Obsessive Compulsion (18 page)

I’m lost in love with this man.

My heartbeat stills. I open my eyes to stare
into his. I want to take it – the love that’s so deeply etched
within every line of his face. I don’t want to run away from it
anymore. I want to give it all – all that I can, right back in
return.

A soft knock at the door brings a regretted
end to the clarity finally being allowed between my heart and my
head. Ian mumbles an annoyed curse against my lips, making me
laugh. Little moments like this, where our normal is the only
normal that matters, make me undeniably happy.

The knock sounds again and Ian leaves the
bed, wearing nothing but his red, low hung briefs.
Mercy
, I
was right about that, too. Ian in nothing but his briefs is like my
own personal underwear commercial.

He stares at me a moment while I drool then
he glances down, realizing what he’s
not
wearing. A hunt for
his pants proves futile. Even I don’t really remember where they
ended up. At three in the morning, pants are gonna land where
they’re gonna land.

Grinning at me with a sexy, boyish smile, he
steals the top sheet and holds it around his waist as the knock
sounds again. “Coming,” he responds. Then, I swear, I hear him
mumble “
I wish
…” as he opens the door a crack to see who’s
there.

A muffled conversation takes place as I lay
in wait on the bed. If Ian thinks we’re done renegotiating the
non-existent label of our relationship, that boy is in for another
surprise. A frown weighs down my brow. What if he has another panic
attack?

No. You know what really caused that,
Charlotte. Your deer-in-headlights reaction to his proposal is what
set him off
.

He was joking.

You’re an idiot if you really believe
that.

Well, no one’s ever accused me of being all
that bright. Shoot, maybe Saul and I have more in common than I
thought.

The door closes, drawing attention to my
underwear model boyfriend. His cheeks are flushed, and he’s pushing
a hand slowly through his sandy brown hair. The lean muscles of his
chest and abs flex, making me drool again. The sheet is still
wrapped around his waist like a toga, and the sunlight is hitting
everything just right.

Damn.
His body begs me to paint
him.

“Sorry,” he saunters back over to the bed.
“Brandon just wanted to check in on us before he starts preparing
breakfast.”

I try not to frown. “Should we go help?”

“No,” he blurts, then swallows as his gaze
falls towards my breasts. His tongue darts out to wet his bottom
lip. It has me crawling across the mattress to him as his eyes
widen. “He… he said there was no rush.”

“Good.” I reach out and snag the sheet away
then tuck a finger into the waistband of his briefs. With a gentle
tug, I coax him to clear the remaining steps so that his knees
touch the mattress edge. “I don’t want to rush this.”

“Charlotte,” his voice is full of questions.
Full of hope. Of need. The hard erection tenting the cotton doesn’t
stir my desire half as much as the way he’s looking down at me.

Easing down his briefs, the sight of him
fully exposed coils everything in me tight. Raising up on my knees,
I kiss the center of his chest, seeking permission. “Our word is
always in play, but I need to touch you. I’ve been held by you all
night, with your cock pressed between my legs, and it’s driven my
patience to its limits.”

“I want you,” he starts with a gruff noise
resembling a growl, then finishes, “to touch me. Please,
Charlotte.”

This is a new side to Ian. He’s still
submissive to my presence, but there’s a strength in his submission
that has me quivering. I’m wet for him and all he’s done is look at
me. “Hold my hair outta the way, sweetie.”

Those gorgeous hazel eyes widen a notch
further then all hesitation is gone. Both of his hands move into my
hair to gather it away from my face as I bend down. The hold is
gentle yet possessive. Loving yet lustful. Perfect.

Just like his cock. A bead of precum
glistens from the slit and I have to have it. The salty sweetness
makes me shudder as my tongue slides across the head, and I feel
his grip in my hair tighten. His hips tense, but he keeps them
still. I know he wants to slide his dick past my lips, and his
restraint only makes me want him more.

Trailing the tip of my tongue along his
length, I’m amazed at his control. Not a single twitch from his
body; just an unrestrained moan from his throat as I circle my lips
and suck him in. The hard silk of his cock is a wanted heat within
my mouth, and I fight my own control to make each bobbing pass a
slow, gentle suckle. I hear another deep, unexpected growl from
above me and his fingers tighten further.

