Off the Grid (24 page)

This morning she’d woken up dizzy and disorientated. It was the push she needed to seek help. She made an appointment with a grief counselor. Her relationship with her sister had contained too much baggage, too much dysfunction, for her to overcome her grief on her own. She needed to put the past behind her, to learn how to remember her sister without the crushing load of guilt. Making the appointment was her first proactive step toward recovering her life.

She missed sane. She missed the certainty of knowing what she wanted. And while her life had never been calm, or neat, it had been governed by her purpose. Her choices.

Then along came Caleb.

She didn’t feel like Caleb was a choice. He was more of a necessity. All the time she’d been working on Jason she’d been thinking about him. Worrying about Caleb. The thought of losing him had terrified her. For two days she’d gone over every second of the last moments of Jason Drummond’s life trying to determine if her feelings and concern for Caleb had compromised her focus. Dulled her edge.

“Hey, Doc.”

She snapped back to the present and held out a hand. “Thanks for coming, David.”

He nodded and moved on. The man behind him stepped forward. “I’m awfully sorry about your sister. She was a good woman.”

Sophie smiled. “Thank you.”

“No problem, ma’am.” He flipped off his tattered ball cap. “She never got tired of bragging about her little sister, the doctor. She was mighty proud of you.”

Tears welled in her eyes and she blinked them back. It wasn’t the first time she’d heard those sentiments today. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

And it did. It meant everything.

The line continued to pass by her. They shared stories of a sister she’d never known. Not really. Too busy trying to save her, she’d sacrificed getting to know her. She’d never let it be a two-way street, never allowed Marnie to help her back. She saw her mistake now it was too late. For no reason she thought of the night they’d all shared pizza. Normal. Marnie snarking. Kellie laughing. Caleb all dorky charm. And her? She’d felt lighter despite their circumstances. That night had been a gift.

The line thinned with only a few stragglers left. The door at the back of the room opened and Caleb limped in as exceptionally dressed as ever. He joined the queue bringing up the rear, his movements slow and careful. He chatted to the older woman in front of him. Kellie came over and gave him a gentle hug. She’d missed him too. With his hand pressed against his side, he bent down to run a hand over Quinn’s tiny head before straightening and giving the inquiring woman in front of them some crazy explanation. She knew it was ridiculous because she laughed and waved his words away. He was like a chameleon. He fit here too.

And in her bed.

In her heart.

But did she fit in his?

His gaze met hers and his lips curved upwards. Smiling was second nature to him, laugh lines fanned out from the corner of his eyes. Her heart squeezed. He winked. The choke hold of grief lessened the tiniest bit. Her lips lifted in return.

She spoke to the last mourner while her staff finished handing out the packaged up leftovers. They offered brown paper bag lunches containing sandwiches, pieces of fruit, muffins and cookies. They filled to-go cups with either coffee or tea and fitted them with lids. A take-away meal for those in need of it.

A couple of minutes later there were fewer than a dozen people left in the room. Peggy, her receptionist, put an arm around her waist and pulled her close. “We’re pretty much finished up here. Do me a favor?”

Sophie let her head fall against Peggy’s shoulder and nodded.

“He wants to comfort you. Let him.”

Lips brushed her hair followed by another squeeze to her middle, then she was gone. It wasn’t hard to find Caleb. He passed the time with Kellie. When he glanced her way she tried a smile. He put a hand on the back of Kellie’s arm, said something. She kissed his cheek and went to help her staff.

All of a sudden she couldn’t wait for this day to end. To be out of the sterile room with its white walls, beige floor, and utilitarian tables and chairs. The quiet echoed. She wanted to be home. With Caleb.

There was no time to figure it out. She bit her lip. “Hi.”

“Hey there.” He didn’t reach out to touch her.

She pushed her regret aside. He was here. Despite the pain that showed in the lines around his mouth, his shadowed eyes. “I can’t believe they discharged you.”

“They didn’t.”

She choked back a laugh. “Figures. I’m still glad you came.”

“Time to go?” he asked.

She nodded. “You’ll follow me?”

He smiled. “Anywhere you want.”

So Caleb. Casual. Effortless. Appealing.

