Nobilissima (38 page)

“Yes. I learned a lot.”

“I thought we were both taking time off for a few days?”

“I know. I was bored.”

“Bored? After three days of being married? That won’t look good.”

“Look good to whom? I don’t care what anyone thinks. Besides, you were out hunting and I was sitting here doing nothing.”

Constantius sat while the servant slid soft leather sandals on to his feet, then he walked over to join me on the couch. “What do you imagine people think when they see you working and I’m out riding?” he asked.

“No one would think anything,” I answered. “Everyone knows how much you’ve given to the Empire. Your dedication is unparalleled. If you take a couple of days off, who is going to mind?”

He was quiet, his mouth set in a firm line of disapproval and his eyes narrowed. Suddenly, he leaned forward and touched the gold pendant that hung around my neck. “You have to stop wearing this,” he said. “I know that Ataulf gave it to you.”

I didn’t answer because I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t lie about it and nor could I defend my continued attachment to it. But to take it off felt like a momentous gesture, a final parting from Ataulf that I couldn’t bear.

Constantius looked into my eyes and I saw his face flush with anger. Seconds later, he pulled hard on the pendant and the chain broke, spilling into his hand like golden blood. I felt my eyes fill with tears and I turned my head away. Constantius threw the pendant to the floor and put his hand on my cheek, forcing me to look at him.

“It’s over,” he said. “Ataulf is dead. You’re mine now.”

Pushing his hand away, I jumped to my feet. “I don’t belong to you. I don’t belong to anyone. I married you because my brother told me to.”

I was shaking as though I were standing outside in falling snow. Constantius stood and I flinched, half expecting him to strike me. But he remained still, looking at me. “I know everyone believes I married you to improve my position and that is true. But you are a beautiful, intelligent and compassionate woman and it’s hard not to fall in love with you.”

I shook my head, fighting off his words. I didn’t want him to love me. A marriage of convenience was one thing. An emotional attachment was something I wasn’t ready for.

“I understand,” he said. “Maybe, with time, you’ll feel differently. I will see you at dinner.’

He left my room and I stood for a long time, feeling cold and alone.

Chapter 35

For several months, as the long winter wore on, the days assumed a steady rhythm that helped me shake off the depression that had gripped me after the confrontation with Constantius. We both avoided talking about the evening when he had broken the pendant. I’d picked it up and hidden it deep under clothing in a chest. I wouldn’t wear it again but I knew it was there and that comforted me.

Honorius relied more and more on the two of us to conduct the business of the court. He was always in attendance, sometimes content to watch or doze in his throne, sometimes irritable and quarrelsome, arguing with a decision or tearing up a document for no apparent reason. Constantius accompanied me to the audience chamber each day and we managed to work well together, cooperating on solving problems and usually agreeing on decisions.

One morning, I woke up early, feeling nauseous and ran to lean over the glass bowl that I used for washing my hands. Bile burned my throat and I knew what I had suspected for some weeks: I was pregnant. As I wiped my mouth with a linen cloth and rang the bell for a servant, Constantius appeared, looking groggy with sleep. His eyes widened when he saw me and he smiled.

“Is it what I think?” he asked. “A child?”

I nodded, and he caught hold of me, squeezing me in a tight embrace.

“I can’t breathe,” I said, pushing him away. “I’m going to lie down for a few minutes.”

My coldness didn’t seem to discourage him in the least and he followed me back to the bed, talking about the baby.

“It’s too early to be sure of anything,” I warned him but his wide smile stayed in place, and I let him adjust the covers to make me comfortable and said nothing when he shouted at the servants to hurry up with breakfast.

After eating, I felt better and soon it was time to go to the audience chamber. We walked together through the long, cold corridors. Outside, white frost coated the lawns and flowerbeds, creating marble statues of dormant rose bushes and bare-branched trees. I paused to look, but Constantius hurried me along so that we wouldn’t be late.

As soon as the guards pushed open the doors to the chamber, I knew that something was wrong. The room was bustling with people as usual but there was a buzz of excited voices that was unusual. Honorius was on his throne already, but there were no chickens in sight. A group of senior administrators stood beside the throne.

“Come in and approach,” said Honorius. Blossoms of red flushed his pale cheeks and his eyes glittered. I wondered if he were sick but knew that if he felt unwell he wouldn’t have risen from his bed. He was prone to hypochondria, a strange condition first described by the Greeks. He often imagined that he was ill, despite firm assurances by his physicians that nothing was wrong. Many of his doctors had been sent away from court for not showing the right amount of concern for some illusory ailment.

“Come, come,” he said again, waving us forward. Constantius took my hand in his. It was hard to guess what Honorius was up to and any change from his normal behavior was cause for concern.

Honorius gestured to one of the men standing next to the throne and the official opened a parchment and began to read from it. I heard the words but they made no sense at first. It was only when I glanced at Constantius and saw the look of joy on his face that I realized what Honorius had done. He had given Constantius the title of Consul. It was an immense honor, placing Constantius second only to the Emperor himself in power and authority. Everyone began to applaud and Constantius let go of my hand and knelt in front of Honorius to express his thanks.

I felt numb, excluded from the power base now shared by my brother and my husband. I looked up and saw Marcus watching me. He pushed one corner of his mouth upward, a signal to me to remember to smile. I wondered what he thought of Constantius’s sudden elevation but his face gave away nothing and he politely applauded with everyone else.

Honorius ordered a banquet in celebration and sent the entire staff into a paroxysm of feverish activity. Normal business was suspended for the day and Honorius suggested that I leave him alone with Constantius so that they could discuss his new role in the governing of the Empire. I tried to catch Constantius’s eye to encourage him to ask if I could stay, but he seemed oblivious. With no choice but to obey Honorius, I left the chamber. Marcus caught up with me in the hallway and offered to walk me back to my rooms.

