Nothing To Lose: A Grey Justice Novel (39 page)

Permitting the memories to reemerge for only a moment, he allowed the familiar wrath full reign. Yes, this had to be done.

Nick watched Justice curiously, intrigued and surprised at the conflict he saw in the man’s eyes. Having observed his strength and arrogance firsthand, this obvious inner struggle was definitely out of character.
 

Justice took a breath, the arrogance firmly back in place. “Irelyn has a difficult assignment coming up…one that will change the dynamics of her relationship with me. For some inexplicable reason, I’ve noticed that she doesn’t have the normal antipathy toward you as she has for most men. If you come to work with us, I’d like you to partner with her on future assignments. I think you would complement each other.”

Of all the odd and obscure things Justice had said since Nick had met him, this statement was at the top of the list. Justice and Irelyn lived together. Though they didn’t flaunt their affair, he was quite sure their relationship wasn’t platonic. And while he had been around the block enough to know that love wasn’t a requirement for sex, he’d seen the admiration on Justice’s face when he thought no one was looking. The man had strong feelings for the woman and yet was willing to jeopardize their relationship to get a job done. Nick didn’t know if that made Grey Justice heroic or a fool.
 

“I would have no problems working with Irelyn. She’s a remarkable woman.”

“Yes, she is.”

Sensing that Justice had said all he intended about the matter, Nick went to his feet. “Kennedy will be going to lunch soon. I want to be at the building in case she decides to go outside.”

Justice nodded in an absent manner, his forehead furled as his attention was diverted by something he was reading on his phone.
 

Figuring the man had another fire to put out, Nick let himself out of the penthouse. His focus was on his own phone, watching Kennedy working at her computer in her office. Because of that, Nick barely noticed he was out on the street until he heard the roar of traffic. He raised his head to get his bearings.
 

Halfway to his bike he had parked across the street, the squeal of tires behind him had him looking over his shoulder. A limousine shuddered to a stop on the street, the back door swung open, and Eli Slater shot out like a missile. Looking neither left nor right, the man barely missed plowing into a streetlamp as he charged inside the building and disappeared.

Hell, what now?

Chapter Thirty-five

Kennedy gazed around her sparse bedroom. In less than an hour, Adam Slater’s limo would arrive at her door and whisk her away to live in his mansion. She couldn’t help but wonder when she would be able to return to this little house that was beginning to feel more like home. Return to Nick and hopefully a future with him.
 

“Your gun. Where is it?”

She turned back to Nick, who’d been pacing between the hallway and her bedroom for the last half hour, his eyes dark with worry.

She opened a plastic box that resembled a makeup kit. Holding up a pink canister that looked like shaving gel, she unscrewed it and out slid the cylinder of a gun. “Every item inside this box has a secret compartment hiding a part.”

“And you’re comfortable with the assembly?”

“Yes,” she said with the utmost confidence. As was usual, unless Kennedy practiced something fifty times or so, Irelyn didn’t feel she was prepared. With this particular task, she’d assembled and broke apart the gun close to a hundred times before the other woman had been satisfied. This was definitely something Kennedy could do with her eyes closed.

“You carry it with you at all times. Even to the bathroom…and to bed. Understand?”

“I will,” she assured him. “I even have a thigh holster for my suits, as well as an ankle holster for when I wear pants.” Hoping to lighten his mood, she teased, “The thigh holster is very sexy, if I do say so myself.”

“A thigh holster, huh?”

The gleam in Nick’s eyes sent heat throughout her body. The past few days they’d become more comfortable expressing their attraction for one another. Nothing overt—just caressing touches, light kisses. Once, she’d patted his ass, and he’d jumped a foot off the floor, but the look he’d given her had been satisfyingly electric.
 

Even though a part of her wanted the wild, frenzied Nick who’d pushed her against the wall and had her screaming with ecstasy in seconds, she found herself enjoying the simple pleasures of sexual attraction.

“Don’t suppose you’d want to try that holster on…model it? You know, just to make sure the fit is right or it doesn’t show through your clothing?”

She laughed softly, loving that once again she could. “Adam’s chauffeur is picking me up in twenty minutes. Otherwise, I might just take you up on your offer.”

She wished she hadn’t mentioned Adam, because the light went out in Nick’s eyes, and the worry returned. “It pisses me off that you’re not able to take your own car.”

“I don’t like it either, but since he’s made a couple of concessions for me already, I didn’t want to push this one.”

“Yeah, real big of him to let you borrow his driver and limo one day a week to go to a beauty spa. The bastard wants to keep tabs on you even when you’re off the clock.”

She couldn’t help but agree. Adam Slater’s behavior was borderline obsessive. Since being in his house and having access to his secrets was what they’d been working so hard for, objecting to his possessiveness would have been counterproductive.

Conveniently owned by Grey, the spa was the ideal location for their meetings. She would be able to give a weekly report of her progress without anyone the wiser. And though far from ideal, at least she would be able to see Nick once a week, too. Maybe not as privately as she would like, but still something she would anticipate.

Knowing Nick’s dislike of the situation had more to do with his concern for her than anything else, she skillfully switched subjects. “Did you ever find out why Eli rushed into Grey’s office the other day?”

“No. When I mentioned it to Justice, he said it concerned another matter. Since we have more than enough to deal with, I didn’t push.”

“Eli seems different lately…don’t you think?”

“Different…how?”

She couldn’t put her finger on it…maybe it was just her imagination. “I don’t know. Maybe less sad or something.”

“Maybe he’s found a woman. I’ve heard that can do remarkable things for a man’s attitude.”

