Nine Volt Heart (42 page)

JASON

“I
TALKED TO HER LAST night,
Jason. I offered her generous compensation.”

“What the hell, Karl? Why were you even speaking to her? You
said you were going home.”

“I ran into your Susi in the courthouse when she was on her
way out. I was backing the press off so you wouldn’t have to deal with them.
After the hassle, it seemed like a good time to ask her to not sue you.”

“Just great. Her first conversation is with my attorney
instead of me. I cannot express my gratitude.”

“That sounds disingenuous, Jason. Seriously, you should be
grateful. Anyway, she says she won’t sue. She won’t sign anything that has your
name on it for any purpose in the world.”

“So you called to tell me this to cheer me up?”

“Yes, actually. I’m honing a highly professional skill that
specializes in pacifying your ex-lovers, since I already invested in asbestos
underwear. For a nice guy, you sure know how to piss girls off.”

“It’s a special talent. So why am I supposed to cheer up?”

“She said she never wants to see or hear you again.”

“Yeah, I’m happy now, Karl.”

“She said, ‘Hear you.’ Get it? I said to her, ‘So you don’t
want to hear from him?’ And she said—”

“Spare me.”

“She went into a rage. She said, ‘I don’t want to hear his
voice. I don’t want to hear his guitar. I don’t want to hear him breathing by
my ear. I don’t want to see his hands. I don’t want to see him walking across
the room, smiling at me. I don’t want to sing his music again. Ever again.’
Then she started crying.”

“No, she didn’t. She never cries. Nothing makes her cry.
Except that time I turned out not to be Angelia’s cousin. That night with
Mozart. And the first time—”

“She didn’t start crying right away. It wasn’t until Sonny
said—”

“Sonny was there? What was Sonny doing there?”

“Waiting for her to get out of jail, I guess. He went off
with Susi and her brother. She didn’t start crying until Sonny said, ‘Never is
a long time, SusiQ. Does it start right now?’”

“OK, you made her mad. You made her cry. You have nothing
over what I’m capable of. I’m still the master at creating utter despair around
me.”

“Don’t you get it, you jerk? She’s in love with you. She
doesn’t care about anything but you.”

~

“Come on, Susi. Don’t make me stand out here and yell until
the cops come.”

Something dropped and she screamed, I think, but she didn’t
answer. I had called all morning, but first there was no answer, and then there
was a busy signal for the last hour. I wanted to warn her I was coming, as she
had once asked. However, I couldn’t wait any longer.

“We’ll only get through this by talking about it. I’m
standing in the street in front of God and everybody admitting that we have to
talk.”

After several hideous long moments, while I listened to her
talking to herself, she said distinctly, “Stop pounding on my door.”

“Come on, Susi. I’m just a musician.”

“Please go away.”

Her voice cracked at the high end from stress. That my
wanting to talk with her created such distress was intolerable. Darting around
the garage to the path behind her house, I swung myself onto her deck and then
just stood by the open door. She looked at me from behind her kitchen counter,
her eyebrow lifted in surprise. And—dammit—dismay. It was if she was afraid of
me.

“Susi, at least let me tell you that I didn’t send those
letters to you. Or to Dominique.”

She shook her head, looking down. She leaned on the counter
as if in abject misery. Her posture, the stress in her voice, the whole scene
roiled my insides, and I took a breath to find enough courage or recklessness
to proceed. Knowing I had hurt her felt like a knife in my heart.

“Susi, there’s this loony guy, a nut who follows me. He
thinks he’s my brother. He pretends to be me. He wrote those letters. I’m not
the stupid, mean-spirited half-wit you think I am.”

I stepped from the deck through the door.

“Please talk to me, Susi. I can’t live with—”

As I reached out my hand to her, something cold and hard
pressed up against my neck. A scratched and bleeding hand grabbed my forearm.

“Please don’t hurt him,” Susi said.

“But Jason hurt you, Miss Neville.”

I knew the voice, though it was pitched near to tears.

“Warren?”

He stood in front of me so that at last I gazed into my
shadow. He wasn’t doing any too well. Though he still dressed like me, it had
been a couple of days since he’d put on those clothes. The waxy, grey pallor of
his skin seemed ghastly, and his eyes darted wildly as I spoke.

“Hey, buddy. It’s me. Come on, Warren, we’re friends. What’s
up?”

“Friends? You liar. I know what you think of me now. You
said on the phone you hate me. You want me to die.”

“Hey, guy. I didn’t know it was you. I thought it was a
stranger trying to spook me.” As I took a step, he moved closer to me, the
knife unsteady in his hand. I could feel sweat break out, running down my neck,
prickling across my forehead. Thirty seconds in the room, and I’d never been so
effing scared in my life. “I don’t think that about you, Warren.”

“You made me get fired. Now I don’t have anywhere to go and
I can’t be your brother anymore.” His voice was pitched in pain and hysteria so
that it cut as badly as his knife could.

