Nocturne (33 page)

Her eyes fluttered open, and I broke off our kiss for a few seconds and stared into them. Brown, beautiful. I’d always loved her eyes. They watered, just a little, and she whispered, “I’ve never wanted anyone else.”

My whole body shook at the words, because I hadn’t either. I brought my lips back to hers, and our mouths opened, tongues exploring. I was overwhelmed by the sensation of her body touching mine. Her breasts were warm and swollen against my bare chest, and as my left hand slid down to the curve of her back, she pressed her entire body hard against mine. My breath was ragged, and I was utterly overwhelmed by the emotion, the sensation, of having Savannah Marshall in bed again after all these years.

She let out a small groan as my hand slid down to cup her ass, and I pulled her tighter, the pressure of our bodies together almost too intense to bear. I wanted her clothes off right then and there. We had a crazy, confusing, frustrating moment where our bodies were too close to each other to manage getting clothes off, and I literally had to tear myself away from her to get up on my knees. I kissed her as I felt at her back, trying to find the zipper for her dress.

“Under my arm,” she spoke through clenched teeth, lifting her arm to expose the zipper.

I unzipped her dress, loosening it enough to slide the entire dress up and over her head, and then I found myself sitting back on my heels, staring at her, my heart beating even faster. Her skin looked almost porcelain. Incredibly smooth, flawless. Like her.

In that moment she stared up at me. Vulnerable, but strong. Here was someone who understood who I was on so many levels. Who I’d loved since I first laid eyes on her.

Here was the woman I’d hurt, badly. The woman I’d promised to walk away from, because of worry about my career. And her reputation. The woman who I lost, because I didn’t fight for her. And even though she was right here in front of me, it didn’t feel entirely real; everything had the texture of a dream.

But it wasn’t a dream.

She reached for my belt, her hand pressing against me, and I groaned, closing my eyes for just a second. I eased out of my pants, and our bodies were back side-by-side again, and now I felt her skin against mine. I hooked a leg around hers, tangling our limbs, and slid my right arm underneath her shoulder.

She brought her lips to my neck, just below my ear, and I involuntarily sucked in a breath. She continued kissing, down my neck, then to my chest.

“I love you.” As her lips formed her words against my skin, my back arched and I let out a groan.

The feeling of her breath and her teeth against my skin was almost unbearable. I couldn’t take just being next to her any longer. Nudging her back slightly, she raised her knees, allowing me to settle between them as I stared down at her. With her hair scattered around her, I wanted to drink her in. To savor every essence that made her who she was. Shifting my gaze to her eyes, I found them slightly clouded with tears. But she looked happy. Content. Right.

“Are you okay?” I asked, taking a hand and brushing a strand from her face.

“Always,” she whispered, sliding her hands to my buttocks, pressing her fingertips into my skin. Giving me unspoken permission.

I shook my head slightly as I leaned down to kiss her. “God, you’re exquisite … ”

With those words, Savannah let out a soft moan as I slowly slid inside her. She opened up her body for me and I was humbled by her trust, given everything we’d been through. Everything I’d put her through. Suddenly I wanted to touch her everywhere at once. I didn’t want a single inch of my skin to be separated from hers.

“Oh …” She closed her eyes and rocked her head back on the pillow as her mouth formed around the word. My eyes traced along the smooth line of her neck, her jawline.

“Mmm,” I moaned onto her breast as my tongue desperately circled her nipple, feeling it get harder under my touch.

I moved faster, pressing my forehead into her chest. Beads of sweat rolled down my cheek and onto her skin.

“Hey.” Breathlessly, Savannah grabbed the sides of my face and hunted my eyes, perhaps looking for answers to five years of questions. “Go slow. I don’t want this to end.”

Slowly she lifted her hips, and lowered them again, teaching me how to move with her. I couldn’t look away from her as I waited for her to close her eyes again. She didn’t. I slid into her carefully, and backed out at the same cautious speed, watching her eyelids react to my motion. As I watched her reactions, my own body responded. Minute after minute I watched her as I felt every curve of her body move against mine. Making love to the only woman I’d ever loved.

As if sensing my need for more, she dug her fingernails into my shoulder blades and grazed her teeth against my earlobe. “Roll over.” Intense authority tore through her whisper, and I complied.

My view of her was paralyzing as we repositioned our bodies and Savannah straddled my hips. She ran a hand through her hair to move it out of her face, and it cascaded in careless waves over her breasts. Reaching up, I brushed her hair over her shoulder and let my hands slide down her arms, working their way to her calves. As she began to slowly rock, I arched my back in response. Trailing my fingers up her calves, her hips, her waist, soaking in every inch of her body. Committing every curve to memory.

My hands reached her breasts, cupping them, my thumbs grazing over her nipples as I stared at her in humble worship. Her head dipped to the left, as she moaned.

Biting her lip as she pushed harder against me, she commanded, “Harder.”

I worked my fingers deeper against her breasts and she threw her head back for a moment, exposing her neck. I wanted more than anything to sit up and run my tongue from the base of it up to her ear, but feeling her hips circle against me kept me in place.

I dropped my hands to her hips as she moved faster, with urgency. Savannah lowered her head, her hair falling down over her shoulder again, curtaining around my face. I leaned up on my elbows and kissed her.

I wanted to tell her she was beyond compare. I wanted to beg her for more. Harder. My words failed me as I strung together a mess of inaudible gasps and groans. With a low growl escaping from the depths of my need for her, I grabbed her hips and rolled her to her back.

“God, Gregory.” She swallowed hard as she lifted her knees.

Sitting back for a second, I grabbed one of her ankles, then the other, and set them on my shoulders. She straightened her legs, bringing me even deeper as we cried out in unison at the raw intensity of the feeling.

