Never Marry a Stranger (5 page)

“No, you did not,” she said firmly. “Both courtships only just happened this summer, and once decided upon, the weddings were rather hastily done.”

She was wearing a quirky little smile, as if she
thought the antics of his cousins amusing. He could understand Christopher’s marriage—he needed a duchess, after all. But Daniel? He was a womanizer of the first order. Matthew had thought Daniel would be the last one of all the cousins, male or female, to marry.

He found himself stopping beneath a tree on high ground. Spread below was a large pond, and beyond it the ruins of the old castle, home of generations of dukes, and earls before that. Emily stepped away from him, gazing into the distance.

“I love this view,” she said quietly. “The ruins are so romantic.”

Then she glanced at him from beneath her lashes almost provocatively.

“Oh, do not think I mean to tease you,” she continued. “For your benefit, I am trying to censor everything I say or think, but I don’t always succeed.”

Matthew considered her with amazement. Last night she hadn’t tried to run, hadn’t tried to explain what she was doing here. And with this flirting, it was apparent that she meant to stay here and be his wife—in every way? What woman dared such a thing? And why?

He lightly grasped her upper arms, then slid his hands down to clasp hers. “I understand more than you might realize. I have to censor much of what
I say, too, for my family’s sake.”
And yours
, he thought, wanting to smile.

“I noticed that at breakfast,” she admitted.

He raised his eyebrows.

“Oh, just that you seemed to be weighing what you said,” she quickly added. “You think it would be too difficult for your family to hear the truth about how you suffered.”

He shrugged. “But not difficult for you?”

She lifted her chin. “I am your wife.”

So brazen. He studied her, thinking about their conversation. He realized that when he’d asked her what she’d been doing since coming out of mourning, she deliberately sidetracked him into a discussion of his family. What didn’t she want to discuss?

He rocked back on his heels for a moment. “Keeping quiet any suffering I experienced is not my only reason for speaking carefully. I told you at breakfast—didn’t I?” he added, trying to sound concerned.

She stared up at him solemnly. “The toast, of course. And all the normal things you fear you’ve forgotten. How can I help you?”

A warm feeling of satisfaction moved through him. “I feel embarrassed to even ask. I don’t know you—”

“But I know you,” she said with earnest conviction. “Let me help.”

“Then teach me.” He gripped her hands even tighter as they stared at each other.

She blinked up at him in surprise. “What…?”

“Teach me what I cannot remember, about our life together, and about the simple things I used to do so regularly but that have disappeared from my mind.”

Her face full of compassion, she said quietly, “I would be proud to.”

Proud?
God, she was good at this masquerade. It was easy to believe every word she spoke. Whatever doubts she had, she’d squelched.

“What should I do?” she continued.

He gave a rueful grin. “There are so many holes in my memory that it’s hard to know where to begin. I guess one of the problems, as we walk these paths, is that I cannot remember the layout of the park beyond the gardens. I should be able to see it in my head, for I explored every inch of it growing up. But it’s just…gone.” He shook his head. “It would be embarrassing if I got lost on a ride and had to be led back by a shepherd.”

She smiled. “It makes an interesting image. Of course I’ll be glad to ride with you until you’re familiar with the park.”

They stood close together, holding hands, looking out over a view she’d deemed “romantic.” To his surprise, she lifted his hand to her cheek, simply holding it there. He felt unsteady, as the arousal that
simmered all morning burst into flame. Her skin was so warm, so soft. An overwhelming ache of need moved through him.

He leaned down and kissed her, light as a butterfly, simply feeling the sweet softness of her lips against his. He could have deepened the kiss, he knew, but something stopped him. Her cheek was warm against his palm, and he brought his other hand up so he could cup her face. He was surprised that even though this might be the most innocent kiss of his life, he wanted it to go on.

But he lifted his head and looked down at her, seeing how flushed her face was, how her breathing was quick and uneven. Whatever the reasons for her masquerade, he did not think she was faking her response. Or did he just want to assume himself irresistible? he wondered wryly.

And then she put her arms around him and held him tight. “Oh, Matthew, this seems too wonderful to be real. Yesterday at this time I was still a widow, learning how to live my life alone, and today…” She gave a long sigh. “…I feel complete again.”

He rubbed her back, amused that he almost felt awkward. He wanted to be rubbing her in other places. Her smooth hair teased his neck; her breasts, lush and well rounded, were a further torment. But he could be patient. He still had so much to learn about her.

“I should get back to the house to meet with my father,” he said reluctantly. “What are you doing today?”

She lingered within the circle of his arms, looking up at him, smiling so broadly that her eyes sparkled. “I was planning to go into the village, but that was before your return.”

“Perhaps we could go riding after luncheon.”

“Of course, Matthew.”

“Allow me to escort you back to the house.”

“That would be lovely.”

