Of Body And Soul (14 page)

He took her hand and led her to the stairs. "Come on," he
smiled.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

As soon as she walked into Dr. Kalic's office,
Andrea knew the doctor was surprised by Kurt's absence.

"Where's your husband? I thought he'd
be with you on this visit. I want to meet him."

"He had to go out of town. He sends his apologies, but promised to come with me next month."

"Andrea, is something wrong?"

She stared at the doctor's earrings, not wanting to look directly into her eyes. She fiddled with her purse, embarrassed to tell her the reason Kurt hadn't come with her.

"Do you want to talk a few minutes before I do the examination?" Dr. Kalic asked, concerned.             

Tears formed in her eyes. "Oh, Dr. Kalic, I don't know what to do. I still haven't told Kurt we're expecting."

"You what!" she said, shocked.

And
rea nodded her head. "Kurt . . . ." She paused and wiped away the tears. "Kurt wanted to wait a few years before we had children. I tried to tell him during the holidays, but I was afraid to spoil the festive mood."             

"Is that the reason you look so thin? Are you trying to keep your weight down so he doesn't notice?" she said, worry written on her face.

"No, no. I would never do that. I've been eating properly and taking my vitamins. This baby means more to me than anything," she said, protectively rubbing her stomach.

"Would it help if I talked to Kurt?"

"No. No. Please. I need to do it myself."

"Good, because I plan to do an ultra sound the next time you come. Do
you want to know the sex of the baby?

"I already know," she said confidently.

"That's impossible," she said, grinning at Andrea.

"I know it's a boy," she said with confidence. "Call it a mother's intuition."

Dr. Kalic walked over to her and took her hand. "Come on, let's get you weighed in." She examined her chart. "Hmm," she said. "You've haven’t gained an ounce this month. You need to do better the next time. Promise."

"Yes, I promise," she smiled, feeling better.

"Are you still exercising?"

"Yes. It seems to help with the morning sickness."

"That should be subsiding by now. Everything seems to be in order. You can get dressed and I'll meet you in my office." She looked at Andrea. "It's good to see that wonderful smile of yours," and closed the door behind her. 

Andrea
dressed quickly and knocked on the Doctor’s office door.

"Come in." She motioned for Andrea to sit. "As I said before, everything is fine. Keep d
oing what you've been doing. But don't you push yourself. We want a healthy baby." Dr. Kalic shuffled the papers on her desk and cleared her throat. "Andrea, you need to tell your husband. If you don't, I will," she said..

Andrea nodded her head. "Kurt made plans to go skiing in Vail for Valentine's Day
, and I'll tell him then. I can go skiing, can't I?"

"There's no problem with that. Just don't get too tired. Listen to your body."

"Doctor, I'm positive when Kurt hears this wonderful news he'll be pleased," Andrea said, and smiled. "Um, one more thing." She blushed and turned away.

"Yes, you can have sex. Up until the day you deliver, if you want to."

"How did you know the question?"

"Your face turned crimson, just like every other woman whose about to ask that same que
stion."

Andrea couldn't control her laughter. "Really. Are we that predictable?"

Dr. Kalic nodded. "Your laughter sounds wonderful. You need to laugh a lot during your pregnancy. Your son would love to hear it."

She left the office in a state of jubilation. She knew she had to tell Kurt soon. They would be leaving February tenth. "Yes," she patted her stomach. "I'll tell your Daddy then."

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Everything at the hotel was the same as it had been when they were last here.  The only difference now was that they shared a room. Kurt had reserved a suite overlooking the slopes. It had everything they could possibly need. This was their second day, and she still hadn’t told him about the baby.

The sun filtered into the room as she rolled over, kicking the blankets from her body. Her skin tingled as she remembered their night of lovemaking. She touched her nipples, raw from his kisses. Her hand automatically touched her belly, and patted it gently.

She heard his breathing before she saw him. Kurt sat in a club chair, his robe carelessly flung around him, watching her every move. His eyes crept up her long legs, across her stomach, and rested on her two rigid extrusive peaks, which heaved with the rapid rhythm of her breathing.

He walked over to the bed and lay beside her. She groaned as he bent and moi
stened each nipple with his tongue. His hands roamed her body, resting on her stomach. His fingers danced across her stomach like a feather dancing in the wind. He bent and kissed her, as his fingers worked on her nipples. He stood to pull off his robe. His manhood pulsed in anticipation.