Savannah’s long fingers wrapped around the backs of my thighs, holding me in place, as I pushed harder and faster. The pitch of her cries climbed each time I thrust into her. Each time her nails dug harder into my skin.

“Yes … Savannah … ah …”

Her eyes closed tightly as she cried out one last time, every muscle in her body tensing underneath her glistening skin. She released her grip on my thighs, clawing at the sheets, balling the fabric in her hands as her back arched. Driving me insane. Watching, feeling her come undone, overrode my sense of self, and I was completely lost in us. I buried my face against her neck, a moan escaping my lips, as I felt her entire body shuddering against mine. My eyes forced themselves closed as my mind went utterly blank. My body spasmed against hers once, twice, three times, before I collapsed onto her, my heart pounding in my chest, my breathing ragged.

Both of us lay there, gasping for breath. Our bodies were slick with sweat, and I leaned my head back and looked her in the eyes and said, “You are so fucking beautiful, Savannah.”

“I love you, Gregory,” she whispered for the second time since we’d been in my room. The words hurt this time. Because I did love her. I’d always loved her. But how did I reconcile that with my life?

I slowly and carefully rolled off of her, shifting so she could rest her head on my chest. Our breathing had finally slowed, but I could feel her heart beating against my chest. With one languorous arm stretched across my chest, her fingers curled up on my right side. My head tilted to the left, and if I leaned down, I could have kissed her forehead. I wrapped my left arm behind her and the fingers of my right hand intertwined with hers. Our legs were tangled, hooked around each other’s, and goosebumps sprang up across her skin.

“Are you cold?” I asked.

“No,” she whispered.

But I reached down with my right arm and pulled the blanket up anyway. Darkness had long since settled in the room, though very faint light shone around the curtains, just enough to illuminate the hair framing her face.

I was as relaxed, as calm, as happy as I’d ever been. Part of me wanted to drift off to sleep, right where we were. Which made no sense, because I didn’t like touching anyone when I slept. I never, ever slept touching Karin.

That thought stopped me cold.
Karin.
A part of me asked,
what have I done?
But it was a small part. Because right then, where I was, here, with her, felt more right than anything I’d ever felt in my life. And I didn’t want Karin, even thoughts of her, intruding into this space. This sacred, amazing space.

I blinked my eyes then squeezed them shut, because I was afraid if I kept them open, tears would spill over. Because ... I could only ask myself ...
why?
Why had I let her go? Why did I tell James those years ago that I’d cut off contact with Savannah? Why did I let her walk away? Because in all too many ways, I’d been living in hell since the day she walked away.

And now? Now I was married.

To someone else.

I breathed out, involuntarily whispering the words, “I love you, Savannah.”

At those words she sucked in a quick breath. I squeezed my eyebrows together at an unfamiliar sensation. A tear, fallen from her eyes to my chest.

“I’ve loved you since the beginning,” she whispered.

I slowly inhaled. I started to answer, but before I did, she took a breath again and spoke.

“I loved you the first time I saw you play the cello. I loved how you caressed it, how you made the music alive.”

I couldn’t think. I couldn’t answer. I just looked down, allowing her to finish.

“I love the way you look at me,” she said.

I kissed her delicately on the forehead, a tiny wisp of her hair staying on my lips. I broke my right hand away from hers and brought it to my eyes, wiping them furiously. Because I’d never wanted to admit to anyone that when I’d married Karin, I’d always imagined I was really with Savannah.

I’d wished.

I’d wanted her so badly.

I opened my mouth to speak again, but she wasn’t finished.

“I loved the way you looked at me when we played together. I loved that it was exactly the same as you looked when we were making love.”

I swallowed. Tried to breathe in. I tried to say something. But I couldn’t even think. And then she said the words. She said them in a quiet tone, her voice breathy, beautiful, as open and vulnerable as I’d ever heard anyone sound.

“I love us,” she said.

I suppressed a sob. And I whispered, “I do too.”

At that moment I knew this couldn’t last. I couldn’t have just part of her. I wanted Savannah in my life for good. I wanted her more than anything. I wanted her as my partner, as my lover, as my wife. For the first time in my adult life, I was … happy … overjoyed ... to be touching someone, to have someone in my arms, and I never wanted to let that go. I never wanted to let
her
go.

And it broke me that I had pledged my life.

My eternity.

To someone else.

Savannah 

H
is cologne was sweeter than I’d remembered.
It was more intoxicating than I’d considered, but by then it didn’t matter. I was fully his. Laying with my back to him, I was molded into his body as if we were crafted for each other. Still naked from last night, my bare skin touched almost every inch of him as one of his arms set snugly around my waist.

I cautiously opened one eye, not wanting to disturb him as I checked the time.

5:24 a.m.

We had to leave for the airport in three hours in order to meet back up with the tour in Lincoln, Nebraska for this evening’s show. I’d never had a desire to go to Nebraska, but as I shifted to nuzzle my head back onto his shoulder, I submitted to the fact that I would follow wherever Gregory went in an instant.

I didn’t know if he could follow me back.

I ignored that reality as I replayed the sight of his muscular shoulders towering over my body as we worked in slow rhythm with each other, expressing overwhelming emotions I hadn’t realized I’d held onto for so long. Never had I ever felt so comfortable allowing someone in like that. Emotionally and physically. There were no questions, no awkward pauses as we transitioned easily from one measure to the next, our once silent song resonating between us.

I love you, Savannah.

We’d spoken those words to each other before. But to hear them again, after so much time and so much hurt, and to have them feel just like they had back then … no, they felt better. More sincere as we looked into each other’s eyes, bared to one another under the soft moonlight sneaking admittance through the hotel room window.