, Guy?’ Madison asked as Guy came over.

‘It’s a marvelous idea, Yvonne. It’s going to take a lot of work, though.’

‘I’m more than prepared for that.’ Yvonne nodded firmly. ‘Gerard had actually worked on the idea for a couple of years. He was hoping to get it off the ground
himself once the hospital was up and running. This is what he really wanted to do, more than anything.

‘Actually…’ Yvonne turned and faced Guy ‘…I was hoping to have a word with you before I go in and see Terrence.’

‘Sure,’ Guy said, but despite the ease of his reply Madison sensed the tension and something told her that it was time to leave.

‘It was nice seeing you, Yvonne.’

‘I’ll be in touch.’ Yvonne smiled. ‘Perhaps I could call you some time. I know Gerard would have liked you to be personally involved.’

‘I’d like that, too,’ Madison answered. ‘I’ll look forward to hearing from you.’ Then she took her cue and slipped quietly away.

There was nothing Madison would have liked more than to tell her staff about what had taken place in the meeting, but it wasn’t her tale to tell so instead she bit her lip and said nothing about the exciting news and ploughed on with her work. But though the idea of the scholarship buzzed in her mind, it was Guy’s desire to move things forward that had Madison working on pure adrenaline. Her decision finally made, all she wanted to do was talk to him, to tell him how she was feeling, but the busy department squashed any hope of a chat and Madison only caught up with him at the end of her day, tapping on his office door with her bag over her shoulder as she headed for home.

‘Busy?’ Madison asked.

‘Snowed under.’ He gestured to the mountain of paperwork in front of him. ‘This is the bit I hate most.’

‘Me, too.’ Madison smiled but it didn’t quite meet her eyes. A tiny frown puckered her brow as, instead of taking five minutes for a chat, Guy resumed writing.

‘It’s great news about the scholarship,’ Madison ventured, trying to prolong things, reluctant to leave when she had so much to say. ‘It’s going to be fantastic for the department. I wonder how long it will take to get things up and running.’

‘Yvonne seems pretty keen to get things moving, but nothing’s going to happen overnight.’ Guy shrugged. ‘These things take for ever to get started. It could all amount to nothing.’

‘I hope not,’ Madison responded. ‘There’s no better way of honouring Gerard’s memory. This is something he’d be so proud of.’

‘Perhaps,’ Guy said, fiddling with his pen and staring moodily at his work. Madison’s frown deepened at his lack of enthusiasm.

‘I’d better get home,’ she said, her voice uncertain. She turned around and waited for him to call her back, for Guy to tell her whatever it was that was clearly on his mind. She consoled herself that he’d no doubt tell her later, that his pensive mood had nothing to do with her, and decided to give him the news that she knew would cheer him up.

‘Guy?’ Turning back to face him, she took a deep breath. ‘About what you said before…’ She swallowed hard, taking a deep breath before she plunged in. ‘I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight.’

‘I can’t tonight.’ Guy shook his head, then attempted to soften it with a smile. ‘I’ve got all this paperwork to catch up on, and Maternity might ring and ask me to come and translate.’

‘OK…’ Madison deliberately kept her smile in place, tried to convince herself that it was no big deal, but somehow failed. Switch could ring him on his mobile and since when had paperwork come before them?

‘Is Emily out tonight?’ Guy asked.

Madison shook her head, blinking back tears, determined not to cry. ‘No, I thought you might, you know, come for dinner and…’ Her voice trailed off and she ached for him to fill the horrible silence, to somehow acknowledge the magnitude of what she was saying. But still he said nothing.

‘You’re not worried about the director’s position, are you?’ Madison tentatively asked, knowing she had hit a nerve when his shoulders stiffened slightly. She inwardly breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn’t her that was the problem. ‘Guy, the role’s yours, Terrence practically said as much, but they can’t just give it to you without going through the motions, you know that. Come for dinner tonight, don’t worry about it.’

