Not in Front of the Corgis (13 page)

Across the road from Clarence House is Marlborough House where a Furniture Restoration Workshop is located in the Mews. The men and women employed here are all skilled craftspeople on a par with their opposite numbers at the Victoria and Albert Museum, said to be the best in the world.

Where valuable furniture is concerned their biggest enemy is central heating, which can cause wood to expand, contract and splinter. So the restorers are
working throughout the year trying to keep pace with the demands of the Master of the Household, who is responsible for everything inside all the royal residences.

In an organisation as large as the Royal Household there are little accidents inevitably. A young
housemaid
once knocked over a magnificent – and
expensive
– Sevres vase breaking it into several pieces. She was terrified that if anyone found out she would be sacked, so she tried to mend it herself with superglue. Of course, it didn’t work and at first she didn’t reveal that she was to blame.

The problem was that the restorers, when they at last saw the damage, didn’t know what material had been used in the botched repair. Eventually the Master of the Household called an amnesty as long as the culprit owned up. The girl came forward and told the restorers what she had tried to do. They then set about dismantling the vase and painstakingly putting it back together. They were successful. But it took two years before it could be replaced in its place of honour in one of the State Apartments. The Queen was kept informed of events and she ordered that the maid, who had owned up, should not be dismissed and at the last count she was still working in the Palace.

Nearly every member of the Royal Family enjoys art in some shape or form and the Director of the Royal Collection advises him or her when he or she intends to make a purchase.

It doesn’t always work out as a former Director found out when he told the late Queen Mother not to buy the work of an artist she discovered. It was
John Piper who Queen Elizabeth thought was an excellent war artist, but the Director thought he was not all that commercial. Her Majesty disagreed and bought a number of his paintings including a
squadron
of RAF fighter planes who had been based on Smith’s Lawn at Windsor Castle during the Second World War.

Queen Elizabeth paid just a few hundred pounds for the majority of the paintings she bought. It was a pretty sound investment. Today they are worth over £50,000 each. So, her philosophy that you should buy what you like, not what an expert tells you to buy, proved to be the right one.

There are all sorts of tiny sub-divisions in the Royal Collection; one of the smallest is the clock-winding section consisting of just two men who are employed to wind and maintain the 300 clocks in Buckingham Palace, as well as those in Windsor Castle. The men know all the shortcuts between rooms and their
busiest
time is when they have to advance and later retard the clocks in March when summer time is announced and then put back to normal time in October. The horologists used to come under the jurisdiction of the Master of the Household, but it was discovered that most of the clocks are not merely timepieces but extremely valuable. Some were specially commissioned by past sovereigns, including one that was bought by Henry VIII for Anne Boleyn with the original account of three pounds still in pristine condition. Therefore it was thought appropriate to transfer the responsibility to the Surveyor of The Queen’s Works of Art, so they now work for him.

As with every department within the Royal Household, the future of the Royal Collection depends on money and how much becomes available. The Queen is no longer able to buy anything she wants. There isn’t a bottomless purse any more. Russian, Chinese and Middle-Eastern billionaires can easily outbid Her Majesty when it comes to buying new works of art. And when economies have to be made, the Royal Collection department becomes vulnerable, as other offices are able to prove their requirements should take priority.

It is only by increasing the number and variety of the exhibitions the Palace mounts that this dedicated band of vastly experienced men and women can continue to devote their working lives to the
preservation
of the most important private art collection in the world.

Art is now a worldwide business and the Royal Collection is looking far beyond the United Kingdom boundaries to expand its exhibition arm.

