New Leaf (20 page)

The next forty minutes of waiting for Sarah seemed like the longest of Taffeta’s life. Rigid with nerves, she clung to Barney’s hand, wondering when she’d come to count on him so much. Grace nodded off in her chair. Taffeta leaned closer to her husband.

“I’m so scared,” she whispered. “If she screams and shrinks away from me again, I think I’ll die.”

He untangled their fingers and slipped his arm around her. “I don’t think Grace or Cameron would have said it will be all right unless they believe it will be. Take a deep breath and try to relax.”

Taffeta did as he said, but her body remained taut with tension. She jerked when she heard the front door open. A second later, Sarah entered the room. At first glance, Taffeta thought the child looked adorable in a pink top and jeans. Her curly dark hair bounced on her shoulders with every step she took. But then, with mind-numbing shock, Taffeta noticed not only how much older Sarah was, but also that the little girl had a rhinestone stud in her nose and gaudy, dangling earrings in her pierced ears, and wore makeup, her eyelids smeared with dark liner, her cheeks slashed with too much blush, and her lips stained with bright red lipstick.

If not for Barney’s firm hold on Taffeta, she might have toppled off the sofa. Pain lanced into her heart. She had anticipated that this first meeting with her daughter would hurt. She had missed out on two years of Sarah’s life. There were storybooks that she would never be able to read to Sarah because they were no longer age-appropriate for her. Taffeta had missed out on watching the child learn to draw her first letters, listening to her bedtime prayers, taking her to the zoo and the park, and—well, the sense of loss that Taffeta felt was indescribable. But never in her wildest imaginings had Taffeta expected to see her child wearing garish makeup, earrings, and a nose stud.

She sent Cameron a horrified look. He lifted his hands in that helpless gesture again. Now Taffeta understood what he’d meant when he said that Sarah’s exposure to unsavory individuals had impacted her in a negative way.

Sarah ran straight to Grace, who had awakened. The frail older woman opened her arms, and the child gave her grandmother a careful hug. Even so, Grace winced.

“Shit, Grammy. I’m sorry.” Sarah drew back. “No matter how hard I try not to hurt you, I always fuck it up.”

Again, Taffeta wobbled on the sofa cushion and was grateful for Barney’s grasp on her arm. Where had Sarah learned words like that? She was only five. And why, oh, why were Grace and Cameron pretending she hadn’t said them?

“You have some very special visitors,” Grace said
to the child. “Did your grandpa tell you about them?”

“Yes.” Sarah turned toward Taffeta, but her gaze halted on Barney. She stared at him for what seemed like an endless moment. Then her face went pale, the only color left because of the heavily applied cosmetics. Beginning to tremble, she cried, “A cop! What’s he doing here? Make him go! Now! I don’t like cops! They take daddies and mommies away to jail and leave little girls all alone with no food!”

Taffeta felt Barney stiffen. Then he pushed to his feet. Taffeta grabbed hold of his shirtsleeve. “Barney, no.” Only even as Taffeta uttered the words, she could see by her daughter’s reaction that his leaving might be the only option, at least for now. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Barney gave her hand a squeeze. “I’ll take a drive. Don’t shorten your visit on my account. I’ll be fine. Call me when you’re ready to leave, and I’ll pick you up.”

Sarah ran to her grandfather and cowered behind his legs as Barney crossed the room toward the archway into the foyer. “I can see myself out,” he said over his shoulder. “Cameron, Grace, it was a pleasure to meet both of you.”

The sound of the front door closing echoed through the large house, yet Sarah still trembled like an aspen leaf in a brisk breeze. Cameron scooped the child up into his arms and sat on the sofa with her.

“Cops aren’t bad people,” he gently assured his granddaughter. “In fact, they’re our friends. When
we need help, we can call for them, and they always come.”

Sarah shook her head. “
No
. They’re
mean
. My daddy said. He told me to hide under a blanket on the floorboard if I ever saw a cop. He said the cops would take him away to jail and leave me all alone in the car forever and ever without any food or water.”

Taffeta’s stomach dropped.
Of course
. Sarah’s terror of lawmen suddenly made perfect sense. Phillip had frequently left the child unattended in vehicles. In order to avoid any legal ramifications for endangering his child, he’d told her wild stories to make her so terrified of the police that she would hide from them.

