Night Calls the Raven (Book 2 of The Master of the Tane) (48 page)

Thane shook his head. “I understand your anger. I do. I feel the same way. But throwing yourself into a fight with such anger will only make you reckless and careless. And that sort of fighting will not help you or the ones around you who are counting on you to defend their backs.” He paused for a brief moment and then lowered his voice. “Plus, I could not stand the thought of losing you. If you care for me at all, please do this for me, Tam. Please go home so I’ll have something to fight for.”

Her face softened slightly but she still glared at him, her tears slowing but not stopping completely. “I would ask the same of you, Thane.” Turning to Dor, she added, “And you. You ask me to do what you refuse to do yourselves. You ask me to just turn away and go home so I can sit around with my stomach tied in knots wondering if you are still alive or if you have fallen to tragedy. You want me to have sleepless nights wondering if I’ll ever see either of you again. You ask me to wait for fate to take me in the Ardath should you fail. You ask me to submit myself to all the same tortures you mentioned, but you’re all right with it as long as the trolls take me in the Ardath and torture me or eat me there. You have no right to ask such of me.”

             
Both Dor and Thane opened their mouths to say something more but then shut them. Of them all, she had suffered the most. How could they ask that she leave without the chance to fight back? If they did lose, it would be better that she die in battle than cooked alive over a fire in the Ardath or worse, kept alive to suffer a life of dependency and addiction. In their honest desire to see her safe they had not seen the reality of the situation in which they now found themselves. Once again, the choice had been made for them. Circumstances had made the decision without them.

             
Thane and Dor looked at each other for a long moment as if coming to the same realization together. Dor nodded slightly and then looked over at Tam. “You’re right,” he said softly. “It kills me with worry about what could happen, but you’re right. We have no right to ask you to wait out your fate at home.”

Thane also nodded his head in agreement. “I’m sorry, Tam,” he said just above a whisper. “Please forgive me.”

She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him hugging him close and sobbing. He glanced at Dor who suddenly turned away. He returned the hug, reaching a hand up to stroke her hair. “We’ll get through,” he whispered into her ear, while still watching Dor. He could see the pain flash across his friend’s face and he understood what had been bothering Dor all this time. It was so obvious. He couldn’t help but smile sadly, fore he knew that the pain that Dor was suffering now would soon be his for the rest of his days.

“Well,” Dor said suddenly, getting up from Tam’s bed, “I need to be going.”

“Wait,” Thane said, quickly reaching out to grab his arm. Pulling himself away from Tam’s embrace, he brushed the hair away from her face and looked deeply into her dark eyes. He could see his reflection there, which only increased the pain he was suddenly feeling deep within. “Why don’t you lie down a while and get some rest before dinner. I need to talk with Dor.”

She looked at him curiously for a brief moment, the thought of them scamming to kidnap her and take her home flashing in her mind, before she just nodded and lay down on his cot. Dor looked uncertain but allowed Thane to push him to the door and out into the foyer beyond.

“What is this about?” he asked softly after Thane shut the door behind them.

Thane took a deep breath while regarding his friend. “Dor, I know what’s going on with you. I can’t believe I didn’t catch on before but I have been so preoccupied with the happiness I have been feeling of finally being with you and Tam again that I let my own feelings crowd my mind.”

Dor shuffled his feet slightly, not meeting Thane’s gaze. “What are you talking about?”

He smiled.
“Tam.”

Dor looked up.
“Tam? What do you mean?”

Thane reached out and squeezed his friend’s arm. “I know how you feel about her, Dor. It’s so obvious in the way you look at her, in the way you look at me when she’s near me. I’m just sorry I didn’t notice it before.”

Dor stared at him blankly, his feelings completely masked. “What are you saying?”

He took another deep breath to steady himself. He had to be convincing or it would never work. He was actually happy that Dor had such feelings for Tam. At least he approved of the match even though he knew his pain would equal, if not exceed what Dor had been showing so blatantly since the day before. He would definitely have to put on a better face than his friend had. It would get easier over time, he figured. It had to. “I know how you feel about Tam.”

Dor’s eyebrows rose. “Tam? I don’t feel anything for Tam other than relief that she is well. What would it matter anyway, it’s obvious that she has chosen you; that you’re a match.”

He forced a smile. “But we’re not. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

He thought he saw a flicker of hope and relief flash across Dor’s face before he quickly covered it up. “It sure looks like you are.”

Thane forced a laugh. “Yes, I guess it has. But that’s just because we’re so happy to see each other alive again. I can assure you, that for my part, I don’t feel that way towards her.” He laughed again. “Come on, you know how much she always got on my nerves.”

He watched as Dor’s eyes took him in and weighed what he said by the way he was acting. This was the moment of truth. He did all he could to appear relaxed and carefree, but he was afraid the pain he was feeling would show through his eyes anyway. He wasn’t doing this for Dor completely. He knew that his love for Tam could never fully come to fruition. “Plus,” he continued, “we share the same Tane. I could not be matched with her even if I wanted to be.”

