Never Say Goodbye (Rebel Walking #6) (10 page)

I slide inside as she's coming down from the last one.  She closes her eyes and rolls her head back as I enter her. 
Damn, she's so tight
.

Moving slowly, I make this about pleasing her.  I don't rush any of it, and in doing so, it becomes so sensual.  This is new to me.  It's a strange feeling, but a great one.  We're both covered in sweat and exhausted when I finish. 

Falling on top of her, I lie there and feel the brush of her fingers over my back, cooling me off with every swipe  We lay like that for a couple of minutes before I roll off of her and pull her in to my side.

"We were supposed to talk about this before it happened again."  I need to start this conversation with her soon.

"Talking is overrated."

"I need to know that we're goo here."

"We are.  I love what we have together."

"Me, too."

"Just don't complicate things and we'll take it as it goes.  I know we're not exclusive, and you do, too, but that doesn't mean that we have to throw it in each other’s faces if we do anything."

"I agree."

Chapter Thirteen

Lilly

Last night with Luke was incredible.  It's hard not to feel more for him than he's willing to give, but I get it.  He's not there yet.  Maybe time will allow for that, maybe not.

Knowing we have a few days of break after tonight's performance makes me want to make an early trip home.  I can see my mom and spend some quality time with her before I have to leave out again.  I mention it to Luke and of course he wants to go with me. 

He finally gets my drift when I put my foot down that I just want to go home alone.  He's not happy about it, but he lets me go.

The drive back to Springfield is long and gives me plenty of time to think about things.  I really care about Luke, but he's not ready to be anything more than friends.  I can't self destruct during all of this.  There's a lot riding on us with the band, and besides that, he has no idea how I feel.  It's probably best he doesn't know just how much I care about him. 

I finally pull into the driveway of my mom's house.  She knew I was coming home tonight and is supposed to be waiting up for me. 

She greets me at the door with welcoming arms and a huge hug.  I spend hours telling her about our journey and I even tell her what went on with Luke and Garrett.  My mom has always been there for me.  She knows everything and I know she'd never judge me as harshly as I judge myself.

Her words don't cheer me up, but they make huge strides in me understanding my strengths and weaknesses.  I need to find myself before I try to find someone for me.  Luke is a great friend, and someone I'll always care about, but beyond that we have nothing at this point.  Yes, we crossed the line over friendship and it was fantastic, but our love for each other is a different kind of love.  When he settles, it'll be a with different kind of woman—one that yanks him out of his world and leaves him speechless. 

It's been two days since I messaged anyone.  I need to let everyone know that I'm safe.  Telling my mom goodnight, I lock myself in my old room to respond to them.

Lilly:  I'm at my mom's.  I'm safe. 

Luke:  Glad you made it ok.

Lilly:  I'll see you in two days.

Luke:  Definitely.

Falling asleep almost instantly helps me get through the night.  I'm exhausted which is obvious when I sleep ‘til almost noon the next day.

Luke

We hit Springfield and I just want to see her.  I know she said she needs time, but shit, she's had four days to herself.  It's time for Luke time.  She needs Luke time as much as I need Lilly time.  You can't go from spending all that time together to not seeing each other for days upon days.

Tonight is our big bash at Smitty's.  She promised to be there for it, but I'm going to go by and get her before I go. 

Pulling in to her driveway, I feel relieved.  It's time to make sure she's refreshed and ready to hit the rest of the tour.  I ring the doorbell and wait.

"Hey, Luke.  Come on in.  She's upstairs."  Lilly's mom is used to seeing me.  Our evenings often consist of her inviting both of us over for dinner.  I take the steps two at a time until I'm at her door.  It's open enough for me to see her doing her hair.  I shove through the door and make myself at home on her bed.

"So, you staying at your mom’s for a reason?"

"Just wanted to."

"Are you about ready for tonight?"

"Almost."

"Good, because I want to get there in time for a beer or two."

"That sounds good."  I watch her finish getting ready.  This has become a normal thing, and that should be weird to me, but it's not.