****

Caleb pointed out the house to the taxi driver. He drew in a careful breath and blew it out. It didn’t help. Pain dogged every little movement. He pulled out his wallet and paid the driver. The slow slide out of the car took everything out of him. He had no choice but to reach into his pocket for the little bottle of prescription pain pills. He swallowed one down. The path to her door looked impossibly long. He concentrated. One foot in front of the other. Over and over again. Sophie opened the door and waited. He straightened up.

“Idiot.”

She mumbled it, but he was pretty sure he hadn’t mistaken the word. He held up his hand to stop her from coming down the steps. “I’ve got this. Don’t worry about me.”

She stepped back as he made his way up the walk. “You should be in bed.”

“I never thought I’d say this to a beautiful woman but I’m tired of being in bed.” He braced his hand against the doorframe.

“Sorry we just kind of dropped everything.” She shifted things around, Quinn’s stroller, a cardboard box of stuff, a bag of Quinn’s things, and made a path into her living room. She held out a hand. “Here let me help you.”

He waved her off. “I’m good.”

“Liar.” She reached down and picked up a baby toy up off the floor. Placed it safely out of the way. From somewhere inside, Kellie squealed and exclaimed over something Quinn had done. Sophie laughed and followed the sound of her voice.

He wanted to rush in and see what it was, to find out what the little guy had done.

In the next moment he wondered why? How exciting could it be? He was five days old. But it didn’t matter. As his surrogate father, he should be there. He wanted to be included in this weird little family dynamic—thing.

It should freak him the hell out, but it didn’t. At all. More lights went on inside her place. Despite the harsh reality of the day’s goodbyes her place glowed with welcome. Beckoned.

He liked to think his place had a certain appeal. He loved it. And she didn’t even know why or where he lived. What would she think of his condo? His art collection? His view of the water? She had no idea he loved the sea. That he was a member of the Vancouver Rowing Club. That he recycled.

He wanted to take the next step with her. To show her his life. She’d already met his parents. They adored her on sight. He’d suffered through two days of interrogation, his mother wanted details on everything little thing. It was the other reason he’d insisted on going home. And the reason they let him. Sympathy.

Sophie stuck her head around the corner. “You okay?”

“Yep. Dandy.”

“I’m just going to change.”

“Not a problem.” In fact it was perfect. With Sophie in her bedroom he searched out Kellie. He found her heating a bottle for Quinn, juggling baby, formula and bottle like a pro.

He tapped Quinn’s tiny fist. “Hey there, big guy.”

Kellie gave him a quick glance. “Is it okay to ask what’s going to happen to Quinn and me? Now that he’s dead?”

“It’s always okay to ask questions. In fact you should insist on asking them. I’m your lawyer. You can ask me anything. Anytime.”

“Okay, what happens now? With child support, I mean?”

The tricky part. “Jason died before signing any papers. In regards to Quinn there’s nothing in writing to stipulate what happens in the event of his death. There’s no clause in his will specifying payment. No court order. So I’ll make a petition to his estate claiming unpaid child support as a debt. His estate will look after it.”

“God, everything is such a mess. Sophie said me and Quinn can stay here for as long as we need, but I don’t want to freeload forever.”

“I don’t want you to worry. You’ll both be looked after. I promise.” If Jason’s estate didn’t look after it he would. That was the easy part.

She offered him a smile. It trembled at the corners, her pent up worry escaping in a little puff of breath. “Okay, I feel better. Thanks.” She went up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

The scent of baby and candy-flavored lip gloss wrapped around his heart and squeezed. He cleared his throat. “We need to finalize the housesitting details. You still up for it?”

“It’s freaking me out, but yeah.”

“Did you get something to eat?” He reached up into a cupboard to pull out one of Sophie’s endless cans of soup. The pain made him wince.

She popped the bottle in Quinn’s mouth. “No. I wasn’t super hungry.”

He searched for the can opener. “How are things around here?”

Kellie sighed. “Quiet. And weird.”

He opened a cupboard and pulled out the bread for toast. “How’s she doing?”

Kellie shot a brief glance down the hallway before shrugging her shoulders. “I don’t know, lost? Tired. But she’s holding it together, know what I mean?”

He nodded. “I do. How about you? How are you doing?”

“It sucks, but I’m hanging in there. It helps to have Quinn.” Arms full of baby she headed into the living room area and settled on the sofa.

