Nuklear Age (60 page)

He pushed on the door. It opened reluctantly with a banshee’s wail. Atomik Lad felt an oppressive dampness hit him as he entered the room. It was dark and humid inside, like the mouth of a great slumbering dragon. The only illumination was the dim and flickering torch light from the door behind him and it didn’t penetrate nearly effectively or deeply for the ex-sidekick’s tastes. “Knock when you are done,” Dr. Menace said cheerily as she shut the massive door, trapping him in complete darkness.

“Hey! I thought you said no traps!”

“Settle down,” her voice was muffled behind the thick door. “It iz not locked. Just hurry up in there.”

“Swell. Um. Nuke? You in here buddy?”

Chains scratched against the wet stone floor somewhere in the dark depths. The sound echoed against the walls making it impossible to locate its origin.

“There was once a man here,” a haggard and coarse voice answered from throughout the dungeon. ”And they called
him
Nuklear.”

“Nuke?” Atomik Lad asked while pivoting around this way and that to pinpoint the voice’s location. “That you?”

A ragged breathing answered him. “You. You are searching for the Nuklear Man, are you?” The voice rang with ancient suffering and ancient madness.

“Um. Yeah.”

“Ah,” the voice twisted into a shallow laugh. “A most noble quest indeed, young knight errant.”

“What?”

“But finding the legendary Nuklear Man is no simple task. You must endure the Nine Trials of the Three Virtues. First the Questions of Intelligence followed by the Feats of Strength and then the Tests of Bravery. Once you have completed these Nine Testaments of Valor you may begin the Journey of Great Peril. Then, and
only then
, will you find the Nuklear Man for whom you seek.”

Atomik Lad had given up finding the source of the voice and just went with it. “Sure. Fine. Let’s start this already. Ask me your questions, old man. I’m not afraid.”

“A true warrior must be wise. He must be in balance, he must know his true self, for only then may he slay the evil that permeates this sorrowful land.”

“Of course.”

“Thus, the first Question of Intelligence is thus: What is your name?”

Atomik Lad opened his mouth to answer but found himself strangely silent for a moment. “Uh. Well. That’s not altogether such an easy answer.”

“Answer the question to proceed, young one. What is your name?”

“But this is something of a complicated issue in my case, you see. My parents named me John but, well, hardly anyone calls me that any more. It’s usually Atomik Lad or Sparky. But. I don’t know. I really don’t feel like those are
me
. Not really, anyway. Atomik Lad is a name in the newspapers, a stuffed doll, a T-shirt. It’s almost like a character I play sometimes. But more than that because I really
am
Atomik Lad. But why? Why am I Atomik Lad?”

“How do you expect to become a true hero if you do not even understand your self?” the voice asked from every corner of the dungeon.

He looked down at his classy red and blue spandex with the eye-catching red “A” set in front of a bright yellow radiation hazard symbol. In the bleak darkness of the cell, he could only make out the A by the absence of yellow it made. He ran his hand across the form-fitting material. “My parents,” he stated aloud, surprising himself. “Yes, my parents. These powers, whatever they are and however I got them, they are a part of what killed them. I can’t let that be completely in vain. I have to make up for what I’ve done with these powers. They have to help me make things right, to help people. Without the memory of my parents, Atomik Lad is nothing. Without John, Atomik Lad is nothing. My name is John.”

“Excellent, young Sir John,” the voice answered without its previous exhaustion if for even a little while. “Now then, a true hero knows that for which he seeks, for how else can he reach his goals? Thus: What is your quest?”

“What do you mean, in the short term or like a life long mission kind of thing?”

“Answer and you may proceed.”

“…I thought you might say that. Okay. Well, in an immediate sense, my quest is to find Nuklear Man. But that’s really just the next step in the overall plan. So I guess my quest is to make the world a better place.”

“A most noble quest. Indeed, the only one a true hero aspires to. And the final Question of Intelligence is thus: How was Captain Liberty able to defeat the combined heinousness of the sinister Sergeant Kraut and the vicious Dober-Man in the Special Extravaganza 500th Issue of
The Squad of Diplomatic Immunity?”

“Nuke. I know it’s you,” Atomik Lad said. His eyes were finally starting to adjust to the darkness.

“Is not. Er, I mean, answer the question, my son, and your journey will begin.”