She opened her arms to him and he entered them. Her mouth and lips burned from his fierce desire for her. She caressed his back and his buttocks
, and pulled him in closer to her. She could not get him close enough.

He pulled away from her and stared into her deep brown eyes, sensing something wrong.

She again pulled him closer. "Kurt, I want you now," she said hoarsely, as her lips covered his neck and shoulders with kisses and her tongue tasted and caressed his skin.

"I love you," he said thickly as his body entered hers. He responded to the arch of her hips to mee
t his. To her hands that pulled his buttocks to her. Nothing mattered but the moment.

Ne
ither expected the force of their climaxes, which knocked into them simultaneously.

Gratification and fervor encompassed their bodies as they
lay, only hands touching.

She rolled onto her side, to look at him. "Darling, we need to talk," she said with determin
ation.

"You look solemn."

She nodded in acknowledgement.

He ran his hand across her stomach and smiled. "You've gained a few pounds since the hol
idays, haven't you?" he said trying to lighten the mood.

"Is that why you were staring at me before?"

"Not really, but I did notice it. A few pounds are becoming on you." He laughed and caressed her breasts. "These are even more becoming." He smiled as he bent and kissed them, enjoying the added fullness.

"Kurt. Stop. Please. I need to tell you something."

"Okay, tell me, but must I stop?" he asked, as he continued to stroke her stomach and breasts.

She reached down and placed her hand over his as it stroked her stomach. She looked into his deep blue eyes and whispered, "We're going to have a baby."

He stiffened as if he had been punched in the stomach. "What!" he exploded. His hand quickly left her body, as if her body was a hot burner.

Tears filled her eye
s when she saw him flinch. His eyes turned as cold as the icicles hanging from the eaves of the hotel.

"What? When...?
” He ran his fingers through his hair. “When in the hell did you find out?" he asked, his voice seething.

She hesitated.
"The day you put up our Christmas tree."

"And you waited until now to tell me?"

"I know I should have told you sooner, but the time never seemed just right."

"But you think now is the right time? Did you think your body could intoxicate
me enough to accept anything you told me?" 

Andrea turned away, not wanting to see the disgust emanating from his eyes.

“Damn it, look at me." He grabbed her chin roughly and pulled her head around to face him. "I said, don't turn away. Why in God's name did you tell me now? Why now?"

“Would any time be good?
             

“You
betrayed me. Lied to me. How could you have let this happen? I thought you were on the pill?"

"Don't be angry with me, that's unjust," she
said. "I did take it for awhile, but Doctor Mitchell suggested I stop because I had severe side effects. That's why I asked you to use protection. Remember?"

"
Christ, Andrea," he said, the curse quiet but vicious. Exasperated he ran a hand through his hair.             

"Kurt?" She looked at him and saw a stranger. She never dreamed she'd see such hostility in him. This person wasn't the person she'd lived with for almost a year. Who was this horrible person? If this was his reaction, she could never let their child grow up in such a hostile env
ironment.

When Andrea tried to touch him, he waved her off.
                           

"Don't . . .
don't touch me."

"Darling."

He looked at her in disbelief. The calm was replaced by rage and frustration. "Don't 'darling' me, Andrea. You don't need to use your persuasive ways any more. You've gotten what you wanted. Tell me, is this the reason you married me” To get pregnant?  Because if it is, why in God's name didn't you get pregnant with Jason?" he spat the words out at her.

"What has Jason
got to do with this?"

"Well, lover boy must be longing for you. Didn't he send you a personal Christmas card? How many times has he written to you since we've been married? How many times did you see him when you went into the city to see Arthur?"

"How dare you insinuate something between me and Jason? We're good friends, that's it. I thought you were okay with the correspondence between us. You've read every letter he's written. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is you're pregnant. Is it mine?"

She winced as if her flesh had been stripped from her body. "I didn't plan for this to happen. In fact, it most likely happened the day you raped me."

"Raped you?
Ha! You loved every minute of it. If you recall that day in the woods, you were just as eager as I."             

"Yes, we're both to blame. Truthfully, I didn't think it would affect you like this."

"You didn't think, that's your problem," he repeated contemptuously. "Have you thought about doing something about it?"