‘It’s not that simple.’ Finally he looked at her, and Madison realized it was the first time his eyes had met hers since she’d stepped into the office. Suddenly she was filled with a sense of foreboding, suddenly all the doubts and fears that she’d pushed aside seemed to be aligning. She ached for him to put her out of her misery, to say something to quell the mounting unease within
her, but as Guy finally spoke, Madison felt as if her insides were crumbling, felt her newly found confidence rapidly diminishing as her worst fears were confirmed.

‘I’m not sure that I want it, Madison.’ Guy’s eyes held hers. ‘It’s a three-year contract.’

‘Three years is a long time,’ Madison croaked, amazed that somehow she was managing to look at him without crying. ‘It’s a big commitment. And so is coming to dinner,’ Madison added. ‘So is coming to my house and meeting my daughter properly.’

‘You think I don’t know that?’ Anguished eyes held hers.

‘So what was all that about before, Guy, when you said that you knew what you wanted?’

‘Things have changed.’

‘You mean I’ve come round,’ Madison said bitterly. ‘Finally you’ve won me over, got me to admit how deeply I feel, and now you’re not quite sure that it’s what you want after all. Is it the thrill of the chase with you, Guy?’

‘You’re being unreasonable, Madison,’ Guy snapped. ‘I just need to think about things. Applications have to be in by Monday. I need to sit down and work out what it is that I want.’

‘You still don’t know?’ Madison asked, unable now to keep an edge of bitterness out of her voice. ‘After all we’ve shared recently, you still don’t really know what it is that you want?’

‘No,’ Guy admitted, his word a brutal slap to her paling cheeks. ‘It’s not you, Madison, it’s me. Maybe it’s
in the genes.’ He was talking faster now, trying to sweeten the bitter pill she was attempting to swallow, but her throat constricted around it, scarcely able to believe that Guy was doing this to her, to them. ‘My mum’s in her fifties and still drifting around the world, trying to work out what she wants from life. Maybe I take after her more than I thought.’

‘Maybe you do,’ Madison responded, her lips taut, her face a stricken mask of dignity as she dredged up her inner resources to hold back the tears, to escape this appalling situation with some sense of self intact. ‘Maybe you’re right to be cautious, Guy. Because as much as I’ve enjoyed our time together, as much as it’s been good, your words make sense. I’m not sure you’re what I want for Emily.’ She saw his jaw tighten, a rapid blink as he processed her words. ‘Emily needs more stability than I think you’d ever be able to give, so perhaps it is better that we end things now before a five-year-old girl gets involved in all this.’

‘Perhaps it is,’ Guy said, and it wasn’t Madison who walked away but Guy. Standing up, he headed around the desk and past her, walked out of his office and into the department. As easily as that he walked away from all they had shared, all the potential that had been there, drifted out of her life as quickly as he’d drifted in, leaving Madison shocked and reeling.

If Mark’s death had been hard, it had been a mere practice run. Guy walking away from her like that was sheer, undiluted hell…

Mark had left her in financial ruins, Mark had left her
with a one-year-old child and a lifetime of mess to sort out.

But Guy had actually broken her heart.

‘T
HE
kitchen looks great,’ Madison said as she walked down the hall to Helen’s brand-new, fully renovated kitchen, leaving Emily in the lounge, playing with Richard. ‘Matthew’s done a great job!’

‘There’s nothing left to renovate.’ Helen grinned. ‘I’ve got new bathroom cupboards and more shelves than I can fill. I guess it’s time to tell Richard.’

‘I guess it is.’ Madison smiled, recalling Emily’s conversation in the car a few weeks ago. ‘He mightn’t be that shocked that you and Matthew are dating.’

‘I hope not.’ Helen let out a long tired breath. ‘At least he’s really got to know Matthew and his daughter, what with all the time he’s spent here, supposedly fixing up the place. I’m just scared of taking that final step.’

