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Finally the ceremony was over. I should turn the cadets over to the cadet-master and let him takecommand. No, damn it, I couldnt do it. Not until I had urged Father to reconsider. I hadn't wanted tocommand the Guards, but he had insisted and now, for better or worse, all the Guards, from theyoungest cadet to the oldest veteran, were in my care. I was bound to do my best for them and, damn it,my best didn't include Dyan Ardais as cadet-master!

I beckoned to old Domenic di Asturien. He was an experienced officer, completely trustworthy, exactlythe sort of man to be in charge of the young. He had retired from active . duty years ago-he was certainlyin his eighties-but no one could complain of him. His family was so old that the Comyn themselves wereupstarts to him. There was a joke, told in whispers, that he had once spoken to the Hasturs as **the newnobility."

"Master, the Commander met with an accident this morn-

62  Marion Zimmer Bradley

ing, and be has not yet informed me about his choice for cadet-master." I crushed the staff lists in my band as if the old man could see Dyan's name written there and give me the He direct. "I respectfully

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request you to take charge of them until he makes his wishes known."

As I returned to my place, Dyan started to his feet. "You damned young pup, didn't Kennard tell-" Hesaw curious eyes on us and dropped his voice. "Why didn't you speak to me privately about this?"

Damn it. He knew. And I recalled that he was said to be a strong telepath, though he had been refusedentry to the towers for unknown reasons, so. he knew that I knew. I blanked my mind to him. There arefew who can read an Alton when he's warned. It was a severe breach of courtesy and Comyn ethics that Dyan had done so uninvited. Or was it meant to convey that he didn't think I deserved Comyn immunity? I said frigidly, trying to be civil, "After I have consulted the Commander, Captain Ardais, I shall make hiswishes known

to you.**

"Damn you, the Commander has made his wishes known, and you know it," Dyan said, his mouth hardening into a tight line. There was still time. I could pretend to discover his name on the lists. But eat dirt before the filthy he-whore from the Hellers? I turned away and said to di Asturien, "When you please, Master, you may dismiss your charges." "You insolent bastard, I'll have your hide for this!" "Bastard I may be," I said, keeping my voice low, "but I consider it no edifying sight for two captains to quarrel in the hearing of cadets, Captain Ardais,"

He swallowed that. He was soldier enough to know it was true. As I dismissed the men, I reflected onthe powerful enemy I had made. Before this, he had disliked me, but he was my father's friend andanything belonging to a friend he would tolerate, provided it stayed in its place. Now I had gone a longway beyond his rather narrow concept of that place and he would never forgive it.

Well, I could live without his approval. But I had better lose no time in talking to Father. Dyan wouldn't.

I found him awake and restive, swathed in bandages, his lame leg propped up. He looked haggard andflushed, and I wished I need not trouble him. "Did the call-over go well?"

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"Well enough. Danilo made a good appearance," I said, knowing he'd want to know.

"Regis was added at the last moment Was he there?" I nodded, and Father asked, "Did Dyan turn up to

take charge? He had a sleepless night too, but said he'd be there."

I stared at him in outrage, finally bursting out, "Father! You can't be serious! I thought it was a joke!

Dyan, as cadet-master?"

"I don't joke about the Guards," Father said, his face hard, "and why not Dyan?"

I hesitated, then said, "Must I spell it out for you in full? Have you forgotten last year and the Vallondeyoungster?"

"Hysterics," my father said with a shrug. "You took it more seriously than it deserved. When it came to

the point, Octavien refused to undergo laran interrogation."

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'That only proves he was afraid of you," I stormed, "nothing more! IVe known grown men, hardened veterans, break down, accept any punishment, rather than face that ordeal! How many mature adults can undergo telepathic examination at the hands of an Alton? Octavien was fifteen!"

"You're missing the point, Lew. The fact it, since he did not substantiate the charge, I am not officially

required to take notice of it."

"Did you happen to notice that Dyan never denied it either? He didn't have the courage to face an Alton

and He, did he?"

Kennard sighed and tried to hoist himself up in bed. I said, "Let me help you," but he waved me away. "Sit down, Lew, don't stand over me like a statue of an avenging god! What makes you think he wouldstoop to lie, or that I have any right to ask for any details of his private life? Is your own life so pure andperfect-"

"Father, whatever I may have done for amusement before I was a grown man is completely beside the

point," I said. "I have never abused authority-**

He said coldly, "It seems you abused it when you ignored my written orders." His voice hardened. "Itold you to sit down! Lew, I don't owe you any explanations, but since you seem to be upset about this, I'll make it clear. The world is made as it's made, not as you or I would like it. Dyan may not be the idealcadet-master, but he's asked for this post and I'm not going to refuse him."

"Why not?" I was more outraged than ever. "Just because

64  Marion Zimtner Bradley

he is Lord Ardais, must he be allowed a free hand for any kind of debauchery, corruption, anything he pleases? I don't care what he does, but does he have to have license to do it in the Guards?" I demanded. "Why?"

"Lew, listen to me. It's easy to use hard words about anyone who's less than perfect. They have one for you, or have you forgotten? I've listened to it for fifteen years, because I needed you. We need Lord Ardais on Council because he's a strong man and a strong supporter of Hastur. Have you become so involved with your private world at Arilinn that you don't remember the real political situation?" I grimaced, but he said, very patient now, "One faction on Council would like to plunge us into war with the Terrans. That's so unthinkable I needn't take it seriously, unless this small faction gains support. Another faction wants us to join the Terrans completely, give up our old ways and traditions, give up the Compact, become an Empire colony. That faction's bigger, and a lot more dangerous to Comyn. I feel that Hastur's solution, slow change, compromise, above all time, is the only reasonable answer. Dyan is one of the very few men who are willing to throw their weight behind Hastur. Why should we refuse him a position he wants, in return?"

