On Becoming Her Sir (19 page)

Clicking on her turn signal she wiped her eyes. The song was indeed the story of their love, their very life together. Peace washed over her and for some reason a level of love, one unlike she’d ever experienced before with Luke was simply a beacon of hope. The rain continued to beat down as she made her way to the exit, the song a reminder that love truly did exist. When she was safely at the traffic light she lowered her face to the steering wheel. Luke had some explaining to do, but then again, maybe she did as well.

For a few seconds she concentrated on the words, the way they made her feel, the intonation of the singer’s voice. For so many reasons the song held much more meaning, the words crystal clear. All your perfect imperfections… They were both so imperfect, both so jaded and hurt. They’d been through so much together and apart they could never be-

****

Beep. Beep. Beep.

She’s dead. My beloved is gone.

Shaking off the horrid feeling Luke clenched his fist, trying his best to control his breathing. Nothing would ever ease the pain. Nothing would ever take away the guilt.

Click! Beep! Beep!

The wretched sound would forever be something creating horrors in Luke’s mind. Nightmares. Jesus Christ he hated hospitals, loathed the smell and the clinical look of the walls. His hands in his pockets, he stood staring out the window, wondering what in the hell had gone wrong. There was no way to describe the way he was feeling, no acceptance of the fact he was entirely to blame. Jessie. His beloved Jessie.
Dear God. What have I done? What could I have done? Why?
A tear slipped from the corner of his eyes and instead of wiping the bead away he waited as the slip of salt oozed onto his lip. The moment he licked it off he groaned.

Wringing his hands he glanced down at the bitter cup of coffee and grimaced before tossing the remnants into the trash. The second he lowered his head, clenching his eyes shut, he could see her face, Jessie’s face, could almost hear her lilting laughter. He could swear her sultry fragrance wafted across his nostrils and the vision of her beautiful face, her incredible smile, remained permeating every aspect of his mind.

“Mr. Brennan.”

The voice was soft, one of knowing. One of defeat. Instantly he bristled. “Yes.”

“I understand you’re…”

When the man hesitated Luke shook his head. Yeah, so he wasn’t Jessie’s husband or even her fiancé. There was no way to describe to the basic vanilla population who he was to her, but damn it – he was her protector, the man who would fight to the death to keep her safe. The thought was crushing. He’d failed her completely. “Yes. I’m Jessie’s boyfriend.”

“Yes, well…”

“I
am
the next of kin as far as Jessie is concerned,” Luke stated as he turned around to face the small voice. Her family sure as shit hadn’t raced her to see her. Pathetic bastards.

The doctor sniffed as he looked Luke up and down. When he smiled his gaze remained full of worry.

Yes, he towered over the doctor by a solid six inches, but he was surprised at not only the compassion on the doctor’s face, but the kind intelligence as well. “I am…”

“I know. You don’t have to tell me. You’re Luke Brennan. The few words Jessie spoke before slipping into a coma was about you.” He held out his hand. “I’m Doctor Taylor. You need to know that Jessie is very lucky to be alive. I’m not going to either deny or sugar coat what’s going on either.”

“And I don’t want you to.” Luke shivered. She’d asked about him. Goddamn. He’d heard the limited details regarding the crash, the way the drunk driver had careened into the back of Jessie’s car, shoving her across two lanes of traffic and into a tree. Yes, she was very lucky to be alive. And he wanted to kill the motherfucker driving the pickup truck. “I’ll do anything I can. Will she be all right? You said coma.”

“Well Luke, the next forty eight hours are crucial in her recovery. At this early stage the coma is actually good for her recovery. She needs all of her energy in order to try and heal.”

Luke sighed. Heal. She had to heal. “Okay. That means this shit is bad.”

“This means I’m concerned for her well being. She has internal bleeding and I need to make certain you understand what might happen.”

What might happen. The subtle yet powerful words were a way of telling Luke he had to be prepared for the worst. “I feel so helpless.”

“I know and I completely understand. Right now you have to stay strong for Jessie. She needs your love and support.”

“Doctor, this woman is my life. Jessie is the reason I get up in the morning. She’s the only one who is able to keep my monsters at bay. Her laugh alone reminds me that I’m not such an asshole after all. This woman…” His voice trailed off as he snapped his head up and glared into Doctor Taylor’s eyes. “This beautiful and sensual woman, the only creature I’ll ever love, I will do anything for. Do you understand me?”