‘I know,’ Madison agreed. ‘And you’re right to be cautious, but Matthew’s lovely. He wants this as much as you do…’ She tried so hard to be positive, tried so hard to push her own pain aside, but even two weeks after Guy’s rejection the pain was just too raw. Her
emotions bubbled to the surface and she bit hard on her lip to hold back the ever-threatening tears. Helen reached across her very new, very modern kitchen bench and held her best friend’s hand.

‘You’re better off without him,’ Helen said for the hundredth time. ‘He was never going to settle, Madison, and, as hard as it’s been, you know it was better to find out now than in twelve months’ time when Emily was head over heels and wanting to call him Dad.’

‘I know,’ Madison said, again for the hundredth time. She pulled her hand away after a grateful squeeze and sipped her mug of hot chocolate, wondering when the pain would subside. Wondering how, with Emily and Richard playing happily in the lounge room and her best friend chatting away to her, still she felt this appalling loneliness that quite simply wouldn’t leave.

‘You said right from the beginning that he was unreliable.’

She had, but even at this late stage, even when it was irrefutably over and she had every reason to forget him, Madison still couldn’t bring herself to do it, because in doing so she would be denying just how wonderful Guy had been for her, the beauty they had shared. And as deep as her pain was, as bitter and as torturous as the ending had been, she still didn’t regret it.

Could never regret letting Guy into her life, even though it only had been for a short while.

‘At least I don’t have to see him any more,’ Madison gulped, taking strength from her warm drink. ‘He finished work yesterday.’

‘Did he say goodbye at least?’

Madison shook her head then gave a small shrug. ‘A generic goodbye was the best he could do. He gave a speech, wished the whole department well, but there were certainly no last-minute poignant words. He didn’t even look up from the patient he was with when I left.’

‘I thought you were going to talk to him, try and find out why at least. Maybe if you told him how much you’re hurting…’

‘He knows how much I’m hurting.’ Madison almost shouted it, then clapped her hand over her mouth, holding it all in just as she always had.

‘You’re a very good actress, Madison,’ Helen said softly. ‘Maybe he thinks you’re relieved. Maybe if you tell him that you didn’t mean what you said about him not being right for Emily…’

‘There isn’t any point.’ For a second she crumpled, dug in her bag for a tissue and blew her nose, before somehow composing herself. ‘Because even if I didn’t mean it, the simple truth is that Guy wants to leave. We weren’t enough to make him want to stay.’

‘When does he fly out?’

Madison glanced at her watch. ‘In a few hours.’

Even the thought made her tremble inside. Already he’d be nearly on his way to the airport, heading off to another country that needed a doctor but leaving behind a woman and a family, who however hard it had been to admit it, surely needed him, too?

‘Have you had any luck getting a new director?’

‘Not much,’ Madison answered. ‘No one really
comes close to Gerard, or Guy come to that. As much as it galls me to admit it, he really is an amazing doctor. He’s leaving a big hole and goodness only knows how we’re going to fill it.’

‘You will,’ Helen said firmly, and Madison knew she wasn’t talking about the department, knew she was referring to Madison’s personal life, but Madison shook her head.

‘No, Helen, I won’t,’ Madison said firmly. ‘I’m so over relationships it’s not funny. However…’ She forced a smile, forced herself to take yet another painful step forward. ‘I learnt a lot from Guy. I have been way too wrapped up in providing a stable future. Now I’m going to concentrate on me—and Emily, too, of course…’

‘Hey,’ Helen broke in. ‘You don’t have to justify yourself to me. I know that Emily comes first.’

‘She does.’ Madison nodded. ‘And for that reason she needs a mum who’s got a life. A full and happy life. A mum who goes out every now and then, who has friends dropping by and is happy in her work. I’m actually thinking of resigning from being NUM.’

‘Really? I thought you loved it.’

