Old Desires/A Stranger's Kiss (2-in-1 edition) (33 page)

‘Now,’ he murmured. ‘Where shall we begin?’

Tara turned in his arms and tentatively reached up to touch his face, letting her fingers gently trace the hard outline of his cheekbones, his jaw, his throat. He sat perfectly still, not rushing her, seeming to know that she needed time to get used to the idea that he was truly hers.

He caught his breath as she kissed him. Soft, gentle touches of her lips, hardly more than the caress of a butterfly’s wing, at first. Then with more urgency, until all the suppressed longings of the past weeks exploded and she wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him down to her, offering herself in complete and utter surrender.

When at last she released him, he smiled very slowly. First his mouth, then his cheeks, finally those fierce, compelling eyes creased.

‘Those weren’t quite the details I had in mind, my darling, but I guess they can wait.’

She laughed, delightedly, as he shrugged free of his soft leather jacket. Then his eyes smoked with a more urgent need and the laughter died away. As his lips brushed hers, a murmur of desire broke from her and she felt his body shiver with the effort of holding himself in check. The tip of his tongue teased softly at her mouth, parting her lips, tormenting her with lightning forays but not allowing her an opportunity to respond, holding her back until she thought she would scream.

He laughed softly, understanding all too well the desire that quickened her pulse. ‘Slowly, my darling. It’s worth the wait.’ His hand gently cupped her throat, tilting her chin up, brushing back the curtain of hair from her face. But when he kissed her again, there was a new fervour and still it was not enough. The fires that raced through her body were making new demands, urgent demands that only Adam could fulfil.

She pulled at his soft chambray shirt, allowing her hands the freedom to explore the smooth skin of his back, revelling in the heady sense of power as his muscles tensed under her touch. Spurred on by his response she grew bolder, stroking up the hard muscles of his stomach and across his chest until he gasped.

‘You black-haired witch,’ he murmured, his voice lost somewhere in his throat. ‘You’re driving me crazy.’

She lay back then, stretching her arms above her head, offering herself to him.

He eased off her dressing gown and groaned. ‘What are you, Tara? You behave like a witch and look like a virgin.’

‘Why don’t you find out what I am for yourself?’ she offered. He needed no second invitation, but swept her up into his arms and carried her through to the bedroom.

* * *

It was a long time later when he murmured into her shoulder, his voice hoarse with disbelief. ‘You were both.’ He eased himself away from her and for a moment she felt forlorn. Then his arm gathered her in and he pulled the quilt over them both and she nestled against his body. He stroked her hair, her face, lifting her lips once more to his. His smile was slow and content. ‘I’m not complaining you understand. But I hardly expected...’

‘A virgin?’ She shook her head. ‘I never slept with Nigel. It didn’t seem right at home. I’d have died of embarrassment if Aunt Jenny found out.’

‘Home? I don’t understand.’

She lay in his arms and tried to think how to start to explain her life. At the beginning. With her birth. Her mother had suffered dreadfully from depression afterwards she had been told, but she was recovering slowly. Jenny Lambert was a neighbour and friend and she suggested to her father they go away for a weekend, have a break. She would look after the baby.

They had never returned and she had never left the Lambert’s house. Whether from a misplaced sense of guilt, or just a good heart, Jenny had taken on the responsibility of bringing her up alongside her own child.

‘She adopted you?’ Adam asked.

Tara shook her head. ‘No. She was always just Aunt Jenny.’

‘But then why is your name Lambert?’

‘She had a son. Nigel. We grew up together. I’d always loved him, I suppose, like a big brother. But more than that. He was always protective. Always kind. Not like real brothers.’ The memory was warm now. No pain. ‘When he was eighteen he went away to art college. Each time he went back it was harder. I missed him so much. Then one day he phoned and asked me to go up to a college dance. I just thought he hadn’t got another girl to go with, but I didn’t care, I was over the moon. It was my dream come true. And apparently his too. As soon as he came home he asked me to marry him.’

Adam shifted slightly at her side and frowned. ‘Didn’t people think it a bit odd?’

‘Why should they? Everyone knew that we weren’t brother and sister. Aunt Jenny was delighted.’

‘So what happened, Tara?’

She took a deep breath. ‘He was specialising in jewellery design by then and he had been making a wedding present for me, a brooch—’

‘Is that the one you wear all the time? Like a little lopsided vee.’

‘It’s my name in shorthand,’ she explained. ‘I always signed my name like that when I wrote to him. I know it was silly—’

He stopped the words with his finger to her lips. ‘No, not silly.’

