Never Never: Part Three (Never Never #3) (6 page)

I nod. “I know.”

She brings her thumb up to her mouth for a second. Then, “So if this isn’t happening to us because of other people…what could it be?”

I can feel the muscles in my neck tighten. I bring my hands up behind my head and look up at the sky. “Something bigger?”

“What’s bigger? The universe?
God
? Is this the beginning of the apocalypse?” She stands up and paces back and forth in front of me. “Do you think we even believed in God? Before this happened to us?”

“I have no idea. But I’ve prayed more in the last few days than I probably have in my entire life.” I stand up and grab her hand, pulling her in the direction of the car. “I want to know everything your father said. Let’s head back and you can write down everything he told you while I drive.”

She slides her fingers through mine and walks back to the car with me. When we return, Janette is leaning against the passenger door. She’s glaring at both of us. “So you seriously can’t remember anything? Either of you?” Her attention is focused solely on Charlie now.

I motion for her and Landon to sit in the backseat this time. I open the driver door as Charlie responds to her. “No. We can’t. And I swear I’m not making this up for kicks, Janette. I don’t know what kind of sister I’ve been to you, but I
swear
I wouldn’t make this up.”

Janette eyes Charlie for a moment and then says, “You’ve been a really
shitty
sister the last couple of years. But I guess if everything Landon just told me is true and you really can’t remember anything, then that explains why not a single one of you dick faces has told me happy birthday today.” She opens the door to the back seat, climbs inside, and then slams it.

“Ouch,” Charlie says.

“Yeah,” I agree. “You forgot your little sister’s
birthday
? That’s pretty selfish of you, Charlie.”

She slaps me playfully in the chest. I grab her hand, and I swear there’s a moment that passes between us. A single second where she looks at me like she can feel what she once felt for me.

But then she blinks, pulls her hand from mine, and climbs in the car.

It’s not really my fault that the universe is punishing me.
Us.

Silas and me.

I keep forgetting that Silas is screwed too, which probably means I’m a narcissist. 
Great.
 I think about the sister in the car with me who is having a really shitty birthday. And the half-sister who lives in my old house with her psychotic mother, who, according to my journals, I’ve been torturing for a decade. I am a bad person, and an even worse sister.

Do I even
want
to get my memories back?

I stare out the window and watch as we pass all of the other stupid cars. I don’t have any memories, but I can at least make sure Janette has some of this day.

“Hey, Silas,” I say. “Can you put something into that fancy GPS for me?”

“Yeah,” he says. “Like what?”

I don’t know the girl in the back seat at all. She could be super into role-play video games for all I know. “An arcade,” I say.

I see Landon and Janette perk up in the backseat. 
Yes! 
I congratulate myself. All pubescent humans like video games. It’s a thing.

“Kind of a weird time to want to go play games,” Silas says. “Don’t you think we should—”

“I think we should play games,” I interrupt. “Because it’s Janette’s birthday.” I make my eyes really wide so he understands this isn’t up for discussion. He makes an “O” face and gives me a really lame thumbs up. Charlie hates thumbs up, I can tell by her body’s immediate reaction to it.

Silas finds an arcade not far from where we are. When we get there, he pulls out his wallet and digs around until he finds a credit card.

Janette makes eyes at me, like she’s embarrassed, but I shrug. I barely even know this guy. What does it matter that he’s spending his money on us? Besides, I don’t have any money. My father lost it all and Silas’s father still has some, so it’s fine.
Not
only am I a narcissist; I’m also good at justification
.

We carry our tokens in paper cups, and as soon as we’re inside the arcade, Janette and Landon walk off to do their own thing.
Together
. I make eyes at Silas and mouth 
see.

“Come on,” Silas says. “Let’s get some pizza. Let the kids play.”

He winks at me, and I try not to smile.

We find a table to wait for our pizza, and I slide into a booth, wrapping my arms around my knees. “Silas,” I say. “What if this keeps happening to us? This endless loop of forgetting. What will we do?”

“I don’t know,” he says. “Find each other over and over. It’s not that bad, right?”

I glance over at him to see if he’s joking.

It isn’t that bad. But the situation is. “Who wants to spend their life not knowing who they are?”

“I could spend every day getting to know you all over again, Charlie, and I don’t think I’d get sick of it.”

Heat climbs up my body and I quickly look away. That’s my go-to with Silas: 
don’t look at him, don’t look at him, don’t look at him.

“You’re dumb,” I say. But he’s not dumb. He’s a romantic and his words are powerful. Charlie isn’t, I can tell. But she wants to be—I can tell that too. She desperately wants Silas to show her it’s not all a lie. There’s a pull inside of her every time she looks at him. It feels like a tugging, and I want to brush it away every time it happens.

I sigh and rip open a sugar packet, emptying the powder onto the table. Being a teenager is exhausting. Silas silently watches me draw patterns in the sugar until he finally grabs my hand.

“We’ll figure it out,” he assures me. “We’re on the right track.”

I dust my hands on my pants. “Okay.” Even though I know we aren’t on any track. We’re just as lost as we were when we woke up in the hotel today.

I’m also a liar.
A narcissist, a justifier, a liar.

