No One's Watching (27 page)

She held out the trash can. “Blake?”

I nodded and tossed the tissues away.

“Blake is a fake.” She placed the trash can on the floor.

I frowned. He wasn't a fake. Or a snake.

“What happened?”

Tears dripped from my chin. “I saw him…” I hesitated. Did I want her to know everything, especially since I hadn't told Candace yet? “…with someone else.”

“Sorry.” She patted my knee. “I try not to get emotionally attached to guys.”

I dabbed my eyes. “Good idea.” Who was she kidding? I couldn't live like that. How could you go through the motions of being with someone when you had no feelings for him?

“Go wash your face and let's eat.”

I stood. “I'm not hungry.”

“Don't be ridiculous. They're having pizza tonight and then we're playing Ballet Bingo. It's corny, but it's fun.”

I wanted to take a shower and crawl under a rock.

Nicki flipped her hair behind her ear. “Do you want me to introduce you to a guy who works in the kitchen?”

“Um, no thanks.”

“He's nineteen.”

Ugh. “Tempting, but boys are a distraction I don't need.” I sounded like my mother.

“Give it some time. You'll change your mind.” She flapped her hands toward the bathroom. “Go wash.”

I trudged into the bathroom and splashed so much cold water on my face it went numb. I wanted to be alone and sort things out. I wasn't in the mood to eat, and never wanted to see Blake again. How could he be so tender and everything with me and then play suck face with Shelly? Even if Shelly threw herself at him, he shouldn't have returned the kiss. I took a shower hoping Nicki would get bored and leave.

When I went back to my room, Nicki was perched cross-legged on my desk with a tiny pot of gold makeup. She dipped her finger in it. “Come here. You need a little sparkle.”

I sighed and stood before her with my eyes closed, hoping I wouldn't pass for a clown by the time she was through. Nicki made my eyelids shimmer. Kind of cool and not all red and puffy.

She hummed as she stroked subtle glitter streaks into my hair. “What are you going to say to him?”

“Nothing.”

I was afraid to say anything. Afraid I'd dissolve into a puddle of hot tears of shame and anger. And sorrow.

All the way to the cafeteria, my mind struggled with the problem of seeing Blake. Maybe I should run away and hop on a bus to California? I'd found the post office. I could find a bus depot.

It would be easier with Shelly. I had to avoid her, or I'd rip her head off. The confession party we had in the conference room had to stand for something. I was horribly sorry. Sorrier than I'd ever been about anything. How sorry would I have to be in order for her to forgive me? And to stop torturing me?

I couldn't bear to see Blake. Not yet. I'd get a slice to go and be strong tomorrow.

“You can't keep avoiding Blake,” Candace told me as she and Danilo squeezed into a table for two with me at breakfast Monday morning. “He's in all your classes except for repertory.”

I peeked around a leafy potted plant as I popped open a carton of milk. “And I get to see Shelly in class.” Would this week ever end? I was so ready to go home and see Grandma.

“I made an excuse for you last night. What are you going to say to him when you get to Irish dance?” She touched Danilo's arm. “You're a guy. What should she say?”

“She saw him with another girl.” His brown, liquidy eyes gazed at me then settled on Candace.

Blake had enough of me and was ending our relationship. If that were true, he'd be just as uncomfortable to see me as I was to see him. “I'll figure something out.”

As I marched into Irish dance class, Blake waited for me at the
barre
by Lindy.

He took my hand. “You feel better today?”

I studied the paint on the wall, withdrew my hand and laid it on the
barre
. “I'm fine.”

“You weren't worried about your grandmother, were you?”

“Everything's fine.”

His fingers stroked mine. “I left the games early after supper. I wasn't having much fun.”

Not as much fun as with Shelly after our rehearsal yesterday afternoon.

“You okay?” He frowned.

Suddenly my mouth took over my brain. “I think we should make a clean break.”

“Huh?” He squinted at me.

“Camp is almost done. We'll be going home soon, and we'll never see each other again. It's better this way.” I picked up my dance bag.

“Don't I get any say in this?”

You've already done plenty. Nothing you say could fix it.
I took a place at another
barre
.