He set the pot on the stove and turned the heat down to low. A hockey game was on TV so he joined Kellie on the sofa, settled back against the cushions. “Will you be okay here for a while Friday night without Sophie?”

“Sure.” She shrugged. “Why?”

He smiled. “I’ve got a plan.”

Kellie grinned back. “Don’t worry, Quinn and I can hold down the fort for one night. We’ll have a party. Raise the roof.”

“Ha, ha.”

“Seriously, go for it. She so needs a break.” She looked down at Quinn, blew him a kiss. “And as scary as it seems, Quinn and I need to get used to being on our own.”

Sometimes wisdom and courage came packaged in five feet two inches of teenage girl.

When Sophie emerged from her room they ate chicken noodle soup and buttered toast. The conversation was careful. No one had the energy for anything heavy. Once they were done, he insisted on cleaning up the kitchen. There was some huffing and puffing, but in the end Sophie let him. When he was done he called a cab. He insisted Sophie stay where she was rather than see him to the door. He handed her a sheet of paper.

“My address. Friday night how about I make you dinner at my place? Seven o’clock.”

She looked at him in confusion with the beginnings of a refusal on her lips.

“I cleared it with the boss.” He winked at Kellie, kissed Sophie on the cheek and backed up. “Don’t over think. Come.”

****

Sophie fantasized about cancelling. She fantasized about going. About Caleb. Rumpled sheets and sex. It was tempting to give in to her insecurities and retreat, but it was also gutless. And lonely. She wasn’t going to honor her sister’s memory by choosing the easy way out.

“How about these?” Kellie held up a pair of large hooped earrings. She jangled them. “Sexy.”

“I’ve never worn them.” Sophie shrugged off her doubts, wishing Kellie’s excitement was contagious and reached for the earrings.

“Perfect.” Kellie’s head bobbed in excitement. “What do you think he’s planning?”

“I don’t know.” Sophie frowned when Kellie pulled open her underwear drawer. “Maybe I should pick out my own bra?”

Kellie held up a pair of cotton panties. “Really?”

“They were on sale.”

“Sweet. This is more like it.” She shoved the other pair back in and pulled out the lacy, black lingerie Sophie had bought to wear on Christmas Eve. She held it up and danced it around.

“So glad you approve.” Sophie laughed and snatched them out of Kellie’s hand. “For the record, I can dress myself.”

Kellie ignored her and walked over to her open closet. She ran her fingers over the black dress hanging off the door. “Okay, the dress is a given. What about shoes? Please tell me you have some heels stashed in there along with all those nasty work crocs and running shoes?”

Sophie rolled her eyes. She reached up and pulled a box down from the top of her closet and handed it her.

Kellie pulled the lid off, tossed it aside. Out came a sandal with a four inch stab-you-through-the-heart heel and a couple of thin straps. She held it up. “Shut up, these are fabulous.”

She’d see what happened when she put them on. “Here’s hoping I don’t break my ankle.”

“Small steps, heel to toe.” Kellie stuffed the shoe back inside and shoved the box back at Sophie. “You’ll be fine.”

Sophie raised her eyebrows.

“What?”

“I didn’t know you were such a fashionista.”

She shrugged. “I read magazines.”

“Hey.” Sophie put a hand on her arm, dipped her head hoping to catch Kellie’s eye. “Is that what you’re interested in? Fashion?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I like getting all dressed up, you know?” Her head went down and she took great care in studying the carpet of Sophie’s bedroom. “But I’ve always kinda wanted to try interior design. To create fabulous spaces. To think in color.”

Sophie put a finger under Kellie’s chin and guided it up. “If that’s what you want, then I’m going to do everything I can to help make it happen. I promise. And not because of Marnie, although she’d haunt me if I didn’t, but because you and Quinn have come to mean a great deal to me. I like to think we can be sisters of a sort.”

“I’d like that.” Her smile was shy, her eyes full. “More than anything I’d like that.”

“Oh God, having a moment. Nope, not going to tear up.” Sophie waved a hand back and forth in front of her eyes. “I have no idea if this mascara is waterproof.”

“Then don’t you dare.” Kellie’s laugh wobbled. “Come on, let’s get you ready and out the door. Caleb is going to freak when he sees you.”