Olivia (49 page)

“
Take your phone, Liv,” Dad says.
“Just in case.” I nod on my way into the house. I slide my jacket
on and grab my cell phone, tucking it in the pocket of my
coat.

Finn and I walk out to the stables where my
grandfather is preparing Tally Ho, a horse Andrew named years ago
when we were last here. It’s large, white, and very gentle. It’s
the one my mom normally rides when she goes. It’s not her choice.
My mom’s fully capable of handling a horse with more charisma, but
Dad’s overly-protective of her.

“
How do we do this?” I ask
Grandpa.

“
Finny, you sit in front.” My
friend sticks his foot in the stirrup and throws his leg over the
horse. “Scoot up,” he directs Finn, handing him one of the reins.
“Livvy, honey, you’ll sit behind him, and hold on
tight.”

My grandfather holds my forearms as I get on and try
to steady myself.

“
Be careful with my granddaughter,”
he tells Finn. To Grandpa, he’s more stranger than
family.

“
Yes, sir.” Finn spurs the horse
forward slowly, and once we’re out of earshot, he grabs my left
hand from his stomach. “It’s supposed to be on the horn,” he says,
attempting to reposition my hand.

I pull it away quickly and he halts the horse
abruptly. He laughs at me. “We can’t ride if you don’t hold
on–”

“
Well, I’m not putting my hand–” He
grabs it forcefully and puts it on the metal knob at the front of
the saddle. I swallow, trying to ignore the fact that my hand is so
close to him. “-there,” I finish my thought, but do it
anyway.

“
Jesus, Liv, grow up. This is the
safest way to ride.”

“
Fine,” I concede, nudging Tally Ho
with my foot. The horse jerks to the right.

“
Whoa, whoa girl,” he says softly
to the animal, stroking its mane. He cranes his neck around to look
at me. “Liv, let me drive, okay? There’s a reason they don’t put
two steering wheels in cars, you know?”

“
Fine,” I repeat, still smelling
the alcohol on his breath. “How much did you have to drink today?
Are you okay to ‘drive?’” I tease him. Finn turns around and makes
a clicking noise, prompting Tally Ho to start walking again. She
speeds up into an easy gait.

I love Manhattan, I do. But there is nothing like
the sight of untainted land spread out as far as my eyes can see.
Mountains stand tall across a small brook. My father would
sometimes take me across the water to the other side when I was
younger until the horse I was riding got spooked by something in
the water once. It threw me, and although I wasn’t hurt, it jarred
my father and he set a hard and fast rule that none of the kids
could go to the other side through the brook anymore. If we wanted
to ride closer to the mountains, we’d have to go miles out of our
way to find dry land to cross.

Finn knows the rule as well as I do, but when he
reaches the bank, he barely hesitates before urging Tally Ho into
the shallow, calm water. I’m not afraid, and even though Dad would
object, I don’t feel like we’re taking any risks. He’s an
experienced rider, and we’re not really kids anymore.

He puts his hand over mine, as if making sure I’m
holding on as tight as I can. My right arm is still wrapped firmly
around his waist, and I can’t help but think of how intimate this
feels. As a little girl, it seemed so innocent and pure. I’d ridden
this way with Dad, Grandpa, various uncles, and cousins many times.
This time feels different. I scoot back in the saddle as much as I
can, feeling suddenly guilty. I wish Finn was Jon. I close my eyes
briefly, imagining that he is.

My heart jumps as the horse’s hooves find purchase
in the hard land again, and she runs faster toward the foothills of
the mountain. My hand slips a little, and judging by the way Finn’s
body stiffens, I know my thumb has brushed up against him in a way
I didn’t intend. I also know this by what I felt, and I wonder if
he’s been considering how inappropriate this ride feels, too.

“
Sorry,” I mumble, both of us
returning my hand to the saddle horn.

