Olivia (59 page)

“
Jon called us,” Mom says. “We know
that part.”

“
We need to get her to the
hospital.”

“
I’m fine, Dad,” I tell him
again.

“
We can let the doctors tell us
that. Matthew,” he says, and I know he’s serious by the name he
calls my uncle, “get my keys.”

“
Is she okay?” Grandpa Holland
asks, struggling to hold my brother.

“
We’re going to take her to the ER
to get her checked out. Looks like a pretty bad bump.”

“
We’ll call you, Dad,” Mom says to
him, “as soon as we know something.”

Matty comes to us, handing my dad the keys and
wiping the skin beneath my eyes with a tissue. “Little Liv, don’t
scare us like this,” he says, giving me a box of Kleenexes.

“
I’m sure.”

“
You’re sure?” Mom asks. “That
doesn’t make sense, sweetie.”

“
Sure, it’s sure,” I tell her,
blinking stars away from my eyes.

“
Come on, Jacks.” Mom helps me into
the backseat of Dad’s car, sliding in next to me. Feeling dizzy, I
lie down, putting my head in her lap. The pressure from her leg
makes my head hurt more. I close my eyes, hoping the pain will go
away with sleep.

“
Poppet, don’t let her
sleep.”

“
I’m not, baby,” she assures him,
running her fingernails up and down my arm. “You’re not gonna
sleep, right, Livvy?”

“
I’m tired and sad, Mom.” I open my
eyes to look up at her.

“
I know, but you need to stay awake
now. Do you want to talk about what happened tonight?”

“
I hit a wall in the parking
garage, Mom.”

“
I know,” she says with a very
slight laugh. “Before that.”

“
I got in a fight with Jon. Did you
know he’s going to Utah?”

“
Yes,” she says. “Remember, you get
to go, too?”

They did tell me I could visit him. “Oh, yeah,” I
tell her, shutting my eyes once more. “My head hurts.”

“
I know. Open your
eyes.”

“
Okay.” I blink them open, finding
it difficult to focus on the leather seat in front of
me.

“
Why did you fight again?” my dad
asks.

“
Because he’s going to Utah for the
summer. And he never told me. And he doesn’t want me to go to
Columbia. And he never told me that, either. And he said you told
him not to tell me not to go.”

“
Wait, he’s going for the
summer?
” Mom asks, obviously
surprised.

“
He doesn’t want you to go to
Columbia?” Dad adds.

“
I know!” I exclaim, my head
pounding as I raise my eyebrows to emphasize my point.
“Ouch.”

“
Keep her calm,” Dad says to my
mother.

“
Jacks, I’m watching her. Just get
us to the hospital.” I shut my eyes again. “Eyes open,” she says
before I can get any relief from my inability to focus on
anything.

“
I’m tired,” I explain.

“
Yes, but I think you have a
concussion, sweetheart, so you can’t sleep until the doctor says
it’s okay to sleep.”

“
We’re going to the
doctor?”

“
Drive faster, Jacks,” Mom says as
she runs her fingers through my hair.

“
That feels nice, Mom.” I glance up
at her and smile, seeing the worry on her face.

“
Are you sure Jon said he’s going
for the summer?” she asks me.

“
That’s what he said. Ten weeks, he
said. And then he got mad at me for wanting to go to Columbia to be
with him. Daddy?”

“
Yes, Tessa?”

“
Did you tell Jon to not discourage
me? About college?” I’m suddenly curious.

“
I did,” he admits. “But maybe I
shouldn’t have. Can we talk about that later?”

“
Okay,” I agree, closing my eyes
again but remembering I’m not supposed to. I open them back up
before Mom says anything.

“
What movie did you go see?” she
asks me.

“
I don’t know, we just go to the
movies to make out,” I tell her. “What movie did you
see?”

“
Jacks,” she says, her voice
pleading.

“
Emi, I’m going as fast as I
can.”

