Nobody's Baby (14 page)

“You’re dodging the question with a question again. I suspect we have a lot in common when it comes to the tangled emotions between a parent and child. One thing I’ve learned is that the parents’ actions don’t have to dictate the child’s. I’m not my mother. You’re not Hank. For A.J.’s sake, you need to get this out and get past it. Talk to me.”

“For A.J.’s sake. Don’t you see? He’s the one I’m trying to protect.”

“There’s more to taking care of a baby than providing for their basic needs. What are you supposedly shielding him from?”

Rio squeezed his eyes closed, hating for her to know the truth, but she was right about him needing to talk to someone about this. It had been eating at him every second since A.J. had shown his face to the world. He struggled with the word. “Me.”

Kate tossed her head back and laughed.

“I’m slicing open a vein here and you find that funny?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh, but the idea that you’re going to hurt A.J. is just so ... ridiculous it’s laughable. Rio, that’s not even remotely who you are.”

“You can’t know that. You don’t know everything about me.”

“I know enough. Important things.”

“Haven’t you ever heard the expression ‘like father, like son’? It’s clichéd because there’s truth in it. The propensity toward violence is inside me.”

“It’s in all of us. Doesn’t mean most of us will give it free rein.” She leaned forward. “How bad was it?”

“A lot of people had it worse. On our own, Mom and I didn’t have money because Hank designed it that way. As a family, we looked perfectly normal on the outside. Typical middle class, house-in-the-suburbs people with the stay-at-home mom, the working dad and a kid.”

“He hurt you? Your mother too?” There was sadness in her voice.

“There’s scientific evidence to support the fact that children of violence are more likely to exhibit violence.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

She’d supplied the answer to her questions with that yes. Said what he hadn’t admitted aloud for years. That yes stunk up the room like Limburger cheese.

Rio tried to shake off the memory, but the horror of that night would never completely leave him. Hank had come home in a worse mood than usual. Always, there was a fog over the whole scene because his head had been reeling from the blow, his eye swelling shut. But he’d never forgotten the sensation of his bone snapping under the grip of those big hands or the red haze of pain that arrowed into his body. “Once. My mom stopped him.”

“That’s one time too many. I’m sorry you’ve had to live with such a horrible memory.”

He’d never figured out how to accept sympathy for such a thing, so he shrugged. “My mom drew the brunt of his anger to herself, to protect me. When that stopped working, she took him out with a frying pan, called an ambulance, and we ended up in a shelter.”

“So you get your protective instincts from your mother.”

“She ... I guess so.” He’d seen the look of determination and anger on his mom’s face when she’d struck, had been so worried about how the violence of both parents would affect his own actions, he’d allowed his memory to completely dismiss the love behind her actions.

Rio felt like a water buffalo had head-butted him into a mire and left him stuck in the mud, but he’d been rescued. Kate had come along and pulled him free. His world tilted off axis as he wrapped his head around this new version of his past.

“You might look like him, might be of similar build, but your upbringing and free will come into play too.” She continued to try to convince him of his own goodness, with no idea the impact her words had on him. No idea.

Looking at the earnestness on her face, the concern, his chest filled and expanded. He wanted to crush Kate to him and swing her around until she laughed again, to kiss her and keep right on kissing her. He wanted. Oh, yeah, he definitely wanted. And because he did, because it was impossible, he held up a hand and pretended to listen. “Did you hear that?”

“No. What?” she asked in hushed tones.

He stared at the silent monitor because he couldn’t keep up the pretense under Kate’s direct scrutiny. Not without showing her the rawness that was inside him, bursting to get out. It was too new. “I’d better go check on him.”

Kate rose from her sofa. “But honestly, I didn’t hear —”

“Stay. I’ll call if I need you.” He snatched up the monitor.

“Rio. I’m closer to that thing than you were. I would’ve heard if he’d made a noise. Did I do something, say something that offended you? If so, I apologize. That wasn’t my intention.” There were big tears in her eyes. Tears of regret and compassion. For him.

He returned the monitor to the table and pulled her to her feet, took the mug and set it aside.

Her eyes widened, her throat bobbed.

“It’s not what you said, Kate. It’s you. You see me like no one else has. It makes me want to be that man, makes me want to do things that would complicate everything. Like this.” Rio linked the fingers of one hand through hers.

Her gaze turned wary. Her back straightened.

“And this.” With his free arm, he circled her waist and pulled her closer.

“Not a good idea.” There was a husky quality to her voice that belied the warning in her words. “Remember?”

“I do. That’s why you should’ve let me go while I still had the willpower to avoid this.” The instant his lips touched hers, her body relaxed against him. Cool fingers tunneled into his hair, massaging his neck, sending sizzles straight into his groin.

He hadn’t meant for the kiss to be anything more than another taste of her, but it took on a life of its own.

Rio poured his gratitude into the kiss. Kate opened to him. He tasted warm chocolate and the sweetness of her. She matched him kiss for kiss as the taste he’d yearned for became a feast.

When his need for her became a physical ache, he came to his senses, pulled away and sank into the sofa cushion, dragging her across his lap. A tiny sound escaped from her throat when her thigh brushed against the evidence of his desire.

Kate’s breath puffed warm on his neck as she tried to push away.

“Shh. Be still. Let me hold you. I need to hold you.”

“Oh, Rio.” The fight left her. She sank into him with a shaky sigh and proceeded to wet the front of his shirt with her tears. He couldn’t weep for the boy he’d been, nor did he wish to dwell on the pain of his past. So, he held and soothed, suspecting her emotional storm was the result of hormones in turmoil and an empathetic nature. She would make a great child psychologist someday.