"I'll drive tonight since I'll probably only have one beer."  She insists on driving and I let her.  Maybe this'll mean that we can go home together after the show.  We have some catching up to do.

We arrive at Smitty's to a crowd of people ready to party with us.  We always fill this place and it's amazing to come back to where it all began.  Smitty helped us get started and we'll always play favorites when it comes to playing here.  He wants us monthly, so he gets us monthly.

Talon and Eaven show up right after Taron and Ivy.  Our usual table is blocked off just for us, so we gather around to shoot the shit.

"Lilly, if you ever fucking do that again...."

"I know.  I know."

"You had us worried."  Eaven and Ivy enclose her in a hug together.  The bartender brings us a round of beer and it's great that everything is back to normal. 

"I just needed some me time.  It's no big deal.  Where's Miss Heaven tonight?"

"The grandmas are fighting over her," Ivy is quick to respond and Taron busts out in laughter. 

"It must be terrible to have so many people who love her."  Lilly moves over to talk to the girls, leaving me with the guys.  Our group time is cut short by the fans that begin to fill our area. 

At home, the fans know Talon and Taron are taken.  I usually get all of the attention.  Knowing this, I move to sit with Lilly.  I really don't want to deal with anyone tonight.  Tonight is all about her.   

Before the show, I take the stage for a special announcement.  I tap the mic to get everyone's attention.  This is a whole different experience, being alone in the spotlight.  I feel naked without my guitar strapped over my shoulder.

"Could I have your attention, please?"  All the voices in the crowd grow quiet and I proceed to help Ivy with her special message.

"Ivy Adams would you report for duty?"  She moves to the stage quickly.  It's so great to be able to help her with this.

"Um.   Taron Walker, can you please join me?"  She pauses while he moves to the stage. 

"Please get on your knee.  We're doing this right."  Taron does just as she asks.

"Taron Walker.  I love you.  You have proven your love to me over and over.  You gave me the best gift in the world and I hope to spend forever with you.  It's taken me longer to come to this conclusion than it did you.  I love that you have the patience to deal with a woman like me.  There aren't many out there who do, but there aren't any others out there that I want to spend my forever with.  I have a present for you."

She moves her right hand in front of his face to show off her new tattoo.  He grabs her hand and jumps up to lift her off the ground in a hug.  He dives in to kiss her and the two of them quickly become a hot public display of affection.  He finally carries her offstage and they disappear for some time. 

From the look of it, Eaven and I were the only ones who were in on Ivy's secret today.  This night quickly turns into an engagement party for another set of Walkers.

We take the stage almost an hour later than scheduled and the show is longer than usual.  We decide to encore Lilly's song tonight and it's a huge success.  The slow tempo and soft spoken lyrics has everyone falling for it in the first verse.  She says we wrote it together, but in all reality she did most of it.  I named it and came up with the chorus, but the rest is her doing.

We make a break for the door soon after the show ends. 

"Stay the night with me."

"Luke, I can't."

"Not like that.  We'll just hang out and catch up.  I promise I won’t lay a hand on you unless you want me to."  I might have just jumped the gun on that last sentence.  I plan to have a special night with her and somehow not rush into anything. 

Chapter Fourteen

Luke

We both sit in her car and she waits a little bit before starting it.  I watch her face light up as I run my hand over her thigh.  I've missed her, and she has to know how I feel about her by now.  The void in my soul has filled now that we're back.  The tightness in my chest and sucky days without her have lifted and I can't wait for us to catch up on lost time. I need her in my life, she's always there for me and I've gotten used to seeing her every day.  We just click as friends, and who knows if one day we'll be more than that to each other. 

"What do you think you're doing?"  Her smile does something to me.  She deserves to smile every day.

"Just getting comfortable."  I lean back in my seat and adjust my lap belt, never moving my hand from her leg in the process.  She slides her hand over mine and pulls out onto the highway. 

My house is only about five miles from here, and I'm glad this'll be a short trip.  I'd like to feel her against me again. 