“
It’s okay,” he says with a laugh.
I have to pull closer to him as the horse gains speed again. Finn
leans forward, causing me to lean with him. I press my cheek
against his back, looking at the sun beginning its descent over the
horizon. There are no other people anywhere around. Again, I think
of Jon, but still appreciate the solitary feeling that sweeps over
me. It would be better if he was here... but this is still pretty
amazing.

There’s an open patch of grass by the creek with
trees lining the perimeter. I’d never been here before, but Finn
brings Tally Ho to a stop, leading her to the water. She dips her
head for a drink.

“
Need a break?” he asks.

“
Yeah.” He hands me the rein, pats
the horse softly, and brings his left leg over her, climbing off.
He helps to settle my foot in the stirrup and holds my good arm as
I get off. “I wish I had my camera,” I tell him as I sit down on
the grass.

“
You’ve got your phone,” he
suggests, sitting behind me after tying the horse to a tree. I
smile, pulling it out of my jacket and aiming the lens at the
horizon. It’s hard to steady it with my left hand. “Here, let me
take it. You get in the picture.” I hand him the phone and turn
around, giving him instructions on how to take a picture with the
sun as a backdrop.

He studies it on the small screen, smiling proudly.
“I’m good,” he says smugly, handing me the phone.

He managed to capture me with the sun behind my
head. I’d instructed him to turn the flash on, so my smile is
bright as the natural light forms a halo around my windblown hair.
“Not bad,” I agree. I immediately send it to Jon, with a note
telling him I wished he was with me.

“
Send me a copy,” Finn says.
“That’s really cool.”

“’
Kay.” I do as he asks, then put
my phone away. Finn reaches into his coat pockets, producing two
bottles of beer. “What’s that?”

“
Refreshments?” I pick up a bottle
and look at the cap.

“
How do you suggest we drink
these?”

“
Hell, Liv, I was a boy scout when
I was little, remember?” He searches another pocket for a bottle
opener.

“
You quit when you were eight,” I
remind him. “They teach you boys to drink at a young age, huh?” I
joke with him, watching him open the bottles. I take a tentative
sip, cringing at the flavor. I still don’t like beer. “Wait, were
you prepared enough to–”

“
-bring these?” he finishes my
sentence, pulling out a tin of mints. I nod and take another drink
from the brown bottle.

“
Why do people like this?” I
ask.

“
Not everyone got the Vicodin high
today,” he reminds me. “It’s relaxing. Not quite like pot, but
legal.”

“
You don’t smoke pot.”

He looks at me out of the corner of his eyes. “Okay.
And neither does Brandon,” he says. “And Clara.” I stare at him
blankly.

“
Today?” He nods. “My dad will kill
you all.”

“
Which is why you won’t tell him,”
he says. “Did you want to try?” he asks, reaching into the pocket
he had the bottle opener in. I push him hard with my good hand, and
he rolls back in the grass. “I don’t have any,” he laughs at my
reaction.

“
How does he not already know?” I
ask. My dad always seems so clued in on everything.

“
We’ve been keeping our distance.
There are too many people here for anyone to notice us.”

I shake my head and look away from him, back toward
the sunset. I lie back on my arms as I listen to the quiet sounds
of the water in front of us and the wind in trees behind us. Finn
scoots up and mimics my posture, but closes his eyes briefly. He
takes an occasional drink as we sit in silence, enjoying a
landscape that’s pretty foreign to both of us. When he finishes his
beer, I hand him the rest of mine, which he takes with no
question.

The bitter taste still in my mouth, I lean over Finn
to grab the mints. He takes my bandaged hand in his and leans up,
putting his other hand on the back of my head, moving quickly to
touch his lips to mine. The moment doesn’t last even a second as I
push him away again, this time stunned.

“
What are you doing?!” I ask
him.

“
I thought you–” he starts, but
doesn’t finish, running his hands through his hair. He clears his
throat, then finally shifts his eyes to mine. “I thought that’s
what you were trying to do.”

I start laughing and shaking my head. “No, way,
Finn! You’re, like, my brother!”

“
Actually, I’m nothing like your
brother,” he corrects me. “Your brother is six, and
short.”