‘It had taken longer to finish than he thought. It was the tiny diamonds for the vowels that caused the problem and he wanted it to be perfect.’ She hesitated, not sure if she could go on. He didn’t press her, waited patiently until she was in control once more, stroking her hair, reassuring her. ‘But he had to be home for the wedding rehearsal, Aunt Jenny had made such a fuss that everything should be perfect, and he was driving much too fast because he was late. He came off his motorbike and broke his leg.’

‘So why didn’t you cancel the wedding?’

‘Aunt Jenny and Lamby were going to New Zealand for six months. They had family out there and they had already put off the visit until after the wedding.’

‘Well that explains the very strange wedding photograph.’

‘It was all good fun. We popped a bottle of champagne and the nurses joined in, then his parents went off to the airport and in the evening I went home. An odd sort of wedding night all on my own.’ She had never since been able to stand the sound of the telephone ringing in the night. It brought it back, like a recurring nightmare to haunt her. ‘He collapsed in the night. They tried to revive him, but it was a thrombosis. No one had expected... he was young... fit...’

‘Oh, God.’ His arms tightened about her. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘I went to the hospital—’

‘Don’t distress yourself. There’s no need to go on.’

‘I have to finish now. Tell you everything.’ She blinked back the tears. ‘He had been carrying a donor card you see and they wanted me to agree—’

‘You were alone? There was no one with you?’ His voice was fiercely angry. ‘How could they do that?’

The horror of that night would never leave her. ‘I don’t suppose it was easy for them. And it seemed a way of keeping him alive, of making his life mean something. But Aunt Jenny... when they flew back for the funeral... she was horrified. She thought I’d desecrated her son’s body, taken something precious from her. She looked at me as if she hated me.’ Adam gently brushed away tears that were flowing freely now. ‘They went back to New Zealand afterwards and I’ve never seen them, or heard from them since.’

CHAPTER TEN

HE let her weep, holding her, cradling her. It was a long time before he spoke. ‘The Lamberts — did you try to keep in touch with them?’

‘I wrote to them. Four or five times. My letters were returned unopened.’

‘I can’t believe the cruelty of it.’ His arm clasped her convulsively and suddenly his voice was tight with anger. ‘You were just a child.’

‘Not quite. Eighteen. Nigel was twenty-one. You mustn’t blame them, Adam. It was grief, I know that and they couldn’t get their head around the fact that it was my decision… They’d lost their only son and I’d…’ She couldn’t repeat what Aunt Jenny had said to her. She knew it was what he’d wanted, but she still felt guilty.

‘They lost their only son and then they threw away a daughter. My poor Tara, however did you cope?’

‘I’m not sure. Hard work helped. I sold the little house we were going to live in and bought this place. It took a lot of my time to decorate, get exactly how I wanted it.’

‘And there’s never been anyone else?’

‘Plenty of men were willing to comfort the grieving widow,’ she said. ‘But I don’t think they had anything very permanent in mind.’ That was when the body armour started. The severe dark clothes, a cool frosty look that kept the office Romeos at bay, until the habit of saying no had become a way of life.

‘It’s hard to believe.’

Telling him seemed to have lifted a burden from her and she found that she could smile. ‘Well, there was Jim Matthews. He wanted to marry me you know.’

‘Oh?’ There was a sudden fierceness to his voice. ‘And were you tempted?’

‘Not even remotely. But he was difficult to convince. He thought it was a wonderful idea to have a twenty-four hour a day captive secretary. He found it difficult to understand my reluctance, but once Jim gets something into his head he’s difficult to shift.’

‘I have some sympathy with the man. I intend to marry you myself.’ He kissed her to demonstrate just how serious he was. ‘But I think you’ll find he has something else on his mind these days.’

‘Why?’ She was suddenly suspicious. ‘What have you done?’

‘I have a contact in the States who publishes picture-book horror stories. Jim’s over there now working out a deal for a dozen books.’

Tara laughed. ‘That’s why I haven’t been able to get hold of him.’

‘Why would you want to do that?’ he demanded. ‘I thought you wanted him out of your life.’

‘I thought I’d have one more try at convincing him of that. But you’ve apparently done it for me. Is there anything you can’t make money out of?’

‘In this instance there was no money involved. It just seemed like a good way of getting rid of a rival.’

‘He was never a rival.’ He said nothing. ‘Do you want me to prove it?’