Lindy's reflection in the mirror bordered on horror. Blake took a small towel from his dance bag and slapped it on the
barre
.

When Mr. Sean came into class, his eyes swept the studio, lingering at the two opposite places Blake and I occupied. “Let's begin.”

As we did our warm-ups and
barre
work, my shoulders relaxed and the knot in my stomach eased. Toward the end of class, we rehearsed everything we had learned to that point. The familiar scent of Blake's cologne saddened me as I posed next to him, my head tilted toward his shoulder. For the second time in two weeks, I had tasted rejection. I wasn't good enough for a ballet solo or for Blake.

In the beginning of the piece, where I danced off stage, Mr. Sean said he'd never seen such a wistful expression as Blake's. Born of heartbreak and happiness. He told Blake his acting was great. Blake blushed, and I faced the wall.

Mr. Sean taught me my solo. It was short but sweeping and full, covering the whole stage. Blake and I came together to dance again before the short finale, which consisted of chunks of steps we'd learned in class before. At one point, Blake and I held each other's waists as we spun. It was dreamlike, which was the feeling of
Les Sylphides
. Mr. Sean told me I was allowed to look at Blake. Even though there wasn't much of a story in the piece, there was a relationship going on.

“If you look at the floor when you dance, that's where you'll wind up.”

I nodded to my feet who never cheated on me. Maybe tomorrow I'd have the courage to face Blake.

I was invisible for the next two days, dodging both Blake and Shelly. I hid at a small table with Candace and Danilo for meals. I danced in the pack in the back of the room in Mme. Petrova's ballet classes. In Labanotation, I planted myself in the middle of Dira, Nicki, Candace, and Danilo. In repertory class, where we'd finished with Shelly's solo and learned the Spanish dance from Act Two in the Nutcracker, I faded into the walls.

Extra evening rehearsals were especially painful. After Irish dance class Wednesday morning, I asked Mr. Sean if we could skip them.

“That's up to you and Blake and how well you want to perform.”

Megan circled us. “I think it should be up to Lindy and me, and we vote they need the extra work.” She poked Lindy. “Right?”

Lindy's eyes shifted between us as she shrank against the wall. “I don't know.”

“I agree. We need the extra rehearsal.” Blake stared at me, his eyes blazing. He flicked the hair from his forehead where a fresh moth-shaped bandage covered his cut from the thunderstorm.

I ached to stroke the edges of it. “Fine.” I let my head drop to my chest as I spoke to my feet again.

“Right then. That'll do.” Mr. Sean glanced around the studio where the other munchkins had plastered themselves against the
barres
as if Megan were a match and the rest of us explosives. “Off with you.”

As everyone gathered his or her dance bags, shrieks pierced the air. Mr. Sean dashed from the room, and we followed him into the clogged hallway.

“Who screamed?” Candace grabbed my arm as I passed the studio where she had character dance.

“I don't know.” I pulled Candace by the elevators to get a better view.

A girl moaned. “Why me? Why me?”

“Give them room.” Mrs. Sykes directed the crowd, leading Mr. Jarenko who carried the girl. Her head was tucked into his shoulder, and her feet bobbed to one side. “Coming through. Get the elevator button.”

Candace reached over and punched up.

Mr. Jarenko elbowed his way through the swarm of dancers.

“Oh, no.” Candace covered her mouth with her hand. “It's Shelly.”

When they reached us, Shelly's contorted face sought me out. She reached her hand to me. “It hurts so much.” The cords in her neck strained.

My mouth was a grim line. I never would have wished all the pain Shelly had dumped on me to be repaid. And never all at once.

“You are friends with Shelly, no?” Mr. Jarenko nodded. “She needs you.”

I'm doing this for your mother, Shelly.
I took her hand.

“Stay with me.” Her eyes were moist.

Why choose me?
I wanted to ask her what she was thinking when she kissed Blake.

The elevator doors opened, and we stepped inside. Blake stared at us, his mouth turned down. Would he rather be in my place?

We rode to the lobby level. Mr. Jarenko laid her on a sofa in the TV room.

