No Turning Back (13 page)

Ah, the hell with it. Being direct was her preferred method anyway, which was what made his suspicion of her all the more tragic. She'd just come straight out and ask him, then see how he responded. “Ben?”

“Hmm?”

“After all that I've told you and the things you've found out, do you trust me at all?”

He hesitated a moment. “More than I did.”

But not completely. She couldn't stop the sigh from escaping. If all went well, she'd be going with him to Afghanistan to help free Neveah. How awkward was that trip going to be if he didn't trust her further than he could throw her? What was he planning to do, duct tape her wrists and ankles at night to keep her from running away to warn the terrorists? She was so tired of trying to win him over.

“Hey.” He reached over and laid a hand on top of hers.

She jumped in surprise, but the contact sent a jolt of electricity right up to her shoulder. His touch was warm, almost comforting.

“I'm going to help you, okay? That's all I can promise for now.”

A tentative hope bloomed. “Okay.”

He frowned, rubbed her hand. “You're cold. You getting sick?”

Was that concern she detected in his voice? “I'm okay. Just tired and... nervous.” What harm would it do to let her guard down and tell him how much she hated the thought of spending another night there? Being in the prison made her feel like a trapped animal. She didn't want to go back there.

Rather than pull away, Ben wrapped his long fingers around her hand, the heat of his skin and the action itself making her belly do a somersault. Slowly, afraid he'd let go, she uncurled the fingers she'd squeezed into a nervous fist, and he surprised her again by shifting his grip to engulf them. When his thumb swept over her knuckles, her heart squeezed. For a panicked instant she thought she might cry.

“We're not going to let anyone hurt you, Sam, and we're going to get your cousin out.”

Sudden tears pricked her eyes despite her struggle to contain them. “Promise?” she whispered past the lump in her throat.

His pale green gaze ran over her face for a moment. “Swear it on my honor.”

God, she was going to cry. Even after all that had happened, he was so sweet to her. It almost broke her heart. She wanted to crawl into his lap and cuddle up to him so badly her muscles strained with the need. She would have given just about anything to have his strong arms around her for ten seconds, but she was too raw to suffer being rebuffed, and too afraid of ruining the fragile truce between them to try it. Something else she wished were different with her. Her brain always overrode her heart. Practical, not brave. She'd really love to be brave.

They drove the rest of the way in silence, and every atom in her body tuned to him. The spicy cedar notes in his cologne teased her nose, but anxiety dulled all that as the prison gate came into view. Her heart started to thud.

Another night trapped behind those unyielding bars, lying on her hard bunk, unable to sleep despite her exhaustion because of all the eyes watching her and Fahdi wanting to talk next door. She hated it in there, hated feeling like a criminal when she was innocent.

A block away from the main entrance, Ben pulled the Suburban to a stop and parked against the curb. He killed the engine.

She glanced at him, nerves skittering in her stomach. What now?

Letting out a deep breath, he met her eyes. “All right, I
hate
sending you back there,” he admitted. “I've been trying to think of somewhere else to take you, but I can't think of any place you'd be as safe, except... with me and Rhys.”

Her breath caught. Would he really let her stay with them?

“Truth is, I can't stand the thought of you alone and scared in that cell, and I'll be damned if I'm leaving you there for another night.”

She didn't dare say anything, prayed he'd take her with him.

“I can keep an eye on you as easily as a prison guard, and you'll be way more comfortable in a real bed for a night or two. Besides, you're going to need to be sharp when we go into Kabul.” The concern in his gaze touched her. “I bet you haven't had much sleep the last week, have you?”

“Not really.” Understatement of the year.

“That's what I figured.” He shook his head as he studied her. “You're lucky nothing happened to you out there.”

“I know.”

“I wish you'd contacted one of us right away instead of taking off by yourself.”

“I wanted to call you, but I didn't know who I could trust.”

“For the record, you can trust me.”

Sam glanced down at her lap and blinked fast to stem the tears gathering in her eyes.

“Do you believe me?”

She met his eyes. “Yes.” With all her heart.

“Good. Now let's get you to the hotel so you can get some sleep.”

Holy crap. He was going to take her back with him. “So do... you
do
trust me a little?”

