On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep (40 page)

“Farley, I’m their opening act. Last minute change. My guitar is up there.” I lied. It was Calon’s guitar that he rarely played but took to every gig, “Just in case,” he’d say. Farley grabbed my hand and we headed through security up to the stage.

My heart beat so hard, all I could hear was my blood pumping through my ears, and I had no idea what Farley said into the mic. When I got Calon’s strap situated, I turned, determined to live through the next ten minutes. If my heart stopped after that, at least I’d have spoken the words I needed to. Two songs. Maybe they’d be here in two songs.

There had to be at least three thousand people standing before me. That’s six thousand eyes boring holes through my courage.

Dammit, Calon. You owe me.

Farley stuck the mic back in the stand, and the crowd cheered and hollered. He must have introduced me, but I heard nothing but my pulse. I glanced down to where I’d just stood and Noah was still there. I glanced back toward the beer tent and saw Jake and Sam making their way through the crowd. Jake looked up at me, and I shook my head a little. He could kick the shit out of Noah, but only after I had my moment.

“Thank you for the warm welcome.” My voice cracked and I turned from the mic and cleared my throat. I caught a glimpse of a familiar head of curly hair. Right off stage stood Calon, Spider, Manny, and Bones. For a second, I thought about announcing them and getting off stage as quickly as possible. But, Calon nodded and waved a little with his hand; he wanted me to have this moment. He winked and mouthed the words,
Go get’em rock star!

“I’ve never played this song for anyone. I was waiting for the timing to be perfect.” I strummed the guitar gently and took a couple cleansing breaths. I looked up at Jake and Sam and over at Calon, all my guys, smiling with pride.

“Something about this moment tells me there would be no time more perfect.” I looked down at the front row. My eyes locked onto Noah’s. “This song is a cover of my favorite Keith Urban song, “Stupid Boy.”

The song wasn’t a difficult one to play, three easy chords, but the lyrics threatened to break me. They were everything I needed to say to Noah. I strummed the guitar, breathed in and out slowly, and made peace with being transparent. It was the only way to sing this song for me. Putting up a wall and singing from the surface would serve no purpose. This was my closure, and I needed to dig down deep and let go.

I started the intro. I closed my eyes and played through it one more time. I allowed my body to melt into the guitar and move with the rhythm of my hand.

I opened myself up, and, as tears ran down my cheeks, I sang straight from my heart. I sang of a girl who was innocent, but restrained by someone who supposedly loved her. The boy stole everything from her; everything he did to her told her “You can’t.” He used his cowardly behaviors to crush her.

I turned my head after the first verse and wiped the tears on my shoulder. Then I looked right at Noah and let the lyrics ask him what made him think he could lift himself up by breaking me down. I sang about the trust I gave him by giving him my whole heart and everything that went along with it.

He was stone-faced but his eyes didn’t leave mine.

In the last repeat of the second verse, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel some of the pain leave my heart. I breathed in a cleansing breath that promised to be the start of something new. I was making new memories, and this one was an attempt to say goodbye to the old ones.

I played through the ending with a passion I’d never felt. Goosebumps lifted across the entire surface of my skin. I allowed myself to relive the moments Jake and I shared in the planetarium. My heart filled with his love and all he was to me.

Noah stood before me, in the same spot, stone-faced.
Oh, you wanna play that game? Bring it on.

“Not too long ago, I was in a situation where I let someone else tell me how to live. And thanks to a lot of amazing people in my life, I’ve come out of that situation stronger, and I’m finally whole again. I wrote this next song as a reminder to myself that liars whisper. They whisper with their actions, because they don’t have the balls to voice their intentions. Because if they did, everyone would see the truth they’re trying so hard to hide. The liars in your life will beat you down to lift themselves up. They will hurt you just so they can come to your rescue. We teach people our worth by the actions we accept from others. Don’t accept the whispers.” I took a deep breath. “This song’s called ‘Whisper.’”

