Nona and Me (5 page)

“Had a crap day anyway.”

“Something happen?”

He shrugs, not wanting to talk about it. “You coming in or what?” He pats the bed next to him.

I sit down. I can feel him watching me. I'm radiating nerves.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Ever drunk before?”

“First time.”

Saying it out loud makes me feel young, immature. He's in Year 12. He's probably done this hundreds of times. In fact, I know he has. I've seen him drunk at heaps of parties, hanging out with his mates and senior girls. He's never paid me much attention at parties … until now.

Our eyes meet. He leans in slowly and kisses me lightly on the lips. It's perfectly romantic. I can hardly believe I'm here. He reaches out and pulls me closer. This time he kisses harder. His tongue presses my lips apart. I try to hide my surprise. I've only ever kissed one boy before (Xavier Martin) and it wasn't anything like this. I try to keep up. Our tongues play hide-and-seek and Twister. His body presses me back. I feel his hands at my shoulders, pulling my dress straps down, touching my bra. My head is spinning. What the hell is happening? It's too much, too fast.

Then Nick's on top of me, grinding into my pelvis. I can feel him hard against me. I am pinned to his mattress. I can hardly breathe. My thoughts are a blur. What did I expect? He's in Year 12. He probably does this all the time. Does he really like me?
Oh my God. He's taking my bra off.
He knows how to undo the back. He's definitely done this before. “Stop.”

“Rosie, come on.”

“Nick.”

“You like me, don't you?”

I edge my body back from his, trying to get my thoughts straight. “Of course I do but – stop.”

I push him back. He groans. “I thought this was what you wanted.”

I can't bring myself to reply. I feel like crying. Our flirting at the pool. The banter when I've seen him at his house. Is that what he thought it was about? Just sex?

He rolls onto his back, frustrated. I pull the top of my dress up again and lie beside him, uneasy.

Nick rubs his eyes. “I'm wasted. We started drinking early at Skate Park.”

Is this his version of a disclaimer? An excuse to get rid of me?

“Do you want me to go?” My voice comes out as a half-whisper. I wonder what Selena, Benny and Anya are doing out in the lounge room right now.

Nick exhales loudly. “No, stay.”

“I can see what the others are doing –”

“It's fine, Rosie.”

“Or if you want to go back to the party –”

“I don't. Told you – I didn't feel like being there anyway.”

He sits up, seeming to come to a decision. “Let's watch something.”

Nick has some old
Simpsons
episodes downloaded on his laptop. We watch them, side by side on his bed. I can feel the alcohol swirling through my body. The cartoons seem hilarious. I relax. We laugh. We laugh at the same things. We pay each other out. I give as good as I get. I am gutsy, emboldened. This time
I
kiss
him
. This time it feels real. This time he doesn't push me.

Somewhere, in between episodes, I say, “
This
is what I wanted.”

Nick looks surprised. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He puts his arm around me and pulls me closer. We keep watching. We watch five episodes.

Eventually Nick passes out. He rolls over, curling his body away from me. His shorts ride down just a little and I can see the full tattoo in the middle of his back, just above his bum crack. It's five small stars. The Southern Cross.

6.

1996

We are standing at the ocean's edge, holding plastic
bags. It is a dark, moonless night, but the stars are bright. We watch as the men wade into the shallows to fish. I can just make out their silhouettes, spears in hand, phosphorescence trails in their wake.

I try to pick out the shapes of the men I know best. Bolu is in front, solid and tall. Then Dad, lean and wiry, holding an unlit torch. Then Nona's older brothers, Jimmy, cocky and upright, and behind him Lomu, gentle and quiet.

Dad clicks his torch on. A bright white beam splits the dark. He shines it on the water then quickly turns it off again. They are looking for
wäku
n
, mullet.

The group veer away from us, moving further up the beach. I hear Nona “hmmph” beside me. She wanted to go with them. Jimmy had teased her. “Girls can't come. Anyway, you too baby. Too small.”

Lomu was kinder. He gave us a shy smile as they departed. “I'll catch us a big one,
neh
?”

I feel warm lips of water kissing my toes, then a rough hand on my shoulder. Rripipi is behind us, one arm around Nona, one around me. She gently squeezes us together, looking up at the dark blue sky. Her voice is a deep, gravelly whisper. “See those stars there? They're
Yirritja
, just like this land. Just like Bawaka. And you know that place over there? Yalangbara? That's
Dhuwa
. Everything is either
Yirritja
or
Dhuwa
. Two sides of the one thing. Like
yothu-yindi
. Mother and child. It's what holds everyone and everything together. The stars, the water, you, me …”

Nona says, “I'm
Yirritja
.”