“
You know what I mean!” I still
stare, watching his cheeks return to their normal tan
color.

“
You made the move,” he
says.

“
I did not!” I say, surprised. “And
gross, kissing you with your breath smelling like that,
anyway.”

“
This is what real men smell like,”
he says as he opens the tin and puts a mint in his mouth. He
finally offers me one. “He never drinks?”

“
Who? Jon?”

“
Yeah.”

“
Special occasions, maybe. I doubt
a lazy day in Wyoming would count.” Finn’s quiet for a few minutes,
eventually biting down on the mint and chewing it noisily, as if
trying to get my attention. Finally, I glare out of the corner of
my eye. “What?”

“
You don’t ever think about anyone
else?” he asks.

“
No.”

“
Ever?”

“
No.”

“
What about before you started
going out with him? Did you ever think about...”

“
Who?
You?
” He shrugs his shoulders, looking bashful.
“What’s gotten into you, Finn? Are you just craving
affection?”

“
No,” he says, blowing me off. “I
can get that anytime.”

“
Not now,” I correct him
sassily.

“
Is that a challenge?” he asks
playfully.

“
Absolutely not.” I move about two
feet away from him. “This is so dysfunctional,” I laugh
again.

“
Stop laughing.”

“
I’m sorry. It’s just... it’s
something that never crossed my mind. Camille’s been my best friend
since elementary school. And she’s been chasing you since the
fourth grade. You have been ‘hers’ for as long as I can really
remember.”

“
I always liked you
better.”

“
Finn,” I say, wanting him to stop.
My body language makes it clear that I’m growing more
uncomfortable.

“
What? Sorry, but I hated that we
had that, like, family relationship. It sucked... but dating her
let me be around you even more. I thought about you–”

“
This is sick.” I stand up and
brush off my jeans. “You ready?”

“
I’m pouring my heart
out–”

“
Like you have one... and I don’t
really want to hear it, Finn. I’m sorry. Camille’s my best
friend.”

“
It was just sex,” he repeats what
he told me earlier.

“
Not to her. You dated for a year
before you had sex!”

“
No, we sat on my bed for two and a
half hours before we had sex. We just waited a year to tell you.
She didn’t want you to think she was a slut. She thought you’d stop
being her friend.”

“
Shut up,” I tell him. “No
way.”

“
It’s true.”

“
It’s awful. Not that you did that,
but that you say it meant nothing to you. It meant everything to
her.”

“
I’m not going to lie to you,” he
says callously, finally standing up. “I respect you too
much.”

“
Don’t say that,” I tell him,
disgusted. “Can you take me back to the house now?”

“
My place or yours?” he says. I
smack his arm hard. “Kiss first?” he asks, untying Tally
Ho.

“
In your dreams.”

“
Mmmhmmm,” he says dramatically,
walking the horse toward me slowly. I poise myself to hoist my body
over the animal, but Finn puts his arms around me from behind. “I’m
just messing with you, Livvy.” He releases me and helps me onto the
horse.

“
About what?”

“
All of it?” he asks. “None of it?”
he shrugs, mounting the horse in front of me, careful with his leg.
“You’re like my sister,” he says smugly. I put my good hand on his
thigh, waiting for him to get settled so I can grab the saddle
again. Once he’s ready, he shifts my hand with his onto the
horn.

I focus my attention to the path back to the main
house. I sigh in relief, but feel a little anger and hurt inside.
We’re quiet the whole way home, even though the journey is much
longer as he controls the horse, making her walk at a very slow
pace.

I hate when people mess with my emotions. No, I
don’t like Finn like that. But I don’t like him mocking me,
either.

“
Just take me to my cabin,” I tell
him coldly as we approach the cluster of houses.

“
Are you mad at me?”

“
I don’t know,” I tell him, my
teeth gritted. “You’re a jerk.” He stops Tally Ho near the porch,
and starts to get off. “I can do this myself.” He’s still, watching
me and holding onto me until both of my feet are on solid
ground.