He held her long after the last sniffle, after she fell asleep and as long as he dared. When he was sure A.J. would stir any minute, he carried her to bed and covered her with a blanket. More than anything, he wanted to crawl in beside her, to hold her through the night.

What the hell had she done to him?

It didn’t matter that they couldn’t make love. It didn’t matter that he’d probably be more sexually frustrated come morning than he’d ever been in his life. Those things simply didn’t matter as much as just being with Kate.

*
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A
fter observing Rio over the next two days, Kate thought she noticed a slight shift in his interactions with A.J. It was more a feeling she had rather than anything she could pin down, but Rio wasn’t so rigid, so tense after their talk. Such things were hard to tell from across the room. But she’d yet to get within five feet of the baby and wanted to keep it that way.

Her own feelings were in turmoil. One minute she wanted to throw herself at Rio, the next she was panicking and wishing she could leave. She needed regular bouts of breathing room, especially after falling asleep in his arms. Distance — like a hundred miles — would be nice.

Rio secured A.J.’s diaper with the tabs, turned the excess back with the soft side toward the shriveled umbilical stump, then rearranged the baby’s clothing and blanket.

The clean, powdery smell of baby acted like a magnet. Kate hugged her crossed arms tighter around her midriff and ordered her feet to stay put. “Everything okay here?”

“I’m not sure. This cord is kind of gross. You think that’s normal?”

The youngest child she’d ever babysat had been six weeks old and her cord long gone. “I wouldn’t know about that. Are you following the pediatrician’s instructions?”

“Yeah.”

“Any signs of infection, such as redness or puffiness?”

“None.”

“Then you shouldn’t worry.”

He nodded and glanced up, his gaze flicking over her sweat suit and fur-lined boots, then placed A.J. back in his portable bassinet. “You headed out?”

“Thought I’d take my usual afternoon walk. Got to get back into shape.” Kate wound a scarf around her neck. With the temps hovering in the high 20s for two days, she also wore a T-shirt under layer but felt like a blimp. These days, sweats were the only thing that really fit her until she could get rid of her remaining tummy bulge.

He gave her another once-over, the slight gleam in his eyes making her pulse leap before he turned his head to look out the front window. “It’s a beautiful day. Better enjoy the weather while it lasts.”

“Bad forecast?”

“No, but this time of year it’s inevitable. The slopes are hurting for snow, so I figure we’re due to be dumped on soon. Hey, I could use a break and A.J.’s going back to sleep. Let me get one of the guys to sit with him, and I’ll go with you.”

“Yeah, sure.” The walks she’d started the day after arriving were about clearing her head, getting away from Rio and A.J. for awhile, as well as getting much-needed exercise. But she couldn’t tell Rio that. If things had been normal, she wouldn’t have seen either of them after the birth. But nothing had been normal in her life for a very long time. Why should today be any different? “I’ll wait for you outside.”

At least she’d have a few moments alone before Rio joined her. Kate slipped out the door, pulled on gloves and a stocking cap and paced along the driveway in front of the condos several times.

There was something happening between her and Rio she didn’t understand. A future for them was impossible, yet she couldn’t stop thinking about him, wanting his relationship to blossom with his nephew, wanting him to be happy. There was a look in his eyes. The one that told her he continued to find her appealing, though she wasn’t at her personal best right now.

She released a breath on a heavy sigh, making a small cloud in the frigid air. 

“Tired of waiting?” Rio called and bounded down the stairs. Dressed in jeans, boots and a thick jacket over layers of T-shirt and flannel, he looked at home, like a man who belonged here. He glanced around, a wide smile lighting his face. The sheer appeal of his athleticism and vitality, combined with his close proximity, robbed her of air. Her lips parted in surprise.

“Or was that a weight-of-the-world sigh?”

She couldn’t seem to make her brain function.

Rio stepped into her personal space. His gaze searched her expression. “Kate?”

What was she doing? He must think her loony. Sheesh. She was never this senseless.
Speak
. “I ... my mind wandered. What did you ask me?”

He raised a hand as if to touch her face, then let it fall. “That was a big sigh. Tell me the truth. Are things harder for you to deal with than you’ve been letting on?”

“It’s ... difficult,” she admitted. “I know A.J. isn’t mine in the traditional way, but I feel connected to him.”

“I’d be shocked if you weren’t. I’m sorry it’s a struggle for you, but if it helps any, your being here makes a huge difference to me and A.J.”

“You’re doing fine. Your diapering, feeding and burping skills have improved. I don’t think you’ll need me much longer.”

He shot her a look of alarm.  “Now that’s the epitome of optimism. Don’t get carried away just because I haven’t done irrevocable harm so far. Sponge baths are one thing. Once that cord falls off, I’ve got to maneuver a slippery infant through a real bath without drowning him. That’s my next hurdle. Then there’s spoon feeding cereals and —”

“Okay, okay. My job isn’t done, but don’t expect me to stick around to help you teach him how to ride a bike or drive a car.”

“Believe me, I’m all too aware of how soon you’ll be out of our lives,” he muttered.

Kate couldn’t think of a response, so she started walking. They fell into an easy rhythm, following a path Rio had pointed out. Once they’d entered a thicket of tall evergreens, he turned her toward him and framed her face with his hands. “I’ve been wanting to do this for two whole days.”

He touched his lips to hers and withdrew. The look in his eyes was tender, almost worshipful. “You can’t be surprised. My attraction to you hasn’t changed.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

Rio’s mouth claimed hers again
,
took and plundered with an eager recklessness. His kiss erased the slight brain function she’d regained from their short, invigorating walk. Flitting through her mind was the thought that this was wrong on so many levels. Inappropriate. Bizarre. Unreasonable. Dangerous. Yet they seemed to do it with startling regularity.