Looking at her smile, he felt almost dizzy, as if she were able to create a new reality for both of them just by sheer will.

When Matthew left her for Professor Leland’s study, Emily stood on the terrace, watching him go. He walked with smooth control, back straight, broad shoulders squared. He was a soldier, of course, and that had shaped him for the last several years.

Could she continue to get away with this charade? Already he seemed to feel more at ease with her. And then there was the attraction between them. She wasn’t going to resist it, and apparently neither was he. Would he forget the questions and doubts she glimpsed lingering in his eyes? She didn’t need to love him—that wasn’t important to her. Security
was. Yet…Susanna had security, and she wasn’t happy.

But Susanna had never known what it was like to have no security at all.

It would be interesting to see what Matthew thought he should do to help his sister—and how he would overcome Susanna’s objections.

She remembered that moment of intimate connection with him as they’d stood above the ruins, his warm, callused palms on her face, without gloves to separate them. He’d kissed her with tenderness. For just a moment she’d let herself forget what she was. He did that to her so easily, as he tried to scale the wall she kept between herself and everyone else. And now he’d asked her to help him remember parts of his life. She almost laughed, which would have made her look crazy, standing alone on the terrace, the autumn wind tugging at her hair. She went inside and passed through the drawing room.

“Emily!” Susanna, dressed in the usual practical navy gown that she wore in the laboratory, hurried down a corridor. As she slid to a stop, she pushed her spectacles up with one finger. “Well?”

“Well what?” Emily asked.

Susanna rolled her eyes. “I did not have a chance to speak with you this morning, but I thought, with Matthew’s return, already you seem so much happier.”

Emily had held Matthew’s sisters as distant from her as she could at first, afraid of hurting them. But gradually they’d burrowed their way into her heart, each for different reasons. Susanna was a self-educated woman, and had encouraged Emily to follow her own thirst for knowledge. Rebecca, though only a few years younger, was on a path to marriage, single-mindedly guided by her mother, yet she always made Emily feel a part of everything she was doing.

Now, Emily took Susanna’s hand. “I am truly happy, my dear. Your brother is alive and returned to his family. But we are…starting over. I am a stranger to him, and yet to me, he is my husband.”

“He will fall in love with you again,” Susanna said with conviction. “How could he not?”

He
would
love her, Emily thought fiercely. She would make it happen, and then he would be bound to her. “I will have to trust in his love, I guess.”

“You can help him remember the woman you are. Show him your work in the village. He will be proud of you.”

Emily shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. “As I told Matthew, I cannot leave the house just yet. It would seem…wrong. I’ll send word that I hope to be in Comberton tomorrow.”

“I still think you should show him the life you’ve built for yourself.”

“I will, I promise. But for now, I think I will remain nearby.”

Susanna smiled. “In case he needs you. Oh, Emily, he will need you again, I just know it.”

Emily smiled. If only she would be lucky enough for that to happen. But she kept remembering the article in the newspaper mentioning her name—and the other wife Matthew didn’t remember. Right now too many things stood in her way. But she would overcome them.

S
ince Matthew’s father wasn’t the master of the household, his study was in his suite of rooms in the family wing of Madingley Court. He also worked in a laboratory created for him in the servants’ wing, when he wasn’t lecturing or researching at Cambridge University.

Matthew knocked on the study door, and after opening it at Professor Leland’s call, was surprised to find that both his parents were there. Of course, he should have expected their curiosity and eagerness to talk with him. The professor sat behind his desk, while Lady Rosa was reading in a chair near the windows. They both stood up as he entered, and the joy in their faces pleased him.

Lady Rosa took his arm and led him to a chair near hers, and Professor Leland came around the desk to join them. For a while they talked in general of the state of their large family, the new scandals, the marriages, land in which his father had invested.

Matthew brought up his new contacts in India as well as exciting investments he wanted to work on with Professor Leland. “Even the railway,” he said. “There are so many opportunities, and it is an exciting time for England.”

The professor blinked at him. “You’ve never mentioned such an interest, Matthew.”

“I know, and I was wrong. I didn’t really know what I wanted, and I was trying not to be a disappointment to you.”

“You could never be that to us!” Lady Rosa said, looking stunned.

“Yes, I could have, but I held it all inside, feeling like I was going to burst from the pressure. Now I feel ready to do as I wish. And these new investments, these new industries, excite me.”

She put a hesitant hand on his arm. “But Matthew, these enterprises are well and good for other people, but they are not exactly within the realm of a gentleman.”

He patted her hand. “Mother, I promise you that I will be circumspect in my business dealings, but I cannot let myself be held back by what others think of me. Frankly, I no longer care.”

Her mouth fell open, yet nothing came out.

“I know this is very different for me,” he said, looking to Professor Leland for approval.

The professor only nodded. “Go on. I’m very encouraged by your interest in our future.”

