Night Fires (24 page)

I stared at him as all the blood rushed from my face. My mind raced through dates and when it came across one from around eight weeks ago, the world spun once more and my poor little heart began to race for the second time that day. “What? No… No I can’t be. I take the pill religiously…”

“You will have been given antibiotics as a precautionary measure after the operation to fix your leg. The nurses should have given you other contraceptive options. Did they?”

“Uhh…” My mind wouldn’t work.

Slowly I turned to Carter. He was pale and sat at the end of the bed staring down at the floor. Nothing seemed real, my mind a blur as I tried to focus on each of the questions Dr Montgomery was firing at me.

“Alice, let’s just do the test and then deal with the outcome. It may be negative.”

I nodded mechanically and took the little pot from him before limping off to the bathroom.

Ten minutes later I was once again welcomed to the dark void of my mind when the doctor announced that a little Carter would soon be joining us.

W
E BOTH SAT
in the dark in complete silence. We’d been like that for nearly an hour, since the doctor had handed me a ton of pregnancy paraphernalia and left as quickly as he’d arrived. I couldn’t form words, and my heart rate didn’t appear to be righting itself as it continued to scurry away in my chest like a squirrel on amphetamines.

Carter’s electric fire mesmerised me as the fake orange flames danced happily against the black glossy backdrop, the reflection hypnotic, and the only thing I could seem to focus on.

Eventually, I looked down at my feet. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never… I never meant for this to…”

Carter snapped his face to mine, the reflection of the flames pirouetting in the steel of his eyes making me bite into my lip to stop my stale tears from falling. “What?”

“I…” I gulped to push down the rock that had grown in my chest and was trying to climb up my throat. “I never planned this, Carter. I wouldn’t ever…”

“Hey.” His head shook wildly as he scrambled across to me, falling to his knees by my feet. Taking my hands in his, he brought them up to his mouth and scattered a frenzy of kisses over my knuckles and fingers. “I know. I know you wouldn’t.” He buried his face into my lap, his hands still holding onto me like he thought I would do a runner. “I’m just shocked. A baby.
Shit.
A baby.
My
baby. I…” He was rambling so much I was struggling to translate what the hell he was saying. “I never thought…. I’m going to be a parent… a father…. A baby.
Fuck.
A little baby…”

“As much as I didn’t understand a word of that, I’m rather keen to know what you’re actually feeling about this.”

He looked up at me, a look of sheer bafflement on his face. “What?”

Only just managing to stop my eyes from rolling, I stared him out. “How, what… Jesus, Carter. Are you happy, angry, livid, ecstatic? I don’t know. I’m not like you, I can’t read you like you can me. I have no idea what’s going on in your head.”

He frowned for a moment then kneeled up and slammed his mouth over mine, kissing me with a passion that took my breath away. A sob tore up my throat but Carter swallowed it whole, taking my despair and throwing it into the flames of the fire. His hands covered my face, his grip almost painful as he struggled to contain what he was trying to tell me.

“Ecstatic? No. Livid, definitely not,” he mumbled over my mouth, his hot breath coating the dampness he’d left on my lips. “More…” His mouth fell open and he shook his head. “I don’t have the word. I can’t even…”

I was still at a total loss to his feelings and my despair grew fiercer. “Bloody hell, Carter. Do you want this baby or not?”

He stilled and swallowed. Fixing his eyes on mine he brought my hands to his mouth once again. “More than I want my heart to beat. More than I want my soul to mend, Alice. I want this baby so much, but more than that, I want you with it. I want a family. I want
our
family.”

What poured through me wasn’t so much relief, more an ecstatic outcry of joy. I couldn’t hold in the happy laughter as I slung my arms around his neck and hugged him so hard I could feel the thump of his heart against my own. He laughed with me, both of us so delighted we couldn’t stop the stupid giggles from taking over. For the first time in a long while, Carter looked happy, so bloody happy that I couldn’t stop the tears from outpouring along with the silly jubilation.

The heat in his eyes was savage when he scooped me up and carried me - yes, once again - into the bedroom where he showed me just how happy he was – and just how damn perfect my life had become.

Carter refused to allow me to go back to Kingfisher House until after Christmas. Cary moved in and I made sure I was friendly towards him, but for Carter’s sanity, I gave him a wide berth. I knew he trusted me one hundred percent, but life, and our relationship, was so perfect I didn’t want to rock the boat. And although Carter insisted he was fine with me so close to Cary I could still sense his anxiousness, the feeling that his brother would once again snatch the love of his life from under his nose. It broke my heart on more than one occasion to witness the look of fear in his eyes and I swore I would move out as soon as I could. My leg was becoming stronger, and with Carter’s help I had mastered driving again, although he would only allow me to go short distances. I was also looking forward to the privacy Carter and I could have again at my home. My pregnancy hormones had surged and I was forever horny, not that Carter complained, but it felt wrong with Cary being in the room below us, especially as Carter needed a new bed. The springs on his old one made the whole damn street aware every time we had sex.