Ben looked down at their joined hands, kept moving his thumb in that hypnotic, almost tender, motion. “My gut says you're telling the truth. My brain's ninety percent on board with that.”

But he wasn't positive.

“Here's the thing, Sam. I want to believe you. So if you have anything else to get off your conscience, tell me now, before it's too late, because the one thing I won't forgive you for is lying.” He held her eyes. “Don't ever lie to me, Sam. On this mission, people's lives depend on the others and me being able to trust you. So don't you ever,
ever
lie to me. Okay?”

She sensed some deeply buried pain beneath his words. This wasn't just about the upcoming op, this was because someone in his past had hurt him terribly by lying. She was certain of it. God, she wished she knew what to say to make him believe her, but she'd just have to earn his trust back somehow. “I understand.”

He sighed. “Okay.”

Without thinking, Sam leaned over to throw her arms around his neck and held on. “Thank you,” she whispered, eyes squeezed shut.

Ben went stiff for a moment, as though she'd startled him. Then his hands slid up her back, making the skin tingle everywhere they made contact as he drew her close in a gentle hug. Sam melted against him, shuddering with relief. All the fear, all the tension and strain she'd been under disappeared within the circle of his strong arms.

She'd needed this from him so much. God he felt good, and he smelled fantastic, a mix of soap and subtle cologne. She drew in a deep breath, exhaled as she buried her face in his throat. The stubble on his skin abraded her pleasantly. His pulse throbbed strong and steady under her cheek. She lay against him, somewhat surprised he hadn't pushed her away yet.

She might as well savor the moment while it lasted, because it might be the only time she ever got to feel his arms around her like this, and she intended to make the most of it.

Ah, Christ
.

Ben's heart squeezed as Sam clung to him, all warm curves and vulnerable softness. Her hair felt like cool satin against his palm. He'd known she was nervous, but he'd had no idea how scared she was to go back to the prison. Add in her question about him believing her, delivered with her heart in her eyes, and... Well, it would take a man a lot harder than him to stomp out that spark of hope.

Until now he hadn't understood how desperately she'd wanted him to believe in her, but the way she'd pressed against him, like a frightened child, made him want to gather her up in his lap and tuck her in close. That was not a good move, though. Not with the way his body was reacting to the feel of her. Already his erection strained against the fly of his cargo pants.

Instead, he concentrated on stroking her hair from the crown of her head to where it lay between her shoulder blades in soft black waves. He missed the titian color, but was glad she'd had the brains to dye it as soon as she'd gone into hiding.

Sam made a tiny nestling movement and sighed as though she'd wanted to be in his arms forever and just been granted her fondest wish. His already strong protective feelings toward her intensified.

Christ, he hated the thought of her on the run, alone and scared, not knowing who to trust or where to go. It amazed him she'd lived long enough to contact him. Yet she'd managed to keep herself alive, using her brain and her wits to evade capture, then had the sense to call him for help when she realized she couldn't keep going alone. He admired the hell out of her. Especially since she'd done all that, plus tried to warn the ops team while on the run, the whole time knowing she was innocent.

Ben was almost positive she was innocent. But he'd missed signs once already, and Bryn had paid the price. He was not going to make the same mistake twice. No matter how much he liked Sam, he had to rely on his gut and brains this time and not let his emotions get in the way.

But man, he goddamn hated the idea of her going with them into Afghanistan. It was like the op with Bryn all over again, only worse, because this time he knew exactly what could happen to her if he and the others couldn't protect her, and they had other innocent American lives at stake. Plus, all Tehrazzi had to do was pull the right string, and Sam could be the greatest threat to them all. He was messing with their minds, and they were letting him, probably playing right into his hands.

Ben hoped Luke knew what the hell he was doing. The fact that he'd trained Tehrazzi was helpful, but the head injury made Ben damned uneasy, and so did the way Luke hinted at using him to be Sam's keeper. He was already emotionally attached to her because he liked her and didn't want anything bad to happen to her, plus he was naturally protective of her because she was a woman. Okay, an insanely attractive woman, which only made that instinct stronger. He suspected Luke knew this, and was using it to his advantage to keep a close watch on Sam.

