No Regrets (40 page)

From the sound of Nancy’s voice, I knew the situation was serious, so I decided to jump on a plane the following day. Complicating matters was the fact that it was Super Bowl weekend and the game was being played in Detroit. Most of the flights were booked solid, but I managed to get a ticket and fly into Detroit that Friday afternoon. On the plane, before we landed, the pilot mentioned that a snowstorm was moving into the area, and I became concerned; I thought my plan might be in jeopardy. After we landed, though, I succeeded in renting a car and got on I-75 headed toward Saginaw. Normally this is about a two-hour drive, maybe less. But the snow had already begun to fall, and shortly after we got on the road, the weather took a dramatic turn for the worse. There were some tense moments on the highway, but I finally arrived at my destination—several hours late, but in one piece, thank God. I
got a chance to see my mom briefly that night, and my worst fears were realized: she was close to death. The doctor said she probably wouldn’t last through the weekend.

I was overwhelmed with grief, but also very thankful that I had a chance to say good-bye to my mom. I spent the weekend at the nursing home, and had to return to New York on Sunday. Before leaving, I told my mom it was all right for her to join Dad up in heaven, and that he was waiting for her. I was holding her hand at the time, and even though she couldn’t talk, she squeezed my hand and appeared to understand what I was saying. I kissed her good-bye and told her I loved her, and then drove back to Detroit for my flight home. I later heard from my sister that she passed away just hours after I left.

A few weeks after my mother’s death, I got the news that KISS was being honored by VH1 as part of the network’s first Rock Honors award show in Las Vegas. I wasn’t sure what role I would play in the ceremony, since Tommy Thayer had been wearing my makeup and costume and performing with KISS. I remember Ed Trunk calling me up and saying, angrily, “I can’t fucking believe those guys! That’s your award. You were a cofounder of the band, and you designed the Spaceman makeup and costume!”

I wasn’t sure what to think. As I told Ed, “Well, I guess I’ll be getting a call from Paul or Gene?”

The phone never rang, so Ed came up with the idea for me to play with an all-star band that was also performing on the show. At the time I was a little reluctant to even go to Las Vegas for the taping without a formal invitation from KISS, but Ed convinced me.

“You have to go, Ace. Don’t let them get away with it. They’re always trying to make it seem like you never existed. Fuck ’em!”

So I agreed and booked a flight to L.A. and started rehearsals with Slash, Gilby Clarke, Scott Ian, and Tommy Lee. We rehearsed a couple of days and then jumped on a private jet and were flown to Las Vegas by VH1.

There was a lot of excitement revolving around the show. In addition to KISS, Def Leppard, Judas Priest, and Queen were being honored. When I arrived on the set, I realized that it was a much bigger deal than I had anticipated. As usual, Ed Trunk had given me the right advice. I was still wondering why I never got a call from Paul or Gene concerning the show, but I really didn’t want to think about it. I just pretended that everything was fine; when I saw the guys from KISS, I greeted them like nothing had ever happened, posed with them for a few pictures, and acted like we were long-lost friends. The truth, though, is that I started feeling ill about the whole production and how my contribution to KISS was again being minimized. I’d been sober for some time, but before the show I started feeling even more anxious, and when Slash offered me a drink backstage, I just couldn’t say no. I didn’t want to feel my emotions anymore and was still very upset about my mother’s passing.

Rob Zombie joined us on lead vocals, and together we performed a kick-ass version of “God of Thunder.” Right before the show I suggested to Slash we throw in the riff from Led Zeppelin’s “Bring It on Home” between our guitar solos, and he agreed. It blew my mind that we pulled it off flawlessly, in harmony, without any prior rehearsal. That was a rush!

The show progressed; eventually KISS played a few songs. I wondered if they felt strange during their performance, knowing I was watching their every move. We all posed together at the end of the show for the press, and then it was over.

I went back to my hotel suite knowing I had lost my sobriety, and even though I wanted to blame KISS or my mom’s passing away, I knew deep in my soul it was my own fault. Later I heard from Slash, who apologized for handing me my first drink. He was feeling somewhat guilty, since he had also struggled with addiction, but I assured him that I was planning on getting fucked up anyway, and if it hadn’t been him, it would have been someone else.

I stayed in Vegas a few more days and continued to party, and then
headed back to New York. I should have called some of my sober buddies and told them what happened, but I didn’t want to face the music. I continued drinking and self-medicating and slowly began spinning out of control. By the end of the summer I was a mess. If not for my daughter Monique’s intervention, I’m not sure what would have happened.

One day Monique called and expressed concern for my well-being. She had been told I was getting fucked up, and she was well aware of my destructive behavior. Monique had also been in the same place herself, and she realized I was going down a road from which I might not return. She started crying, and somehow got through to me. When I got off the phone with her, I looked in the mirror and said, “Well, now what?” I knew I was at a point where I hadn’t gone over the edge with what I was taking, but I was very, very close. I had only been drinking and doing pills, but I was seriously thinking about getting some coke. If I’d taken that step, I probably wouldn’t have been able to stop. I would have been on the merry-go-round again, without any desire or strength to get off.