Cary seemed charming though, and he and Carter stayed up late into the night many times talking and once again getting to know each other. I wouldn’t risk their new relationship for anything, so the Monday after New Year I had packed up my few belongings and Carter was sulking beside my car.

“You should be moving in permanently, not moving out,” he grumbled.

Reaching on my toes to kiss the tip of his nose I rolled my eyes at him. “It will do you and Cary good, Carter. He needs you right now. The chemo is knocking him for six, and it can’t be nice having me around when he’s feeling so rough. I’m only a mile away.”

I moved my kiss to his lips as I pressed my front door key into his palm. He looked down at it and gave me a smile. “Now I can slide into your bed and surprise you in the middle of the night.”

I nodded eagerly. “Oooh, make sure you bring a stash of honey and celery with you if you do.”

He rolled his eyes but grinned. “I swear your cravings are as random as the shit that you spew out on occasion.”

I pretended to take offense but the pure look of adoration on his face had me filling up. Leaving him was harder than I thought it was going to be. Giving him a firm nod and squeezing back the tears I filed Mack into the car and then climbed in after him when he jumped through to the back seat.

Gesturing for me to roll down the window, I did and he popped his head through to give me another kiss. “Be careful, the roads are still icy.”

“I promise.”

“I’ll take Cary in for his op this afternoon then I’ll come straight round to yours but it will be around supper time.”

“Okay, but don’t rush. Stay with him while he needs you. And be careful, there’s a storm rolling in according to the weather.”

He nodded, giving me another hard kiss. I could see the exact same sadness in his eyes that looked back at me through the mirror when I pulled off his drive. He stood watching me go until I rounded the corner of his street.

Then I allowed myself a little cry.

T
HE STORM WAS
starting to roll in before I even got home. Deciding to leave my stuff in the car until it had passed, I battled the wind and rain and clambered up the steps with Mack.

“Good grief, Mack!” I shivered, switching the heating to full as I pulled off my drenched coat and hung it above a radiator to dry.

Although I had been anxious about leaving Carter I still couldn’t help but smile as my home enveloped me once again. My own things, the familiar smell and the old creaking joints welcomed me back devotedly, and by the time I’d made myself a hot cup of tea, I was feeling more secure and much better. The rain that battered each window was as fierce as the howling wind, but the soft glow from the lamps and the gas fire I’d installed embraced me and I sighed contentedly as I dropped onto the sofa.

Mack had been scurrying around like a lunatic, his nose stuck to the floor since we’d walked through the door fifteen minutes ago. “What’s up, Buddy? Aren’t you pleased to be home?”

His ears shot up and a low growl emitted from him. The hairs on the back of my neck prickled and we both froze when a shadow passed across the window. My heart jumped against my chest when a loud knock banged on the front door.

“Jesus H Christ!” I groused at Mack for making me feel oversensitive.

He looked at me then went back to sniffing the floor as if a bone had been dragged over it numerous times.

“Hello?” I shouted through the door. Someone answered but the wind drowned them out so, slipping on the chain, I opened it a fraction.

Fear trampled me, along with the strength of the wind, when I saw Niall on the doorstep. The porch was doing its best to keep him dry but the rain was so aggressive that it poured off the corner and down over his face. I shouldn’t have found that as gleeful as I did.

“What do you want, Niall?”

Sensing my frustration, he sighed. “Please let me in, Alice. We need to talk.”

“Talk?” I scoffed, glaring at him through the small gap in the door.

“It’s important. I think…” A gust of wind belted him and he fell against the door. “Bloody hell, Alice. Please. It’s lethal out here. I promise I’m not here to hurt you, but I need to tell you something.”

His eyes begged me when another freak gust of wind had him holding on to the porch support to steady himself. Knowing I’d probably regret it, I nodded and lifted the chain, opening the door for him to hurry inside. I struggled to put the door back in its rightful place and Niall had to help me when another blast had me teetering backwards, and the mail I’d picked up when I walked in blew across the room.

“Christ!” he panted when he shook off his coat. “It’s manic out there. The sea is coming over the edge of your garden.”

My eyes widened and I rushed to the veranda doors. Sure enough, I could see the tips of the waves splurging over the top of the cliff and rushing water across my garden.

“Is it safe here?” Niall asked as he looked out of the window with me.

“Yeah.” I waved off his concern, and for something to concentrate on, I filled the kettle and switched it on. “Drink?”

Relief flooded his face and he nodded, giving me a soft smile. “Thank you.”

It hurt to look at him, and it felt a bit surreal making the man who murdered my family a cup of coffee. Pushing those thoughts aside, I made his drink and carried it through to the front room. “We’ll have to sit in here. Mack ate the table legs, and no doubt he’ll have half munched the chair legs.”