Janette and Landon find us just as the pizza arrives. They slide into our booth, rosy cheeked and laughing. In the entire day I’ve known Janette, I’ve never even seen her come close to laughter. I hate Charlie’s father more right now. For screwing up a teenage girl.
Two
teenage girls if I count myself. Well…
three
, now that I know about Cora.

I watch Janette bite into her pizza. It doesn’t have to be this way. If I could just come out of this…
thing
…I could take care of her. Be better. For both of us.

“Charlie,” she says, setting down her slice. “Will you come play with me?”

I smile. “Yeah, of course.”

She beams at me and my heart suddenly feels so big and full. When I look over at Silas, he’s staring at me, glassy eyed. The corner of his mouth lifts in a small smile.

It’s dark when we pull into Charlie and Janette’s driveway. There’s an awkward moment where I should probably walk Charlie to the door, but based on the way Landon and Janette have been flirting in the back seat, I don’t know how all four of us are supposed to do this at the same time.

Janette opens her door, and then Landon opens his, so Charlie and I wait in the car.

“They’re exchanging numbers,” she says, watching them. “How cute.”

We sit in silence watching them flirt until Janette disappears inside the house.

“Our turn,” Charlie says, opening her door.

I walk slowly with her up the sidewalk, hoping her mother doesn’t see me here. I don’t have the energy to deal with that woman tonight. I feel bad that Charlie’s about to have to do just that.

She’s wringing her hands together nervously. I know she’s stalling because she doesn’t want me to leave her alone tonight. Every single memory she has consists of me and her. “What time is it?” she asks.

I pull my phone out of my pocket to check. “It’s after ten.”

She nods and then glances behind her at the house. “I hope my mother is asleep,” she says. And then, “Silas…”

I interrupt whatever she’s about to say. “Charlie, I don’t think we should split up tonight.”

Her eyes meet mine again. She looks relieved. I’m the only person she knows, after all. The last thing we probably need right now is to be distracted by people we don’t know. “Good. I was just about to suggest that.”

I nudge my head to the door behind her. “We need to make it look like you’re home, though. Go inside. Make like you’re going to bed. I’ll go drop Landon off at my house and then come back to get you in an hour.”

She nods. “I’ll meet you at the end of the road,” she says. “Where do you think we should stay tonight?”

I think about that. It’s probably best if we stay at my house, so we can see if there’s anything we missed in my room that might help us. “I’ll sneak you upstairs to my bedroom. We have a lot to go over tonight.”

Charlie’s eyes drop to the ground. “Upstairs?” she says curiously. She inhales a slow breath, and I can hear the air sliding through her clenched teeth. “Silas?” She lifts her eyes to mine, and they’re narrowed. She has an accusatory look about her and I have no idea what I’ve done to provoke this look. “You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?”

I tilt my head, not sure if I heard her right. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve been noticing things.
Little
things,” she says.

I can feel the descent of my heart.
What did I say?
“Charlie…I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”

She takes a step back. Her hand covers her mouth for a moment, and then she points at me. “How do you know your bedroom is upstairs when you haven’t even been to your house yet?”

Shit.
I did say upstairs.

Shaking her head, she adds, “And you made a comment earlier at the prison. About how you’ve prayed a lot in the last few days, but we’re both only supposed to remember
today
. And this morning…when I told you my name was Delilah? I could see you trying not to smile. Because you knew I was lying.” Her voice begins to falter between suspicious and scared. I hold up a reassuring palm, but she backs another step closer to the house.

This is a problem. I’m not sure I know how to respond to her. I don’t like knowing that she would rather run inside a house that terrified her five minutes ago than be standing near me.
Why did I lie to her this morning?

“Charlie. Please don’t be scared of me.” I can tell it’s already too late.

She darts for her front door, so I lunge forward and wrap my arms around her, pulling her against my chest. She starts to scream, so I cover her mouth with my hand. “Calm down,” I say against her ear. “I won’t hurt you.” The last thing I need is for her not to trust me. She grabs my arm with both hands, trying to free herself from my grasp. “You’re right. Charlie, you’re right. I lied to you. But if you’ll calm down for two seconds, I’ll explain why.”

She lifts a leg while I’m still holding on to her from behind. She presses her foot against the house and kicks as hard as she can, sending both of us tumbling backward. I lose my grip on her and she begins to crawl away from me, but I’m able to grab her again and push her onto her back. She’s looking up at me wide-eyed, but she isn’t screaming this time. My hands are pressing her arms against the ground.

“
Stop
it,” I tell her.

“Why did you lie?” she cries. “Why are you pretending this happened to you too?” She struggles some more, so I tighten my hold.

“I’m not pretending, Charlie! I’ve been forgetting, just like you have. But it didn’t happen to me today. I don’t know why. But I can only remember the last two days, that’s it. I swear.” I look her in the eyes and she holds my stare. She’s still mildly struggling, but I can tell she also wants to hear my explanation. “I didn’t want you to be afraid of me this morning, so I pretended it happened again. But I swear, up until this morning, it’s been happening to both of us.”

She stops struggling and just lets her head fall to the side. She closes her eyes, completely exhausted. Emotionally
and
physically. “Why is this happening,” she whispers in defeat.

“I don’t know, Charlie,” I say, releasing one of her arms. “I don’t know.” I brush her hair out of her face. “I’m about to let go of you. I’m going to stand up and get in my car. After I drop Landon off, I’ll come back for you, okay?”