“Please, Charlotte,” he commands me with a
beg, and there is nothing I could ever deny him. I increase the
pace with hollow cheeks and a hand cupping his sac. He hisses and
bucks forward, and I take him all the way down. “Oh, fuck…”

Gone is the Ian from last night who shook
and twitched at my touch as he fought the demons of his anxiety.
Those demons are under his control now, and I wonder what’s brought
on this change. I’m afraid to question it too much, afraid to break
the moment apart to figure it all out. I’m afraid to accept that I
already know the reason why.

Looking back up, I find his unwavering gaze
locked on me. Who is submitting to whom? I no longer know. I no
longer care. I just want Ian inside me.

With a slow, final suckle, I pull off his
cock to the sound of his whimper. Kissing a line up his chest, his
fingers still entwined in my hair, I decide I’ve had enough of
being afraid. “Make love to me, Ian.”

A deep inhale matches the uncertainty that
appears in his eyes, but he doesn’t let go of my hair as I guide
him onto the bed. He stays bound to me, kneeling between my legs,
my panties already gone – probably hidden next to his pants. His
hands roamed my body last night, removing all my defenses. Now his
eyes penetrate beyond the surface, seeking answers I know he
deserves.

Wrapping my legs around his hips, I position
the head of his cock at my entrance, slicking it through my pussy
to produce a shared gasp between us. He tenses, his dick poised to
enter, but I can see the shadows of his demons clawing their way
back in between us.

“It’s alright, sweetie,” I cup his cheek,
begging him not to stop.

If we turn back now, I don’t know if my
heart will ever again be brave enough to take this chance. I want
this. I want him. I want to give life to our butterfly. “I know you
can do this, Ian. Focus on me. Focus on our love.”

In a flash, his demons are gone.
“Charlotte?”

“I’m in love with you, Ian,” and I’m done
being afraid of my heart. I’m done not giving this a label. I’m
done not giving my all to this man who deserves everything I’ve
got. “I’m in love with you,” I repeat it so he knows how much I
mean it, and that’s all it takes to free him from himself.

With a swift movement, he’s inside me as his
forehead sets against mine, our eyes unblinking. “I love you,
Charlotte. I love you so damn much.”

An all-consuming kiss accompanies our
fervent words – words spoken much sooner than I thought possible
yesterday. Words I thought, for a long time, I’d never be able to
speak again. Words that carry the weight of my heart and lift it up
into a happy euphoria where the past can’t tear away the joy I feel
at having Ian in my life.

Each thrust brings us closer, his fingers
tangled in my hair as I curl around him and hold on. Hard pushes
hit the spot that unravels me, while his unyielding press onto my
body rubs against my clit with each pass. We’re molded together,
touching everywhere possible, refusing to let anything separate us
– especially ourselves. His teeth find my neck, pleasure radiates
between us, and I’m crying out his name.

All I can do is hold on as I come – hold on,
hold tight and never let this man go. “…love… you…”

A low, rumbling guttural moan signals the
storm’s arrival as Ian lets go of himself so he can hold onto us.
Slamming hips plunge his cock as deep as I can take him, again and
again, each time expelling a pleasured gasp of air from my lungs.
I’m standing at the edge of the porch, silence has fallen over the
fields and electricity singes across my skin.

The storm has come and I open my arms to the
sky. “Ian!”

“Charlotte…” he growls my name through an
unhindered yell with one final thrust. Warmth fills me, overtakes
me, smothers me and I welcome it. Our slick bodies collapse side by
side onto the mattress, his cock still pulsing inside me and my
limbs refusing to let go. “Charlotte,” he whispers through heaving
breaths. “My Charlotte. I love you.”

A claim like that should have me running for
the nearest exit, but instead it makes me smile. Not that my legs
could run right now. Heck, I’ll be lucky if I can stand. I have an
inkling that I’m gonna be a right bit tender down below, too. Ian
really let go, and it was glorious.

“Are you alright?” His nose nuzzles against
my ear before he kisses my neck. It makes me shiver. “Charlotte? I
didn’t hurt you, did I?”

It takes a long blink for me to figure out
I’m not actually speaking the words in my head. Wow. This boy
really did pound my brains out. That makes me laugh. “I’m
wonderful, sweetie, just not all… all back together yet.”

