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long since come to terms with it.

But this wild lust-and it was pure lust, a hateful dark animal thing with no hint of love or warmth-set mypulses racing, made me gasp and fight against it. It was too strong; I let it surge up and overwhelm me,feeling the fire burn up in my veins as if some scalding ichor had replaced the blood in

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my body. I smothered her mouth under mine, felt her weakly struggling to fight me away. Then the fire

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took us both.

It is the one memory I have of Marjorie which is not all joy. I took her savagely, without tenderness,trying to slake the burning need in me. She met me with equal violence, hating it equally, both of usgripped with that uncontrollable savage desperation. It was fierce and animal-no! Not animal! Animalsmeet cleanly, driven only by the life-force in them, knowing nothing of this kind of dark lust. There wasno innocence in this, no love, only raw violence, insatiable, a bottomless pit of hell. It was hell, all the helleither of us would ever need to know. I heard her sobbing helplessly and knew I was weeping, too, withshame and self-hatred. Afterward we did not sleep.

Chapter TWENTY-ONE

Even at Nevarsin, Regis thought, it had never snowed so hard, or so persistently. His pony picked itsway deliberately along, following in the steps of Danilo's mount, as mountain horses were trained to do. Itwas snowing again.

He wouldn't mind any of it, he thought, the riding, the cold or the lack of sleep, if he could see properly,or keep the world straight under him.

The threshold sickness had continued off and on, more on than off in the last day or so. He tried toignore Danilo's anxious looks, his concern for him. There wasn't anything Danilo could do for him, so theless said about it, the better.

But it was intensely unpleasant. The world kept thinning away at irregular intervals and dissolving. Hehad had no attacks as bad as the one he'd had at Thendara or on the way north, but he seemed to live inmild chronic disorientation all the time. He didn't know which was worse, but suspected it was whicheverform he happened to have at the time.

Danilo waited for him to draw even on the path. "Snowing already, and it's hardly midafternoon. At thisrate it will take us a full twelve days to reach Thendara, and well lose the long start we had."

The more quickly they reached Thendara, the better. He knew a message must get through, even if Lewand Marjorie were recaptured. So far there was no sign of pursuit But Regis knew, cursing his ownweakness, that he could not take much more of the constant exertion, the long hours in the saddle and theconstant sickness.

Earlier that day they had passed through a small village, where they had bought food and grain for thehorses. Perhaps they could risk a fire tonight-if they could find a place to build it!

"Anything but a hay-barn," Danilo agreed. The last night they had slept in a barn, sharing warmth with

several cows

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and horses and plenty of dry hay. The animals had made it a warm place to sleep, but they could not risk a fire or even a light, with the tinder-dry hay, so they had eaten nothing but hard strips of cured meat and a handful of nuts.

"We're in luck," Danilo said, pointing. Away to the side of the road was one of the travel-shelters built generations ago, when Aldaran bad been the seventh Domain and this road had been regularly traveled in all seasons. The inns had all been abandoned, but the travel-shelters, built to stand for centuries, were still habitable, small stone cabins with attached sheds for horses and proper amenities for travelers.

They dismounted and stabled their horses, hardly speaking, Regis from weariness, Danilo fromreluctance to intrude on him. Dani thought he was angry, Regis sensed; he knew he should tell his friendhe was not angry, just tired. But he was reluctant to show weakness. He was Hastur: it was for him to lead,  to  take responsibility.  So he  drove himself relentlessly, the effort making his words few andsharp, his voice harsh. It only made it worse to know that if he had given Danilo the slightestencouragement, Dani would have waited on him hand and foot and done it with pleasure. He wasn'tgoing to take advantage of Danflo's hero-worship. The Comyn had done too much of that.... The horsessettled for the night, Danilo carried the saddlebags inside. Pausing on the threshold, he said, "This is theinteresting time, every night. When we see what the years have left of whatever place we've found tostay.**

"It's interesting, all right," Regis said dryly. "We never know what well find, or who'll share our beds with us." One night they had had to sleep in the stables, because a Jiest of deadly scorpion-ants had invaded the shelter itself.

"Um, yes, a scorpion-ant is a lower form of life than I care to go to bed with," Danilo said lightly, "but tonight we seem to be in luck." The interior was bare and smelled dusty and unaired, but there was an intact fireplace, a pair of benches to sit on and a heavy shelf built into the wall so they need not sleep on the floor at the mercy of spiders or rodents. Danilo dumped the saddlebags on a bench. "I saw some dead branches in the lee of the stable. The snow won't have soaked them through yet. There may not be enough to keep a fire all night, but we can certainly cook some hot food."

Regis sighed. "Ill come and help you get them in." He

. opened the door again on the snow-swept twilight; the world toppled dizzily around him and he clung

to the door. "Regis, let me go, you're ill again." **I can manage."

: "Damn it!" Suddenly Danilo was angry. "Will you stop

pretending and playing hero with me? How the hell will I

, manage if you fall down and can't get up again? It's a lot

, easier to drag a couple of armfuls of dry branches in, than

try to carry you through the snowl Just stay in here, will

your

Pretending. Playing hero. Was that how Danilo saw his attempt to carry his own weight? Regis saidstiffly, "I wouldn't want to make things harder for you. Go ahead."

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Danilo started to speak but didn't. He set his chin and

: Strode, stiff-necked into the snowy darkness. Regis started to

unload the saddlebags but became so violently dizzy that he

had to sit down on one of the stone benches, holding on with

both hands.