"What? An abortion?" Her eyes left his face for a flutter of a moment. "How dare you even suggest such a
thing? Do you want to kill our baby? Would that make you feel better? If I do have an abortion, could we go on as if nothing has happened? Could you truly live with yourself?"

"
I’d get over it.”

Andrea did not respond.

“Does your silence mean you'll have an abortion?"

"How can you expect me to make a decision like
that? This is not a case of choosing a chocolate or vanilla ice cream cone. It's a case of life or death. The life or death of our child.”

"You need to make a decision right now."

"You want an answer? Okay. No. I won't. That's out of the question. Kurt, I'd give my life for you, but not our child's life."

“
Even if it means I'll leave you?" he threatened, his words raw and angry.

"Yes," she said, helpless and sobbing. "Yes."

He grabbed his robe and left the bed.

She pulled the blankets around her, feeling th
e ice creep over her body as the ice layered the branches of the trees outside the windows. She lay there alone: exposed, hopeless, and vulnerable.

The loud sounds of doors opening and slamming shut made her come to her senses. She ran to the living room to see what Kurt was doing.

"Where are the God damn glasses?" he shouted as he drank from a bottle of Johnny Walker Red.

"The glasses are in
the wet bar," she said, defiantly. 

"Don't you think it's a little too early to drink?"

He looked at his watch. "No, I don't think so. It’s afternoon in New York." He poured himself a double shot, drank it down, and poured another.

"You're going to get sick if you keep that up."

"That's okay. We'll just say it's the flu," he sneered, and flopped onto the sofa.

He watched her from the across the room. There was so much rage in
him; he could feel it searing his pores. The bitter rise of it stung his throat. "Did you deliberately set out to get pregnant?" he said, in a raspy voice.

"No, but . . . .
"

"But what?"

“I thought once you found out, you'd accept it. Our marriage has been a marriage of love. Our love was built on faith and trust. With that faith and trust a seed was planted and has taken root in my body. I thought you'd understand we've created something from us.”

“The only thing I
comprehend is that you took away the ‘us’ when you lied to me. A person who would do anything for her own self satisfaction.”

"
Try to understand. Out of this ‘us,’ we can have a ’we,’ a family made from ’us.’ Out of our love, we have created an extension of ourselves." Despondent, Andrea turned to go back into the bedroom.

Kurt
jumped up from the sofa and followed her. "You . . . You don’t get it," he shouted after her. "You just don't get it. That's the problem. I don't want an extension of myself, of my genes.” He quaffed down his drink and threw the empty glass on the floor. “I won't let this responsibility lead me into a life I choose not to have. Do you understand me?" He wheeled her around to face him. The shock on her face almost brought him to his knees.  He turned from her and walked into the bedroom. He took his luggage from the closet, pulled his clothes out of the dresser drawers and threw them in haphazardly.

"What are
you doing?" she asked, when she walked into the bedroom.

“
Packing."

"Why?"

"Why do you think? You've made your choice and I need time. I love you, Andrea," he said angrily, "but I need time. Time and space. I'll check into another room."

"You really think you've given me a choice? You may like to think that, bu
t what you're really saying is for me to do it your way and have an abortion. I don't like it your way.

Kurt.
What am I supposed to do in the meantime? Wait around until you decide if my pregnancy is acceptable to you and fits into your plans? You know, Kurt, I don't need this turmoil in my life or in my child's life. Maybe it's best you leave. After we get back home, I'll find another place to live. After all, it's your house."    

             
"Don't be a smart-ass. It's your home now. Don't worry, I'll support it, but I never, do you hear what I'm saying,
never
want to see it. Never," he said furiously.

"Don't worry, you won't," she answered shakily.

Kurt placed his hand on the door knob and turned. "Damn you, Andrea. Why? Why?" he asked, stone faced. He picked up his luggage slammed the door behind him.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

After he left,
Andrea stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her mouth open, body trembling in shock. Only after her anger had died down did she begin to realize how selfish she was. She should have tried to find out what was behind his rage. She was so focused on having a baby that never once had she wondered if there was a serious psychological problem behind his decision. She'd been too concerned about her own needs, her own happiness. She remembered Emily mentioning their childhood had been unhappy, but she never went into detail.