Did I just admit to my parents
that we were making out in the movie?
I think I did. I feel
the blush spread across my cheeks, hoping they didn’t hear me.

“
Maybe she’s just not making
sense,” Mom adds.

“
Right,” Dad says
evenly.

“
She asked what movie we watched,”
she explains. “That doesn’t make sense.”

I follow her reasoning, hoping they convince
themselves that I’m just speaking nonsensically because of a
concussion. I try to refrain from talking the rest of the way,
afraid of what I might say next.

The doctor leaves us alone in the room after his
examination. A mild concussion. I’ll have a nice bruise when I walk
the stage at graduation tomorrow, but he says I’ll be fine. I
already feel much clearer than I did in the car on the way
here.

“
How are you feeling?” Dad
asks.

“
Mad,” I tell him. “How could he
just spring that news on me at the last minute?”

“
I don’t know,” he says. “It
surprises me to hear it. You’re sure that’s what he
said?”

“
I’m positive. And what about the
Columbia thing?” I glance over at him to see his reaction, knowing
that I’ll see the truth in his expression. What Jon said was
true.

“
Livvy, I didn’t ask him anything
more than what I asked you. I just wanted it to be your decision,
alone. I had no idea he would discourage you going to
Columbia...”

“
He said he feels smothered. I
don’t think he wants to be with me anymore.”

“
I don’t believe that,” Mom
says.

“
I know. But he pretty much said
that.” I remember his words and start to cry again.

“
He called to check on you, Liv. He
was frantic. That doesn’t sound like a boy that doesn’t want to be
with you anymore,” my dad says.

“
I thought we would, like, start a
life together this summer,” I admit. “We’ve dreamed of the freedom.
It was going to be perfect. And now he’s ruined it.”

“
You’re too young to be starting
your life together as a couple, Livvy,” Mom steps in. “You still
need to grow as individuals. He’s pursuing his dreams. It’s your
time to do that, too. You can
both
do
that, and if it’s meant to be, you’ll emerge from this experience
as
stronger
individuals who can better
contribute to a relationship. You’ll know yourselves better. You’ll
understand what your wants and needs are, as
individuals.”

“
You sound just like him. I already
know I love him. I know I want him more than anything.” The crying
overwhelms me again. She comes to sit next to me on the hospital
bed, leaning over to hug me.

“
Shhh, Livvy,” she whispers before
kissing the side of my forehead that isn’t covered by an icepack.
The pressure still hurts a little, but I don’t let her know,
preferring the comfort she brings me.

“
I could see me and Jon just like
you and Dad in thirty years...” I explain.

She shakes her head. “I can’t.” I look at her,
surprised. “I depend on your father a lot,” she admits. “He’s my
rock.”

“
I feel that way with
Jon.”

“
You don’t need a rock,” she says
with a little laugh. “I need Jacks to stay grounded. He makes my
life feel safe and stable. I’ll readily admit I can be a little
codependent. You, my dear... you need to take flight. You’re
spirited and opinionated and stubborn and you have a mind of your
own. You’ve always been one to stand alone. You and Jon are the
same. You’re destined for a completely autonomous life, whether you
know this about yourself or not. You both are. You and Jon are
nothing like me and your father.”

“
I don’t want to be without
him.”

“
You don’t
have
to be without him. You simply don’t have to be
with
him to be happy, either.”

I nod, but I am starting to think
she’s
the one with the concussion... she’s not making
any sense to me now.

Later that night, Dad kisses Mom just outside the
entrance to my bedroom. “Livvy,” he says, “if you start to feel
sick or anything, wake your mother up. Got it?”

“
Dad, I’m fine, but yes. This is
completely unnecessary.”

“
I don’t want to take any
chances.”

“
I know,” I sigh, rolling over on
my side and hugging my pillow. This isn’t how I’d envisioned this
night ending. I was supposed to be curled up in Jon’s arms.
Instead, he’s at his dorm, choosing not to respond to any of my
calls or texts. I’d think he didn’t care at all if he hadn’t
answered the earlier call my dad had placed to him, letting him
know how I was doing while we were still at the
hospital.

