NextMoves (9 page)

As if on cue, Jocelyn entered the front door. She kissed
each hello and just when her smile hit her eyes, she saw the package and
slumped. “Oh no, Tommy’s parcel.” Her voice was a whisper, her eyes closed in
apparent frustration. “We’ll finish it after dinner. I’ll send it out
tomorrow.”

The oven timer beeped and they sat down to eat. “This is
excellent,” Jocelyn said. “What did you do differently, Kylie?”

“Nothing. It was Jared. He added some stuff. And it’s really
good.”

“You can cook too?”

Jared gave her a big, toothy smile. “I’m a catch, what can I
say?”

After dinner, they worked together to finish the care
package. The quiet rhythm of family life tugged at Jared’s heart and filled the
hole Joci’s absences had created. Here was where he wanted to be—in the throes
of lust and the tranquility of routine.

“You want to tell me what’s going on, babe?” Jared asked
after Kylie went to bed. His fingers stroked her cheek. “Why are you avoiding
me?”

“I’m not. There’s just too much work right now.”

“Why don’t you quit? You said your job no longer fits.”

“The Chamber betrayal undid over a decade of my blood, sweat
and tears. I can’t—I won’t—lose that. I’ve got to fix it before I go anywhere.”

He heard words she didn’t say. She wasn’t ready to leave
Madison even if he had to. “So this is about your own ego.” The anger was
getting away from him, leaking into his words.

“No, it’s just something I need to do.” Her gaze focused on
his cheekbones, unable to meet his look.

You can’t avoid me that easily.
He gripped her arms,
forced her eyes back to his. “So if you can’t restore the school budget, you’ll
keep working in a place that doesn’t value you, rather than build a life with
me?” As much as he was in love with Joci—and he was in love with her—his work
defined him, was part of his soul.

“It won’t come to that. I’ll raise the money.”

“At what cost? You seem to be throwing us to the wayside to
do it.” He would consider staying in Madison, but not as one item on Joci’s
to-do list.

“Trust me. Please.”

“Give me something, anything to hold on to.”

She put her arms around his waist and pressed kisses against
his throat. “Hold on to me. Trust what’s in my heart.”

His body relaxed against those soft curves. Tension eased
out of his bones as she continued fluttering kisses up his neck, across his
chin. Passion replaced it. He possessed her with his kiss, made his ownership
clear. His heart nearly burst with her acceptance of it. “Upstairs.”

He had her naked, splayed on the bed, open and waiting. A
private playground offered up for pleasure. His. Alone. He was going to play,
hard. Brand her with his touch. Own every inch of her until she had no choice
but to follow him.

Her taste filled his mouth, her scent, his nose as he kissed
and licked every part of her. Starting with the right foot, his mouth explored
up the calf, nibbling the thigh and belly. Stopping at her breast, he suckled
and nipped until the peak darkened to a ruby red, eliciting unending moans and
whispered, “so, so goods” as she arched into him, greedy for more. Continuing
his journey, he let himself drown in her kiss before making sure her left side
received equal erotic attention. He finished at his favorite place, her pussy,
all dewed up and ready, and lapped himself drunk on the honeyed taste of her.
Her groans and writhing fueled his hunger, made him insatiable. After she came,
she insisted on having her turn.

On his back, he lay there and let her have all of him. Her
mouth claimed every inch of skin on his body, trumpeting her ownership of him
as completely as he did for her. When she sucked his cock into that warm mouth
of hers, he gave himself over to the bliss of it. Her tongue stroking him sent
blinding pulses racing down his spine, pooling at the base, and urged him to
release. He wanted inside her, for every part of her to make claim on his body.
He pulled her up to meet her face-to-face, fastened his lips to hers and
entered her very tight, very greedy channel.

They made love with their bodies and lips intertwined,
clutching each other desperately as if they both feared they were breaking
apart. As their climaxes overtook them, they groaned through the kiss, neither
willing to let any connection go.

Still holding each other, Jocelyn lay her head against
Jared’s shoulder. “God, what you do to me, Jared,” she uttered, still
breathless.

“It’s mutual, babe.” He threaded his fingers through her
hair, forcing her to look at him. “No more three-week separations, Joci.”

She cupped his cheek. “I missed you too.”