* * *

Tara woke to an unfamiliar buzzing. She frowned, turned over and then she saw Adam through the open door of the bathroom. She lay for a moment savouring the pleasure, the intimacy of watching him shaving. Then the razor stilled and he was there, a towel wrapped around her his hips, smiling down at her.

He paused for a moment in the doorway. ‘Hello, sleepyhead.’

She had thought she would feel shy, but she didn’t. She held out her arms to him and he moved swiftly across the room and kissed her. She tangled her arms around his neck and encouraged him wantonly. But a few minutes later he removed himself with reluctance.

‘I hate to interrupt you, my darling, when you’re so obviously enjoying yourself, but it’s half past nine. We should both be somewhere else.’

‘What a pity you’re so strong willed,’ she murmured and stretched languorously.

‘Tara!’

She laughed, delighted. ‘I just wanted to be sure you weren’t that strong willed.’

Tara showered and slipped into a soft pink shirtwaist dress, leaving her hair loose about her shoulders. His eyebrows were expressive as she walked through into the kitchen and helped herself to the coffee he had made. She returned the compliment, raising her eyebrows at his dark business suit, fresh shirt and tie.

‘Are you always so well prepared when you call on a lady in the middle of the night?’ she asked, a teasing light dancing in her eyes.

‘My bag was in the car. But I’m afraid I’ve scandalised your neighbours. I think every one of them must have put out their milk bottles in order to have a better look.’

Tara was unconcerned. ‘You can hardly blame them after the racket you made last night.’

‘Perhaps not.’ He grinned. ‘Shall I go round and apologise to them all?’

‘Er, no. I don’t think so, but you could get Janice to send someone to repair my door. You do still have Janice?’ she asked.

‘Janice has been a lot harder to shift than the first two. But her job’s quite safe now. I don’t want you in the office. I have other plans for you.’

‘Oh?’

‘You might well say “oh”, my lady. I wasn’t that well prepared last night, which is why I plan to marry you at the earliest possible moment.’

She lowered her lashes. ‘Did you ask me to marry you, sir? I have no recollection of it.’

‘That’s odd. I distinctly recall mentioning it twice,’ he replied. She sipped her coffee. ‘Oh, I see. You want the whole bit. Down on one knee?’ She kept her eyes averted so that his sudden move took her by surprise and when her eyes flew open he was indeed upon one knee before her. He took her hand. ‘Will you marry me, my lady? I’ll love you and cherish you—’

‘Adam, get up!’ she laughed. ‘I didn’t think you’d do it.’

‘I only plan to do this once, Tara,’ he swore, emphatically. ‘So it might be a good idea to say yes with all possible speed, before I abandon you to a life of horror with Jim Matthews.’ His eyes glinted wickedly. ‘Maybe you’d prefer to have his slimy green monsters morning, noon and night.’

‘No!’ she said with a shudder.

‘You’re quite sure?’

‘Positive.’

He stood up. ‘In that case...’ He put his hand in his pocket and drew out a small jeweller’s box. ‘... maybe this will help you make up your mind.’ He opened it to reveal a solitaire diamond that the sun streaming in through the window lit with a thousand fires. He slipped it on her finger and kissed her hand.

‘Adam, it’s beautiful.’

‘Can I take that as a yes?’

‘You know it is.’ He pulled her into his arms and for a long time neither of them said anything.

The urgent peel of the telephone finally parted them. ‘It’ll be Beth, wondering if I’m ever coming to work,’ she said.

‘Shall I answer it?’ he offered.

‘No!’ She dived across the room and grabbed the phone and Adam bent to pick something from the carpet. It was a ribbon. A red ribbon.

He saw her puzzled expression. ‘Every knight is entitled to carry his lady’s colours, Tara. And yours are most definitely red.’ He touched her flushed cheeks.

‘Tara? Are you there?’ Beth’s voice said plaintively. But Tara didn’t answer. She replaced the receiver without saying a word and went into his arms.

* * *

Beth said nothing when Tara arrived after lunch. She had seen her partner arrive in Adam’s car and she sat with a smug, contented expression as if the whole thing had been her idea. One look at Tara’s flushed and happy face had been enough to convince her that everything was right with the world. A second glance had taken in the ring and all the day’s conversation had revolved around the coming wedding.

They had called at the register office on the way into their respective offices and confirmed that if they wished to be married by licence the wedding could take place a couple of weeks after their application.

Tara made no outward show of her disappointment when Adam suggested they needed a little longer to give them time to make all the arrangements. But three weeks on Friday hadn’t felt quite like the “earliest possible moment” that he had promised.