What? I can’t hear you, because it sounded like you said I didn’t matter

Speak up because only cowards whisper

And love is louder

You can’t prove something you can’t speak

What? I can’t hear you, because it sounded like you said I didn’t matter

You’ve stolen my words, my volume’s turned down

Without words, I can’t fight this battle

But love is louder

Your arms, they hold me but your words, they scold me for pulling you in

You can’t prove something you can’t speak

You just whisper

If a lie’s not believed is it still a lie?

I heard you but I didn’t let you lie

Love is louder

Like a ladder with no rungs, this won’t get you anywhere

The applause started slowly, almost like the crowd was afraid to break the intensity with clapping. When I opened my eyes, Noah was gone, but Sam and Jake were right down front. Jake’s cheeks were wet with tears, and Sam and Ashley were hugging. The clapping and yelling was insane.

Calon and the guys were perched and ready in the wings, so I strummed an extra couple chords and turned to them. The crowd went crazy. There were whistles and screams. I couldn’t believe it. That was a lot to take in; it was a lot to deal with all at once. I just poured out my soul only to be filled by the beautiful vibes of...my fans.
My fans.
How surreal. There was only so much I could take, so I used my hands to wave and quiet them all down.

“I could not be more excited to give you who you’ve really been waiting for. Give it up, guys, for Alternate Tragedy!” The crowd went crazy all over again. Could it be possible that I actually got the same level of excitement out of the audience?

“Thank you so much!” Calon had to all but scream into the mic for anyone to hear him. “All right, we have some news, but I can’t tell you if you’re this loud.” He turned his head toward me and laughed. I started to walk off the stage. I needed to sit down, and my legs were still shaking. “Gracie, don’t go. I want you up here for this.” The noise level went down significantly.

“We apologize for being late, but hey, had we been on time, you wouldn’t have heard this amazing artist.” He put his arm around me and squeezed. “Wasn’t she amazing?” There were whoops and more whistles.

I could barely contain my emotions. I leaned into the mic. “Um, Cal. You promised them some news, remember?”

“Right! So, just twenty minutes ago, we took an urgent call from our manager. Someone backed out of a tour and this new up-and-coming band needs an opening act. And we got the gig! We will actually, finally, be on tour.”

My ears rang with all the noise that the thousands of people packed onto Allen Street made.

“Thank you, thank you. And we have to leave soon. August third, one week from tomorrow. So, that means we only have this beautiful girl opening for us one more time. Next Friday night at
Mitchell’s
will be our farewell show. Hope you’ll all come out to send us off into the wild unknown.”

I couldn’t believe he was leaving. I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him so tight, he grunted. I was so proud of them, but selfishly, I never wanted to have to say goodbye, or even see you later.

“Two more things before we play for you. So you’re going to have to pipe down or we’ll never get started.” A hush fell over the crowd. “That means our Friday night slot at
Mitchell’s
will need a new act. Hmm. I wonder who could fill that spot! Maybe an acoustic guitar player named...Gracie Jordan?”

I covered the mic with my hand. “We’ll see, Calon. I still don’t know if I will live through
this
adrenaline rush.”

“Okay, she said
maybe
. One last thing. We are now actively looking for someone to help us market ourselves while we are on tour. We need a publicist. So if any—”

“
Hell yeah!
You got me! It’s all me, Calon! I’m your girl!” Becki’s voice was louder than three thousand people. Well, it also could have been that she had hopped up onto a bench on the sidewalk and was jumping up and down.

“Okay, Becki. Let’s chat after our set. I think you may be the one.” He winked and waved to her.

“Gracie, did you hear that? He said I’m the one! I am the one!”

I couldn’t stop laughing at her, which helped to bring the blood flow back into my extremities, so by the time Calon and the guys were ready for what would probably be their last battle in Knoxville, I could actually walk off the stage on my own.

Jake, Sam, Becki, and Ashley had made their way to the bottom of the stairs off the wing of the stage and enveloped me in hugs and compliments. Jake pulled me into him and took my face in his hands.

“I love you, Gracie Jordan. And I can’t believe I am cool enough to have sex with a rock star.”

Fifty-three

Jake

Gracie had opened for Calon and the guys twice before Summer Fest. Then she had her surprise performance at the festival. All three performances took my breath away. It was August second and the guys were leaving the next day for their new gig playing with Smiling Turkeys, the hottest thing to hit the south. She was really going to miss Calon; I could see it in her eyes when he talked to her about leaving.