He snorts into my ear and that pushes my
laughter into giggles. “I love that damn snort of yours.”

“Seriously?” He leans up with a raised,
disbelieving eyebrow.

“I do. It’s cute.” I finger his bangs, my
smile showing no signs of fading. We stare at each other for
uncounted minutes, still joined in every way possible. I don’t want
to leave this bed or his arms, but I know we have to face the day
eventually. “What are your plans this afternoon?”

“I usually help Brandon and Austin clean up
until around four, then sometimes we have dinner together.
You?”

“Well, I was thinkin’,” I blush slightly
under his gaze. “Maybe we could just stay another night? Brandon,
Emma and I will be leaving for Oklahoma on Tuesday morning and
won’t be back ‘till Saturday, so… I was hopin’ to spend some time
with just you and me.”

His brow scrunches up. “Has my invitation
been rescinded?”

“Not at all, I just thought… I’d love for
you to spend Christmas with me… us.”

“Then I’ll find a way to make it work.” He
dips down, kisses me then pulls away. “Might have to knock me
unconscious with the way Brandon drives.”

“You and me both,” I wink. I start idly
playing with his bangs again, the odd giddy sensation still
fluttering through my tummy. Now that my heart’s had its say, my
brain can’t deny these feelings. I’m so very much in love with Ian
Rider. “So, you’re still okay?”

“The beautiful woman I’ve been obsessing
over for three months just told me she loves me,” he quips then
kisses my nose. “Charlotte, I’m fucking fantastic!”

“I’m glad,” I laugh, wiggling my hips
slightly to remind him just how connected we still are. “I’m just
surprised you’re not freaking out, even a little bit.”

Instead of pulling out, he grabs my hip and
leverages himself deeper between my legs. “So am I, but I don’t
want to question it, either. Maybe love does conquer all?” His head
sinks to my shoulder. “Sorry, that was horribly cheesy.”

“Nah,” I smile at the idea and kiss his
shoulder. “I think it’s the best explanation we’ve got right now,
so we should just go with it.”

“Just go with it…” He leans away again to
look at me. “I’ve never been able to ‘just go with it’ a single day
in my life.”

“And how does it feel?”

“Pretty damn amazing,” he whispers against
my lips. His hips move up again, making us both moan. “You’re so
incredibly amazing, Charlotte. I want to lay here all day with
you,” his words are soft brushes across my skin. “All day and all
night.”

“And the next day?” I ponder out loud, my
mind hazy in love.

“And the day after that,” he thrusts into me
again, “and the day after, and the day after…”

Each whispered promise of days to come
precedes another thrust. I’m already so close to the edge of
another orgasm, I wonder if I ever actually came down from the
first one. By the fifth push of his cock along the tender nerves,
I’m whimpering in a fever for more of his touch. “Yes, Ian. There.
I need you there. Don’t stop… Don’t…”

“I won’t,” he whispers into my ear as my
whole body tenses under him. “I’ll love you forever,
Charlotte.”

The air leaves my lungs. The world
disappears. My cocooned heart shatters wide open and long-forgotten
wings unfold.

I watch in pure wonder as Charlotte dies
then is reborn.
La petite mort
– the ‘little death’. Her
orgasm is a glimpse into her soul, unrestrained and wide open, and
I know I’ll love this soul forever.

I slowly ease out of her, letting her body
come back down. I could stay within her body’s warm embrace all day
and never get enough, but I know I need to stop. I need to stop,
because I can feel the obsession tightening its grip.

I need to touch her. I need to be inside
her. I need to know that she’s mine, only mine, and that she’s not
leaving me. I need reassurance of her love. I need...

Get it together, Rider. Control it. Breathe
in. She’s not leaving you. She loves you. Breathe out.

I was afraid of this. I’m slipping the other
direction – latching onto Charlotte in a manner that could drive
her away just as fast as my original issues. At least I’m seeing
the early signs. Michelle, my therapist, would say that’s a good
thing. Progress, she’d call it, and I know I have so much
‘progress’ to discuss with her on Monday.

Charlotte’s eyes flutter back open as a wide
smile graces her lips. She really is so very beautiful. I kiss
those lips softly then make an attempt to leave the bed. “I need to
go help Brandon.”