As Jared drifted to sleep, he realized that she had not made
him any promises. For now, he would take her on faith, wait and see what
happened next. They really did not fully have this trust thing down, either of
them. He might be in love her but he wouldn’t accept another Cara. He needed to
be a priority in his woman’s life, not the one who waited in the shadows.

Jared parked his car at the French Kitchen, the finest
restaurant in Madison. Early for his date with Jocelyn, he strolled down Main
Street, window-shopping along the darkened storefronts. He hadn’t seen her in
two weeks. She’d canceled two other dates but tried to keep in more regular
touch.

In the corner of his eye, he caught her in the window of
Carousel, leaning in toward a good-looking, thirty-something man he vaguely
remembered from the Sunday-night meeting at her house a month or so ago. Her
hand pressed lightly on his arm as their conversation grew more intense. Even
from a distance, he could see the determined set of Jocelyn’s jaw.

The she-mine caveman part of him surfaced with a roar. It
took every ounce of control not to go in and drag her out over his shoulder. He
jogged around the block to give the adrenaline flooding his bloodstream
something else to do other than give in to his
beat-up-the-man-touching-my-woman instinct. He knew the encounter was innocent,
Joci was clearly in a fighting stance, but his patience was wearing thin. Here
he was waiting, watching from a distance while she worked. Again. Another lap
to keep the demons at bay then he headed into the restaurant and ordered a
bottle of wine.

He had downed a glass by the time she arrived. He stood to
welcome her with a kiss and hold the chair for her to sit down. “Hey, babe,” he
whispered in her ear before he returned to his seat.

“A glass of wine waiting for me. What a perfect way to start
a date.” The smile she gave him made his heart skip a beat—part pleasure, part
pain.

“All part of the five-star service.” His gaze drank her in.
Her usual hair knot had been undone so her locks swung freely against her
shoulders, lipstick refreshed and another button opened to better display her
cleavage. The jealousy he barely contained earlier shot through his system with
a vengeance. “Sexy new look. Is it for me or the guy at Carousel?”

Her jaw hit her knees. Hurt flickered in her eyes but was
soon replaced by anger. “Jealous much, Jared? I did this for you, after my
meeting ended. I thought you would like it.”

“It’s hard to know what to think. You seem to have time for
everyone but me these days.”

“I’m doing this for us, for Madison. I’ve raised almost all
the money. It’s almost over.” She glowered at him, frustration and fatigue
showing in the white lines radiating from her eyes and mouth. With a sigh, she
traced her finger gently along his lower lip.

He pushed her hand away. “You’re doing this for you, so you
don’t have to fully let me in. The harsh truth is we don’t need this job.
You
want me to keep it.”

“It’s not just me, Jared. Madison needs you too—needs this
level of commitment to all of its children.”

“Madison will go on just fine without Jocelyn Wade. You may
feel burdened by your obligations but you’re also unwilling to let them go.”

She leaned back in her chair, lines furrowed across her brow
as if she were trying to process everything he said. “It’s not easy.”

“Since when did hard scare you?”

“You may be right. It’s been a demanding couple of months.
For now, how can I make amends so we can enjoy the evening? A whip, handcuffs,
restraints? You can choose the punishment. I’m at your mercy.” Her grin
promised he wouldn’t regret a second of it.

“All three might be enough to get you out the hole you just
dug…maybe.” Despite his best efforts he couldn’t suppress the grin tugging at
his lips at the thought of her in handcuffs. But he wanted more than her body.
“You don’t have to do this alone, Joci. Your brother can shoulder more
interaction with your dad. You can delegate some fundraising to your
staff—guilt is driving you to do it all. Let me help with Kylie. She likes me,
you know.”

Her return smile never reached her eyes.

When he took her home, he made love to her with a
desperation he could not let out any other way. He wasn’t sure she could let go
of the life she created for herself and the crumbs she left him were just not
enough. Love alone did not make a relationship, that took work. Joci seemed to
give that to everyone but him.

* * * * *

Over the next weeks, things continued to deteriorate. The
one date they snuck into Jocelyn’s fundraising and meeting schedule was
interrupted by six phone calls, two from work and four from her dad. The one
thing going well was the girls’ soccer team. The Blaze made it to the state
championships, a rare victory for a new team. He watched Joci put it in her
calendar.