And he was distracted when he called at the office later that afternoon. Sensing he had more than dalliance on his mind, Beth withdrew on an errand to the bank to give them some privacy.

‘I have to go away, Tara.’ He raked back his hair. ‘I’m not sure when I’ll get back, but I’ll be there for our wedding.’

There was a cold little spot of fear deep in her heart. She didn’t want to let him out of her sight, terrified that something would go wrong, that fate would once more dash the cup of happiness from her lips.

‘Where are you going?’ she asked.

He leaned across the desk and kissed her mouth and she knew with absolute certainty that he had no intention of telling her. ‘Janice is organising everything. Flowers, cars, reception. You don’t have to do a thing.’

She sat behind her desk, her hands neatly folded in front of her, a picture of serenity, while inside she felt quite sick. ‘I’ll see you when you get back.’

His answering smile was all on the surface. She had seen him do that at meetings when underneath a thousand thoughts were churning away. Something had happened since this morning. Something he didn’t want her to know about.

‘Will you call me?’ she asked, as he paused in the doorway, and recognised desperation in her voice.

‘I’ll try, my darling. Now I must go, or I’ll miss my plane.’ He walked quickly back and kissed her again and as if he sensed her unease he drew her from her chair and held her. ‘I love you, Tara. I’ll always love you.’ But apparently not enough to trust her.

If she had had the wedding arrangements to attend to it might have been different. She would have had something to occupy her mind in the long light spring evenings. But Janice had taken care of everything and Jane was holding the reception at her home.

Tara had been there, met her bearded explorer husband, but they hadn’t volunteered any information on the whereabouts of the man she was about to marry. And she couldn’t bring herself to ask. But one mystery had been cleared away. The newspaper photograph of Jane with the baby and Adam. It had been a story on the arrival of Charles Townsend’s son while the famous man was hacking his way through the rain forests of South America. If she had only read it she would have known then.

Adam called her once, sounding weary, a second time as if he was talking from the ends of earth on a line that crackled and hissed and made anything but the commonplace courtesies impossible. Any whispered love words were swallowed up by static. Or perhaps he never murmured them.

* * *

‘You look beautiful, Tara.’ Jane made the slightest adjustment to the ivory curve of veil that swept from her hat over her eyes. ‘Quite perfect.’

‘Thank you.’ At Jane’s insistence she and Lola had spent the seemingly endless night before her wedding with her future sister-in-law and her husband. Now it was time to go. She turned her head and saw her reflection in the long mirror. The simple silk dress, the tiny veiled hat, the single red rose in her hand.

She sat pale and silent in the rear of the car, twisting the diamond around the third finger of her right hand, its temporary home until after the wedding. Last night she had been certain he would phone. But he hadn’t. She had no idea if he was even back in the country. She was so certain that something had happened to him that the nerves stabbed through her like spears.

* * *

When they arrived at the register office the sudden quiet was enough to confirm her deepest fears. The arrival of the bride before the groom was not a good omen.

Everyone made a great effort to make a joke of it. Jane seemed unperturbed, but then her only concern at the moment was the welfare of her son and her husband.

‘Mr Blackmore and Mrs Lambert?’ The registrar looked around him expectantly.

Charles intervened. ‘There’s been a slight delay. I wonder if we could just wait—’ Everyone turned at the hurried sound of feet on the stairs.

‘Hello. Am I late?’ Adam kissed her cheek and took her hand. ‘The traffic from Heathrow was murder.’

In his presence all the nameless horrors evaporated like the early morning mist on a hot June morning.

‘Timed to a hair’s breadth, I’d say,’ Charles Townsend’s voice boomed across the vestibule.

But Tara’s eyes for the moment riveted on Adam, were slowly drawn slowly to the two people standing behind him.

Older, greyer, smaller than she remembered, but so familiar. She took a tentative step towards them.

‘Aunt Jenny?’ She took another step and then she was in the older woman’s arms, hugging her. She turned to Lamby and he held her for a moment. ‘I don’t believe it.’ The tears sprang to her eyes. ‘I don’t believe it.’

‘Adam came and fetched us, Tara.’

She turned to him. ‘You did that? For me?’

He smiled down at her. ‘I knew you’d want them here.’ The registrar cleared his throat. ‘Although if we don’t make a move right now I think this gentleman may make us wait a few more days.’

The party made a move, but Adam held her back. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want to raise your hopes. I didn’t know if I could find them and if I did, I couldn’t be sure they would come.’

‘Who could ever resist you?’ She shook her head in wonder. ‘Why did I ever think of you as a black knight?’