“It’s not as bad as it seems,” he said consolingly. “You are now both the sister of the Emperor and the wife of the most important commoner in the Empire. All that power will rub off on you too. Everyone knows how much you participate in the decision-making. There is little now that you can’t achieve as long as you have Constantius on your side.”

“But what if I don’t?” I asked. “Constantius can do more or less as he likes now. If he decides he doesn’t need my help, then what? I’m a wife and that is all. He married me to get close to the throne and now he’s achieved that goal, far more quickly than anyone could imagine.”

Marcus drew me to a marble bench nestled between two massive Greek statues of Aphrodite and Athena. How odd, I thought, that images of the old Greek gods were considered acceptable even as the Emperor and Pope did all they could to obliterate any evidence of their Roman counterparts.

It was chilly and I drew my cloak closer around my shoulders. My stomach hurt and I hoped I wouldn’t be sick again.

“Honorius has had this honor in mind for some time,” said Marcus. “Constantius is a hero and almost everyone admires him. But undoubtedly, there would have been someone to dispute his abilities and make it hard for Honorius to push through his appointment as Consul – just because it is such a vital and coveted post. But once he became your husband, no one would dare to object, mostly out of respect for you, Placidia.”

“But why Constantius?”

Marcus gave a dry laugh. “Let’s be glad it’s not another Olympius,” he said, and I shivered at the memory of him.

“Constantius has good values,” continued Marcus. “He’s trustworthy and truthful, and a good leader, but in my opinion, he’s a better warrior than statesman. He’ll need your help and you must make yourself indispensable to him.”

He looked at me and lifted my chin with his hand. “It’ll be easy for you to do. You already know so much more than he does, and you have a way with people that he lacks. He can talk eloquently of troop deployments and munitions. He banters with his men and they adore him. But haven’t you noticed how stilted his conversation is at court? It’s not his domain and it is yours. He’ll only succeed if he has your help and I’d take a wager that he knows it.”

I smiled into Marcus’s brown eyes, feeling, as I always did, warmed and comforted by him.

“You’re looking a little pale,” he said. “It’s freezing out here. Let’s get you back to your rooms.”

“Thank you, Marcus. You know how much I appreciate you.”

He left me at my doors and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “You’ll be fine,” he said.

Not long after settling on my favorite couch, I heard a knock at the door. It was Aurelia.

“Marcus told me about Constantius!” she exclaimed. She stopped in mid step. “You’re very pale. Are you all right?”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

Aurelia rushed to my side and took my hand in hers. “Is that good? Are you happy?”

“I don’t know. I think it’s right for us to have children together, but I’m scared. I lost a child once and I know there’s no certainty. Nothing is sure, especially not the life of a baby.”

“Hush, you mustn’t think that way. You’ll have a healthy child, I’m sure of it.”

“And will it come to hate me, as Serena predicted?”

“No. And I expect to be made godmother, so I’ll be there all the time to help you. Oh, I am so happy for you.”

I hugged my friend, seeing the tears in her eyes and understanding what it must feel like to be unable to bear children.

Aurelia sat back and wiped her eyes. “Now tell me more about Constantius being made Consul.”

I related what had happened in the audience chamber and told Aurelia about my talk with Marcus. “At first, I admit, I was jealous, and upset to see such a hasty rise in status for my husband. But what Marcus said makes sense. I must find ways to be included and to be useful.”

“For you, that’s not hard,” said Aurelia. “But now back to the baby. How are we going to make sure that you rest as much as you need to?”

I laughed. “When I was expecting Theodosius, we traveled from Nizza to Narbo and then up into Pyrenees. I didn’t get much rest, and both baby and I were fine. No, I intend to stay in motion as much as possible. And if the weather would just improve a little, we can begin taking long walks in the gardens again.”

We were interrupted by a hammering on the door that made my heart jump. But it was just a guard asking permission to send in a messenger. The man held out a letter to me and stood in silence waiting for a reply.

“It’s from the Bishop,” I told Aurelia, as I broke the seal and opened the document. I read it through once and, confused, read it again.

“You’re frowning. What does it say?” asked Aurelia.

He says that it has been brought to his attention that one of my close personal staff is engaged in pagan worship, and that he requests me to take immediate steps to send her away.”

“Sylvia,” breathed Aurelia. “But how could he know?”

“Someone told him, and I know who it is.” I gestured to the guard. “Send for the priest Alanus. Bring him here at once.”

I told the messenger that I needed some time to reply to the Bishop and would send my own messenger when I was ready. He nodded stiffly and backed out of the room, head bowed.

Aurelia read the letter while I paced the edges of the room. Minutes later, Alanus was shown in. He wore his usual supercilious expression. “Nobilissima, it is a pleasure to see you. How may I be of assistance?”

I took the letter from Aurelia and gave it to him. When he looked up, his eyes were wary. “I’m not sure what this has to do with me,” he said.

“Alanus, who inside the palace would be looking out for any signs of paganism but you? Who else would have access to the Bishop?”

He shifted his weight on his feet and pursed his lips.

“I expect an answer, Alanus.”

“It’s my duty to do what I did,” he said.

“To spy on me and my staff?”

“To uphold the tenets of the orthodox church and ensure that the law is being obeyed.”

“To run telling stories to the Bishop with no proof?”

“I do have proof,” he protested. “I saw the person in question coming out of the old temple on Via Rimini. It has been boarded up but they find ways to break in and use it.”

“Did you talk with that person?”