That evening I did some praying and self-examination, and decided to call Monique and tell her I was going to get sober. She was thrilled with the prospect, and I promised I would follow through with my decision. In the next few weeks I opted to slowly decrease the dosage of all the junk I was consuming. Finally, by mid-September, I was completely done with everything. I called Jimmy Jenter and told him I’d like to hit a few meetings that week. I believe he may have heard through some of our mutual friends that I’d fallen off the wagon. He agreed to join me, and I slowly began regaining my sobriety—one day at a time. As of today, I haven’t had a drink or any opiates or tranquillizers since September 15, 2006. By the time this book is released I will have celebrated five years of sobriety!

Life is full of twists and turns, but there are only two roads you can follow. The choice is up to you.

Even though I was working on my new album at the
time, I got the itch to hit the road and perform live with my newly formed band. I hired an agent and we quickly put together a U.S. tour. I realized performing sober was lots of fun, and we kept adding dates to our tour schedule.

I wanted to prove to everyone else in the business that what Gene Simmons had said about me was a lie. He had basically slandered my name in the press by telling everyone I was still a drunk and a drug addict. Furthermore, he said I was unreliable as an artist… and unemployable. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, and I needed to show the world that Gene had his head up his ass. The tour continued in the States and then went through Canada without any mishaps. I appeared at every show and met every contractual obligation that was required of me. I’ve always been the kind of person who draws strength from adversity, and this was just another example of my resiliency.

Later that year we did a sold-out show in London at the Hammersmith Odeon and received rave reviews across the board. With the tour under my belt and some positive press to rebut Gene’s negative campaign, I decided to go back into the studio and finish my new studio album.

Despite the many ups and downs I had with KISS over the years, I couldn’t help but remember all the fun we shared in our formative years. We achieved greatness in the music industry and had several groundbreaking achievements well into the new millennium. To this day I still consider them my brothers in rock ’n’ roll and love them.

When I got back to New York, I went into the studio and recorded the rest of the songs for my new studio album. After completion of the overdubs, I set my sights on California and hired Marty Frederickson to mix and master the CD, with an assist from Anthony Focx. The tracks were sounding great, and while mixing in Burbank, California, I started getting lonely and decided to call up an old acquaintance.

I met Rachael Gordon in 2008 while I was appearing
at the House of Blues in San Diego. Her good friend Victor (who was a big fan of mine) brought her to the show not knowing what to expect. Upon meeting Rachael, I was immediately intrigued and invited her to come back to my hotel for a visit. When she appeared at my door with a group of friends, I asked her to leave the rest of her entourage outside except for her girlfriend Vanessa. My guitar roadie, Mark, was in the room, and he expressed a desire to meet Rachael’s friend. They politely entered my room, and after a few minutes I cornered Rachael and engaged in a conversation to try to get to know her better. While I was talking to her our eyes locked, and I had a very strange sensation. It felt like I had known her my whole life. But how could I? We’d just met. The only thing I could surmise was that we must have had a relationship with each other in a past life.

As we continued talking, the phone rang. It was my road manager. I had a show in Los Angeles the following night, and he informed me that everyone was heading up there now; he suggested I leave as well. I told Rachael I had to split, but not without inviting her to come to L.A. for the weekend. Unfortunately, she declined.

“I’m not that kind of girl,” she said.

We kept in touch sporadically over the next several months, but our schedules wouldn’t allow for a reunion until more than a year had passed. In April 2009 Rachael accepted my invitation to join me in Burbank, where I was finishing my new CD. We spent the entire weekend together and formed a solid bond. She returned a few weeks later and we spent another weekend together. Slowly but surely, we fell in love. Rachael was the first woman I’d met who I felt really understood me; she’s also taught me how to enjoy life again without the use of alcohol and drugs.

I was surprised to discover that Rachael was also a singer. She’d released a few CDs and done some touring, too. With so much in common,
our relationship blossomed, and by July we decided to get a place together in Los Angeles. In the fall she accompanied me on a long European tour. Upon returning to the States we decided to recuperate in Las Vegas for the holidays. After giving it some thought, we decided to get engaged on New Year’s Eve, 2010. We’ve been together ever since.

My latest album,
Anomaly
, was released on
September 15, 2009, to rave reviews, exactly three years after I became sober. It debuted at number 27 on the Billboard 200, which was again special (remember—27 is my lucky number).

But that fall was a time of both celebration and sadness. Shortly before
Anomaly
was released I got the call from a friend at Gibson Guitars who informed me that the great Les Paul had passed away. I had met Les many years earlier and thought he was just a delight to be around. I was lucky enough to have had the pleasure of jamming with Les, and I’ll never forget that day. Les was always up and positive and never had a bad word for anyone. Sometimes he’d even crack silly jokes. For example…

“Ace, you know why I like women with small hands?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“’Cause they make my pecker look bigger!”

Les was a great human being and a creative genius. He was the inventor of multitrack recording and the electric guitar… and so much more.

Some time later I got another call and was asked if I would make a presentation at the New Jersey Hall of Fame to Les Paul’s son, Russ. The ceremony honored New Jerseyans who had made invaluable contributions to society with a Lifetime Achievement Award. Along with Les the honorees included Danny DeVito, Susan Sarandon, and Jack Nicholson, to name a few. I thought it was such an honor to be asked to present the award to Russ Paul, and I quickly accepted.