Authors: Monica Dickens
âOf course you can! Why, Dick had loads of captains and commanders at his party. Don't be â'
Before she could say: âDon't be such a snob', which she did not really want to say any more than he wanted to hear, he said: âWhat have you done with that book I gave you on naval social customs?'
âI gave it to Lianne. She wanted something funny to read when that poisoned finger was getting her down.'
âA pity. It would help you to understand these things.'
âIf I did all the things it told you to I might as well be dead. It says you must always wear a hat and gloves when you go visiting, and that you must never sit down at a party when the Admiral's wife is standing up. Old Ma Hamer never sits down -I don't think she can bend in the middle â so why have any chairs at all when she's around? That book â do you know what it says? I learned this bit by heart. It says: “Do not engage in long clinches on the dock when a peck on the cheek would do. There is a certain dignity attached to the wearing of uniform, and nothing looks sillier than two people trying to show how much in love they are.”'
âI know who we'll ask,' said Vinson, changing the subject, because he thought the book was right. âWe'll have Captain and Mrs Decker from downstairs. I'd like to get to know them better.'
âI wouldn't. I don't like them. She looks as if her corsets pinched, and he just opens his mouth and words pour out of it whether you want to hear them or not. It would be much more fun to have Lianne and Dick.'
âWe've been into that.' Vinson wrote down the names of the Captain and his wife who lived in the apartment below. âThere, that makes a nice little party.'
Christine thought it sounded like a deadly little party.
It was. Nancy Lee could not come because one of her children was ill, and Art had a cold and might as well not have come either, for his cold depressed him and he hardly spoke all the evening.
Captain Fleischman from the chintzy bungalow was even duller than he had been at home. The drunken Commander turned out to be even less attractive sober than he was drunk, Captain Decker from downstairs was as prolix as Christine had feared he would be, and their three wives sat in a row on the sofa and made no effort, as much as to say: âAll right. You asked us, and here we are. Now entertain us.'
Even the drinks did not get the party going. Vinson was an attentive host, but he was too stiff and formal with people he did not know well, especially when they were senior to him. Captain Fleischman, who was the head of his department, almost paralysed him with etiquette, although the Captain was
an owl-eyed nervous little man, who you would not have thought could paralyse a rabbit.
Christine made a great effort to talk to the women. Captain Fleischman's wife did not want to talk. She wore a dress that looked as if it had been made up of pieces left over from loose covers at the bungalow and was quite content to sit and watch the proceedings, like an old lady at a village concert. When pressed into conversation, she would say: âOh, surely', or: âI guess that's so', which was amiable enough, but not inducive to sparkling dialogue.
The Commander's wife was too smartly dressed, as if she had expected a large party. She put a wet glass down on a polished table and some cigarette ash on the carpet, and sent raised eyebrow messages of boredom to her husband. Mrs Decker from downstairs thought as little of Christine as Christine did of her, and showed it. Her flat crustacean face was all downward curving lines as her shoe-button eyes travelled round the room, taking a disparaging inventory of the curtains and furniture.
It did not help much when Mrs Preedy skipped across the hall to borrow a jelly mould. Vinson answered the door; but although he tried to block the opening, Mrs Preedy was larger than he, and everyone could see that she had her hair in curlers and an orange chiffon scarf tied in a flowing bow round her goitrous throat.
âThat extraordinary woman,' murmured Mrs Decker. âWhat a neighbour to have! But I suppose you have made friends with her.'
âOf course,' said Christine defiantly, while Vinson frowned at her and Mrs Decker told the company with an acid laugh: âIt's so charming the way British people will make friends with
anyone.'
When Christine went into the kitchen to add the finishing touches to the supper none of the women came out to help her. Art Lee came out and found her furiously banging plates and knives and forks on to a tray.
âCan I help?' he asked. âWhat's the matter, Christine? You look all burned up.'
âI am. Those damn women just sit there like the three witches and none of them offers to help.'