They believe – and The Queen agrees – that art is to be shared by everyone, not just those who can afford it.

alets have to be invisible; that is merge into the background and only be there as and when required. But there are occasions when the utmost intimacy – and discretion is needed. When Prince Charles’s ‘Honorary’ Grandfather, the late Earl Mountbatten of Burma, rode alongside The Queen at the annual Birthday Parade (Trooping the Colour) his Life Guard breeches were so tight-fitting that his valet, William Evans, had to sprinkle talcum powder inside the legs and along his thighs, in order to force his legs in. And once the uniform had been donned, it was impossible to sit down – or go to the loo. And when the parade was over the process had to be carried out in reverse, which was even more difficult and unpleasant, as Lord Mountbatten’s legs had become sweaty in the extreme from sitting on
horseback for several hours. However, neither master nor servant found anything unusual in being involved in such a delicate situation, which was repeated year after year.

As footmen are often called upon to act as valets to members of the Royal Family and their guests, their training scheme also includes detailed
instructions
on valeting, beginning with how to identify and lay out civilian dress: Morning Coat, Dinner Jacket, Household Coat, Windsor Coat and White Tie.

Under the section, Care of Clothes, they learn how to press suits and uniforms (nothing is ever sent to a dry cleaner). Sponge and hand press is the way a gentleman’s gentleman always handles his master’s clothes. They also have weeks of instruction in the art of cleaning boots and shoes and uniform accessories, and packing and unpacking clothes.

A note on valeting duties explains that the aim of a valet should be to know the personal requirements of the gentleman he is valeting and to work
unobtrusively
to provide the services necessary.

The would-be valet is also advised that no two gentlemen will want to be valeted in exactly the same way, but the following general guidelines should be observed.

When unpacking a case, the valet should remember that suitcases have been put down on ‘filthy’ station platforms and on pavements and roads… therefore it is a crime to put them on clean valuable bed covers.

Collars, ties and handkerchiefs should be placed in the top drawer of the dressing table. Socks should also be in an easily accessible place.

When hanging suits in wardrobes (especially when they are very close together) make sure that sleeves are hanging straight, particularly the sleeves nearest the back of the wardrobe.

When removing clothes for valeting the following rules should be followed:

Garments must only be removed when they need attention. For example, a hairy tweed jacket may not need pressing or brushing.

Empty all pockets before removing clothes and when carrying a suit in one hand and a pair of shoes in the other, it is a crime to hold the shoes against the clothes as the soles may have picked up traces of dirt and engine oil, while the uppers will have polish on them. A good valet carries a supply of bags to place shoes in just in case.

Always leave a gentleman’s braces on the trousers and never take away his cufflinks. Leave them on the dressing table.

There are also strict instructions on how to awake your gentleman in the morning:

Open the door as quietly as possible. Do not shine a light in the gentleman’s eyes. Draw back the curtains and gather up the evening clothes (guests always dress for dinner at Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle) in this order: Jacket first, then the trousers, in their creases, shirt and underclothes. Tuck the socks and bow tie inside one of the shoes so they won’t be lost on the way to the pressing room.

Next draw a bath, having tested the temperature of the water, but close the connecting door in order not to disturb the gentleman. And always remember
to pour a little hot water into the bath before filling it, as baths can be cold and you do not want your gentleman to be uncomfortable when he sits down for the first time.

The instructions continue. ‘Up to now you have not spoken. This is as it should be. However, once you have laid out the outfit for the morning, tell the
gentleman
the time and what the weather is like and then leave the room quietly carrying his evening clothes.’

The valet will have already brought the ‘Calling Tray’ when he wakes the gentleman. Tea or coffee in bone china cups (no mugs are used in royal residences) and biscuits, on a silver tray.

There is an instruction, of course, in the Removal of the Tray. It states: Remove the tray as soon as
possible
after the gentleman has gone to breakfast. Also tidy the room and put away the dressing gown, pyjamas and slippers. Only very elderly guests are served
breakfast
in bed.

Getting the guest ready for evening entertainment is a ritual in itself that has to be strictly adhered to.

A good valet will always undo the buttons on an evening shirt so that it will be ready for him to slip on. If the shirt is wrapped in laundry paper and cardboard, remove them and throw them in the wastebasket.