“Is that…look, I can see you from here.”

“No you can’t!”

“Yes. I can,” Atomik Lad insisted. He walked over and stood right in front of the Hero.

“Oh yeah?
Prove
it.”

“And to think I was almost starting to miss having you around,” Atomik Lad muttered. He gave his mentor a sharp poke in the ribs.

“Ouch.”

“Now that we got the obligatory idiotic behavior out of the way, let’s get you out of here.”

“No, no, dear Sparky. I have wronged our great society and must pay my debt to it. It’s the honorable thing to do.”

“Were you even paying attention to the trial?”

Nuklear Man made a little so-so motion with his hand . It rattled the chains around his wrist.

“Have you gotten stupider since I last saw you, or have I just lost my tolerance for your general inane babble this past week?”

The Hero shrugged as best as he could with his limbs chained to the wall.

“Never mind. I got Dr. Menace to drop the charges against you so we were able to get the judge to reduce your sentence to time served plus a lifetime of community service. Of course, considering your unique talents and status in the world, your community is the planet and your service is dedicating yourself to eradicating villainy and evil in all its forms wheresoever you should find it. So all you have to do is be a Hero, which you already are.”

“Hm. I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?! You get to go free on the one condition that you basically just have to exist!”

“Yeah, but now it’s like it’s an obligation. I don’t wanna do it if I
have
to.”

“You
can’t
be serious.”

“It takes all the fun out of it,” he pouted, kicking at the ground with a chained foot.

“You’re just going to have to deal with that. We’ve got to hurry. The world needs us.”

“Lousy world,” Nuklear Man grumbled. “You’ll be needing a heck of a lot of tape and glue when I’m done with you.”

Atomik Lad sighed.

“Probably more adhesives than the whole world has put together. All at once even.”

“Are you talking?”

“Sorta.”

“Let’s go.”

“Oh, fine. But first take off my mask so I can look on you with my own eyes.”

“What are you talking about?”

“This mask. It has its own face. Its own name, K’thulu, and I am unmade within its unyielding—”

“Okay, fine. Just shut up already.” Atomik Lad reached around the mask and fumbled his fingers across the back until they found the lock. A quick burst of Atomik Field removed it. “There.” The mask clanged against the stony floor. “You big baby.”

“Thanks,” the Hero removed himself from the wall by simply walking forward. The ferrous fetters fell off Nuklear Man’s wrists and ankles thanks to a little Plazma Power and a lot of melting. “So. How’d you get Menace to drop the charges? Did you smack her around?” he asked as they walked back to the heavy wooden door.

“Well, not exactly.”

“Oh, I read ya. You went easy on her, winkity, winky, wink.”

“No, it’s not like that.”

“Hey, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You dog.”

“You’re not listening.”

Nuklear Man reached out to the rusting iron door latch. “I don’t mind telling you that more than once in our decade of arch-rivaldom, I’ve had an inkling to tap that
augh!”
He slammed the door shut almost before he opened it. The walls shook.

“Like I was trying to tell you—”

“Shh!” Nuklear Man demanded. He continued in a whisper, “I think Dr. Menace is right outside that door.”

“Nuke.”
“You probably hadn’t noticed, but that’s not your fault. I just happen to be better than you at everything.”

“Especially at noticing details,” Atomik Lad said with lethal sarcasm.

“You see?”

“Details like irony for instance.”

“Hm. Norman might almost be better at that due to his metallic motif.” Nuklear Man’s eyes narrowed.
“Almost.”

“Nuke. I had to team-up with Dr. Menace.”

“This isn’t the time for jokes, Sparky. We’ve got a nefarious villain right outside the door. Geez, I haven’t been out of jail for even one second and they’re already out for blood. This is the time for action, if you know what I mean.”

“I’m afraid I do,” Atomik Lad said while rubbing his eyes.

“PLAZMAAA—”

Atomik Lad slapped Nuklear Man’s hands out of their power-up motion. “We’ve got bigger problems than another of Menace’s plans for global domination. We’ve got an invincible madman with a plan for global domination.”

“Invincible madman, eh? I’ll have to beat him at his own twisted game!”

Atomik Lad’s shoulders slumped. “Your plan is to take over the world first, isn’t it.”

“Preeeee
cise
ly.”

“Try again.”