‘I love the pay and I love the hours, but if I have to sit through another meeting trying to shave more money from the linen budget or working out how to reduce the agency nurse bill, I think I’ll go crazy. I want to nurse, I want to be out there doing what I’m trained for, and I honestly think I’ll be happier for it. I’ve no idea how I’m going to juggle the shift work, but—’

‘I’ve been thinking about going full time,’ Helen
broke in. ‘There’s a couple of full-time vacancies on the surgical ward for day staff. All these trips to the beauty parlor, clothes and sexy underwear are setting me back a fortune. Now Richard’s at school I want my life back, and nursing’s a big part of it.’

‘Me, too,’ Madison agreed, a spark of hope flaring inside her.

‘We could help each other,’ Helen ventured slowly, neither woman wanting to push, neither woman wanting to burden the other, but both thinking exactly the same thing. ‘We could work out our rosters and help each other.’

‘We could,’ Madison said, blinking at a future that, despite the pain, suddenly looked brighter.

She was going to be OK.

‘Hey,’ Madison said, as both women sat grinning like Cheshire cats. ‘How about I ring that babysitting agency we’ve always talked about using and book someone very suitable for Emily and Richard some time next week? We can go out for a drink.’

‘And a movie.’ Helen grinned. ‘Something sizzling hot that no parent in their right mind would take a kid to see! We could book for the fancy bit of the movies where they bring you food and drinks.’

‘Sounds good.’ Standing up, Madison smoothed down her skirt and, pulling out her compact, put on a slick of lipstick. ‘Now, I’d better go and see Yvonne. I shouldn’t be too long. She just wants to run by me a couple of ideas she’s had.’

‘Take as long as you like,’ Helen said. Actually, why
don’t you just let Emily stay here tonight? Go home after you’ve seen Yvonne and have a big bath and an even bigger glass of wine.

‘A big cry, too,’ Helen added. ‘Get him out of your system.’

‘You’re sure?’ Madison asked, not sure she should be so pleased at the prospect of bawling her eyes out but infinitely grateful for Helen’s insight. The last couple of weeks had been torture, facing Guy at work, dealing with Emily at home, trying to function on a tank that was running on empty.

After kissing Emily goodbye and warning her to be good, Madison hauled herself into the car and braced herself for the prospect of facing Yvonne, of feigning excitement over the scholarship project. Why did everything feel such an effort these days? Even her usually immaculate car looked as if a whirlwind had hit it inside. Sand from the beach, lolly wrappers, Emily’s library book and a couple of toys littered the back seat. She really had to get her life back on track, really had to stop dwelling on the past and look to the future. But the secure future she’d longingly envisioned didn’t seem quite so appealing any more.

‘Thank you for coming, Madison.’

The perfect hostess, Yvonne took Madison’s jacket and ushered her through to the lounge, pouring her guest a drink before joining her on the sofa. ‘As I told you, I’ve been in touch with a couple of the AID agencies Gerard had been affiliated with and I’ve had some
very promising responses.’ She held out two letters to Madison, which she read in thoughtful silence, read about the devastating conditions people were enduring, the ray of hope that Gerard had offered. ‘These two centres in particular Gerard was extremely fond of. The first is an orphanage, mainly consisting of children who have lost their parents to AIDS and most of the children themselves are HIV positive. A doctor coming in regularly, bringing medication and regimes, would mean so much to their lives.’

‘It would,’ Madison agreed, tears filling her eyes as she stared at the enclosed photos, the gaunt, hopeless faces of the children looking back at her.

‘The other is a medical centre. Currently it has a doctor who visits for two days once every six months.’ She handed over some more photos, more painful than the last if that was possible. As Madison gazed at the pictures she took in the pregnant women lining up for their one chance at antenatal care, the supposed hospital beds filled with sick-looking patients who never even got to see a doctor but were tended by the locals and a couple of nurses, who were doing their best in what could only be described as the most appalling of conditions.

‘They’re both marvelous causes. I’m sure many doctors would love the opportunity to work at either of these places.’

‘Now I have to decide which one.’ Yvonne let out a strained sigh. ‘I’ve been going over and over in my mind which one Gerard would have chosen, but I think
even he would have had trouble making up his mind. What do you think, Madison?’