The day the championship game arrived, Jared had not heard
from Jocelyn in a few days. He was warming up the team on the field when he saw
Alan Wade wave to him and Kylie from the bleachers.

“It’s nice to see your grandfather here to watch the game,”
Jared said to Kylie when she ran up to him after he called his team back to
him.

“Mom asked him to bring me home. She had some major meeting
and couldn’t make it today. Oh, that reminds me, she asked me to give you
this.” Kylie took a small white envelope out of the pocket of her warm-up
jacket. “It’s pretty special. Mom’s never given this to anyone outside the
family before.”

He took the note, turning it over in his hands.
She’s not
coming.
White-hot anger bubbled through his gut, scorched through his chest
and threatened to spill out all over the field. He channeled every ounce of
control he owned into not ripping the thing to shreds. Not with Kylie there.
Shoving it in his pocket, he pushed his hair off his face in sheer frustration.
She noticed.

“You didn’t know Mom wasn’t coming? I’m sure she tried to
call. You probably have a message. Coach, Mom always has a really good reason
when she misses something.”

He gave her all the smile he was capable of giving right
now, which wasn’t much of one. “Thanks, Kylie. Let’s focus on the game. We have
the state championship to win.”

Jared’s hands shook with anger, he felt the pulse in his
temple. An image of him standing alone at Coach Mal’s funeral, Cara at some
meeting, not at his side, came blazing into focus. His life repeating itself.
This was the last straw. He would not go through it again. Anger washed over
him until he was drowning in it. He deserved a woman who wanted to build a life
with him, not around him.

A hand tapped his shoulder. “Coach, it’s the national
anthem. You have to stand up.” Sheer habit had him rise and he caught the faces
of his team, flushed in excitement, fear, nerves and eagerness, just as they
should be. He pulled it together for them. They deserved his best and he would
deliver.

The Blaze played hard. When Kylie snuck behind the defender
and slipped the ball into the goal with seconds to spare at the end of the
game, the crowd screamed so loud he was sure the next town over could hear
them. And he cheered the loudest, his heart bursting with a father’s pride.
Damn, he was screwed up. He had not just fallen in love with Joci, but the
whole dream of a family. Somewhere along the line, the idea of raising Kylie as
his own daughter had crept into his heart. Now he felt that heart breaking into
pieces and this time he wasn’t so sure he’d ever be able to put it back
together again.

Where the hell was Joci and what was she doing that was so
damn important that she missed this, without even talking it through with him?
That was the crux of it. It wasn’t that she wasn’t here—it wasn’t really about
the time. She sidelined him in all her decisions—didn’t let him in to the real
part of her life. That he could not accept.

He turned his phone off after seeing Joci’s name flash
across the screen, too angry to talk to her now. He’d just coached a first-year
team to the state championships—a rare and precious achievement. They should
have been celebrating tonight. Instead he was going home to drown himself in a
bottle of scotch. Sometimes life just sucked.

* * * * *

A full moon shone bright against the cool night sky. Jocelyn
sat on her porch, a glass of red wine in her hand, the bottle at her feet.
Funny how the liquid did nothing to fill the emptiness inside. She had not
planned on missing the game. It had been scheduled on her calendar for weeks,
just in case the team won. With the fundraising deadline only days away, Glenda
Frederickson offered her the opportunity to double the amount of money she
could raise. If she could pitch her case to Glenda’s software association meeting
scheduled at the same time as the game. She had to do it. In those two hours,
she fixed everything—the school budget, her integrity, Jared’s job. Didn’t she?

But Jared had not returned any of her calls, froze her out
entirely. That had been as unexpected as the tears threatening to spill onto
her cheeks. The last time she cried was at her mother’s funeral. This wasn’t
over, it couldn’t be. If he wouldn’t take her calls, she’d confront him
directly.

The next day, Jocelyn sat cross-legged in Len’s office,
drinking black coffee. “Here it is, Len, a half million dollars raised through
business donations, double what I promised. Fortunately, enough local
businesses were appalled with the board’s decision to retract our prior
commitments, and weren’t touched by the closure of Health Corp. Our economy is
much more diverse and stronger than we all realized.”