“Let’s go talk to Karl. He’ll know what we should do to fix
things.”

“God will slay Karl right after he slays you, Jason. You are
both scions of the same devil.”

At this, Susi made the slightest sound of dismay. I tried to
see her, as much as the pressure on my neck would let me turn. As lily-white as
she was, it wasn’t paralyzing fear that marked her face. Her eyes darted as if
trying to make a plan. I didn’t want her to move from where she stood.

“Please help me out here, Warren. I’m worried about Susi. We
should let her go outside while we talk.”

“You are going to screw her over, like you did all the
others. Susi isn’t like the others.”

“No, she is not like anyone else, Warren.” He must have been
able to hear my heart pounding.

“You shouldn’t talk to her. You shouldn’t be in the same
room with her.” His voice sounded like it was bleeding at the edges.

“I love her, Warren, and she loves me. Tell him, Susi. Tell
Warren you love me. He’s not going to hurt anyone. He’s just scared. Isn’t that
right, Warren?”

“I’m not scared of you. Dominique made you evil. You used to
be a good guy, Jason. You were a great guy. Then you made love to an evil
woman, and it made you evil too. I don’t want evil to touch Susi.”

I could see Susi swallow, trying to speak. “Jason isn’t
evil, Warren.”

“You’re an angel. You can’t see evil, Miss Neville.”

“Warren, let’s make sure Susi is safe. We both care about
her, so please let her go outside while we talk.”

“You don’t care about her, Jason. You just drive her crazy.
Like you drive me crazy.”

“I do care about her, Warren, more than you can imagine.”

“You said mean things to her. You made her cry. She was
crying all night. It made me so crazy, I couldn’t think what to do. Now you
won’t go away and leave her alone.”

She spoke softly. “Warren, Jason didn’t do anything mean to
me.”

“I heard you fighting. He yelled at you the other night when
you wouldn’t let him in. I heard you crying this morning.”

“We just have—artistic differences. Isn’t that right,
Jason?”

“Yeah, Warren. She knows better than me, and I wouldn’t
listen. I’m listening to you right now. What do you want, Warren?”

“I just want to hear her sing. Without you around to make
her unhappy. You make her so unhappy.”

“No, Warren, he doesn’t. If you want to hear me sing—”

She began singing “Angel Band,” her voice high and
piercingly clear.

 
“Oh, come come Angel Band
Come and around me stand
Oh bear me away
On your snow white wings
To my immortal home.”

In the middle of the chorus, the knife eased away from my
neck and he stepped back.

“I can’t stand it. You hate me. You all hate me. Susi hates
me.”

Warren was turning the knife on himself, and I lunged to
stop him just as Sonny stepped in the doorway and put a chokehold on him. We
were so close that Warren fell toward me, and I collapsed with him, pinioning
the poor guy.

“Had a cop do that to me one time,” Sonny said. “Swore I
would never let that happen again.”

“Geez, Sonny. What do we do now?”

“You keep sitting on him. He is too frail to take my weight,
but we had best hold him down. SusiQ, take Jason’s phone and call 911.”

“How do I make it work? OK, I turned it on. Where’s the dial
tone?”

“For crissakes, Susi, punch the numbers and press Talk.”

“You don’t have to criticize, Jason.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hello, this is Susanna Neville at 4305 Leschi Place. There
is a disturbed man who entered my house uninvited.” She sounded as calm and
sensible as she ever did. “He was threatening suicide. My friends have subdued
him, but we need the police. Yes, I’ll stay on the line. He is unconscious, but
he’s breathing fine. I don’t think he’s injured. To find Leschi Place, they
should drive south on Thirty-Fourth Avenue and turn east on Denny.” She paused.
“How could they be?”

Holding the phone away, she said, “The neighbors complained
about Jason and the noise, so the police are already on the way. Isn’t that
nice?”

She directed the cops to her door, managed the scene,
answered questions, and listened as I answered the ones she didn’t know. Then
she sent them all away again, and we restored order in her house, so there was
no trace of what had happened. When it was all quiet, Sonny kissed her on top
of the head and said, “See you, SusiQ.”

Then she turned to me, after having confessed that she loved
me in an effort to save me from being killed.

“You ruined my life.”

SUSI

“T
HEY FIRED ME, JASON. They
ordered me to stay off school property and not to have contact with any
students.”

“I’m sorry. I never intended—”

“Now I have no way to make a living, and my dreams of the
music institute are nothing but ashes. Gwyneth has her attorney taking action
against me because of Zak.”

“Karl can take care of those problems if—”

“My neighbors have called the police six times, because
either the press or those thugs you paid to watch my house keep trespassing on their
property. Their attorney called me, just before your good friend Warren
interrupted.”