‘Me?’ Madison said helplessly.

‘You.’Yvonne nodded. ‘I’d really appreciate your input.’

And it was almost impossible because Madison knew that her input would count. Staring at the pictures, rereading the letters, she tried and failed to be objective. She was performing a nightmarish triage where more lives were at stake than she could even fathom.

‘I think,’ Madison whispered, overwhelmed by the responsibility, overwhelmed at even the prospect that her next words might have some influence, ‘it’s almost impossible to decide between the two when they’re both such desperate causes. These people all deserve medical care…’

‘Go on,’Yvonne said. ‘Tell me what you’re thinking.’

‘The clinic.’ Madison closed her eyes in regret, feeling personally responsible for those poor desperate children, scarcely able to believe she was turning her back on them. ‘Is there any way we could help both?’ she asked desperately.

‘No,’ Yvonne said regretfully. ‘Why do you think the clinic would be a more deserving choice?’ Seeing Madison tense, she rephrased her question. ‘Why do you think we should choose the clinic?’

‘Because we can do more good there,’ Madison tentatively replied. ‘Looking at the figures in the letters I’ve read, there’s a huge number of people with very limited medical help. A full-time doctor would change that,
would save hundreds, thousands of lives even. And as worthy as the other cause is, I think working in a hospital will be more of a draw card for us to recruit doctors.’

‘I agree,’ Yvonne said. ‘It’s not an easy choice, though, is it?’

‘It’s a terrible choice,’ Madison gulped. ‘But I’m trying hard to think what Gerard would have done. And I truly want us to utilize the resources wisely…’

‘For the greater good,’ Yvonne said fondly. ‘You’re exactly right. As much of a soft touch as he could be, as much as he adored children and would have loved to have helped every last one, at the end of the day he was a doctor and his mission was to save or improve as many lives as he could. I think expanding this clinic, making it into a hospital, would enable him to do that. Here, let me show you something.’

Pulling out a photo album, she began leafing through the pictures with Madison. Both women looked at the images of a much younger Gerard surrounded by a team of nurses, a tiny baby in his arms and a huge contented smile on his face. ‘He did have a huge soft spot for children and this way we’ll still be helping them. Those women you saw in the photo deserve antenatal care and help if anything goes wrong in delivery. Their babies deserve to have a doctor to treat them, to give vaccinations, all the things we take for granted.’

‘I know,’ Madison agreed, warming to her choice, seeing clearly for the first time the full scale of the impact that this scholarship programme might bring. ‘He
loved kids. The place could be full to the rafters, the waiting room and every trolley filled with patients, and Gerard would hear a child crying and stop what he was doing to find out why—ask us why on earth a child was being left in pain.’

‘That was Gerard.’ Yvonne nodded. ‘There aren’t too many doctors like him any more.’

‘Guy Boyd’s the same,’ Madison said unthinkingly, and it had nothing to do with the fact that she adored him. Quite simply she was speaking the truth, but clearly she’d said the wrong thing. The amicable conversation stilled and the atmosphere grew so tense suddenly it could have been cut with a knife.

‘Guy Boyd’s nothing like Gerard,’ Yvonne snarled. ‘Heatherton Hospital will be far better off without him. He’s a drifter—he never had any intention of staying on,’ Yvonne pointed out. ‘I’ve known Guy for a couple of years and I can’t say I’ve taken to him. He’s too irresponsible for words, drifting from one place to the next, just like his—’ Yvonne’s mouth snapped closed and as Madison turned a page of the photo album she knew why. Looking down at a photo, Madison stared into two very familiar hazel eyes, stared at fair hair flopping over Gerard’s forehead, took in the sculptured cheekbones and long straight nose, features she knew because they were etched on her heart. Only it had nothing to do with a boss she had admired, it had nothing in fact to do with Gerard Dalton. The face staring back at her was Guy’s.

A million scattered thoughts that had always been
there, just never acknowledged, aligned in an instant as the truth finally hit home.

That spark of recognition when she had first met him.