I ask, “What am I?”

Rripipi says, “You're
Yirritja
too. Same as Nona. Same as this land and those stars.”

I feel Nona's warm arm pressed flat against mine.

I stare up at the stars. They glow a little bit brighter.

7.

2007

I wake up, groggy and hot. Nick isn't there and
for a moment I wonder if he's done a runner. Then I remember this is his house. And his bed. You can't run from your own place … can you?

I get up slowly, my head already throbbing. In the glare of morning I notice things I didn't see last night. A pile of clothes shoved into the base of his built-in wardrobe. A surf board tucked away in the corner. A UAC guide, lying open on his desk. There's something circled there. I look closer. Business. Sydney Uni. He doesn't strike me as a business type at all.

I make my way up the corridor, past Selena's closed bedroom door, and into the lounge room, where Anya is passed out on the sofa, snoring. She's alone, which means the lovers must be in the bedroom. Process of deduction.

I tiptoe past Anya to the kitchen. I can hear someone banging around. Nick is at the stove burning something that smells like bacon. He has headphones on and is quietly chanting words under his breath. I recognise the lyrics to “Stronger” by Kanye West.

I approach slowly, unsure where I now stand. Are we going out or was it just a one-off fling? How drunk was he? Does he remember? Does he really like me?

He looks up and sees me watching. He removes his headphones. Sheepish. Caught out. “Didn't want to wake you.”

My whole body seizes up. Panic.

“What time is it?”

“Ten.”

“Oh no. Mum's picking me up at ten thirty.”

“It's cool. Don't freak out.”

I touch my hair. It's messy and tangled. I hate to think what I look like. Nick reads my mind and says, “Have a quick shower. I'll make this bacon and egg roll to go.”

Even in my stressed state, I notice the surly Nick from last night is gone.

I say, “You're in a better mood this morning.”

Nick grins. “Am I?”

My gut unclenches. Things seem to be okay between us. I'm smiling as I turn to go to the bathroom, then I notice the state of the lounge. Anya is surrounded by beer bottles. The whole place stinks. Nick follows my gaze. “I'll hide the evidence too. Just go and shower.”

I've never been more grateful.

I grab a towel from the hallway cupboard as I head to the bathroom. I lock the door behind me and jump in the shower, letting the hot water run over me. Steam fills the room. I draw a heart on the glass shower screen and try it out, just to see what it looks like.

R.G. 4 N.B.

Then I rub it out.

*

I emerge from the bathroom, showered and changed. Nick has tidied up the lounge room and opened the windows. The smell is gone, and so is Anya. I grin. “Where'd you hide Anya?”

“Mum and Dad's room.”

He hands me a chargrilled bacon and egg roll. I take an enormous bite and BBQ sauce dribbles down my arm. I lick it off and we both laugh. He holds out a glass of fizzy red stuff. “Berocca. Trust me. It's the best. How's your head?”

“Feels like … scrambled egg.”

“Let me guess – you're in Ms Bamkin's Science class?”

I nod, smiling. It's easy between us. None of the awkwardness I was worried about. But I still don't know – are we just friends now? Or more?

Through the front window, we see Mum's battered old troopie pull up outside the house. We hear it too. The crunch of gears, screech of brakes. I'm suddenly aware of how shabby our car must look to Nick. The scratched paint, the red dirt sprayed up its dented sides. I give Nick a small, embarrassed smile. Nick looks almost amused. “Your mum's here.”

I take another quick bite of bacon and grab my things together. My head starts pounding all over again. I stop and hold my forehead. Nick says, “Slow down! What's the rush?”

But I don't want him to meet her. I don't want her to meet him. And I can't explain why, maybe not even to myself.

I move quickly down the corridor and open Selena's door, quiet as can be. Benny is sprawled out, taking up most of the double bed, wearing just boxers. Selena is … is she naked under that sheet? I try to keep my eyes averted while I sneak in and extract my bag. As I'm emerging I hear Mum slam the troopie door outside. Nick comes out of the kitchen, holding something up. I squint a little then realise what it is. Mum's tea-towel dress.

He's grinning. “Is this yours?”

“Where'd you find it?”

“In the laundry. I was looking for a tea towel and I think I found ten.”

I grab it off him and stuff it in my bag.

Nick can't contain his laughter now. “Is that a dress?”

“No.”

“It looked like a dress. Did you make that?”

“No! Shut up!”

He's laughing hysterically.