"Why," she said to her reflection in the mirror, "
why have I been the ostrich with my head in the sand? Why haven’t I insisted we talk about Kurt's childhood? His parents must be the reason for his rage and hostility. Maybe it's not too late." Andrea called the front desk to ask for Kurt's room number. At first the person at the desk would not give her the number but with some persuasion, he gave it to her. She quickly threw on some clothes and took the elevator to his floor.

She stood in front of the closed door
, waiting a few seconds before she knocked. "Kurt, please open the door."

"No
, Andrea. I'm not willing to go another round with you,” he slurred.

"I'm sorry for being selfish. I know you've had problems growing up. Please, make me unde
rstand. Please, darling."

"Go away. I told you. I don't want to see you. Just go away."   

CHAPTER T
WENTY-FOUR

As sunset approached, Andrea made the decision to call Grayson and go to Wyndemere
in Taos. Her nerves were stretched so tight that she felt them pulling and screaming under her skin.

The
pulsating rhythm in her head would not let up. She looked out of the window at the quietness. A slight wind had taken the snow and spewed it over the empty streets. When she heard her own sigh, she pressed her head against the cold window, letting it numb her forehead. She knew she couldn't go back to New York right now. Grayson would take her in and support her through this situation. Suddenly, she felt like butterfly wings fluttering inside her. “I know you’re there, my love. I wish your father was here to feel you.” She rubbed her stomach. “Don’t worry. Your mother is here to take care of you.”

              CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

The phone continued to ring.
Grayson tripped as she rushed to answer it. "Hello! Hello!” Is anyone there?” she asked. “Damn, this happens all the time when it gets too cold.” She hung up and headed back to the living room when the phone rang once again. “Who is this,” she shouted.

“Grayson, it’s Andrea.
”

Grayson heard Andrea’s sobs through the phone.
“Andrea dear, calm down. Where are you?”

“I’m in Vail.”

“You're in Vail? Please stop crying and tell me what happened."

"Kurt walked out on me."

"What? No! Why?"

"I'm pregnant."

"You're what? Oh Andrea. I thought you had discussed having a family, and you both decided to wait a few years."

"To tell you the truth, Grayson, we never discussed the issue. Kurt always avoided it. He'd just say let's wait a couple of years, end of discussion. I never wanted to face the truth so I pr
ocrastinated. But, today, he laid his cards on the table. He told me he never wanted children. He thought that if we waited at least two years, I'd get used to the idea of not having kids and enjoy the freedom we both shared. Even if I hadn't gotten pregnant now, Grayson, I still would have wanted children. And I guess he would have eventually left me."

"Come to
Taos."

"Oh Grayson, I had hoped you'd ask. I'll get a plane into
Santa Fe and rent a car and drive up to Taos."

"No, I'll have a driver meet you. It's about a sixty
-five mile drive from the airport. I don't want you driving in your condition. The roads are treacherous this time of year."

"I'll be fine. The drive will do me good. It'll give me time to sort things out and decide what I'm going to do. I'll be okay. Don't worry. Before I start the drive up, I'll call you."

"Just take your time.” Grayson paused. “It will probably take you two hours at the most. I'll expect you late afternoon. I can't wait to see you, Dear. Please be careful, okay."

"I will. See you later today. Love you, Grayson."

CHAPTER
TWENTY-SIX

I can't
believe everything is running so smoothly
, Andrea thought, taking the keys of the rental car from the clerk. The clerk gave her directions and advised her to drive with caution. Two more inches of snow had fallen and the roads were slick. The back of her neck prickled. A flash of warning raced through her thoughts, but she shrugged off the feeling, thanked him for the information, and left. Once settled in the car, she pulled out the slip of paper with Grayson's phone number and the directions to La Wyndemere de Taos.    

T
he mountain slopes, covered in snow, made it almost impossible to see the dark-green pines poking through the white fluff. As hard as she tried to concentrate on the road ahead,

K
urt's words echoed in her mind.
I never want to see that child.
 
Never.

The more she thought, the guiltier she felt. Maybe she should consider an abortion. "Oh God, I can't do that. Kurt, you really wouldn't wa
nt me to do something like that." One minute she hated him, the next minute her body tingled from the thought of his touch. Why did I leave? she wondered.
I was wrong. Kurt, I was
wrong to run away . . . but I must run . . . Let's try to find a way.  Tell me you want me. Tell me you want our baby.
Aware that she gripped the wheel like a vise, she tried to relax.  She unbuckled the seatbelt and leaned forward to wipe the clouded windshield. Too late, she saw the red truck coming toward her. She yanked the wheel, frantically trying to get out of its way.