I filled the coolers and checked the CO2 tanks before the doors opened. I watched Gracie and Calon goof around on stage. She smacked him for something, and he tried to duck out of her way, but she got in a good hit. They cracked up then Spider whacked his sticks together to get their attention.

We had Buzz let Sam and Ashley in early so they could get as much of Gracie on stage as they could since it may have been her last night.

“We gonna practice or what?” Spider pounded on the drum pedal for effect.

“Can I pick the song? Just a warm up song?” Gracie had that ornery smirk I knew all too well.
Say no, Spider. Say no.

“Sure, G. Whatcha got?” Spider twirled his sticks between his fingers while she tapped her chin and thought of a warm-up they could do.

“Do this...” Gracie walked over to Spider and stole his sticks. She tapped out a simple beat and handed his sticks back. He raised an eyebrow as he repeated the beat she gave him.

I had no idea what she was thinking, but she giggled so hard, I couldn’t help but laugh from behind the bar. I went back to work but watched her. I swerved around my bar mates as we prepared for a mass of Gracie and Calon fans.

“Now, Calon, I need you to just go,
Mmmm Mmmm
on the fourth beat, just follow Spider, you got it?”

Calon nodded but threw his hands out to his sides and looked around at the other guys. A smile spread across his face. He looked back at me and pointed at her, in a way asking me what was up. I shrugged and rolled my eyes.

Sam was howling. Ashley tried to cover his mouth with her hand, but he was practically convulsing in the booth. It had been a long time since either of us had seen Gracie this way and it was beyond hysterical.

“Bones, Manny, sorry, we don’t need you for this. Calon, Spider, you ready?”

“Let’s do this.” Spider was just anxious to bang something out.

Gracie took center stage, bumping Calon out of her way with her hip. She bounced to an inaudible beat then pointed to Spider. He tapped out the simple pulse for a couple measures then she pointed to Calon who came in with his Mmmm Mmmm.

Like nothing I’ve ever seen, Gracie Jordan rapped her way through “No Diggity” by Blackstreet and Dr. Dre. She sang every fucking word like she was born in the hood. Everyone behind the bar stopped what they were doing and clapped along with the beat. It was all Calon could do to keep his lips together for his part. He laughed so hard, I thought he’d double over any second.

She ended her thug debut with, “I think about Jake all the time.” The bar erupted in hysterics. Sam laughed so hard, he popped one of his contacts out, so he and Ashley were crawling around looking under the booth. Even Buzz was bent at the waist and howling at her goofball antics. That was my girl, not a care in the world. Living just to live.

When the doors opened, the house was packed in no time. Gracie looked across the masses at me, but this time, not in fear, but in sheer excitement to perform.

She opened with a couple of her favorite songs then played a couple new ones to see what kind of reception she’d get from the crowd. I was pretty sure she could play “Mary Had a Little Lamb” and get the crowd roaring in no time. She was just about to introduce Alternate Tragedy when Buzz forced his way through the crowd. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen Buzz move so quickly; he wasn’t young.

“So, of course by now, you all know that our favorite Friday night band is moving on to the big time without us. This is the last night we will have these guys in the house.” A loud “boo” vibrated the bar. No one was ready for them to leave. Buzz raised his hand to get the crowd’s attention back. “This means, while these shitheads are out playing for the Laughing Birds, or whatever—”

“Smiling Turkeys.” Calon corrected Buzz then handed the mic back.

“As I was saying, we’ve got an opening in our schedule now. We need to find ourselves a new Friday night act. Now, who do you think we could get to fill that spot? And it has to be someone unbelievable.”

“Gra-cie! Grac-cie!” The words were barely out of Buzz’s mouth when the chant started and only got louder. Gracie blushed and shook her head. She looked back and me, and I blew her a kiss.

“All right! Jake, do we have any plans for the next thirty-six Fridays?” She called to me above the chanting. I shook my head and did the math; thirty-six was roughly how many we had left before graduation.