“Is that right?” Standing on her tiptoes, she pressed her body firmly against his. “Then I think you could use an attitude adjustment.”

His erection rose hard and thick, grinding into her softness. Kennedy hummed her approval of the deliciously delicate heat slowly spreading through her body. Moving her hips deliberately and provocatively against him, she caught her breath as arousal thrummed in her sex.
 

With the hope that he would lower his head so she could reach his mouth, she pressed soft kisses to his neck and then his chin. When he didn’t move, she said softly, “Kiss me, Nick.”

He grabbed her hands, dropping them to her sides and then backed up out of her reach.

She frowned, hurt at his obvious rejection. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just don’t think we need to start something we can’t finish.”

“Does it always have to have a finish? Is there anything wrong with just playing?”

“Is that what you want…to play?”

“No, of course I want more, but playing can be fun, too.”

“We don’t have time for fun. Slater’s driver will be here any minute.”

“It’s not lack of time, and you know it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Why do you do this, Nick?”

“Do what?”

She wanted to stomp her foot in frustration. “I know you want me.” Her gaze dropped to the bulge pressing against his zipper. “That’s pretty damn obvious. You told me you love me. Have you changed your mind?”

“That’s never going to change.”

“Why do I sense a big fat ‘but’ at the end of that sentence?”

He stared at her for several seconds. The conflict in his eyes told her he had a war going on inside him. “Nick? What? You know you can tell me anything. What’s holding you back? Why can’t you just let go with me?”

As if the answer was wrenched out of him, he answered in a ravaged voice, “I heard you, Kennedy…the night after we had sex that first time. I heard you talking to Thomas. Apologizing.”

Confused, she could only stare at him. Yes, she had talked to Thomas when she’d woken up that morning, but when had she apologized? Why would she— Then she remembered. Unable to stop herself, she let out a little giggle.

“You think it’s funny?”

“No, not really. Just…” She sighed. “Do you know why I was apologizing to Thomas?”

“Because you felt guilty…like you had betrayed him.”

Had she? “Maybe a little at first. You were the first man I’d even been attracted to since Thomas. But the apology had nothing to do with betrayal. It had to do with the realization that while Thomas and I had a great sex life and I loved him deeply, what you made me feel that night wasn’t something I’d ever experienced before.” She could feel a blush crimson her cheeks at the confession.

“Yeah, right. Tell that to someone who didn’t see your marriage up close and personal.” He turned and walked out of the bedroom.

Now furious, she stalked after him. “You don’t believe me?”

He stopped in the middle of the living room. “You don’t have to lie to make me feel better. I know Thomas was the love of your life.”

“I will love Thomas for as long as I live. He was a wonderful man, and I was incredibly blessed to share those few precious years with him. That doesn’t mean I can’t love again.”
 

His face set as if etched in granite, he shook his head. “You’ll never get over him.”

She opened her mouth to argue and then stopped as realization hit. “Wait a minute. It’s not me who can’t get over Thomas…it’s you. You’re the one who feels guilty. You said you loved me for years…even when I was married to Thomas. You felt guilty about that. And now that you’ve slept with his widow, you feel even guiltier.”

A knock on the door had them both turning. Dammit. Not now. This was the first open, honest conversation they’d had about their relationship. She felt as if she were on the edge of a major breakthrough. With just a few more minutes, they might have worked through this and finally settled this battle. But what choice did she have? She had to leave.
 

With only seconds to spare, she needed to be as succinct and direct as possible. Pulling in every bit of emotional strength she had left, she gave him an ultimatum: “You need to decide if you ever really loved me, Nick, or if you just loved the idea of me. If you knew Thomas at all, then you know damn well he’d be happy that the two people he loved most in this world had found each other. But you need to make a decision.” Emotion clogging her throat, she swallowed and continued huskily, “Am I Thomas’s widow or the woman you love? I can’t be both.”

 
She turned away from him and opened the front door. Allowing the driver to take her bags, she followed him out, refusing to glance back to see what effect her words might have had. As she made her way to the limo, she gave herself a lecture. It was time to get her head back in the game. This was for Thomas…she would do whatever it took to get justice for him.
 

When this was over, would Nick be waiting for her or would he let his misplaced sense of guilt destroy their chance at happiness together?

Chapter Thirty-six

From inside a van that touted a twenty-four-hour plumbing service, Grey watched the monitor. As his one concession to Irelyn, he had agreed to no audio. He didn’t like it but knew when to push and when to let go. He would see everything unfold. Hearing the camaraderie between the two wasn’t something he’d been looking forward to anyway.
 

The doorbell must have rung, because Irelyn rose gracefully from her seat on the sofa and headed to the door. Her usual elegant stride was a bit off tonight, but that was understandable. Fortunately, he was probably the only person who would have noticed the difference.

She opened the door and greeted her guest as she always did—with a kiss on both cheeks and a warm embrace. Seeing their affection with each other always twisted through his gut like a knife skewering his insides.

They chatted back and forth for several moments, looking as easy with each other as only two old friends could. Considering they saw one another only a few times each year, the man’s trust in Irelyn was admirable. Very soon he would realize the blind trust he’d given her had been misplaced. Irelyn had switched her loyalties years ago.

The first time Grey had seen the man who had caused heartbreak for so many, he remembered being surprised at how very ordinary and uninteresting he looked. Evil could be disguised in many forms and faces. Still, one would think there would have been something to indicate the wickedness that resided behind that average-looking exterior. Of course, that was how the man had been able to hide for so many years. Medium height, medium build, non-descript features. When he wasn’t causing destruction and heartache, he was just a face in the crowd.