âI'll bet you hate their guts. Why do you and Vin invite such crummy people to a party?'
âVin wanted them. He wouldn't let me have my friends because Dick's only a reserve lieutenant. I wonder he even invited you. You haven't been a commander long enough to mix with such exalted rank.'
âVin's an ambitious boy,' said Art dryly. âHe will go far, without a doubt.'
âI hate the Navy,' Christine said. She did not mind what she said to Art. She could say things to him that she would not say to Vinson.
âSo do I,' said Art. âLet me help you. Gee, I wish I didn't feel so lousy. I feel the way those goldfish look.' He stuck out a pallid tongue at the fish, then leaned against the wall and nursed his drink and his cold and forgot about helping.
Vinson came round the partition into the kitchen to get more ice, and asked Christine why she was not in the living-room entertaining her guests.
âWell, my goodness,' she said, exasperated. âI've got to feed them, I suppose, since I presume they only came here to get a free meal. I can't be out there and in here getting things ready at the same time.' She straightened up to look at him, passing the back of her hand across her hot forehead. He was still wearing the polite face he was using in the drawing-room. He made her feel cross.
âYou should have gotten things better organized before. You shouldn't have to spend so long in the kitchen.'
âWell, for God's sake!' she exploded. âAs if it wasn't bad enough having to spend all day preparing food for these morons without you coming in here and criticizing me.' Art did not feel strong enough to stand a quarrel. He slipped his long body diplomatically past them and went out of the kitchen.
âI have to criticize you,' Vinson said, âwhen you neglect your guests and spend hours out here fooling around with Art. You might at least consider what your guests will think, even if you don't mind how I feel about that.'
âOh, if you're going to be jealous of
Art
â' Christine shrugged her shoulders and turned back to the salad bowls.
Vinson grabbed her arm and twisted hep round to stand close
to him. His face was not polite any more. It was dark and almost frightening, like that evening at âRoselawn' when she had stood stirring the dogs' meat on the stove and told him that she could not marry him after all. âOf course I'm jealous,' he said roughly. âI'm jealous of every man who speaks to you. Don't you know that, you little fool?'
When he spoke to her like that and kissed her so fiercely, she did not mind him being jealous, even of poor Art. Her passion leaped up to meet his, and for a moment the kitchen was the only place in the world, and the stupid people in the living-room could starve or go home for all Christine cared, but Vinson controlled himself almost immediately, wiped a hand across his lips, picked up the bowl of ice and went back among the company, with his face already polite again.
He would not serve drinks with the supper. Christine had wanted him to, but he said it was not the thing to do. Christine did not like the American habit of drinking solidly before the food and drinking only iced water or coffee with it. You either drank too much before the meal or not enough to carry you through it. Her guests had not drunk too much. They had drunk too little. Vinson had not been stingy with the drinks, but they were the kind of people who did not expect to be entertaining, so did not bother about drinking enough to make them so.
The evening came to an end at last. When the last guest had gone Christine fell back on the sofa and wanted to cry. A dull party at someone else's house can make you laugh when it is over, but a dull party in your own house can only make you weep.
Vinson came back from seeing the Deckers downstairs to their apartment. âAnd now,' he said, âperhaps you'll tell me what you said to Captain Decker that made him say to me: “Your wife is certainly outspoken. How does she get on over here?'”
Christine had been afraid he was going to ask that. âI couldn't help it,' she said. âHe's such a know-all. I was trying to be polite and talk to him, but he was being so pompous and laying down the law about everything. He's got that disgusting wart on his nose too. It wiggles when he talks. You can't help looking at it.'
âGo on,' said Vinson, folding his arms.
âWell, he was being so silly. You know what he said? He said that England was undefendable, and in the next war it would only be an advanced target, so the only thing to do would be to evacuate all the people over here and let Russia waste her ammunition blowing England to bits. So I said: “That shows you don't know much about England. Most people would rather die there than be made to come over here.”'
