Nobilissima (47 page)

The tribune of the guard showed us to our quarters, leading us down a set of steep steps into the hold of the boat. Ducking under low beams, we made our way to an area that had been curtained off for privacy. Inside were four narrow bunks and a small table. Sylvia and I put the children on one of the bunks and Valentinian began to bounce up and down.
 

“Stop it,” Honoria told him, sitting rigidly on the bed with her arms wrapped around her. “It’s so small,” she said. “And I’m cold. I want to go back to the palace.”

Sylvia pulled a blanket from the bed and wrapped it around the girl’s shoulders. “We’ll have you warm and cozy in no time,” she said. “You and Claudia will share this bunk and keep each other company.”

“I don’t want to share with Claudia,” said Honoria. “Mama, tell her that I won’t.”

“Then you have to share with Valentinian,” I said, my thoughts on the rest of the staff. Most of them would be sleeping on mattresses on the wooden floor. The ship rocked from side to side and I put my hand out to steady myself on the table, wondering what it would be like at sea if the ship could move so much at anchor in the harbor.
 

I caught Claudia looking at me and managed a smile.
 

“This will be an adventure,” I said. “We’ll see flying fish and maybe dolphins too.”

Claudia smiled back. “I’d love to see those.”

“Will there be whales, Mama?” Valentinian asked, still bouncing.

“Perhaps,” I replied. “But only if you children are very good, and do everything that Sylvia tells you. I’m going to talk with the others but will be back soon.”

I pushed the curtain aside and did a tour of the cramped area, talking to each of the staff to make sure they had a mattress and blankets. My chosen attendants, Olivia and Letitia, were looking dubiously at the space assigned to them, but they were quick to assure me that they’d be comfortable. Aurelia had decided to stay with me, while Marcus camped with two chamberlains and a group of my guards.

The men all jumped up and stood at attention at my approach, their heads bent to avoid hitting the low ceiling formed by the deck above us. I told them to stand down.
 

“There’s no space here for formalities,” I said.

The men settled back on their mattress rolls.

“Are you going to be all right here?” I asked Marcus.

“Of course. This is luxurious compared to some of the garrisons I’ve stayed in,” he replied, and everyone laughed.
 

A sailor came down the steps and warned us that the ship was about to depart.

“Secure your belongings,” he shouted.

Minutes later, I heard the beat of drums and the cries of the crew as the ship made her way out of the harbor. A bell clanged when we emerged into the open water and I felt the movement of the vessel change as it met the choppy waves head on. I went back to the children to find them still arguing over their sleeping spaces and, looking to distract them, asked Sylvia to make arrangements for a late breakfast for us all. Soon, the comforting clink of dishes filled the air and the children settled down to eat a small meal of bread and fruit. I sat with them, but couldn’t eat. My stomach felt queasy and I hoped I wouldn’t suffer from seasickness. Already, the air in the enclosed space felt close and stale, tinged with the pungent smell of the pitch that coated the beams and decking. It would be far worse after days of sailing.

I thought about Honorius and the palace. The courtiers would be dressing and primping, and the clerics, lawyers and financiers would soon be lining up at the palace doors to attend meetings and wait for an audience with the imperial representatives. I wondered if Honorius would cancel the proceedings for the day, or if no one would miss me and life would continue as usual there.

Several days passed, almost indistinguishable from the nights in the caliginous shadows of the hold. Lamps burned at all hours and the constant shifting of the passengers congregated so closely together made it hard to sleep. The galley crew laid earthenware tiles at one end of the hold and lit charcoal fires over which they roasted meat and grilled bread. The meals they produced were welcome, but the air grew steadily thick with fumes that burned the throat and nostrils of everyone there.

Marcus and the guards spent most of their time up on deck and I envied them their freedom. The ladies were expected to stay down below, out of sight of the crew, but Aurelia found an excuse to go up and visit Marcus one morning, carrying up his cane in case he should need it.

She came back to the cabin with her hair blown and her cloak carrying the smell of sea air. She looked worried and I pulled her to one side.

“What’s wrong?” I asked in a low tone.
 

“I fear a storm is coming in,” she whispered. “The sky is dark and the wind is growing stronger by the minute.”

“I want to see,” I said. “I can’t stand being down here any longer.”

I followed Aurelia up the narrow steps and out on to the deck. Straightening up to my full height for the first time in days, I stretched my neck and arms and inhaled the fresh air. But Aurelia was right. It seemed that a storm was coming our way. The sky was leaden and the wind blew the sea into a restless vortex of foam and spray.
 

“It looks bad, don’t you think?” asked Aurelia.

I felt unease settling in my stomach like bad food but I decided to be optimistic.

“We have one of the best captains on the Adriatic," I said, "and we'll
 
trust his judgment and his skill.”

“We should go back down,” Aurelia said, clinging to the railing. But I shook my head. “Let’s stay for a while. Just look at those clouds!”
 

Gradually, every shred of light in the morning sky dissolved, leaving only a strip of livid silver where it touched the sea. The waves grew higher, throwing up spray that drenched us from head to toe, but still I remained, fascinated by the boiling mass of black and purple clouds. The wind strengthened and the masts shuddered in the gusts. It was hard to think with all the noise, far less speak.

The captain strode past with two crewmen close behind. When he saw us, he bellowed at us to get down and secure ourselves with ropes to the beams underneath. The wind distorted his words, but we could tell from his frantic gestures what he wanted us to do.

Soaked through, we clambered back down and told the others the grim news. With shaking hands, we all fastened ropes around each other, fumbling with knots. Marcus and the guards appeared soon afterwards and helped secure the children, who were in such a lather of excitement and fear that they were crying and laughing at the same time. The boat heaved to one side, and a thunderclap cracked overhead, followed by an answering explosion from the ship.
 