He was a dead weight on Danilo, he thought. Good for nothing but to hold him back. He wondered how

Lew was

••• faring in the mountains. He'd hoped to draw pursuit away from him, that hadn't worked either. He

felt like huddling on ; the bench, giving way to the surges of sickness, but remem-;bered Javanne's advice: move around, fight it. He hauled ;: himself to his feet, got his flint-and-steel and the wisps of dry >- hay they had kept for tinder, and knelt before the fireplace, /clearing away the remnants of the last travelers' fire. How J many years ago was that one built? he wondered. t Wind, and cold slashes of snow blew through the open ''"doorway; Danilo, laden with branches, staggered inside, :, Shoved them near the fireplace, went quickly out again. Regis ..tried to separate the driest branches to lay a fire, but could ; not steady his hands enough to manipulate the small mechan-< fcal flint-and-steel, fed with resinous oil, which kept the spark

• alive. He laid the device on the bench and sat with his head :\ in his hands, feeling completely useless,

until Danilo, bent under another load of branches, came hi and kicked the door shut behind him.

"My father calls that a lazy man's load," he said cheerfully, "carrying too much because you're too lazy to

go back ' for another. It ought to keep the cold out awhile. Anyway,

• Td rather be cold here than warm in Aldaran's royal suite, damn him." He strode to where Regis had

laid the fire, kneel-

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ing to spark it alight with Regis*s lighter. "Bless the man who invented this gadget. Lucky you have one."

It had been part of Gabriel's camping-kit that Javanne had given him, along with the small cooking potsthey carried. Dani looked at Regis, huddled motionless and shivering on the bench. He said, "Are youvery angry with me?" Silently, Regis shook his head.

Danilo said haltingly, "I don't want to ... to offend you. But I'm your paxman and I have to do what'sbest for you. Even if it's not always what you want."

"It's all right, Dani. I was wrong and you were right," Regis said. "I couldn't even light the fire."

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"Well, I don't mind lighting it. Certainly not with that gadget of yours. There's water piped in the corner,

there, if the pipes aren't frozen. If they are, we'll have to melt snow. Now, what shall we cook?"

The last thing Regis cared about at that moment was food, but he forced himself to join in a discussionabout whether soup made from dried meat and beans, or crushed-grain porridge, would be better. Whenit was bubbling over the fire, Danilo came and sat beside him. He said, "Regis, I don't want to make youangry again. But we've got to have this out. You're no better. Do you think I can't see that you can hardlyride?"

"What do you want me to say to you, Dani? I'm doing the best I can."

"You're doing more than you can," said Danilo. The light of the blazing fire made him look very young and very troubled. "Do you think I'm blaming you? But you must let me help you more." Suddenly he flared out, "What am I to say to them in Thendara, if the heir to Hastur dies in my hands?" "You're making too much of this," Regis said. "I never beard that anyone died of threshold sickness." Yet Javanne had looked genuinely frightened ... "Maybe not," Danilo said skeptically, "but if you cannot sit your horse, and fall and break your skull, that's fatal, too. Or if you exhaust yourself and take a chill, and die of it. And you are the last Hastur."

"No I'm not," Regis said, at the end of endurance. "Didn't you hear me tell Lew? I have an heir. Before I ever came on this trip I faced the fact that I might die, so I named one of my sister's sons as my heir. Legally." Danilo sat back on his heels, stunned, wide open, and his thought was as clear as if

,;Jie had spoken aloud, For my sake? Regis forcibly stopped

himself from saying anything more. He could not face the

, vnaked emotion in Danilo's eyes. This was the time of danger,

jhe forced intimacy of these evenings, when he must barri-

; cade himself continually against revealing what he felt. It

fvould be all too easy to cling to Danilo for strength, to take

advantage of Danilo's emotional response to him.

Danilo was saying angrily, "Even so, I won't have your

•-death on my head! The Hasturs need you for yourself, Regis, ,;;Bot just for your blood or your heir!"

"What do you suggest I do about it?" Regis did not know, ^Jiimself, whether it was an honest question

or a sarcastic '"..challenge. : -  "We are not pursued. We must rest here till you are well

again."

^ "I don't think I shall ever be well again until I have a ^chance to go to one of the towers and learn to

control this." <-laran? Gift? Curse, he thought. In his blood, in his brain.

• But that was not the only thing making him ill, he knew. It ,;was the constant need to barrier himself

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against his feelings, ^against his own unwelcome thoughts and desires. And for

•ithat there was no help, he decided. Even in the towers they not make him other than he was. They

might teach to conceal it, though, live with it.

•L;  Danilo laid his hand on Regis' shoulder. "You must let me

|look after you. It is my duty." He added after a moment,

?if*And my pleasure."

. ;3  By an eifort that literally made his head spin, Regis re-

|mained motionless  under the touch.  Rigidly,  refusing the

;tj>roffered rapport, he said, "Your porridge is burning. If

L£you*re so eager to do something, attend to what you're sup-

teposed to be doing. The damned stuif is inedible even when

;,;properly cooked."

;;.  Danilo stiffened as if the words had been a blow. He went

• to the fire and took off the boiling concoction. Regis did not

:look at him or care that he had hurt him. He was beyond

'thinking about anything, except his own attempt not to think.

He felt a violent anger with Danilo for forcing this inti-

mate confrontation on him. Suddenly he recalled the fight

Danilo had picked in the barracks; a fight which, had it not

been for Hjalmar's intervention, might have gone far beyond

a single blow. He wanted to lash out at Danilo now, flay him