Not My Mother's Footsteps (5 page)

‘My soul cries for help, and my eyes burn for attention’ Phoenix wrote the paper, she was writing a poem but for some reason her mind was everywhere but the poem. “Focus Phoenix focus” she said to herself as she tapped the end of her pencil on the table. She was free from Geno for a couple of days because he was out of town, and she couldn’t be more relieved. Though she had nowhere to go because her car was still broke down, she still was happy to not be around him.

Dropping her pencil, Phoenix stood to her feet, deciding to take a break from writing her poems until her mind was more focused. After popping a bag of popcorn Phoenix put on her favorite DVD of Waiting to Exhale and got comfortable on her small couch. Halfway through the movie, Phoenix ended up dosing off.

‘Phoenix was 15 years old, and had been having really bad cramps the last couple of days, she was unsure of what to do. “Grandma Margret I don’t feel good” Phoenix said as she knocked on her grandma’s room door.

“Damn it girl take something, and get the hell out my face” Margret said from the other side of the door. 

Phoenix wanted the pain to stop, but no matter what she did helped. “Grandma please” she said as the tears began to fall. She was clawing at the door trying to get her grandma to open the door.

Phoenix began seeing lots of blood between her legs when she looked down. Right when Margaret opened the door Phoenix passed out. “Chile what the hell? Get your ass up!” Margret shouted as she shook Phoenix. When she realized Phoenix wasn’t moving, she ran and called 911.

~

“How are you feeling sweetie? The blonde haired blue eyed nurse asked Phoenix when she opened her eyes.

Phoenix adjusted her eyes, confused as to where she was “why am I here?” Phoenix asked not remembering why she was in the hospital.

“The doctor will be in here in a moment to talk with you and your grandma” the nurse said a little uneasy. Phoenix looked around but didn’t see Margret, and she was confused. “She ran to the bathroom” the nurse said with a smile as she realized Phoenix was looking for her.

Seconds later, Margaret walked in the room with a letter that read ‘your ass is gonna get it for having me at this fucking hospital.’ Phoenix closed her eyes tightly, she wished she could stay in the hospital; at least it was better than being at home.

“Knock, knock” a small Asian doctor said as he entered the room.

Phoenix just smiled when he entered the room. “What’s wrong with her? Margaret asked rudely.

“You gave us quite a scare” the doctor said clearly ignoring Margret. “I have some good news and bad news” the doctor said as he ran his hands over his head. “The reason you were bleeding as much as you were was because you suffered a miscarriage”

“A what?” Margaret said interrupting him.

“Ma’am I am going to ask you to please refrain from interrupting me” the doctor said firmly. Margaret didn’t say anything else, she just cut her eyes so deep at Phoenix it caused her more pain then she was already in. “Now as I was saying you suffered a miscarriage, and we determined you suffered a miscarriage because you had gonorrhea that had went untreated for some time. Because you had the gonorrhea, not only did you have a miscarriage it also did some damage to your internal organs, so we had to remove one of your fallopian tubes. Unfortunately you may not be able to have kids, but that cannot be determined at this time.” The doctor paused for a moment to let that all sink in.

“I know that all sounds horrible, but there is some good news in it, of course you are still living. Not only that, even though your gonorrhea was not treated in a timely manner, we were able to begin treating you for the disease so because of that within seven days you will be 100% cured.” The doctor said.

Phoenix lay there with tears falling down the side of her face, she was disappointed, hurt, pissed, and scared all wrapped in one. She was upset because she hadn’t ever willingly had sex with anyone, but here she was with a disease and just had a miscarriage. “Phoenix, are you fucking serious?” Margaret shouted, which caused Phoenix, the doctor and the nurse to jump.

“Ma’am, I am going to have to ask you to leave the room for just a little while.” The doctor said firmly as he saw Phoenix getting more worked up over her grandma’s reactions.