âChristine!
That wasn't very polite.'
âWell, it's true, anyway. And it goes for me too. He needn't have been so huffy. I hope his wart turns to cancer,' she said bitterly. âIt's going a bit blue. It looks as if it might.'
âWhat do you mean, that goes for you too?' Vinson asked.
âIf England was being bombed I wouldn't want to be sitting safely over here, rolling bandages for the Red Cross, with great care not to break my nails, and being hostess at clubs for officers who were spending the war in the Pentagon. An English friend of mine got stuck over here in the last war, and she nearly died of envy because she hadn't been through the Blitz.'
âDon't be so childish,' Vinson said. âWhat good could you do? You'd only be a nuisance. Of course your place would be here. You're an American wife now, and by that time you'll probably be an American citizen.'
âYes, dear,' said Christine, and began to collect dirty glasses and ashtrays.
She thought afterwards that if she had made her rude remark to a lieutenant instead of a captain, Vinson would not have minded, but she was glad she had not thought of telling him that at the time. It was bad enough even to find yourself thinking of remarks with which you might score off your husband.
They gave other parties, and went to many more naval parties themselves, and she was careful never to be rude to a captain. She was trying to be a good wife, and if that included sharing Vinson's unwholesome respect for rank â well, she would have to learn that.
But you could not enjoy parties if you had to think all the time about what rank people were, and could not enjoy talking to them as if they were just ordinary people. She discovered that
not all admirals and their wives were like the Hamers, and not all captains and their wives were like the Deckers. Some of them were worse, but many of them were revealed, to Christine's surprise, to be quite human.
Going home after one party where she had spent a pleasant ten minutes talking to a slight, grey-haired man in a baggy suit, who looked more like a skilled carpenter than anything else, Vinson said in awe: âAdmiral Briggs talked to you for a
long
time, didn't he? I think that was wonderful of him.'
âWhy shouldn't he? I'm not a leper.'
âBut darling, he's a three-star admiral. And he talked to you for
ten
minutes.'
âPerhaps you'll be made a captain tomorrow,' Christine said pertly.
There were too many naval cocktail parties. You could not remember one from another, because they were all exactly the same. You met mostly the same people, and got to know the women's repertoire of dresses and hats as well as your own. If it was a high-grade party, with admirals present, the men kept their coats on, but if it was a lower-grade party, with no one higher than a captain, the men took their coats off if it was hot, and you got to know whose husband had a paunch and whose husband had retained his figure in spite of the Washington desk-sitting.
The drinks were always the same: martinis, or bourbon or scotch whisky with so much ice in the glass that it bumped against the end of your nose and you could hardly drink it. The food was always the same too. As well as the usual elaborate canapés, prepared with diabolical care by a hostess determined to outdo other naval wives, there was always a large cold ham at one end of the table and a large cold turkey at the other, from which you were supposed to cut slices and make a sandwich, which was a difficult thing to do when you had a glass in one hand and were trying to talk politely to an admiral's wife.
At the first party where she saw ham and turkey Christine was greatly impressed at such lavishness, although the hostess herself seemed to be more proud of the fact that she had provided
English mustard. âYou make it by mixing the powder with water,' she boasted, which, to people accustomed to buying their mustard ready mixed in jars or tubes, seemed to be the most exciting and progressive thing.
As she went to other parties and saw other turkeys and hams, invitingly sliced, but almost untasted by the guests who had come to drink, rather than eat, Christine was no longer impressed, but rather depressed by the waste of food and money. She was more depressed still when they gave a cocktail party themselves and Vinson insisted that they must have a turkey at one end of the table and a ham at the other. However, she had been obstructive about the fried chicken and the pot roast, so she let him have his way, and they were eating turkey and ham every day for a week afterwards until Christine finally gave the remainder to Maxwell. However, they had conformed to the quaint old naval custom. They had not lost caste.