I can see Mum walking up the driveway. I start for the door, desperate to head her off.

“I'd better run.”

Nick is still grinning. “No kiss goodbye?”

I turn to face him, unsure. Is he joking? I don't want to run back and kiss him if he is. But I don't want to snub him if he's not. I can hear Mum's footsteps approaching the front door.

Nick makes the decision for me. He walks straight up to me and kisses me on the lips. “See you soon, yeah?”

My heart is singing as I step out the door, quickly shutting it behind me. Mum is one step away from knocking. She stops, surprised to see me appear.

I say, “Hello.”

She looks confused. I quickly make up an excuse. “The other girls are still sleeping.”

“Ah.”

We walk to the car and get in. I sneak a look back at the house, hoping for another glimpse of Nick, but I can't see him.

Mum starts the rattly engine, and asks, “How was the party?”

“Good.”

She glances over at me. “You look tired.”

I don't usually lie to my mum. I never need to. But today I do. “We stayed up talking.”

She wrinkles her nose. “What's that smell?”

“What smell?”

“Your breath.”

I freeze. I didn't get to brush my teeth. I can't tell – do I smell of beer? Or Anya's wine and orange concoction?

She takes another sniff. “BBQ sauce.”

I'm so relieved I laugh. “I had a bacon and egg roll for breakfast.”

“I thought you said the girls were still sleeping?”

I swear, mothers have a sixth sense. She never asks me this many questions. It's like she smells my lies along with the BBQ sauce. I cover quickly, “They are. I just made one for myself. I was starving.”

She notices the tea-towel dress poking out the top of my bag.

“Did people like the dress?”

I try to keep a straight face as I say, “Loved it. Total hit.”

*

It's Monday morning and I'm walking into the school yard. I feel like everyone is watching, talking about me behind cupped hands.
Did you hear what happened at Libby's party? Nick Bell and Rosie Grains hooked up. She's had a crush on him forever.

Then I remind myself that no-one else knows what happened, beyond us leaving together. Just me and Nick. And Benny and the girls. Both Selena and Anya called for the goss on Sunday. I told Anya the basics; Selena got the full story. She was a bit grossed out at the thought of her brother jumping on me, but decided her sisterly disgust was a small price to pay if Nick and I become a real couple and can double-date with her and Benny.

I head towards our spot on the benches. Even from a distance I can see that Nick and Benny are already there, playing basketball. My stomach somersaults. Nick shoots a hoop and announces his victory with a loud holler. I'm almost holding my breath as he looks up at me and, yes, winks. Acknowledgement. Encouragement? Is it possible that we might become an actual couple? I've never had a real boyfriend before. Xavier Martin hardly counts – we only kissed once last year, just before he moved to Perth.

Selena and Anya are grinning as I sit down next to them. I have a sudden flashback to how things were when Nona arrived. The girls huddled here, talking about me in whispers. Things couldn't be more different now. Selena hugs me like we haven't seen each other in years. Anya moves back to make room for me in the middle, forcing a smile. I can tell she's feeling on the outer. I know because, until lately, that's been me. Three isn't a good number for a group of girls. Someone's always left out.

Nick comes over and sits on the bench parallel to ours, slinging one leg either side. He grins at me, “Morning.”

Benny sits down right behind Selena and wraps her in a hug. She squeals and shoves him away. “Gross! You're all sweaty!”

But they're laughing.

Benny leans in and kisses Selena. Anya pretends to throw up. “No PDAs, please.”

“You're just jealous.”

It's a standard retort from Selena; she uses it all the time. But today Anya pulls back a little. “Yeah, I'm really jealous. Why couldn't someone dry-hump me in front of everyone at the party?”

She means it as a joke, but doesn't manage to hide the bite in her voice.

Nick says, “Oooooo.”

Benny says, “Please. We were a little classier than that.”

Selena is not impressed. “Benny, you'd better start asking your friends who wants to hook up with Anya.”

It's a classic Selena put-down. Backhanded. Slightly ambiguous.

Anya tries to pretend it's all still just jokes. “Not necessary.”

“Oh no. I insist.”

I look from Selena to Anya and back again, wondering what will happen next. The bell goes.

Benny kisses Selena goodbye, teasing Anya with a “No tongues this time. That okay with the PDA police?”

Selena shoots Anya a look, daring her to answer.

Nick falls in next to me. He lets his fingers graze mine. “See you at recess?”

I inhale delight. “Yes. Here?”

“Where else?”

He reaches out, tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, and he's gone.

Recess. Here. Today they are two of the sweetest words in the English language.