Octavian's Undoing (Sons of Judgment) (50 page)

Octavian, on the other hand, refused to believe any such thing would ever happen. In his mind, they were going to somehow beat Septimus’ prediction. Riley had no idea how, but it made her bucket list all the more important.

She rose off the bed, careful not to awaken Octavian where he lay slumbering, completely oblivious to her scheming. He reminded her of a fallen angel, the way he slept. She knew he wouldn’t take the comparison kindly, but she couldn’t help it. He was unimaginably beautiful and appeared even more stunning in sleep when his guard was down and his features open. She could never understand how one person could do so much to her heart without ever really trying. It seemed as though, unknowingly, he possessed some kind of magical power that compelled her to continuously be in awe of him. He’d think she was mental, but the fact remained the same — she was enthralled by him.

Careful not to disturb him, she slipped the notepad back into the compartment of her newly emptied suitcase, slid the bag under the bed and rose to her feet. She grabbed her car keys, her coat and her purse with the slip of paper tucked inside and headed downstairs.

Kyaerin glanced up from the never ending stack of papers she and Liam were always going over. Only now, Riley knew what they were — out of Hell applications. “Hello sweetie. Going out?”

Riley nodded, tactfully avoiding the woman’s gaze by rummaging through her purse. “I just need to get something from the store.”

“Do you want me to get one of the boys?”

Riley shook her head. “It’s girl stuff.”

Kyaerin’s lips formed an O of understanding. “All right. Drive safely.”

She got all the way to the door before the guilt ate at her and she stopped.

“Riley?”

Closing her eyes for just a second before opening them, Riley turned to the woman who had become a mother to her. “I’m not going to the store.”

Kyaerin blinked, her head tipped to the side. “Oh?”

Riley fidgeted with the purse strap slung over her shoulder. “I…” She exhaled heavily. “A few years ago, for school, I did a genealogy report. I was supposed to do a tree for both sides of my family. I got most of it from my dad for his side, but I needed…” She dug into her purse and removed the piece of paper tucked inside. “I wanted to know…” She bit her lip as her eyes stung. “I looked up my mom.” She waved the paper pathetically. “I found three addresses with her maiden name and first initial… I haven’t had the courage to…” She bit her lip harder, trying miserably to redirect the tears. “I was thinking since… after Septimus…”

Kyaerin got to her feet, her heart gleaming in her eyes. “Oh darling…” The heartbroken expression brewed into determination. “Okay!”

As Riley watched on in wide-eyed bafflement, Kyaerin stuffed her papers into its folder, tucked it under her arm and marched to the kitchen.

“I’ll be right back,” she called over her shoulder just before she disappeared through the doors.

Riley counted to fifteen and Kyaerin was back, slinging on her purse over her beautiful red coat.

“What…?”

Kyaerin blinked at her. “You didn’t honestly think I was going to let you do it alone, did you? Come on then.”

She waited for annoyance or anger to rise and was temporarily surprised when it didn’t. Maybe it was the reason she’d told Kyaerin the truth in the first place. Maybe she really hadn’t wanted to go alone. It certainly felt better walking into the lion’s den with another person in your corner. She had no idea how her mother would react, if she would even be happy to see Riley. She could take one look and slam the door in her face.

They took Kyaerin’s car, which was a tiny little bug in mint green. Compared to her sons’ extravagant cars, hers was almost out of place and barely noticeable.

“Don’t say it,” she said as she unlocked their doors. “The boys give me enough grief over it, but I like my little car.”

Riley just shook her head, not bothering to suppress her grin.

“Okay, so where to first?” Kyaerin asked, snapping her seatbelt into place.

Fastened, Riley glanced at her list. She rattled off the first address and sat back as Kyaerin put the car into drive and headed across town.

This is such a bad idea!
The voice in her head whined the whole way there. No matter how hard Riley pushed, the voice was more persistent, pressing every doubt button in her.

Then there was the other voice, the cruel one. It taunted her with truths she couldn’t hide in the dark creases of her own mind. Her mother hadn’t wanted her thirteen years ago, what made Riley think she would want to see her now?

Bad, bad idea…

But she had to do it, didn’t she? She had to know. Had it been her? Had it been her father? Why would a mother abandon her child like that?

“She’s remarried and having a baby,” Riley murmured to the silence in the car. “Septimus said it was a girl. Do you think she was my replacement?”

Eyes never leaving the road, Kyaerin reached one hand off the steering wheel and lightly took Riley’s cold one. “A mother can never replace a child, Riley. Children, each one has a special, separate place in your heart.”

“Then why did she leave me? Why didn’t she love me? Wasn’t I enough?” She hadn’t meant to voice the questions, not now. She had wanted to wait until she was standing in front of her mother, but they kept pouring out. Years of hurt and betrayal pooled up inside her, waiting to overflow.

Kyaerin put pressure on Riley’s fingers. “You’re going to ask her that when we see her.”

The first C Garnell turned out to be Charlie Garnell, a middle aged man with a round, protruding belly and a thick Colonel Mustard mustache. He shook his head and told them no one named Caroline lived there.

The second C Garnell was a woman in her late sixties with purple hair and a twinkle in her eyes much younger. She invited them in for ginger snaps, but they kindly refused.

“It has to be the third one,” Riley whispered, holding the paper so tight it tore under her trembling hands. “It has to be her.”