"Then we're filthy and corrupt," I raged. "Just to get his support for your political ambitions, you're willing

to bribe a man like Dyan by putting him in charge of half-grown

boys?"

My father's quick rage flared. It had never been turned full on me before. "Do you honestly believe it'smy personal ambition I'm furthering? I ask you, which is more important- the personal ethics of thecadet-master or the future of Darkover and the very survival of the Comyn? No, damn it, you sit there

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and listen to me! When we need Dyan's support so badly ha Council do you think. I'd. quarrel with him

over his private behavior?"

I flung back, equally furious, "I wouldn't give a damn if it was his private behavior! But if there's anotherscandal in the Guards, dont you think the Comyn will suffer? I didn't ask to command the Guards. I toldyou I'd rather not. But you wouldn't listen to my refusal and now you refuse to listen to my bestjudgment! I tell you, I won't have Dyaa as cadet-master! Not if I'm in command!"

"Oh, yes you will," said my father in a low and vicious voice. "Do you think I am going to let you defy

me?"

"Then, damn it, Father, get someone else to command the

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65

Guards! Offer Dyan the command-wouldn't that satisfy bis ambition?"

"But it wouldn't satisfy me," he said harshly. 'Tve worked for years to put you in this position. If you think I'm going to let you destroy the Domain of Alton by some childish scruples, you're mistaken. I'm still lord of the Domain and you are oath-bound to take my orders without question! The post of cadet-master is powerful enough to satisfy Dyan, but I'm not going to endanger the rights of the Altons to command. I'm doing it for you, Lew."

*'I wish you'd save your trouble! I don't want it!"

"You're in no position to know what you want. Now do as I tell you: go and give Dyan his appointment

as cadet-master, or"-he struggled again, ignoring the pain-"I'll get out of bed and do it myself."

His anger I could face; his suffering was something else. I struggled between rage and a deadlymisgiving. "Father, I have never disobeyed you. But I beg you, I beg you," I repeated, "to reconsider. You know that no good will come of this."

He was gentle again. "Lew, you're still very young. Some day you'll learn that we all have compromisesto make, and we make them with the best grace we can. You have to do the best you can within asituation. You can't eat nuts without cracking some shells." He stretched out his hand to me. "You're mymain support, Lew. Don't force me to fight you too. I need you at my side."

I clasped his hand between my fingers; it felt swollen and feverish. How could I add to his troubles? Hetrusted me. What right had I to set up my judgment against his? He was my father, my commander, thelord of my Domain. My only duty was to obey.

Out of his sight, my rage flared again. Who would have believed Father would compromise the honor ofthe Guards? And how quickly he had maneuvered me again, like a puppet-master pulling strings of love,loyalty, ambition, my own need for his recognition!

I will probably never forget the interview with Dyan Ardais. Oh, he was civil enough. He evencommended me on my caution. I kept myself barriered and was scrupulously polite, but I am sure heknew how I felt like a farmer who had just set a wolf to guard the fowl-house.

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There was only one grain of comfort in the situation: 1 was no longer a cadetl

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Chapter FIVE

As the cadets walked toward the barracks, Regis among them, he heard little of their chatter andhorseplay. His face was burning. He could cheerfully have murdered Lew Alton.

Then a tardy fairness came back to him. Everybody there obviously knew what was going to happen, soit was evidently something that went on now and then. He was just the one who stumbled into it. It couldhave been anyone.

Suddenly he fe!t better. For the first time in bis life he was being treated exactly like anybody else. Nodeference. No special treatment. He brightened and began to listen to what

they were saying.

"Where the hell were you brought up, cadet, not to answer

to your name?"

"I was educated at Nevarsin," Regis said, provoking more

jeers and laughter.

"Hey, we have a monk among us! Were you too busy at

your prayers to hear your name?"

"No, it was the hour of Great Silence and the bell hadnt

rung for speech!"

Regis listened with an amiable and rather witless grin, which was the best thing he could possibly havedone. A third-year cadet, superior and highly polished in his green and black uniform, conveyed theminto a barracks room at the far end of the courtyard. "First-year men in here."

"Hey," someone asked, **what happened to the Commander?"

The junior officer in charge said, "Wash your ears next time. He broke some bones in a fall. We aHheard."

Someone said, carefully not loud enough for the officer to hear, "Are we going to be stuck with thebastard all season?"

"Shut up," said Julian MacAran, "Lanart-Alton's not a bad sort. He's got a temper if you set him off, but

nothing like the old man in a rage. Anyway, it could be worse," he added,

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with a wary glance at the cadet who was out of range for the moment "Lew's fair and he keeps his hands

to himself, which is more than you can say for some people."

Danilo asked, "Who's really going to be cadet-master? Di Asturien's been retired for years. He servedwith my grandfather!"

Damon MacAnndra said with a careful look at the officer, "I heard it was going to be you-know-who.

Captain Ardais."

Julian said, "I hope you're joking. Last night I was down in the armory and ..." His voice fell to awhisper. Regis was too far away, but the lads crowded around him reacted with nervous, high-pitchedgiggles. Damon said, "That's nothing. Listen, did you hear about my cousin Octavien Vallonde? Lastyear-**

"Chill it," a strange cadet said, just loud enough for Regis to hear. "You know what happened to him for

gossiping about a Comyn heir. Have you forgotten there's one in the barracks now?"