Nerd and the Marine (8 page)

“
I have other more
important things to file in the old brain. Why do I need to know
where the cups are when there are nerds here who can show me?” He
tried to swipe a finger under her chin. Lainy dodged him with
apparent long ago earned skill.

“
I suppose space would be
limited when your brain is only the size of a pea,” she agreed,
neatly side stepping him again. Mitch figured this must be a
brother.

“
So, how long are you
intending for Laurie and Greg and half the munchkin population to
inhabit my closet?” he asked, taking a long swallow of
water.

“
Mom and Dad will come
looking soon enough.” She shrugged and the man choked.

“
You’re going to wait for
Mom and Dad to let them out?” His voice sounded strangled. Like the
water had slid down the wrong pipes.

“
Absolutely.” Lainy offered
a serene smile.

The man started laughing about the
same time Mitch did. Only to be rudely shaken from laughter by a
bellow. “What's going on in here?” A tall man with pure white hair
and an erect back marched into the room. This man had been military
at one time. Mitch would stake his pension on it.

Lainy turned with a dazzlingly
innocent smile. “Nothing Granddad, right Will?” and she elbowed the
man he thought was her brother. Will didn't provide much help as he
bent double and his face turned an interesting shade of
purple.

Granddad would have to be deaf not to
hear the cacophony behind the locked closet door. The old guy
didn't appear to have that malady as he cleared the space in record
time and opened the door with a flourish. Three kids and four dogs
fell out.

Granddad rolled his eyes, not unlike
the teenager occupying the closet, and watched as more bodies
spilled from the space. His eyebrows rose when the older girl
exited, but she merely rose on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek and
offered a, “Thank you for freeing us, Granddad,” before making her
way to the kitchen.

It wasn't until Lainy's sister and her
husband sheepishly left the closet under the watchful eye of
Granddad that Mitch couldn't control the lip twitch anymore and
laughed. He didn't miss Granddad's mild comment though, “Lainy's
practicing population control again, I see.” Which set Mitch off
again. And brightened the cheeks of her sister and
brother-in-law.

“
Of course it was Lainy,
General. Who else locks us in the closet with the entire camp?”
Mitch noticed the younger man didn't seem daunted by the older man
at all.

“
Not the entire camp, just
a few kids and dogs,” Lainy protested and Laurie rolled her
eyes.

“
Right, Lainy. Just
remember, your turn is coming,” Laurie warned. Lainy's smile upped
in wattage about four fold.

“
I'm not worried,” Lainy
returned, not sounding repentant at all. “I was just doing my civic
duty and preventing yet another birth in the Colson household. I
mean, really, can't you guys keep your hands off each other for a
weekend?”

“
Apparently not,” General
Granddad intoned. “But that's not necessarily a bad thing,
either.”

“
Of course it's not, dear,”
another voice chimed in. The camera swerved to an elegant, white
haired woman.

“
Your granddaughter is up
to your tricks, Melody,” the man scolded.

The woman, who had to be Lainy's
grandmother, merely cocked an eyebrow and exchanged a secret smile
with Lainy.

She patted her perfect looking hair
and said, “Yes, love, I know. I've been teaching her everything I
know for years.” The woman took her husband's arm and tugged him
into the closet.

“
Since we don't have to
worry about altering the population now, why don't you come with
me?” she invited. The General's lips curled up into a masculine
smile as he followed her.

“
Want me to lock the door?”
Lainy's voice piped in impishly before the screen went
blank.

*****

To:
[email protected]

From:
[email protected]

Subject: Lainy's Detour
Routine

Hello Lainy,

I laughed through the
first video and before watching the next one, I had to send an
e-mail to you. Your brother must have been lurking in the shadows
during the time you did your civic duty and helped with population
control. Did Laurie and her husband really conceive all their
children in that closet?

Where did you get the idea
to start detouring kids and animals inside? I understand staying in
a romantic mood would be next to impossible with a bunch of kids
and dogs underfoot, but that was classic!

I'll probably have to
share this video with some of the guys. We have very little to
laugh about here, and this would suspend our reality for a little
while.

Your grandparents seem
pretty awesome. Are they your grandparents, or your parents? I
thought grandparents, but since the man opened the closet door, I
figured perhaps they were your parents? And you call them Grandmom
and Granddad because of the herd? Some clarification on that matter
would be appreciated.

I'm still laughing about
that video. By the way, do you do that routine with anyone who
enters the closet with members of the opposite sex? By the way,
your brother is a brilliant cameraman. I didn't feel dizzy or sick
or anything like that while viewing the family movie. (This cannot
be said about all family cameramen, sadly.)

I'm assuming Will is one
of your brothers? The one with the pea-sized brain (according to
you). He looked vaguely familiar, so I think I have a picture or
more of him, plunging into the lake. Would that be
correct?

It's a tough job, trying
to keep your 800 rellys straight.

Off to view more of these
Morrison Family Treasuries. Tell your brother I'm enjoying them.
He's welcome to send me more. Actually, scratch that. I'll tell him
myself, since I doubt you'll “remember” to pass that info on.

Yours,

Mitch

Before he hit the send button, though,
Al poked his head around the doorframe. “Yo, cookie boy, we got
another job. Leave at 1100 hours.”

“
Thanks, Al,” Mitch
muttered as his friend’s head disappeared and he fought the urge to
hurl something. He wanted to see the rest of his videos. Having
them and not being able to watch them was like owning a pirate’s
chest of gold but lacking the key to open the latch.

Sighing, he added a quick line about
being called out on another job before he shut down the computer
and threw a few things into a bag. Otherwise, the world might not
be safe and he couldn't bear the thought of Lainy in
danger.