"So, did you miss me?"  I begin to tease her, hoping she admits to it. 

"Oh yeah.  You know I did." 

"What did you miss most?"

"Your killer guitar skills for sure."

"Ah.  That's all I'm worth to ya!  I see how you are."  She turns to look at me.  The lights shine on her face and I can see an expression that says so much more.  The look in her eye speaks volumes, and I'm not going to lie, it feels good to see her look at me like that. 

We hold the look a little longer before I notice the lights getting brighter on her face.  I glance forward and see headlights aiming right in our direction.  Yelling at her to watch out pulls her attention back to the road. 

Everything begins to move in slow motion.  I watch her grab the wheel with both hands and try to divert the car, but it's too late.  The impact is vicious.  I'll never forget the feeling of the air bag exploding and the seatbelt restricting my movement forward. 

We begin to spin, and the next thing I remember is the music blaring and everything else going completely quiet.  I open my eyes after…I'm not sure how long…and slide my hand over to feel for her.  I turn my head in search of her and realize the severity of the situation very quickly.  Her leg is covered in blood and her face looks terrified.  I move to unbuckle my seatbelt and fight the airbag in the process.  I can tell my body is injured, but my adrenaline has taken over.

I reach for her only to find my worst nightmare is coming true.  She runs her hand over her stomach, filling it with blood before she starts to cry.  Her eyes are pleading with me to save her and there's nothing I can do.  There's blood everywhere.

Listening to the sirens coming near, I pull up in my seat to hold her.  There isn't much room to maneuver, but I do the best I can.  I guide her face to look at me.  She finds my eyes and we both cry.

"Lilly.  I'm sorry I never told you how much I love you.  You have to hang on.  The ambulance is on its way and they'll help you."  Her eyes fill with tears and she leans forward placing her lips on mine.  The only thing I can do is kiss her soft lips and pray to God that she's not taken from me. 

We stay like this for what seems like a few minutes, yet only seconds at the same time.  I pull away to look at her when her face begins to rest on mine.  She takes one last breath and my life crashes before my eyes.  I continue to hold her as my screams echo over the sounds surrounding us.

My tears blind me as I try to take in her face while I have a chance.  I notice the metal in her stomach and begin to scream even louder in hysterics. 
What the fuck is happening?
  

The medics rush to the scene and begin to talk to me.  I don't even know what they're saying to me, but I just tell them to save her. 

"Save her.  That's all I need.  Save her.  Don't worry about me.  Save her.  Please God, save her." 

"Sir, we need you to cooperate so we can get to her."  Placing one more kiss to her forehead, I let them remove me from the car. 

Everything is numb.  I feel nothing. 

I hear nothing. 

I smell nothing, 

I see nothing.

They begin strapping me to the gurney in every possible way.  There's even a neck brace, which I'm sure I don't need, but I don't care.  They can't possibly fix what hurts most.  There is no brace or surgery that can repair what's happened tonight. 

The ambulance ride to the hospital is rushed and the medics seem to be moving around me quite a bit.  Their voices make noise, but not sense.  I begin to nod off in hopes of waking up from this nightmare. 

Waking up in this much pain should be illegal.  I move my head, trying to see who the sobbing is coming from.  Eaven has her legs tucked up in a chair, crying her eyes out.  She's as devastated as I feel, and it worries me.  My fear is that what I remember is what truly happened.  I don't want to hear that Lilly is gone forever.  How am I supposed to care about anything if that's the case? 

"Hey, you.  You're awake."  Ev's words are soft and her voice is restricted. 

"Yeah."  That's all I've got.  There isn't any other conversation left in me.  I listen to the sound of the nurse moving around me, taking my vitals and talking chart bullshit.  Talon comes into the room and whispers to Eaven, and they both wrap each other up for a hug and proceed to cry even more.  I know what this means. 

She's gone.

I listen to Eaven break down and a little more of me dies with each cry that slips out of her mouth.  The pain in her sobs can only be matched with the pain I'm feeling inside.