“Get more pillows for Shelly so we can keep her leg up.” Mr. Jarenko grasped her hand.

“The physical therapist is on her way.” Mrs. Sykes tucked the pillows I had gathered behind Shelly's back. She winced when I propped her foot on one.

I knelt next to the sofa, furious with her for kissing Blake and then needing me like nothing had happened. A flood of guilt swept over me. Sure I was hurt about what she had done with Blake. What about the years of torment and bullying I was responsible for in her life? I gnawed on my lip. I should've asked Mom first about how to help Shelly, but I couldn't. I wasn't supposed to know about Mrs. Traum's money problems in the first place.

I cradled Shelly's hand in both of mine. “Did you slip? Was it like the time you hurt your foot in
The Nutcracker
?” A bad sprain Shelly endured on a slick part of the stage in a
matinée performance
had me dancing all the parts we usually shared.

She drew a breath through her gritted teeth. “This is much worse. I was rehearsing my solo, and my foot gave way. I felt a snap.”

A young woman rushed to Shelly's side. “Please give me some room.”

We stood aside. Shelly yelped as the therapist prodded and moved her foot.

“Does this hurt? Does that?” the therapist asked to Shelly's various groans.

Stubborn tears clung to Shelly's eyes.

“I can't be sure. We need to get her foot X-rayed.” The therapist shook her head and stood. “I'll call ahead and let the orthopedist's office know you're coming.”

“Orthopedist?” Mom went to one to get her bunion fixed which hadn't worked out so well.

“Bone doctors.” Mrs. Sykes nodded. “They'll have X-ray equipment there, and we can determine what's injured.”

“She can still dance. Right?” I winced as Shelly attached her vise grip to my hand.

“That's why we're going to the orthopedist's office.”

“Darlings, don't worry.” Mr. Jarenko patted Shelly's arm.

“Mr. Jarenko, please carry Shelly down to the parking garage where I'll get my car, and we can take her to the doctor's office.” Mrs. Sykes handed me Shelly's dance bag. “She won't be needing this. Please be sure it gets to her room.”

“Can't Kit come with me?” Shelly clung to my hand.

“You can see her when we get back.” Mrs. Sykes pointed to the door.

Mr. Jarenko scooped her up, and they left down the hall. All of my energy followed them. The horror of Blake cheating on me, Shelly's accusation of how I had humiliated her, and endless hours of dance hit me. I sank into the sofa like Giselle disappearing into her grave again. Down, down, down into blackness.

“We've been looking everywhere for you.” Candace rushed to my side.

I pushed myself up. I had fallen asleep using Shelly's dance bag for a pillow.

“Are you okay? What happened with Shelly?” Candace kneeled by me.

I rubbed my forehead. “They took Shelly to get her foot X-rayed.”

“Is it broken?” Danilo asked.

I lifted my arms helplessly. “I don't know.”

“I hope not.” Candace lifted her horrified face to Danilo. “How awful.”

I squinted. “What time is it?”

“Lunch is almost over.” Danilo hauled me to my feet.

“I'm not hungry anyway. I'll change for afternoon class.” I wobbled under the weight of both dance bags.

“Are you going to be all right?” Candace asked.

“Sure. I'll meet you at the ballet studio.” I dragged myself to the elevator. Why was everything so complicated? What did Shelly want from me?

A gorgeous, but jumpy, guy dance student at the college led our afternoon class. Blake and I had gotten good at ignoring each other. We choreographed our exits so there would be the maximum number of other students between us. He never apologized or explained why one day he was kissing me and was my boyfriend then the next day he was all over Shelly. What had I done wrong?

Candace and I had gotten back to our room where a note had been clipped to our door. I figured it was from Nicki or Dira. Candace reached for it.

After I flopped on my bed, Candace stood over my bed with the unfolded paper. “It says you need to go to Shelly's room.”

I sat up. “I already dropped her dance bag off with Amy at their room earlier.”

“Maybe she wants to thank you.” Candace pulled my arm.

Maybe she'd confess what she and Blake were rehearsing in the studio on Sunday.

For that, I'd have to go and see.