On the Line (28 page)

“Please don’t tell me your mother was the only person with you,” Nathan said as he
slid closer to Janelle. He put an arm around her shoulder as she nodded. “I’m so
sorry,” he whispered and placed a kiss to her temple.

“It wasn’t your fault. I put myself in that sad position. Don’t think that didn’t
cross my mind every second of labor,” Janelle said around the lump in her throat.
Her mother had been horrible, criticizing Janelle for every scream or complaint,
reminding her that women had been doing this for centuries and surviving and that
Janelle would be no different.

“I hope you tell me all about it at some point.” Nathan took her hand in his. “So
how is Zach doing?”

“He’s in therapy, but it’s hard to tell how he’s doing. Some days are better than
others. The good news is, he’s starting to talk to Kelsey again and asking random
questions about the adoption,” Janelle answered as Nathan pulled on her hand. She
sat up and looked at him as he continued to tug. “He misses Patrick, and Mom has
him convinced that Patrick’s not coming back.”

“I’ll set him straight,” Nathan said with a smile. “It shouldn’t be much longer now.”

“I hope not. I’m not sure Kelsey will last too much longer without him. She goes
through phases, usually after our mother has visited, where she seems withdrawn and
depressed and if I even mention his name she nearly cries,” Janelle answered. “But
then after your mother’s visits, Kelsey is bubbly and talking about him, telling
me about their conversation that day, and she seems much more confident in their
relationship.”

“I’ll ask my mother to visit every day then.” Nathan pulled Janelle across his lap,
she straddled him, and he grinned. “Now, most importantly, how are you holding up?”

“What?” Janelle leaned back and tilted her head to the side. Now that she considered
it, outside of Kelsey, she wasn’t sure anyone else had asked her that yet.

“You heard me,” Nathan said calmly, placing a hand on each of her hips.

“I’m okay, I guess.” Janelle’s mind quickly skimmed through all of the
things she’d
had to deal with in the past four weeks. “It hasn’t been a lot of fun lately, but
I’m surviving, I suppose. I take Zach to therapy twice a week, try to keep Kelsey
on an even keel, pray my mother doesn’t visit, and—” She stopped and narrowed her
eyes on him. She thought she might keep that last bit, that she was missing him more
than she should, to herself.

“And what?” Nathan asked as he studied her face.

Janelle shook her head. “Doesn’t matter.”

“I disagree. If it’s bothered you in the last four weeks, it matters to me. Believe
it or not, I’ve thought about you every day, wondering how you were doing, and if
you needed anything from me,” Nathan confessed. Janelle hated the way he made it
look so easy. “At least when you were calling me, I knew you still cared a little.
When you stopped, I started to fear I’d lost you.”

“Can you blame me? You gave me the cold shoulder at the police station and made me
think you wanted nothing to do with me,” Janelle responded. Maybe confessing the
truth wasn’t too terribly hard.

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I’ve never stopped wanting you, Janelle.” He
sat up and she felt his erection brush against her stomach. “Never. Not in fifteen
years.”

Janelle’s jaw dropped and she shook her head. “You haven’t wanted me for that long,”
she said with a laugh. His head slowly moved up and down and her humor faded. “We
were in high school fifteen years ago.”

Nathan shrugged a shoulder. “Yes, we were.”

Janelle suddenly felt lightheaded and her shoulders slumped slightly. “You never
said anything. Not even when we were having the affair.” She furrowed her brow. “Why
wouldn’t you tell me?”

“Richard beat me to it in high school, and I guess when we were together, I could
never be sure where I stood with you. You always rejected me when I asked you to
leave him.” He wrapped his arms around her waist. “My mistake was letting you push
me away. I should have fought harder.”

Janelle had tears in her eyes. All these years he’d wanted her, but what did that
mean? “You should have told me,” she said despite her dry throat.

“I’m telling you now.” He kissed the first tear away, and she was reminded of the
night she began seeing him as more than her friend. “And I’m never going to let you
push me away again. I’m not leaving you without a fight.” He kissed the subsequent
tears until they became a stream down her cheeks and
he could no longer keep up.
“Would you like me to show you how much you mean to me?” Nathan slowly rolled them
both until she was on her back.

Dazedly, she looked up at him and nodded. He smiled and took her lips in a kiss that
told her everything she needed to know and ended when they reached the ultimate peak
together. Again.

“Janelle!” Mary’s shrill tones broke through Janelle’s memories of bliss and joy
in Nathan’s arms as she sat at the kitchen island with a cup of coffee. “How could
you do such a thing?”

Janelle froze and turned to face her mother. “Do what, Mom?”

“You took him to bed, didn’t you?” Mary snapped and Janelle fell backward into the
kitchen island. “Your husband has only been dead a month and you’re already taking
another man to bed. Or has he always been there? Did you ever really end it with
him?”

“Mother.” Janelle held her palms up to her mother. She wasn’t sure what she would
say, but there had to be something.

“Don’t give me your lines, Janelle. I’m sure they’re well rehearsed but I really
don’t want to hear them. You should be ashamed of your behavior. It’s bad enough
your sister has shown the world what a slut she is, and now look at her.” Mary pointed
and Janelle followed the line her finger made.

Kelsey sat in the dining room, tears running down her cheek, her phone in one hand,
a tabloid on the table in front of her. From the distance between them, Janelle could
just make out the face of a dark-haired man, and the letters P-A-T. Her stomach dropped
like a rock. That couldn’t possibly mean what she thought it did. And where had the
tabloid come from? How had she missed that? She started to rise, but her mother grabbed
her arm.