“I used to be so concerned with the present, with being so careful, with always doing what Society expected of me.”

“And what is wrong with that?” Lady Rosa asked in a bewildered voice.

“Nothing, Mother—except it wasn’t me. I was hiding everything I was inside, pleasing everyone else, but not myself. I always wanted excitement and adventure, to be free of constraints.”

“But you never said any of this, son,” Professor Leland said slowly.

“I know I didn’t, and that’s my own fault. My service in India opened my eyes to how stilted I’d been, living my life. I was trying so hard to be perfect, without scandal, just like my cousin Christopher spent his adulthood. But really…” He leaned forward and took both their hands, concerned about hurting them. “I wanted to be just like Daniel, to be my own man. I’ve become that person these last two years. I’ve been making my own decisions, and accepting the consequences.”

For a moment he felt the pain of some of those decisions, but he let it go. It was in the past.

Lady Rosa’s lips tightened. “Daniel has hurt this family’s reputation since you’ve been gone. This past summer he made a wager with an innocent young girl, and it became very public.”

“Is this the one he married?” Matthew asked, trying not to smile.

His mother sighed. “She is. And she’s a wonderful girl.”

“And she’s been good for him,” the professor added. “He’s found his music again, Matthew, and all because of his wife.”

“Then I guess his decisions made him happy.” Matthew focused on Lady Rosa. “Can you be happy for me, Mother? Let me do as I wish, and trust me enough to know I can make everything work out?”

When she nodded, and Professor Leland gave him a grin, Matthew told himself that it was as if he now had their permission to handle this situation with Emily as he saw fit. And if that was a bit of an exaggeration, he would live with it.

They discussed the men interested in Rebecca, and when Lady Rosa noticeably avoided the subject where Susanna was concerned, Matthew spoke up.

“About Susanna,” he began. “There is a dinner tonight, and she refuses to attend? Is this normal?”

“It did not used to be so,” Lady Rosa said tightly, “but I guess you are not the only person who wants to do as he wishes.”

He smiled. “Susanna is strong-willed. But Emily is worried about her.”

“As are we all,” Lady Rosa continued, “but she wants me to give up persuading her, so I have.”

“I’m not ready to do that. Has anything in particular happened to make her more reclusive?”

Lady Rosa sighed. “If so, she will not tell me. But she used to at least try to socialize and be friendly, but now, more and more, she spends all her time in the laboratory.”

Matthew waited for Lady Rosa to throw an accusing glance the professor’s way, but to his surprise, she didn’t.

“She feels like herself there,” Professor Leland said quietly. “We did not want to take that away from her.”

The “we” was so shocking to hear that Matthew almost forgot what they were discussing. What had brought about this thaw in his parents’ relationship?

But he reminded himself that they were talking about Susanna. “I think I can help her. I want to persuade her to attend tonight’s dinner with us, and to guide her into seeing that she can be herself, yet still find her future within the
ton
. Do I have your permission?”

“Permission?” Lady Rosa said, throwing her hands wide. “I would take any help you offered. Perhaps she would try to be happy, for your sake. She’s missed you so.”

He wondered if his “death” had been part of what harmed her, and it made him feel ill inside. He would have to make things better. Emily’s challenge to him was the right thing to do.

It was amazing, he thought wryly, that a woman
whose life was based on a lie seemed to be able to make good choices—sometimes. She was an intriguing mix of contrasts.

Lady Rosa cleared her throat. “Your behavior is so normal, Matthew. It is hard to believe you’re having…problems.”

“Mental problems?” he said, grinning. “And is it all that normal to want to change everything about myself?”

“Not everything,” Professor Leland said. “You are still the same good man as when you left.”

If he felt a twinge at that, it was small and easily ignored.

“This must be so difficult for you,” Lady Rosa said at last, reaching out to touch his arm.

“You mean Emily?” Matthew asked, looking out the window.

Professor Leland cleared his throat. “You have absolutely no memory of her?”

“None, although she says I rescued her at sea. I do remember a boating accident, but it’s vague.”

“Ah, such a shame to lose the memory of your first six months together,” the professor continued, shaking his head. “I am so sorry, Matthew. And I have little to tell you, because poor Emily was so traumatized by your death that whenever we brought up the subject of your time in India together, she would burst into tears.”

He looked between them with interest, but remained silent.

“She was so sick and thin,” Lady Rosa added, wringing her hands. “For many months I truly feared for her. You see, she was robbed in Southampton when she returned from India, and without payment, her seasick maid left her. Poor Emily had been all alone for many days before arriving here.”

“We did receive a letter from the vicar who married you,” the professor said.

Matthew straightened with interest. “What was his name?” he asked, hoping to match it to the marriage license he’d found.

His parents glanced at each other, then both shook their heads.

“I don’t remember,” Professor Leland said.