She fought for control, but the collision of metal against metal sent her head slamming against the windshield.
Dimly, she saw the cluster of trees and smelled burnt rubber. She closed her eyes against a bright white blinding light. When she opened them again there was nothing but black and silence. She was cold and wet. She tried to wipe the snow from her face, but her arms wouldn't move. Trying again, she groaned in agony as pain riveted up and down her spine. "My baby," she screamed.               The rancid odor of gas and smoke swirled around her. Then darkness took over.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

The trucker rushed to the mangled car. The door had flown open and the woman inside lay
partially out of the car.  "Lady, I need to get you out of the car.”  Andrea moaned when he pulled her out and carried her away. He laid her down under tall pine trees.  "Lady, lady," the trucker shouted. "Help is on the way.  Hang in there." He ran back to his truck for a blanket. “Here, lady, here’s a blanket. This will keep you warm.” He felt her hands and they were still very cold. “You'll be okay lady. Just hang in there. Talk to me, lady.  You have to stay awake. Don't pass out on me. Please, lady, don’t pass out." He rubbed her covered hands and tried to keep them warm.

The snow fell thickly now. The trucker frequently brushed
it from her face. Blood flowed from her head and face and crystallized. "I'm really sorry, pretty lady," he said, wiping the tears from his face. "Where in the hell is the emergency crew," he yelled into the night.

The trucker stood for a moment to see if anyone was nearby to help him. He couldn't believe the extent of the accident. There were about five, maybe six vehicles involved. It looked as if a child had taken his Tonka trucks and cars and thrown them into a snow bank. People sta
ggered from all the vehicles. No one seemed to be hurt too badly. A steady glow of flashlights moved in his direction. "Thank God," he said. The driver stooped down and held Andrea's hands. "Help's comin’, lady."

From one direction he heard, "Does anyone need help?"

From another, "Over here, over here."

From another, "We're fine. You okay?"

In the distance he heard sirens. Finally, some of accident victims gathered around the trucker and Andrea.

"She going to be okay?" a young boy asked.
             

The trucker shrugged his shoulders
. “I don’t know, kid.” He continued to rub Andrea's hands and talk to her. Motorists stopped to see if they could be of any help and pulled blankets from their cars to cover the injured.

"Lady, help is almost here. Can you h
ear the sirens? Lady?" The trucker felt for the pulse in her neck. “Jesus.” He checked her wrist. "Help me," he cried frantically. "I'm losing her." He quickly started CPR. The trucker and the young boy took turns working on her. "One, two three. One, two, three," he repeated over and over again. "Lady, come on," he pleaded in desperation. "Don't give up.”

             
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

“Good night,”
Grayson said to the last guests who had left the dining room. Dinner had lasted longer than usual and she had lost track of time. She checked her watch. Andrea should have arrived by now. She began to worry. When the kitchen phone rang she smiled. Andrea must have decided to stop at a hotel because of the storm, she thought. This must be her now.

“Andrea
, where are . . . .?”

“Hello Ma’am.
Are you Grayson Garrison of the Wyndemere de Taos?”

“Yes, I am
.”                                         

"This is Sergeant McKinney from the Santa Fe Sheriff's Department. We have an accident victim
, Andrea Purcell, at St. Vincent Regional Medical Center. She was clutching a piece of paper with your name and telephone number. Are you a relative?"             

"Is she all right? What happened? Oh my God! I'm on my way."

"Ma'am, listen to me," he demanded. "Are you a relative?"

"No, I'm not. She has a husband, but I'm the closest person she has right now."

"Ma'am, the weather is nasty out there. Stay where you. I'll send a car out for you.”

             
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Kurt poured another glass of scotch.
How could he tell Andrea of the vivid memories of his childhood? How his father teased him was bad enough, but being scared, really scared all the time when the man was home. He’d say things to Kurt’s mother like: This boy can't be our son. Look at that ugly face. I bet they switched babies on us in the hospital. Why don't we take him back?" Kurt took another slug of the scotch. Dear old Dad had said that to him in front of his friends at his six-year-old birthday party.