“Everyone, Kelsey included, now knows how naïve she was, and soon you’ll have them
talking about your shameless behavior. You haven’t had proper time to mourn poor
Richard and now you’re carrying on with Nathan again. Haven’t you put me through
enough? You were the good child. I could always count on you to behave yourself and
do as you were told.” Mary’s lip curled in disgust. “You’re such a disappointment.
An utter failure, Janelle. I hope you’re happy.”

Zoe and Zach appeared and began to approach Mary. “Come, children,
let’s go,” Mary
said as she held her hands out and Zach and Zoe each took one. Janelle watched in
horror as the life faded from her kids’ faces, they became wan and pale and devoid
of joy, then changed into the faces of two other children Janelle recognized. “You’re
no longer fit to be their mother. I’ll take over from here.”

“No!” Janelle screamed.

Mary turned, the children at her side. “Yes, dear. It’s truly for the best.”

“No!” Janelle shouted again as Mary walked away without a glance back and faded into
the fog.

“No!” Janelle sat straight up in bed, cool sweat on her brow. “No, no, no!”

Nathan jerked upright beside her and quickly wrapped his arms around her. “Shh, it’s
okay,” he said softly as he began rocking them both.

“No,” Janelle said hoarsely. “She took my kids. I was supposed to protect them.”

“No one has taken your kids.” Nathan placed his cheek to her head. “They’re tucked
away in bed. They’re fine.”

“She’ll ruin their childhoods. I couldn’t protect them.” Janelle burst into tears.

Nathan stopped rocking and turned her face to his chest, his heart racing. How long
had she been having nightmares? He should have been here to soothe them away. “Who
took the kids?” he asked gently. He wasn’t sure she even realized she was awake.

“Mother. She ruined them,” Janelle answered through her sobs.

“Ruined who?” Nathan slowly rocked again as her tears began to subside.

“Sean and Kelsey.” Janelle sniffled against him. “And now she wants to take Zach
and Zoe. She’ll ruin them too.”

Nathan closed his eyes as pain hit him in the chest. He’d always known Janelle was
protective of her younger siblings, but he’d never realized to what depth. She’d
always told him she blamed herself for Sean’s death; now he had a feeling she was
most likely behind the decisions Kelsey had made to leave town, and her child, to
pursue her career.

He pushed her out of his arms and placed a hand on either side of her
face. Her eyes
were still closed, tears trickling from under her lashes. “Jan, look at me,” he said.
He repeated himself a couple more times until she opened her eyes and looked at him.
“Why would she take your kids?”

“Because, I’m a horrible mother,” she answered, her bottom lip quivering. “I didn’t
mourn Richard. I slept with you again. She said I was no longer fit to be their mother.”

“She’s wrong.” Nathan placed a light kiss to her forehead.

Janelle pulled away from him and threw her feet over the edge of the bed. “No, she’s
not. This was a mistake. You shouldn’t be here.”

A mistake? Ice formed in Nathan’s chest and slowly slipped into his veins as he watched
her pull her nightgown over her head.

“Janelle, what are you doing?” Nathan jumped out of the other side of the bed and
tried to head her off before she opened the door. He didn’t make it and in a few
seconds, she was back with his dried clothes.

“You should go now, Nathan,” she said and walked around the foot of the bed, giving
him as wide a berth as the furniture would allow. “You shouldn’t be here. We shouldn’t
have done this.”

“Yes,” Nathan ground out as he pulled his jeans on. “You mentioned that.” He couldn’t
believe Richard, or the memory of him, was forcing him out of her bed again. He’d
thought they’d moved beyond that. He’d obviously thought wrong.

“I’m so sorry,” Janelle sniffed.

He met her wide-eyed gaze, hoping she’d see the fire in his eyes. He wanted to think
of something scathing to say, something that might hurt her the way she was hurting
him at the moment, but the self-loathing he saw in her eyes froze his tongue. She
looked away as she wrapped her hands around her upper arms and he pulled on his shirt
as he took a deep, soothing breath.

He crawled across the bed toward her and she backed away. When his feet were back
on solid ground in front of her, he reached for her face. She tensed as he cupped
her cheek and tilted her eyes up toward his. Her fear melted the rest of his resolve.

“I’m sorry I forced you,” he said calmly through the turmoil in his chest. “I’ll
leave now, but I’ll be back.”

She bit her shaking lip as he placed a light kiss to the corner.

“I’ll be at Zoe’s party. Call me if you want to see me sooner.” He waited for her
nod before he released her face and left the room. He made it down the steps and
out the front door before he couldn’t move anymore.

She’d said it was a mistake.

He’d thought it had been wonderful and powerful and that they were finally getting
back on the right track. But now she hated herself for making love to him. Nathan
slid down the wall beside the door and placed his elbows on his knees. If he’d blown
this chance with her, he wasn’t sure what he would do.

Twenty

“You look tired,” Kelsey said as she pushed a cup of coffee toward Janelle.

Janelle looked up at her sister as she reached for the mug. She’d had enough energy
that morning to feed the kids their breakfast and then put the dishes in the sink,
but now she felt drained. Her mind was everywhere, but she couldn’t focus on anything.
Why had she sent Nathan away? After she’d calmed down and thought about it, she’d
felt empty. She’d made love to him because it was what she’d wanted to do, and she
rarely acted on her impulses, but had ended up hurting them both.