Margaret snatched up her things, and stormed out of the room. “Phoenix, I know this is overwhelming but I will say this, if you afraid to tell the guy you have been having sex with, I will be more than happy to sit down with him and talk to him.” The doctor turned and said once Margret was out of the room.

“No it’s okay, I’ll tell him” Phoenix said through sobs. She was devastated and wanted to die. The doctor and nurse stayed around a little while longer, explaining to Phoenix how the process would go. Phoenix didn’t really care what they were saying she just wished she was dead.

Phoenix woke up from her dream, with tears falling freely from her eyes, no matter how hard she tried to forget that day and any other day of her childhood, it seemed to haunt her more. 

Phoenix’s cell phone that Geno finally paid the bill began to ring, looking down at the screen she saw it was Mariah calling so she answered. “Hey girl what’s up?” she asked happy her friend was calling her, because since working with Geno she wasn’t able to see her friend.

“Where have you been bitch?” Mariah screamed through the phone.

“You don’t even want to know” Phoenix said feeling ashamed.

“Well whatever, that doesn’t matter, what are you doing right now? We should watch movies, eat pizza, and catch up.” Mariah said without taking a breath.

“I wish I could, but I don’t have any money girl” Phoenix said truthfully, upset with herself that she was sexing men on a regular but never actually had her own money because Geno reaped the benefits; besides her bills being paid.

“Girl please who said anything about money, I miss my best friend and want to spend time with you so I am coming over.” Mariah said eager to see her best friend.

“Okay, I will see you when you get her” Phoenix said before disconnecting the call.

~

Phoenix and Mariah sat on the couch as the movie Identity Theft played in the background, but neither one of them were paying attention because they were chatting it up and sipping wine. “So since you no longer have a job, how are you able to pay your bills?” Mariah asked concerned.

Phoenix had just taken a sip of her wine and she swallowed hard when Mariah asked her that. Phoenix knew that question would eventually come up, but she was hoping it would be when they both had much more alcohol in there system. “Actually right now, I am getting unemployment while looking for a job” Phoenix said stuttering

Mariah caught the stutter and nervous look on Phoenix face, which let her know she was lying but for the moment she pretended like she didn’t notice. “What unemployment? I aint know you can get that from part time jobs” Mariah said sarcastically.

“Anyways, I met a guy!” Phoenix shouted out, trying to steer Mariah away from asking more questions about her money making

“You met a what? Where? Who? When?” Mariah fired off with questions, excited her friend had actually met someone. Phoenix was really picky, that’s why she hadn’t had a man in years.

“Calm down Mariah” Phoenix laughed as she poured herself another glass of wine. “Anyways I met him when I was out here walking one day when I was waiting on Gen” Phoenix stopped when she realized what she was about to say. “I met him out here, and his name is Terrell and girl he is fine as he-”

“Oh my God!” Mariah said cutting her off with her eyes the size of golf balls.

“What?” Phoenix asked confused

“Did you say Terrell? You mean Terrell from Highland Park Terrell? Like, Chavon brother Terrell?” Mariah asked overly excited.

“Uh I guess” Phoenix said still confused.

“Girl what you mean you guess? I guess since you from Nashville TN and all, you don’t know much about him but let me school ya ass real quick” Mariah said playfully.

“Okay?” Phoenix said with a nervous smile on her face.

“Now this infamous Terrell you speak of, is like 27 or 28, wait he maybe 29, anyway he is the shit of Williamsburg. Like I remember when I was younger his name rang through the streets, he was like a freaking God of the streets. He don’t play no games, girl he like a monster with kicking ass, but at the same time he gives back to the community, it’s a little scarier. He used to be real heavy in the game, but I heard he done went legit. And girl he is fine!” Mariah said as she playfully fanned herself.

“Umm you okay girl? And he’s ight” Phoenix said lying through her teeth because she thought God himself perfected the way Terrell looked.

“Girl ight? You are crazy he is everything and the chicks round here, will do any and everything to get a shot at him. Honey you better get him and make him ya man, cause if you don’t one of these hoes will try and snatch him up” Mariah said truthfully.