“I’m sure I have the letter in my chambers,” Lady Rosa added.

“What did it say?” Matthew asked.

“Only that we should expect Emily soon,” she said, “that she’d married you before you left the country, and was in India with you until you feared that your assignment would prove too dangerous for her to be with you.” She blushed. “I remember it so well, because I was so shocked and grateful to meet the woman you’d chosen.”

“The letter said nothing else?” he asked, hoping for some kind of clue.

She shook her head. “No, my dearest. And does it really matter? You and Emily are together again.”

Matthew took a deep breath, feeling a twinge of guilt. But he wasn’t the one who started this charade. “Emily tells me you spent most of your time here at Madingley Court when you were in mourning. But after that?”

“The girls and I went off to London,” Lady Rosa said with forced brightness. “They are young, and had their lives to live. I hope you understand…”

“Of course I do, Mother. Did Emily enjoy Society?” Matthew asked.

She frowned and glanced at her husband. “I had a terrible time making her leave Madingley Court. She’d never been to London for a Season, and was worried she would embarrass us. She kept calling herself a country girl. She was appalled at the abundance of clothing I wanted to buy for her, and refused everything but the barest necessary.”

Professor Leland said, “She even tried to refuse the allowance we offered her, though it came from your inheritance.”

“She took it at last,” Lady Rosa said, “but I know she mostly uses it for her causes in the village.”

So much for Emily having a monetary motive, Matthew thought with surprise. “Causes?”

“Oh, let her show you all of her good works. You’ll be so proud!”

Matthew sank back in his chair, knowing that
questioning his parents further would be useless. They only had praise for Emily, and seemed to love her as a daughter. How had she succeeded in swaying his entire family? But then again, he already knew the lure of her sweet personality, the way she could make a person focus only on her.

At least he had places to begin his research, from her parish vicar to her “causes” in the village. Maybe she had another reason for spending so much time in Comberton. A lover perhaps?

Yet her sweet kiss haunted him. He realized he wanted her to be an innocent, which hardly made him objective.

Matthew couldn’t find Emily.

He told himself it was a large mansion and she could be anywhere. He looked for her in all the main public rooms, from the conservatory to the library to the great hall. It wasn’t until he was outside the dining room with his parents before luncheon that she arrived with Susanna.

Emily gave him a sunny smile, those blue eyes studying him as if she needed to know everything about him. Well, of course she did. And he didn’t mind being studied. He enjoyed her attentions.

He asked, “And what have you been doing this morning, Emily?”

“She was with me in the laboratory,” Susanna said.

Matthew glanced at his parents, who both deliberately looked away. He tried not to smile. “And do you sketch, too, Emily? I thought you told me you were not a true artist.”

“Oh, she doesn’t sketch,” Susanna said matter-of-factly. “She studies.”

He looked between them, watching the blush that suffused Emily’s cheeks.

“I know it is not quite the thing for a young lady to do,” Emily began slowly, “but I am fascinated with learning, and the professor’s knowledge is impressive.”

“You’re
studying anatomy,” Matthew said.

“It’s a shame Emily cannot attend university,” Professor Leland said cheerfully. “She would be an excellent student.”

Lady Rosa rolled her eyes. “This isn’t helping, Randolph.”

Matthew wasn’t surprised by Emily’s intellect. But he’d thought they had an agreement to help Susanna change her behavior and become a happier person.

Hamilton, the butler, rounded the corner and came to a stop as he saw the family talking outside the dining room. Behind him, Matthew saw Reggie, and a young man, tall and blond, his gaze fixed eagerly on Emily.

After a moment, Matthew recognized him: Peter Derby. He’d grown up in a neighboring manor, the
youngest son of a squire, and had spent much time at Madingley Court. Peter had even been tutored with them—he and his cousins—since the Derby family could not afford more than a governess. He was intelligent, and when only his older brother had been allowed to attend Eton, Peter’s disappointment made him work even harder to educate himself.

To Matthew’s surprise, his parents gave him a swift, almost guilty look.

Peter grinned at Emily, who stiffened.

“Mr. Derby has arrived,” Hamilton said, speaking to Matthew’s parents. “Forgive me for not realizing that luncheon was being served.”

“I can return at a later time,” Peter said, not taking his eyes off Emily.

“But you will wish to be here, Mr. Derby,” Emily said. “Did you not see the
Times
today?”

“I’ve been out riding.”

At last he lifted his gaze to the rest of the family. When he saw Matthew, his smile disappeared as abruptly as a candle flame in a sudden wind. Matthew, being no fool, realized why. Reggie looked from one of them to the other, and frowned as he obviously controlled his amusement.

Peter had become Emily’s suitor. Was he one of her “causes” in the village? Matthew felt an unfamiliar tightening in his stomach, and told himself it couldn’t be possessiveness—could it?