“Karl will talk with them to—”

“Your wife has harassed me by email for weeks. Your damn
wife—to whom you are still married, all the while you’ve been begging me to
marry you. Is she moving in here, or do I move in with her? Or do we all live
with you in Ian’s basement?”

“That’s almost solved. It’s just a matter of time—”

“You blamed her for everything that happened in the last
year, instead of taking charge of your own destiny. What is that about? What
does Ephraim have to do to prove that you can have everything you want? You
just need to take responsibility for making it happen.”

“Actually, we worked that out so—”

“Then your wacko stalker destroyed what little peace I could
find in my own home. If you’d told me who you really were, I’d expect that sort
of person in your wake. It’s not as if I haven’t dealt with it more than once
myself. The creep who menaced me in Turin was much worse than your friend
Warren. That one managed to bleed all over my dressing room. If you had only
told me.”

“I wanted to know—”

“You said you loved me, but then your attorney tries to keep
me from suing you. Why would I ever care how much money you have or want a
penny of it?”

“I didn’t tell Karl to—”

“I have been subjected to more humiliation across all the
local news media than a human should have to endure. My brother told me what
they said on that stupid radio program. I can’t walk out in public unnoticed.”

“I didn’t mean to—”

“If I had a dog, it’d be dead by now from what you didn’t
mean to do.”

“What dog?”

“You said you wanted to take care of me. Like how mafia hit
men take care of people? Is there more of my life you want to take care of?”

“We still need to have kids together. And I’m hoping you’ll
tour with us this summer. You pretty much need to decide about the touring part
today. Or Monday. Otherwise, we can’t use your name to sell tickets.”

“Are you insane? Do you need professional help? You ruined
my life.”

“I won’t be half as crazed if you’d just agree to tour. You
can start your institute in the fall, since you’ll have plenty of your own
money by then.”

“My own money?”

“What you earn touring. Plus your institute has my portion
of songwriting royalties from
Woman at the Well
. If
it goes the way I plan, you should also have an advance from our new recordings
before fall.”

“Goes the way you plan? The way you plan for anything, you
make the fiddling grasshopper look like Solomon in all his wisdom and glory.”

“At least I’m good at taking action. If I hadn’t come to see
you today, who knows what would have happened.”

“If you had gone home, your stalker would have just followed
you there instead of bothering me. Oh, I forgot. You don’t have a home. Then,
at least it would have been Cynthia dealing with that poor man instead of me.”

“I’m not sure about that. I think he fell in love with you
and came here just like I did.”

“It isn’t love. It’s an obsession like people have, fixating
on an unachievable object to make up for their own inadequacies.”

“Look, I feel bad about it too. But I didn’t cause it. Karl
and I will make sure Warren gets the professional help he needs.”

“I wasn’t referring to your stalker.”

“OK, Susi, stop. I’m sorry you lost your old life. I didn’t
intend that to happen. But everyone knows you should be singing. You can teach
any time. Except when we’re touring. Then you have to be with me.”

“How could I ever let my professional life get involved with
yours? You raise havoc all around you.”

“Yet it always turns out all right. Ask Ian. He has let me
take care of business for him for years.”

“Jason, you live at Ian’s house. Your uncle Beau ran your
business for the past ten years. Your attorney sends someone over to brush your
teeth in the morning. You have a small army of people who take care of you. You
can’t take care of anything more complicated than making sure you have bus fare
in your pocket.”

“That isn’t true. Who said that?”

“Ian told me this morning, when he called to ask me to
please forget that you are such a jerk. Almost everybody else called to say the
same thing, to ask me to see the bigger picture.”

“And?”

“I don’t want to be with someone just because of sexual
attraction.”

“You’re with me because we belong together. Because we have
interesting work to do together. Because being apart from each other now would
be too lonely to endure. The sex is just a bonus.”

“Maybe to you. But it’s what keeps my heart beating at
night.”

“OK, if we have to have sex to keep your heart beating, I
can live with that. You can still do whatever you want the rest of the time. I
would never dream of telling you what to do.”

“That’s totally false. You are a complete dictator in rehearsal.”

“That isn’t personal. And we don’t rehearse all the time.”

“I wanted the rest of my life to be free of monomaniacal
music directors and paparazzi and living out of suitcases. I’d have to change
my whole life to be with you.”

“It is a great life, except it used to get sort of lonely. I
hope we can collaborate on ending that part. Susi, I know you love me. Karl
told me. He said you cried.”

“I did not cry.”

“There were witnesses.”

~

I tried to tell him, that when I thought about us never
singing together again, the idea left me ill, barely able to breathe.

At that moment, Jason touched me.

He put his hand on mine, and when I looked down, I couldn’t
remember what it was that had always disturbed me about his touch, because it
was just his long, slender fingers grazing the back of my hand, the same way he
touches the strings on my father’s Martin.

“Susi, what’s wrong? Say something.”

He touched my lips in that way he does, causing me to
shiver.

“Susi?”

“I love you. That’s all.”