Phoenix wore a look of defeat, even though she had met Terrell she hadn’t really met him, because he gave her his number but she never used it. “What’s that face for?” Mariah asked catching the odd look.

“I haven’t actually talk to him since the day we met. I didn’t give him my number because my phone was off, but he did give me his, I just never called” Phoenix said truthfully.

“What?” Mariah asked jumping off the couch. “You still got his number?” she asked throwing her hands in the air.

“Yea I think so” Phoenix standing to her feet, heading to her room with Mariah on her heels. “Here it is” Phoenix said as she retrieved the small paper with Terrell’s number on it.

“Well call him!” Mariah said handing Phoenix her phone.

“I have my own phone crazy, and you know” Phoenix said pulling her phone out back pocket. 

Phoenix nervously dialed the number on the paper, and it began to ring “Yo?” Terrell’s deep voice based through the phone, which caused Phoenix to involuntarily say ‘damn’ under her breath.

“Hey this is Phoenix; I met you out here in my neighborhood. I don’t know if you remember me” Phoenix said rambling.

Phoenix could hear a lot of music and laughing in the background, she could also hear females calling Terrell’s name and that instantly made her mad. “Hey give me a sec imma call you right back, I can’t hear you” Terrell damn near shouted in the phone before hanging before Phoenix could say a word.

“So much for that, oh well” Phoenix said with attitude as she balled up the paper with Terrell’s number on it, because she just knew he would call back.

“I’m sorry girl” Mariah said a little disappointed, but she wasn’t surprised a guy like Terrell could never be interested in just one person, or even have the time, so she thought.

Phoenix stood from the bed, when her cell phone began to ring “Oh my gosh Mariah it’s him calling back” she said happy and once again nervous. 

“Well answer it damn, with ya silly ass!” Mariah said jumping off the bed.

Phoenix let it ring one more time, and then took a deep breath “Hello?” she sang sweetly into the receiver.

“What’s up Ms. Phoenix?” Terrell’s voice based

“Surprise you remember me?” Phoenix said with more of a question.

“Who said I did?” Terrell shot back.

“Huh?” Phoenix said embarrassed that he actually might not have remembered her, and only knew her name because she said it when she had just called.

“I’m just fucking with you, of course I remember you. But I am just trying to figure out what took you so long to call, ya man had you hostage?” he asked playfully, and little did he know he was almost right except it was her pimp.

“No” Phoenix shyly laughed.

“Well that’s good to hear. But check this, I aint no phone type of dude, so I’m tryna take ya out, get to know ya feel me, so when is good for you?” Terrell asked getting to the point like he always did.

Phoenix didn’t answer right away; instead she put her phone over the receiver and whispered to Mariah “What should I say?” Mariah didn’t have time to answer because Terrell came back “Yo you there?” “Yea umm, how about to tomorrow?” she quickly blurted out.

“Tomorrow is good.” Terrell said. Phoenix wore a big smile on her face she was happy. They talk on the phone a little longer talking about what time they would meet and things.

“Oh my god!” Mariah squealed when Phoenix finally disconnecting. Both girls were happy she was actually going on a date with Terrell. Mariah was actually happier than Phoenix you would have thought she was the one going out with him.

Phoenix and Mariah stayed up late talking about different things, and most of all they talked about what Phoenix would wear on her date tomorrow. Before the night was over Phoenix was reminded of one thing, she was living it up now, but Geno would be back in two days and she would be back to her regular life again, and she couldn’t help but to want to cry. 

Phoenix was nervous as hell and excited at the same time, she just couldn’t wait to see Terrell’s sexy self again and she would in less than an hour. Phoenix didn’t know where they were going, so she decided to keep her attire simple but still sexy. A pair of black stiletto ankle style jeans hugged her small frame; a leopard print strapless corset had her perfect size c breast sitting up nice and pretty. Phoenix completed her simple outfit with a pair of red open toed wedges.