“
You’ll feel better about
everything in the morning,” Mom says as she crawls into the bed
next to me. “I’m sure he will, too.”

“
I hope,” I tell her. “Night,
Mom.”

“
Good night, sweetheart.” Her
fingernails scratch lightly on my back. When I was little, she’d
put me to sleep that way. Tonight, it brings me to tears. Aside
from a few sniffles, I manage to hide my emotions from
her.

Finn stands close to me among the rest of our
graduating class. I’d grown tired of answering everyones’ questions
about the bandage on my forehead, and he was tending to their
curiosities now. I was happy to have him around today, even if he
told everyone a different lie about how I hurt myself. My favorite
was that a pigeon had flown into my head. Finn’s favorite was mud
wrestling. Of course.

Most read about the public fight and the ensuing
parking garage mishap online last night or this morning on one of
many Manhattan tabloid sites, so I can’t understand why everyone
feels the need to bombard me when they already know the story.

Schadenfreude, I guess.

“
Do you see him?” I ask Finn. I
can’t see over most of the people around me, so my friend’s height
is a definite asset. It helps that our families are sitting
together, so he knows where to look. Surely Jon would find my
parents and sit with them.

“
He’s not with them.” He delivers
the news softly. “What happened?”

I shake my head. “It took me two hours to stop
crying this morning to put my makeup on. I’m not going to ruin
everything just before I have to walk across the stage in front of
hundreds of people.”

“
You can’t tell. You look pretty.
Bandage and all.”

“
Thanks,” I say, rolling my eyes.
“You look weird in a collared shirt.”

“
Thanks,” he laughs, pulling at the
knot on his tie underneath his black gown. “I don’t know how your
dad wears this getup every day of his life. It’s uncomfortable as
hell.”

“
He always wants to make a great
first impression, with everyone he meets.”

“
Good thing I don’t care about
that,” he mutters.

“
Yeah, I don’t think a suit really
helps your cause anyway. You have bad manners to deal with,” I
start teasing him, “and horrible language, and the smell of grass
stains is always hovering around you.”

“
Hmmm...” he considers what I said
with wondering eyes. “Soccer, soccer, and... soccer,” he explains
away all of his flaws with his favorite pastime. “At least I don’t
have the stench of paint fumes and turpentine in my hair all the
time.”

“
It’s lovely,” I say sarcastically.
I sniff a strand of hair, smelling the coconut conditioner I’d used
on it this morning. I was so used to the paint smell that it never
really occurred to me that it might be offensive to other people.
To me, it’s a comforting smell.

“
Now?” I ask him. He strains to
look over the crowd seated in the auditorium. He shakes his head.
We both look at our watches at the same time, and look up at one
another after realizing the graduation ceremony is supposed to
start in three minutes. I swore I wasn’t going to call him again,
but I can’t stop myself. I reach into the tiny purse that I’m
wearing under my gown and get out my phone.

For the first time all day, it doesn’t go directly
to voicemail, and I’m hopeful. I grin at Finn, waiting for Jon to
pick up. My smile fades a little more with each unanswered ring.
Finally, his outgoing message greets me. I sigh, listening to his
confident voice, missing it.

“
Jon, it’s Olivia. I hope you’re
here, and I just can’t see you. If you are, meet me by the magnolia
tree in the west lot across from the auditorium after the ceremony.
This is killing me.” I hang up, sliding the phone back into the
bag.

“
Killing you like the pigeon tried
to do?” Finn asks. I laugh a little, fully appreciative of his
attempts to cheer me up.

“
Something like that.”

My science teacher is tasked with lining us all up
alphabetically. She’d been through the line twice, but Finn kept
coming back to me. “Mr. Reese,” she says to him, “can you please
find your place in line? We’re about to take our seats.”