Dor’s eyes widened slightly and then dropped to the ground. Thane was right. No one could be matched with any of the same Tane. But Thane had all five. That would mean….

He patted his friend’s arm. “I’m sorry I put you through all of that, Dor. She’s all yours.” They were the hardest words he’d ever said but, once again, the choice was not his to make. He only hoped that Dor believed in his lack of interest.

“But what of her feelings for you?” he suddenly asked, shattering Thane’s composure for a brief moment.

“Well…uh…I…I…don’t know. That is, what feelings?”

Dor gave him a knowing look. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed the way she’s been looking at you. And the way she’s always trying to hold your hand? I heard her tell you she loved you this morning.” Dor’s expression suddenly clouded and his voice dropped. “I also heard you tell her you loved her, too.”

Thane felt his heart racing. He was losing control. He had to make this work fast or he would not be able to ever convince Dor otherwise. Forcing another smile he then laughed and shook his head. “That was not in the way you think. It was love like that between a brother and a sister. The love of friends.” He laughed again trying to control the quiver in his voice. “You don’t really think we meant that we cared for each other that way do you?”

Dor looked absolutely confused but then shrugged his shoulders. “I guess that I just misunderstood.” Looking at Thane, he smiled weakly. “You aren’t mad are you? I mean, about how I feel about Tam. I mean, I know that we always joked and everything.”

Thane faked a yawn. He couldn’t stand it much longer. He had to end it now. “Of course not, Dor. I couldn’t be happier about you two.”

Dor smiled. “Well, now all I have to do is convince her to be just as happy.”

Thane forced another laugh. “Oh, I’m sure you will,”
especially after I tell her
, he thought. “But for now, I think I would like to get some rest myself. I’m still not feeling totally healed.”

Dor smiled broadly this time, the joy of it sparkling in his eyes, and then sighed to
himself in relief. “Of course,” he said, slapping Thane’s shoulder. “You get some rest and I’ll bring up dinner for us all later.”

             
Thane returned his smile. “That would be great.” Then turning quickly, he reached for the door and opened it. “I’ll see you later.” Not waiting for an answer, he closed the door behind him and leaned heavily against it. It had worked. Looking over at Tam’s sleeping body he couldn’t help the empty feeling that suddenly filled him. He did love Tam. He loved her fiercely. It had been the happiest moment in his life when he’d heard her confess her love to him, but it had also been the worst. He’d known his own feelings for her for quite some time but it wasn’t until after she’d said that she loved him that he thought of what that meant. It was only then that he realized he would never have her.

Before, it had always been a sort of safe fantasy that he kept secret. But with the revelation that she felt the same, his fantasy had now become his nightmare. No Chufa sharing the same Tane could marry. It was not just a tradition, but law. It was more taboo than marrying someone in your own family. He knew he would never be able to return to his home again, but that didn’t mean Tam and Dor wouldn’t. He would not go against his people or put Tam through such an ordeal just
to selfishly claim her love. No matter how much it hurt, he wouldn’t do it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Thane ducked into the stables near the west gates and winked at the stable boy as he quickly made his way down to Chtey’s stall. Rubbing his neck in greeting, he reached for the brush that sat on the small ledge that ran along one side of the stall. The stables had become his quiet sanctuary for the past two days giving him a chance to spend time with Chtey and also giving him a place to hide from Tam when he had nothing better to do.

Still, almost immediately, his mind wondered to the problems that seemed to press him without ceasing. Persuading Dor that he was not in love with Tam was almost more than he could handle but trying to do the same with her was going to take all the will power he possessed. How did you convince someone you loved and cared about and more, who loved and cared about you, that your feelings were not really what they were? Harder than the ache he felt in his own heart was the ache he knew would arise in Tam’s eyes. He didn’t think he could bear that burden.

Luckily, for the past couple of days he’d been too busy to spend much time alone with her. And even when they were together he continually tried to distance himself, making up excuses of either being tired or having to meet with Jack or Bren.

From the first night, Bren had constantly pestered him about learning more of the TehChao Tane. It still amazed and fascinated him that a Tane could be learned. They had spent most of the night speaking in depth about how it was done and the theories behind it. He was particularly interested in what had happened with Dor. He found that Dor’s explanation of why he’d failed
and become sick was the most plausible. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder if that couldn’t be bypassed somehow.

Dor had also been very helpful with keeping Tam busy. Every waking moment of her day seemed to be filled with him doting over her. He’d noticed, somewhat jealously, that it had been good for Tam in helping her regain her strength and her spirits. He’d watched with a throbbing pain as she flashed her smiles onto Dor instead of him. He tried to feel happy about it but his heart kept telling him that those smiles should have been his instead. Over and over he caught himself thinking that he should just not say anything, and that eventually her feelings would just fade away. But he knew that it was too much to hope and that the day of reckoning would not be put off forever. Sooner or later he would have to face her. He just hoped he was prepared when that day came.