“But it’s so simple, it can’t fail!”

“Not a chance.”

“Phooey.” Nuklear Man’s sky blue eyes darted back and forth with cunning or something approximating cunning the way diet soda very nearly resembles its parent drink. “Okay. I have a new plan.”

“I won’t like it, will I?”

“Nope,” the Hero smiled proudly. “You’ll
love
it!”

“Right.”

“If, as you say, we are dealing with an invincible madman, then clearly the only way to defeat him it so be even crazier!”

“Which invariably entails….”

“
Four dozen monkeys!”

“Let’s not.”

“No, no, no. There’s more.”

“That’s part of the problem, really.”

“We shall make a feint to the northeast. Tee hee!”

“You
always
say that! What is it! What is that supposed to accomplish?”

“Well, you know. To fake him out. He’ll be all ‘Duh! Hey, where are they?’ And then we’ll be like ‘Right here, dude, like Valkyries hurtling from the northeastern sky!’”

“All right. That’s enough of that. C’mon, we’ve kept Menace waiting long enough as it is.”

“You’re taking this Team-Up-With-The-Villain joke a little too far.”

The door burst open sending clouds of dust swirling in the dank air. The Venomous Villainess stood in the doorway. “We haven’t the time to wazte standing around here with…” She shook with anger, “
What
iz that moron doing?!”

“What?” Atomik Lad turned around. Nuklear Man was cowering behind him rather unsuccessfully due to a certain difference in their sizes. “Oh geez.” He slapped Nuklear Man across the back of his head. “Cut it out!”

The Hero timidly emerged from behind his ex-sidekick. “You cut it out first, Sir Hitsalot.”

“Enough with the token buffoonery,” Dr. Menace snapped. “We have work to do.”

“Oh, I get it,” Nuklear Man said with a wise smile. “You put her up to this, didn’t you.”

“Nuke. Get this through your thick, empty skull.” Atomik Lad grabbed him by the collar of his spandex. “We. Are working. With Dr. Menace!”

“Heh, this sure is a funny Getting Out of Jail joke.”

__________

Meanwhile, the sun was setting on Superion City. The streets, ordinarily filled to capacity with commuters returning home after a productive day’s work, were uncharacteristically empty. The sidewalks too were vacant. Completely absent was the seething flow of citizens visiting a corner store, a friend, or moving to or from a subway station. A city. An organic thing that grows and flows with life; suffers, prospers, but always changing, always moving. Except tonight.

The veins have run dry.

The life has gone.

“All because of me,” Superion quietly told himself. He stood in the center of Anderson Square Garden in front of the massive and regal marble statue of Captain Liberty. One of its massive fists perched on its hip while the other arm was posed with an eagle on its forearm. A cape of stone that practically rippled with a carved fluidity flowed behind it. The statue’s wide base was inscribed with the Captain’s battlecry: “United We Stand.” Superion couldn’t help but allow himself an amused smile as he looked out upon the vast sea of crimson-clad followers before him. “United we stand. Indeed.”

__________

Issue 45 – The Gathering Storm

The sky was purple as day relinquished the earth to night. The sun hung low, a sliver of light hovering just above the horizon and impossible to see through the dense forest of Metroville’s towers as anything more than reflections among steel spires. Clouds had gathered themselves into an epic weight, like in a painting, motionless and serene yet threatening to overwhelm the universe with their girth. Three figures soared above the geometrically appealing cityscape. One of gold, one of crimson, and one of blazing violet science. Atomik Lad found it hard to believe that just a few hours ago the sky was almost a featureless sheet of azure. His eyes kept focusing on the empty city below. Dr. Menace, using a Negaflux Field fueled by an emergency belt generator, used gravity to propel herself through the evening air. She swung beside the ex-sidekick. He looked up at her, startled that he hadn’t noticed her approach.

“Um,” he said.

“You are slowing. We haven’t the time to wazte.”

“R-right. Sorry.” His Field seethed and accelerated him closer to Nuklear Man.

Dr. Menace gazed at the city as it passed below her. “Thiz iz my doing.” She looked ahead at her new comrades. “The plan iz still in effect. It iz only natural for a wide-sweeping zcheme, zuch az my total global domination, to suffer a slight setback or two.” She adjusted a dial on her belt to catch up to the heroes. “I still breathe, the plan still livez!”