If collar studs are required, put them in, so the gentleman won’t have to fiddle with them himself.

The final instruction with evening clothes, after a careful brushing, is to imagine you are dressing
yourself
, and then you won’t forget anything.

And if you think all that is enough to be going on with, Here’s the drill when a valet is helping a military
member of the Royal Household get dressed for a ceremonial duty such as the Trooping the Colour or State Opening of Parliament.

This is the order in which formal uniforms are to be laid out. Scarlet tunic, Overall Trouser, Boots and Spurs, Gold Sash, Aiguillettes, Sword Belt, Gold Sword Slings, Sword with gold knot, Large medals, White collarless shirt, bearskin cap, white kid gloves.

The valet then has to learn the method of laying out.

Attach the Aiguillettes and the medals to the tunic and hang it on a chest of drawers. Box the overalls and place them in front of a chair. Place the folded shirt on the chair, remembering the cufflinks. Lay the
remainder
of the accessories: the sword, sword belt and the sash on the bed. Leave the bearskin on its stand in a prominent place (it’s hardly likely to get lost) and place the gloves on the bed.

Further instructions remind the valet that the medal, spurs and tunic buttons must be polished, with the welts of the boots being polished even if the boots themselves are patent. The white piping on the tunic should be whitened with chalk, but only under the supervision of the Sergeant Footman or his Deputy. The sword scabbard must be rubbed up with a soft cloth.

There are separate sets of instructions for the uniforms worn at different formal functions.

The U.1 Ceremonial (worn for new High Commissioners and Ambassadors presenting their credentials at Buckingham Palace) means the scarlet tunic is replaced with a blue one and the instruction
contains the message that the overall straps should be fastened as tightly as possible under the instep.

When the Prime Minister has his weekly audience of The Queen every Tuesday evening at 6.30 p.m., the officer on duty wears a blue frock coat with a crimson sash, the same outfit he wears when in attendance at an Investiture.

For outside engagements that are regarded as ‘lounge suit’ affairs the officer wears Khaki service dress complete with Sam Brown Belt, which has to be spit and polished to an immaculate sheen. The valet is advised to clean the brass work first, rather than risk getting Duraglit over the polished leather. And when laying out this uniform, put the jacket over the back of a chair, the trousers on the seat of the chair, with the shirt on top. Then place the shoes by the side of the chair with the folded socks on top of the shoes. The tie should be placed on the dressing table.

When all this has been done and the clothes have to be put away until the next time, a good valet knows that wet shoes should never be dried in excessive heat, as more than one enthusiastic youngster has found to his cost when he has placed wet shoes in the oven to dry them quickly and found they have cracked.

The ideal way is to stuff old newspapers inside the shoes and let them dry naturally. It takes longer but it preserves the leather. Once they are dry, shoetrees must be inserted and the shoes carefully polished by hand before they are put away.

The next chore is to press the clothes that have been worn. As the Deputy Master of the Household says in his instructions, ‘No Savile Row tailor would dream of
sending out a suit or jacket with creases in the sleeves.’ So when pressing a gentleman’s coat valets must use the sleeve bolsters, and lapels should always be pressed from the back to give a ‘roll’ effect.

Trousers should not be over pressed as this gives a ‘too sharp’ appearance – perhaps a bit like a
secondhand
car salesman.

Under garments should, whenever possible, be washed by hand with the water not too hot.

If a footman is valeting a gentleman who is
leaving
the Palace after a visit, he should make sure all his personal belongings are packed (there is a detailed instruction in how to pack and unpack, in what order and telling the valet how much tissue paper should be used) and he should be on hand for any last-minute requirements. Overnight visitors are told that tipping is neither expected nor acceptable. However, if the valeting has been of particularly fine quality, it would be a churlish guest who didn’t press a £20 note into a waiting hand when he leaves. And if he didn’t, the word would quickly get around among the rest of the staff – before the next visit.