Chapter Eleven

Lainy booted up her computer with
reluctance. Her head in a fog, and she'd forgotten to make coffee
the night before so it'd taken her close to fifteen minutes to
figure out a procedure that should have taken two. Bentley trailed
after her, looking droopy and half asleep and she wondered what
caffeine did to animals? Dogs specifically.

Disturbances during the night had kept
her awake. Or at least the feeling of being watched hadn’t aided
her slumber. Laser beams or some unfamiliar light had played over
her ceiling and bedroom walls. With the hunted feeling, her night
had not proved restful.

Bentley hadn’t barked, yet she’d still
managed a fretful night. Plus, when she’d signed onto her computer
yesterday, someone had tried to hack into her system. A nasty
virus, designed to fry a hacker’s computer, took care of the
problem, but now she’d need to update the firewall.

Lainy plunked into her desk chair but
couldn't think, so she leaned her head against the monitor until
Bentley barked. Surging to her feet, she searched for the fire but
then noticed Bentley waiting by the door. Well, propped against the
door. “We have to go to bed earlier, buddy,” she muttered to him
and he sent her a disgusted dog look.

She pried the door open after
remembering to unlock it and then trailed into the kitchen where
she finally smelled brewing coffee. With a lustful sigh, Lainy
poured a cup and even enjoyed the burning smell as the coffee
continued to drip onto the hot base. She shoved the carafe back
under the flow and sipped with delight. It was hot, and good. So
very good.

She floated back to the computer and
saw the icon for her e-mail. Bending over the keyboard, Lainy found
her mouse and clicked. Might as well check for messages. When the
server sent her messages and she saw one from Mitch, she was aware
enough to feel terror skitter down her spine.

Oh no
.

Family videos.

He'd probably seen them all by now and
she was certain she hadn't bothered to brush her hair. It didn't
matter on video whether she'd brushed her teeth, but brushing ones
hair now seemed important with insane brothers running around with
camcorders. Wondering if she should change her priorities while at
the lake, she clicked on Mitch's message.

She smiled. Ed had filmed her
detouring kids and animals into the closet with Laurie and Greg.
Not good to have on video, because now her deeds would be
undeniable, with the recorded evidence. So far no one had been able
to prove she was the culprit, but at least Ed hadn't sent videos of
ducks pooping.

Biting her lip, Lainy wondered how
ducks pooped, and then shook her head. Who cared? At least Mitch
had gotten a laugh out of the video, which was nice. He hadn't
commented on her unbrushed hair, so maybe it hadn't been all that
bad. Or maybe her sister's adage that most men never noticed a
woman's hair really did hold some truth.

She finished her coffee, then hit the
reply button.

To:
[email protected]

From:
[email protected]

Subject: re: Lainy's
Detour Routine

Hello Mitch,

I'm relieved to hear my
brother didn't send anything too terrible.
This time
. Of course, he could have
and you haven’t had time to view all the videos yet. I'd still
brace myself if I were you. There's really no telling what you'll
see.

He's nuts. This may or may
not come from trying to keep 800 relly's straight. Although the
rest of us seem fairly sane, so he could have inherited all the
insane genes. One never knows. ☺

I've been doing the detour
thing for as long as Laurie and Greg have been together, which has
been close to forever, I think. They conceived my niece, Destiny,
in that closet (when they were practically babies) well twenty and
seventeen, and haven't looked back. I always - and will continue to
- deny I've played any part in the detours. Most of the family
suspects and blames me, but none of them has ever been able to
prove my guilt. Until Ed, but since he's my insane brother, he’s
never been credible. Now he’s got proof on a family DVD, that’s
bad!

Unfortunately, there are
also eye witnesses, since you saw my grandparents, and yes, they
are grandparents. My folks weren't there that weekend.

My grandmother, in case
you didn't notice, is a lot like me. Or, I suppose I should say I'm
a lot like her. She's pretty good with electronics and would have
earned her electrical engineering degree, too, had that been an
option in her time. Instead she went into teaching and did quite
well. I do favor her in my looks and mannerisms. (Everyone says
because of this I'm Granddad's favorite, but I seriously doubt
that.)

The man in the kitchen
with me is my brother, Will. He's the oldest. A fact he likes to
spout frequently. (The rest of us pay no attention to him when he
does.) There’s lots of eye rolling and then someone tosses him into
the lake. Now that we've got Bentley, this isn't nearly as
difficult these days. Will weighs in at about two thirty, and most
of it isn't baby fat. (We have this family joke that when the men
need to lose weight, they claim it's baby fat, since my sisters,
cousins, aunts, and various other female rellys claim they get a
grace period after having a baby to lose weight. Since it is baby
fat, they figure the fat will eventually melt off. The men have
picked up on this “excuse” and use it to extremes.) ☺ More eye
rolling.

My family birth order is
as follows: Will, Ed, Melly, Laurie, Max, Me, Tom, Dory. We're all
close, and we've more first cousins than I care to admit. Most of
them are part of at least four kid families. The largest is ten.
Yes, an aunt beat my parents. Of course, the two sets of twins
threw their numbers. Or so they claim. Eight pregnancies, ten
kids.

Bentley's at the door
wanting back in and I need at least another two cups of coffee.
Forgot to make it last night. Thought I'd never figure out how to
start the machine this morning.

I might forgo work and go
back to bed. Isn't that a perk of being self-employed? So what if
my brother's company needs this software, right? I'm ahead of
schedule anyway. There, see, I talked myself into going back to
bed, and Bentley will like that idea. He's dragging, too. We're a
winning pair, I'll tell you.