Kyaerin took the paper from her. “We’ll find her,” she promised. “Even if I have to use my influences in Hell to hunt her down.”

Grateful, Riley offered her a shaky smile.

The third door was opened by a blond haired boy with big green eyes and a million freckles. He stared up at them over the head of the giant
Spiderman
doll clutched in his gangly arms.

“Yeah?”

Riley couldn’t speak. She stared at the kid who couldn’t be older than five with her heart somewhere down at her ankles.

No…

“Is your mommy home?” Kyaerin smoothly picked up where Riley couldn’t.

“Yeah.” The kid turned away from the open doorway. “Mom!”

“Kyaerin…” Riley grabbed the other woman’s arm. Her heart was a wild mess in her chest. “Kyaerin, we…”

But it was too late.

From the brightly lit hallway behind the boy, a very pregnant woman with bright auburn curls and green eyes emerged with a dishtowel in her hands. Her sensible pumps made a soft clacking sound as she stepped into the short foyer and turned to the boy.

“What did I tell you about answering the door, Jacob? You tell mommy
before
you open it.”

Jacob stared back at her like she’d lost her mind. “I did. You didn’t hear me.”

The woman sighed, but it wasn’t the sound of impatience. There was love in the sound with a touch of amusement. It mirrored the adoration in her eyes as she ruffled his curls.

“Get back to your snack, okay?” With a playful swat to his jean-clad butt, she sent him scurrying back in the direction she’d come from. Elegant eyes the color of polished emeralds rose up from a bed of thick, dark lashes and finally focused on the pair at the door. small, thin lips curved into a polite smile. “Hello?”

“Hello.” Kyaerin returned the smile. “I’m Kyaerin Maxwell. This is my daughter. Are you Caroline Garnell?”

But she was no longer paying attention. Her attention had fixed on Riley, a look of confusion bright in her eyes. Riley held her breath, too afraid that if she breathed, the world might crack down the center and she would never get her answer. But she already had her answer. It was in the slow realization that dawned just before it was replaced by horror, guilt, shame and finally settling on anger.

“What are you doing here?”

It was like a quick, sharp slap. Those five words were a physical punch in the gut. Riley nearly wheezed as all the air rushed out of her.

Thirteen years, waiting for this moment, imagining all the things she would say, all the things she would ask, gone, melted away into vapors that escaped from her lungs. Her mind, so full of questions only moments ago in the car was a blank slate of pain.

“Do you think we could talk for just a moment?” Kyaerin said, still smiling as though the very air around them hadn’t just solidified into ice. “We’ve been driving for a long time to find you.”

Those green eyes finally unhooked themselves from Riley to fixate on Kyaerin. The razor sharp pieces of glass didn’t dull. “You shouldn’t have. I don’t want you here.”

“Why?” It was the first word Riley could push through the tangled knots wedged in her throat.

“Because you don’t belong here. This is my home.”

It was a wonder how Riley was standing anymore. She felt shattered and broken and expected to drift away at any moment.

“But… I’m your daughter…”

Slim hands dotted with freckles went to the bulge around her middle, straining beneath the soft, blue sweater. The dull light outside caught the giant rock perched precisely on the middle finger and it winked.

“I don’t have a daughter… yet.”

It was as though she’d punched a hole into Riley’s chest and torn out her heart. Riley half expected to see it, a bloody, pulsing mess still clutched in her mother’s hand. Instead, those hands, the ones that must have once held her, loved her, were stroking the new life inside he

“Ms. Garnell.” Kyaerin moved a foot closer, putting herself between Riley and the woman glowering at her as though she were filth. “I can understand how difficult this must be for you and the situation you must have gone through to get here, but—”

Those green eyes rounded on Kyaerin like a wolf ready to rip the throat out of a gazelle. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Leaving her and that pile of garbage that called himself a man was the best decision I ever made. I only wish I’d left sooner.”

“You don’t mean that.” Kyaerin looked horrified. “You carried her. You felt her grow and move inside you. You pushed her into this world. How can you—”

“Because I never wanted her. From the moment I found out I was expecting, it was like a noose around my neck. Every minute, it kept getting tighter and tighter until I thought I would die.” Her gaze shot back to Riley. “What do you want? An apology?”

It was becoming increasingly harder to breathe, but somehow, she managed to move the words past her trembling lips. “I… I wanted to see you.”

She opened her arms. “Now you’ve seen me.” She took a step back and made as though to close the door. But she stopped. Something on her face changed. It became softer. “I never loved your father. He was a one night mistake that I wound up getting saddled with for five years. He was a bum and I wanted a man. It was never your fault.”

“Then why did you leave me? Why didn’t you take me with you? Why would you leave me with him knowing how he is? Did you even think of me? Even once? Did you wonder how I was, if I was even alive? How could you have a child and then just walk away like that?”

There was genuine sympathy on her face this time. “I wanted to start fresh.” She glanced at Kyaerin. “And I knew eventually they would take you away from him and put you in a nice home.”

“They didn’t,” she whispered. “I never gave anyone a reason to take me away. I stayed and I took care of us both. I had to grow up because you couldn’t be a mother.” Her gaze shot into the back of the house where the boy had disappeared. “He’s about five, isn’t he? It’s only a matter of time before you leave him, huh?”