Doctor Taylor hesitated before nodding, his eyes glistening. “Luke, let’s go and talk. You need to understand what we’re dealing with.”

His heart was racing, every nerve in his body standing on end. This felt like nothing more than an end game. “All right.” Luke trailed behind the doctor, a myriad of wretched thoughts lingering. He was surprised the doctor led them both outside to a small garden then promptly lit a cigarette. “I thought doctors didn’t smoke.”

“Yeah. I smoke and sometimes I even tie one on,” Doctor Taylor said then laughed. “I’m human, Luke. I worry just as much as you do. All of my patients matter to me. I have certain concerns, as every doctor should, unsure of my capabilities with my patients. I think we all do. Honestly, if a medical professional doesn’t question certain aspects of his or her abilities, I say run far away.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I’m serious. There’s too much arrogance.”

“You say that like there is no hope for Jessie.” Luke looked away, terrified of seeing the doctor’s expression.

“No. That’s not at all what I’m saying.” Doctor Taylor moved in order to face him. He fiddled with the cigarette, taking two puffs before pinching and tossing the leftovers. “Nasty habit.” After clearing his throat he slipped his hands into his pockets. “Jessie has lost a lot of blood. Her blood platelets are way down. I’m worried about her spleen and in truth feel it should be removed. We may have some issues with the liver. Only time and testing will tell. Other than what I just mentioned, she has cuts and bruises everywhere but of course they’ll heal.”

The sound of the soft breezing fluttering in the trees drew his attention. Luke blinked several times and the sight of Jessie’s face, a mischievous grin and flashing eyes, reminded him how very much alive his submissive was. Thinking of her in this manner startled him. For a few seconds he was lost to attempting to mesh together his feelings for her. “What aren’t you telling me?”

A full minute passed by.

“Goddamn it. What aren’t you telling me?” Luke insisted.

Doctor Taylor cleared his throat. “Luke, Jessie was legally dead for almost four minutes. There was no heartbeat. None.”

The words hung in the air. For a few seconds Luke was lost to the concept, unsure of the meaning. When he finally realized what the doctor was saying he slowly dropped to his knees. “You’re…you’re telling me she’s…my Jessie is…brain dead?”

“No, but the possibility is that she has some level of contrasted functions. We need to do some tests and in truth, only time will tell. First, I need to get her body stabilized and cease the bleeding. She’s breathing on her own right now, but she’s being monitored very carefully. If…”

The additional hesitation Luke couldn’t tolerate. “What? What are you saying to me? Just fucking say it. Say the damn words to me. Please!” He’d never felt so lost in his life, so bitter at the way the universe was treating him.

“Time will tell. If Jessie continues to do well during the next forty-eight hours and awakens from the coma, then we have a fighting chance.“

“A fighting chance. And if not?” The words hung in the air. Luke slowly rose to his feet. “Fuck it. She will wake up. I know her. She’s a fighter.”

“That’s good, Luke. That’s very good.” Doctor Taylor flanked his side. “She’ll need you by her side helping her fight. What she’s going through is an uphill battle. I need you to understand.”

“Yeah. I get it. I’ll be there.” Luke wasn’t going anywhere. Everyone else might be giving up on her, but he refused. He fucking flat out refused.

Doctor Taylor exhaled. “With you she has a fighting chance.”

“You bet she does. I’m not giving up.”

“And neither am I.”

Luke heard the glitch, knew there was something else. He turned slowly yet remained quiet.

The doctor nodded. “There’s something else I need to tell you.”

He shifted and glanced at the doctor’s face. Then he shivered.

****

“Dude, you are very much not wanted here. Trust me.”

Bart eyed the nasty look on Jackson’s face and cringed. Shoving his hands into his pockets he glanced back and forth at the group, their haunted looks telling him so many things. While Wally’s look was kinder, he could tell both Aimee and Ginger were ready to rip him the shreds. He couldn’t blame any of them. Shoving his hands into his pockets he tried to think of something to say, anything at all in fact. He’d rehearsed the speech to Luke over and over again, one preparing to accept every bit of the blame. If only he hadn’t been so damn impetuous to invade their private time. What the hell was wrong with him? Sadly, he was beginning to understand. “I have to see him.”