“One of the masts has snapped,” muttered Marcus.
 

We heard terrible screams from the decks above and a screech of timbers. Seawater streamed in through the boards over our heads, and I realized that it was lapping around my ankles. Within seconds, it was at knee height and some of the ladies were starting to panic, crying aloud.

Marcus shouted above the cacophony of wind and waves. “We must go up on the deck or we will drown.”
 

With fingers numb with cold and clumsy with fear, we all untied the ropes that now threatened our lives. Aurelia held Honoria, I took Valentinian, and we scrambled up the stairway to the opening above. Marcus stayed below to help the women, who screamed as the water rose to their waists and their heavy cloaks hampered their escape.

Just as I emerged on to the deck, the
 
ship lurched to one side and I scrabbled for a handhold to stop myself from falling. Looking around for a safe place to stand, I saw that the central mast had snapped in two, leaving jagged fingers of wood pointing accusingly at the sky. The top half of the mast rolled to and fro over the deck, pushed by the force of the waves that pounded at the sides of the ship. Giving it a wide berth, I led the others towards the bow of the ship, hoping to find shelter. The deck sloped away at a steep angle, making it hard for us to keep our footing, and, skidding across the sodden boards, we seemed certain to slide to the edge and fall into the sea.

Frantically, I looked around for shelter and noticed a stack of barrels still held firm by their ropes to one of the smaller masts. With Valentinian wailing at my side, I crept my way towards them, shouting to Aurelia and Sylvia to follow me. A gust of wind pushed us sideways towards the black water that waited like a huge, open mouth to swallow us up. I wondered what it would be like to drown, and tried to push the thought away. If I died, Valentinian would too, and I wasn’t going to let that happen. Throwing myself forward, I grabbed the rim of one of the barrels. Wedging myself among them, I turned and held out my hand to Aurelia, pulling her to safety. Sylvia followed, and we huddled together with the children between us. Valentinian was still crying, but the two little girls were pale and quiet, their eyes wide with fear.
 

“I want to go home, mama,” whispered Honoria.

It was eerily dark, and the rain obscured my view, but I kept my eyes on the entry to the hold, watching for others to come up. Several figures climbed out and made their way along the handrail towards the back of the ship. Minutes later, two more emerged, and immediately began to slip down the tilted deck. As they came closer, I recognized Olivia and Letitia. With horror, I saw Olivia’s feet go out from under her, her arms flailing until she grabbed Letitia’s cloak. They both fell, and slid along the treacherous boards. I heard their screams, but the sound of their tumble into the abyss was snatched away by the furious wind. Shocked and trembling, I crouched lower among the barrels. Aurelia was crying, and I knew she was waiting for Marcus to appear.
 

With each roll of the ship, I prayed to Saint John, begging him to save us from the storm. “I will build a great church to honor your name,” I said out loud. “If not for me, please do this for my children, who are innocent of any wrongdoing.”

Finally, I gave up my prayers and pressed closer to Aurelia and Sylvia, and we pulled our soaking wet cloaks around ourselves and the children in a futile attempt to get warm. Waves crashed over our heads in great swells of foam-flecked green, like monsters seeking out prey. I feared we would all get sucked out to sea, but the ropes securing the barrels held firm.

The storm raged on for the rest of the day and all the long night, its constant roar punctuated by screams and the crack of splintered timber. Finally, a faint thread of pink appeared on the horizon and I began to hope that the storm might end. The wind died down, and the waves subsided a little but the battered ship was still listing heavily to one side. The growing daylight revealed the true horror of what had befallen us. The broken mast had rolled across the deck, trailing ropes and sails, entangling men who lay groaning in pain from their injuries. Several were still, pinned to the deck by wooden struts. The railings along one side of the ship had broken away, exposing a vertiginous drop to the water below.
 

The captain of the ship made his way across the deck, slashing at the ropes that held his crew prisoner, and barking commands to those who could still stand. Some of them came to help, lifting the children clear before helping us to our feet.
 
My limbs were numb from the cold and wet, and from being in one position all night. We picked our way with care across the debris-strewn deck towards the hold, holding the children close so that they wouldn’t see the bodies.
 

The captain stopped us at the stairway.

“We need time to work the pumps and drain the water,” he said. “And there are some poor souls down there who didn’t get out in time. Give my men a while and we’ll do everything we can to make you comfortable.”

His jaw worked as though he wanted to say more, but he turned on his heel and strode away still shouting orders at his exhausted crew. I clutched Aurelia’s hand and could think of no words to say. Anything I said would be meaningless until we knew if Marcus was alive.
 

I saw a group of women coming from the back of the ship and called to them to join me quickly. “Have you seen any others?” I asked. “Do you know where Marcus is?”

They looked at me blankly, dazed with shock. I asked again. “Where’s Marcus?”

One of them shook her head. “I don’t know. He was helping to free us from the ropes and pushed us up the ladder to the deck. But he was still down there with the rest of the soldiers when we left.”

“Oh God,” murmured Aurelia. “Please let him be safe.”

A few more of the household staff appeared and I began a mental count of how many might be missing.
 

“Stay here,’ I said. Letting go of Valentinian’s hand, I went to the top of the stairway and started to climb down.
 

“What are you doing?” asked Sylvia. “The captain said to wait here.”

I didn’t answer.

The smell was the first thing that hit me. A foul mix of seawater and blood that made me gag. I hesitated for a second before going further then, holding my breath, I stepped down into the hold. There was still a foot of water slopping around, on which floated an array of clothes and pans.