“That’s probably thanks to you, Jocelyn. I don’t know how to
thank you for this.”

She brushed off the compliment. “Just promise this will save
Jared’s job.”

“I promise, Jocelyn. I didn’t want to lose that program or
Jared. He’s been a godsend to this town.”

Jocelyn nodded, unable to speak with the lump of pain caught
in her throat. Excusing herself, she headed to Jared’s office to hash this out
only to discover he had not been to work all day. Since he was not taking her
calls, the only thing left to do was to go directly to his house. She jumped in
her car, turned the engine on and had no idea where he lived. He’d always come
to her. Didn’t that speak volumes about their relationship? Pain mixed with a
healthy dose of guilt churned through her bloodstream. Another part to the
apology she needed to deliver.

First she needed to get there. A few phone calls later and
she pulled up in front of a one-story brick house with a neatly trimmed
postage-stamp-sized yard. The flower gardens were weeded, the front porch swept
and the windows scrubbed clean. His Jeep sparkled from a recent washing. Jared
had always worked hard and that philosophy flowed throughout his life.

After gulping in a few deep breaths, she rang his bell. The
door opened quickly, as if it had been tugged. Bleary eyes, a day’s beard
growth and the scowl on his face marred his chiseled features and added salt to
the wounds that pain and guilt had slashed through her.

She wanted to touch him, to smooth away the ache she saw in
his eyes, but the set line of his jaw deterred her. In silence, she followed
him to his living room and took a seat on a plush purple couch nestled cozily
in front of a working fireplace. An image of them naked, warming themselves
here on cold winter nights, drinking hot spiced wine between long, wet
toe-tingling kisses came as naturally as breathing. The strained look on his
face and his rigid posture chased the vision away.

“I’m getting a beer, you?”

Jocelyn nodded. Holding something in her hands might help
steady the trembling. Waiting, she glanced around the house, as tidy inside as
it was outside. A freshly vacuumed rug, books stacked neatly in the built-in
bookshelves, photos of past teams on the fireplace mantel and across the walls.
No family portraits.

He handed her the beer, put two coasters on the coffee table
and sat on the far end of the adjacent love seat. The distance between them was
an arctic blast. His gaze fastened on to her, he waited for her to speak.

She sipped the beer to give her a moment to collect her
thoughts. “I’m not sure how to start.”

“Why did you miss the game?” His surly tone scored an arrow
into her heart and tightened her throat.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, Jared. I had the chance to earn
double the money for the schools in one meeting. Then I could be with you.
Don’t you see? I did it for us. Your job’s safe.” Why did he not understand she
put him first?

“You really don’t get it, do you, babe?” he asked quietly.

Her hand tightened on the beer bottle. “What don’t I get?”

“What you did doesn’t upset me. It’s how you did it. I found
out you weren’t coming from Kylie.”

“That’s where the trust comes in. You have to believe I had
our best interests in mind.”

“Damn it, that’s the problem, Joci.” He slammed his beer
bottle on the table, spilling the amber liquid. She’d really hurt him. Jared
was always so controlled.

“We’re supposed to be in a relationship. That means we
decide what’s in our best interest together. Not you, deciding alone like you
always do. If you can’t see that, babe, this just can’t work.” He looked
defeated, worn.

She didn’t want to lose him. She worked so hard to keep him
here with her. “So you’re giving up? Damn you, Jared, I thought you were a fighter,
but you’re not. You’re just like everyone else, you pick up and run when things
get hard and messy. You want a home, a relationship—you have to build it, brick
by brick, tear by tear, smile by smile, argument by argument.”

“I fight when something’s worth fighting for.”

That slapped her so hard she was sure she’d look in a mirror
and see the hand print. “I guess I’m not worth it then.”

He expelled a breath and rubbed at his temples with one
hand, as if staving off a headache. “You’re worth it, babe, but the
relationship you’re offering me isn’t. I can’t live through that again, being
sidelined to someone else’s ambitions. You are out there laying those bricks
all on your own, Joci, asking me to trust you, assuring me I’ll like the final
product. I don’t need you to take care of me. I want you to work with me, to
design and build something together. Someone I respect gave me sage advice—that
trust comes from actions, not promises whispered sweetly in the dark. I hear
the words, Joci. I don’t see the actions. I wish I did.”