Ben hated lies or deception of any kind, so whatever the real deal was, he'd have preferred to find out from Luke and not have to analyze it on his own. And as far as his growing feelings for Sam were concerned? He'd just have to keep them from interfering with his judgment. Wouldn't be a problem, though. If he messed up, Rhys would kick his ass back to reality and tell him like it was.

He didn't know why Sam had chosen him above all the others, but Ben hoped it wasn't because she saw him as the most gullible of the group or the easiest to manipulate. She didn't seem capable of it, but that didn't mean it wasn't possible. If he wanted to do his job properly he'd have to maintain some sort of barrier from her regardless, because if Luke intended to use her as bait, then her life depended on them all being razor sharp. None of that changed anything, of course. He still wanted her on the first flight home to Virginia.

Yeah, Sam was wicked smart. Yeah, she was brave. But she was too gentle, too innocent of how these assholes worked to take this on. In his opinion, using her to get to Tehrazzi wasn't nearly good enough motivation for placing her life in that kind of jeopardy. They'd already tried it with Bryn, and look how that went. They'd all freaked when she'd been in danger. Well, he and Dec had. Luke and Rhys were different animals. They didn't freak about anything. As for Davis, Ben had yet to see him even break a sweat, so he could probably be lumped in with the other two. But Sam... She was in way over her head on this one. She was going to need all the help she could get.

Damn, she felt good all up against him like this. He
so
wanted her to be telling the truth. He wasn't sure how he'd deal with it if it turned out she wasn't. She was beautiful and bright and quirky, so full of warmth and determination. He'd seen the iron will inside her, and how tightly controlled her life was. Man, he'd love to be the one to loosen her up and get her to let go. His cock leapt at the thought.

When he tightened his arms, she shuddered. Closing his eyes, Ben kissed the top of her head because he couldn't help himself. Poor baby. She was exhausted and worried to death about her cousin, the one person she loved most on earth. He wanted to ease her anxiety somehow. Because he was thinking about kissing away the shadows he'd seen in her big brown eyes, he set her away from him. “Tired?”

She settled back into her seat and did up the belt, her grateful smile tearing at his heart. “A little.”

He fired up the engine and turned the vehicle around, then drove straight to the hotel where he and Rhys were sharing a room. When he helped her down from the truck in the underground garage, he couldn't help notice again how tiny she was compared to him. He was six-three and two-twenty, give or take. The top of her head came up to his collarbones. She had to be five-six at the most, maybe one-thirty. How the hell had she made it this far on her own? She knew next to nothing about anti-surveillance, hand-to-hand combat and weapons. Sure, she was a wizard with computers and electronics. But how was that going to help you in the ass end of Afghanistan while you fought for your life against one of the most powerful terrorists in the eastern hemisphere? His heartburn started up again.

With a guiding hand on her back, Ben led her to the stairs and up to the sixth floor, down the hall to his suite. He unlocked the door and let her in, stepping in behind her and met Rhys’ gaze.

“Sam's going to stay with us.”

True to form, his self-contained twin only nodded, his dark blue eyes betraying not even a hint of surprise. It was damned eerie, how much control he had over not showing what was going on in his head. Ben regretted not inheriting that gene.

Sam tried a brave smile. “Hi, Rhys.”

“Hey. How's it going?”

“Good. I appreciate you letting me stay here.”

“No problem. You eaten yet?”

“No.”

Rhys went over to the mini bar, cracked it open and put some crackers, nuts and bottled water on the table for her. “I'll take the couch,” he offered.

“No,” Ben said. “I'll take it. She can have my bed.”

Sam looked at him, then at Rhys. “I'll take the couch. It's the least I can do, and I'm a heck of a lot smaller than both of you.”

No way was Ben going to make her sleep on the couch, especially when she'd spent the previous night in a prison cell. He wanted her safe, warm and comfortable, and for her to know she was behind a securely bolted door with two former Special Ops soldiers to guard her from any threat Tehrazzi and his evil minions could dish out. And that was only for starters. If it would ease her mind, he'd gladly stay up all night and watch over her with a gun in his hand. And he was
so
not going to analyze the reasons behind that. “You're taking my bed. I've got work to do anyway.”