“Jack is right. This isn’t a place for you. This is a hospital, a place of caring,” Wally managed.

“Wally. Don’t. We’re all hurt and upset by this. Turning against each other isn’t going to do any good, especially for Jessie and Luke,” Aimee added as she moved closer, her eyes never leaving Bart’s. “Luke isn’t doing well. You can imagine what this is doing to him.”

“And Jessie?” Bart was barely able to get the words out. Choking back a rawness that continued to build, he studied his friends, wishing he could go back in time. Guilt he’d never had time for. Now, the ragged emotion was well suited. He was to blame for a hell of a lot of shit.

“She’s holding on. The doctors don’t know her full prognosis. They’re prepping her for surgery to remove her spleen. After that, it’s a wait and see.” Jackson wrapped his arm around Ginger. He looked over Bart’s shoulder then back into his face. “Where’s Marla? Couldn’t stomach being here with you, knowing what horrors you caused?”

“Jackson, please,” Ginger breathed.

Bart clucked his jaw. “If you really want to know, Marla left me. And you probably figured she would.”

Jackson snorted.

“And I don’t blame her,” Bart added as he sighed. The recent conversations with his submissive had been horrific. The moment she’d slammed the door on him and their shared life he had to face the cold facts. No one wanted him. No one could or should have to tolerate him.

“So it’s true. You were trying to seduce Jessie.” Wally shot him a look.

Nodding, Bart exhaled slowly. “Yep.” Why deny any longer?

“You’re an asshole,” Jackson stated then laughed. “Why the hell are we even friends? What am I saying? You don’t know how to be a friend to anyone but yourself.”

Before he could retort, Bart watched as Luke lumbered toward them, his look cold and haunted. He garnered what humility he had left and moved closer. “You’re right as always, Jackson. I’m a lousy friend to anyone. I have no conscience and no understanding about real love.” Even Aimee’s look was discouraging. Their thoughts were clear. He was a fucking monster. “Luke.”

Luke bristled as he eyed the group. “Thank you all for being here. There’s little anyone can do right now. It’s a waiting game. Please go home. I’ll call Jackson when there’s any news.”

“Are you sure?” Aimee asked.

Giving a waning smile Luke sniffed. “Honestly. There’s nothing you can do.”

Jackson shook his head. “Stay strong, buddy. Jessie is a fighter just like you are.”

“In truth, she’s more than you know. And she desperately loves you,” Aimee said quietly, her eyes filling with love.

Suddenly Bart wanted that strong feeling, the one where he’d lose his life for someone he loved. While he adored Marla, he wasn’t in love with her any more than she was with him. They were simply using each other. Now that the relationship was over he felt relief. And loneliness.

“Thank you Aimee. I know. Believe me I know,” Luke breathed as he walked toward the window.

Whether or not Luke expected he would leave didn’t matter. He had to get this had, needed to apologize at the very minimum. When the group had walked away he flanked Luke’s side, remaining stoic as he stared out the window, unable to focus, unable to think clearly.

“There isn’t anything you can say. Nothing I can say. We allowed this to happen.”

Hearing the resignation in Luke’s voice surprised him. “You’re right.”

“Right?”

“Yeah.” Bart rubbed his eyes. “I did this. I pushed every button, every emotion. And why? Because I wanted everything you have. I was a jealous jerk. You have it all. You have a great job, a wonderful home and…”

“Right. Can the crap.”

“God damn it!” Bart hissed then pressed his fist to his mouth. “This isn’t crap. This is…”

Luke laughed. “As if you can be real or truthful here? Come on, dude. You and I know you’re a player. Jessie realized it too. She figured you out a long time ago. Why she…”

“She did nothing. Hell, she acted like I was trash.”

“Well, she can read people pretty well.”

Bart sucked in his breath. He’d re-played the events from the night so long ago several times. There was no making sense of anything. “And you? Do we really want to play this fucking card? Really?”

“You only cared about getting her into bed. That’s it. You thought you’d break her by what, using her, fucking her?” When Bart remained quiet Luke hissed. “Jesus. You’re a freak. You have a beautiful woman who loves you and she’s not good enough.”

“You and I both know the reason I’m with or was with Marla. Now she knows all the nasty little details as well. She’s gone and in truth, she’ll be much happier. I don’t deserve anyone, especially Jessie. Besides, she adores you.”