In a faint voice, Grace said, “We’ll have plenty of time later to discuss whether policemen are our friends or our enemies, Sarah, but for now, Deputy Sterling is gone, you have nothing to be afraid of, and someone who loves you very much is here to see you.”

Sarah finally looked at Taffeta. “Hi,” the child said.

“Hi.” Taffeta tried to smile. She wanted to leap up and scoop her daughter into her arms. Instead she just drank in the sight of her.
Beautiful, so beautiful
. How long had it been since she touched her little girl? Her fingertips ached to feel her silken curls and satiny skin. And, oh, how she yearned to take her to the bathroom and scrub all that goop off her face. “That’s a very pretty outfit.”

“Thank you. Grammy says the color pops on
me.” Sarah shifted on her grandfather’s knee. “She wouldn’t buy me the outfits I really wanted, though. She said they were sneezy.”

“Sleazy,” Grace gently corrected. “Getups like those are worn by women with no taste in fashion and are inappropriate for little girls.”

Sarah shrugged and cast her grandmother a snide glance. “Whatever, Grammy. You’re an old lady and don’t know what looks sexy.”

“Sarah!”
Taffeta wanted to bite her tongue the instant she spoke. Scolding the child now, when Sarah barely remembered Taffeta, if she even remembered her at all, might get the two of them off on the wrong foot. Nevertheless, Cameron and Grace apparently weren’t giving the little girl guidance, and Taffeta couldn’t let such rudeness go unaddressed. “Your grammy loves you very much, and she deserves to be spoken to with respect.”

“You aren’t my boss,” Sarah popped back.

“No, I’m not,” Taffeta agreed. “But I do want to be your good friend, and a good friend always speaks up when somebody is making a mistake. I think you may have hurt Grammy’s feelings.”

Sarah gazed thoughtfully at Grace. “I’m sorry, Grammy. Did I hurt your feelings?”

Grace nodded. “No lady likes to be told that she’s old. And I’m actually not. I’m a pretty young lady trapped in an old woman’s body. I’m also very good at choosing clothing that enhances one’s appearance.”

Taffeta noted that Grace didn’t talk down to Sarah or avoid the use of big words. Just as the
speech of Phillip’s friends had rubbed off on Sarah, so had some of Grace Gentry’s sophistication. Sarah didn’t talk like any five-year-old that Taffeta had ever met—not that she’d known all that many.

“It’s true, Sarah,” Taffeta inserted. “When I first met your daddy, I had no idea how to dress properly. Your grandmother took me shopping, and every time I reached for something that wouldn’t look good on me, she’d slap my hand.”

Sarah giggled. “Nuh-uh.” She flashed a questioning glance at Grace. “Did you really slap my mommy’s hand?”

Grace smiled. “Maybe a time or two, and only in a joking way. Her taste in clothing was abysmally poor.”

Sarah dimpled a cheek at Taffeta. “How come you hang out with cops?”

Taffeta wasn’t certain how to answer. She definitely felt it would be unwise to mention that she was married to Barney, at least for right now. She chose to reply, “I don’t normally keep company with cops. But that particular law officer is a wonderful person, and he’s my very close friend.”

Sarah wrinkled her nose. “Well, don’t bring the asshole around me again. I don’t like him.”

Taffeta had to clench her teeth to stop herself from scolding Sarah for using bad language. On the one hand, she understood that children parroted the adults around them and couldn’t be blamed for using foul words if they had heard them constantly. But it was still difficult to hear her little girl talk that way.

In that moment, Taffeta wished she had Phillip’s dick clenched in a Vise-Grip.
He
was the guilty one.
He
had allowed people with filthy mouths to be around their daughter. What had he been thinking to allow the child to get her nose pierced? As the sole custodial parent, he’d surely had to grant permission in writing for the procedure to be done. Taffeta didn’t mind the pierced ears so much. The gaudy silver fans that swung from Sarah’s earlobes could be replaced with tasteful gold studs.

A wave of sadness washed over Taffeta. Oh, how she missed Barney. He’d been so instrumental in making this visit today possible; it didn’t seem right that he couldn’t be here, and without witnessing Sarah’s behavior himself, he wouldn’t be able to give Taffeta any advice on how to deal with the situation.

It struck Taffeta then that she’d come to count on Barney in ways that she’d never thought she might. He had become far more than merely her lover; he was the best friend she’d ever had.