Phoenix had just finished applying the last touches to her makeup when her phone began to ring “hello?” she answered without looking at it.

“Hey I’m turning into your neighborhood, whats your building and apartment number I’ll come upstairs” Terrell said as soon as Phoenix answered.

“Uh, naw it’s okay I’ll come down” Phoenix said stuttering. She wouldn’t dare let him up to her place, it was bad enough she was going out with him, but at least if she got caught she could say he was her cousin, but if he was in her place cousin or not Geno would fuck her up.

“Aight well what’s your building number so I could at least wait on front and not look all stupid” Terrell said jokingly ignoring the fact that she was clearly hiding something.

“Umm 2401” she said grabbing her jacket and purse as she prepared to head out the door.

‘There’s that stutter again’ Terrell thought as he pulled up to her building. “Okay, I’m parked out front” he said.

“Okay I’m coming down” Phoenix looked in the mirror one last time before heading out the door.

~

“Oh my gosh you are so funny” Phoenix said as she tried to keep from laughing because her cheeks were already hurting for laughing and smiling the entire time.

Terrell had brought Phoenix to a high quality seafood restaurant called Captain Georges; Phoenix loved it, she had never been to a place like that. “So Phoenix, where you from?” Terrell asked as the waitress refilled there drinks.

“Nashville Tennessee” Phoenix said proudly

“Damn I aint know black people really live there.” Terrell said jokingly “What brought you to Virginia?” he asked making perfect eye contact something that excited Phoenix and scared her at the same time.

“Actually I moved here to go to school, I go to HU (Hampton University)” Phoenix said as she nervously played with her straw in her drink.

“That’s what’s up, what’s your major?” he asked trying to really get to know more about her.

Phoenix took a deep breath before responding, because in reality she was no longer in school and hadn’t been in almost a year, but she still told people she attended. “I’m majoring in nursing, eventually I will become a nurse practitioner. But right now I am taking a break.” Phoenix said sounding a little upset.

Terrell just sat on the other side of the table watching Phoenix closely, he could+ tell from her body language alone that she was hiding a lot, but he just couldn’t figure out why. “That’s what’s up, I never went to college, I was locked up until I was 21, so I aint have the luxury of all that shit. But just make sure ya break aint to long, I hear it’s h1ard to come back from” Terrell said playfully but he was being serious.

“True” was all Phoenix said before dropping her eyes, school along with a numerous of other things was a touchy situation for her.

Terrell wasn’t one to make a person feel bad, though he had that thug mentality he still had a heart “But damn ya ass from Tennessee, and I can damn sure tell it” Terrell said doing his best impression of a country person, which caused Phoenix to laugh.

“We not that country” Phoenix said sounding even more country then before.

“Yea aight.” Terrell said with a light chuckle.

“Tell me about yourself?” Phoenix said eager to know, and at the same time she wanted the focus off of her because it seemed like every time she talked about herself she always got sad because her life had always been a nightmare.

Terrell rubbed his hands lightly across his face “Shit I’m 27, I got a twin sister that live out there where you live as a matter of fact. I aint got no kids, no girl. I mean shit, I’m really an open book, ask me and more than likely imma answer” he said matter factly.  “So what you want to ask?” he asked.

“Nothing” Phoenix said smiling shyly, she was lying through her teeth she had so much she wanted to ask, but she knew if she did he would in turn ask her questions.

“Damn nothing, you aint feeling me?” Terrell asked dramtically as he placed his hands over his hear as if he was hurt.

“It’s not that” Phoenix said embarrassed, Terrell was so outspoken and it excited her.

“That’s what’s up” he said. Terrell really wanted to know more about Phoenix, but something about her pretty face was telling him she had a dark past and didn’t want to reveal.

The rest of dinner, they talked, laughed, and really got to know each other, well Phoenix got to know Terrell because he still aint no shit about her, except she was 22 from TN and went to HU. After Terrell dropped her off, they agreed to go out more, and next time it would be something less formal.