Cameron quirked an eyebrow and gave Grace a meaningful look. Grace nodded slightly and said, “Sarah, come over here and tell me about your day at school. I think your grandfather would like a private moment with your mother.”

Taffeta stood and followed her former father-in-law from the living room and across the foyer to his office. The room, opulently appointed with built-in cherry bookcases that surrounded a desk nearly as large as a tumbling mat, hadn’t changed since she saw it last. Cameron sat in a
leather chair behind the desk. Taffeta sat across from him.

She had no idea what Cameron wished to talk with her about, but judging by his expression, she knew it would be a serious conversation about Sarah.

He folded his arms on the desk and leaned toward her. “Now you know what we’re up against with our granddaughter. She has a filthy mouth. When Phillip dumped her off here, the clothing she had with her—well, it was downright shocking. He allowed his girlfriends to dress her, and she looked like a five-year-old hooker. Her belly button was infected from wearing a navel ring that she didn’t clean properly. I had to take her in to a doctor. He removed the ring, told Sarah it would make her sick if she wore it, and tossed it in the trash.”

Taffeta sat back in her chair. “I’m shocked, too, Cameron.” She paused. “Please don’t take this as criticism, but I haven’t heard either you or Grace correct Sarah when she speaks or behaves inappropriately.”

He sighed and briefly closed his eyes before meeting Taffeta’s gaze again. “It’s hard for us. Sarah was exposed to things no child should ever see. She saw me giving myself an insulin shot, and she asked if I was shooting up. I was so upset to have her think that I do drugs. You just can’t imagine.”

Taffeta’s stomach lurched. “I didn’t know that you’re diabetic.”

“Recently diagnosed. Grace isn’t the only one with health problems. Hers are just worse than mine. But that’s beside the point. Sarah flinches if we gesture with our hands. She jumps if we startle her by speaking too loudly.” His eyes filled with indescribable sadness. “God forgive me. I want to strangle my son. And I’m not just mouthing off, Taffeta. If I could get my hands around his throat, I don’t think I could stop squeezing. When Sarah left us, she was a sweet, precious little angel. Now she’s defiant. She smears makeup on her face even though we’ve both told her not to. Her friends at school want nothing to do with her now.”

Taffeta reached across the desk to lay her hand over one of his. “I know Sarah has been through hell, Cameron, but if you ignore her bad behavior, it will only grow worse. She attends a private Christian school. The mothers of the other little girls don’t allow them to wear makeup or use foul language. Most of them are only
five
!”

“What am I supposed to do, spank her? I think she’s been pounded on enough.”

Taffeta tightened her grip on his fingers. “There are other forms of punishment. Take things away from her. Don’t let her watch TV for an evening. Remove her favorite storybooks from her room.”

“She has moved way beyond storybooks. Phillip bought her an iPad, and she surfs the Net or plays games to entertain herself.”

“
What?
Sarah is too young to be surfing the Net,
Cameron. Have you set up parental controls on the device?”

He gave her a hopeless look. “I didn’t even know I could. I use computers all the time, but for me, they’re a tool, not things I know how to fiddle with.” With a shake of his head, he added, “One night I caught her watching male strippers.”

“Dear God.” Taffeta surged to her feet and paced in half circles around the chair. “I know how to fix the settings on her device. If you’ll let me, I’ll install parental controls and protect them with a password so Sarah can’t figure out how to turn them off.”

“She’ll throw a fit.”

“Let her.” Anger turned Taffeta’s blood hot. If Cameron ever got his hands on Phillip’s throat, she would happily help strangle her ex-husband. “You’ve got to get her under control. Phillip has done immeasurable damage, and you and Grace are the only adults in Sarah’s life who can help her get back on the right track.”

“We don’t want to be mean and make her hate us. She has been through enough.”

Taffeta stopped pacing and met Cameron’s gaze dead-on. “I understand that Phillip has put you in an intolerable position. Grandparents are supposed to be able to spoil their grandchildren. It shouldn’t be your job to mete out discipline. I would take over if I could, but that isn’t possible just yet. You and Grace are my daughter’s only hope.”

Cameron rested his forehead on the heels of his
hands. “Maybe Phillip is such a mess because Grace and I were horrible parents.”

Unable to swallow back the sound, Taffeta groaned. “You and Grace were
not
horrible parents. You were loving and attentive and fully engaged with your son. If you guys had a fault, it was being too generous. But that isn’t what made Phillip what he is today.”