On the Rocks (38 page)

“Wolf has a big mouth,” he said as he stared at one of the TVs above the bar.

“I forced it out of him,” I lied, not wanting him to get mad at Wolf now too.

“What’d you do, throw your other shoe at his head?”

“Something like that,” I said sheepishly as I slid onto the stool next to him. “Anyway, I’ll have you know, I wasn’t even looking for you.”

“Then why are you here?”

“I like the bar nuts,” I said.

“You’re a bar nut,” he replied, tossing a peanut shell at me.

“Listen, I don’t really know what happened back there, but I’m sorry. You were right. I had no reason to say anything about that woman, Melinda. It was none of my business. I’m not sure what happened to me, but I’m really sorry.”

“I think you were jealous,” he teased.

“Don’t push your luck.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry I aimed a little below the belt there with the knitting needles. That wasn’t cool.”

“No biggie. It’s over and done with. Friends again?”

“Are you done being psychotic?”

“I think so.”

“Then yeah, we’re friends again. Get a beer.” I ordered a beer and shifted on my stool next to him. “You and Grace went at it pretty good,” he said. “I wasn’t expecting that from either of you.”

“Me neither,” I admitted. I wasn’t proud of what had happened.

“I’m kind of pissed we didn’t have a mud pit handy.”

“We haven’t fought like that in a very long time, and I haven’t heard from her.”

“She’s going through some stuff, she’ll come around.”

“I was pretty mean to her.”

“Yeah, but she called you fat. You’re even.”

“Good point.”

“I knew guys could drive girls crazy, but I’ve never seen anything like the two of you. It got me thinking.”

“About what?”

“Do you think I’ve done things that made sane girls act the way you guys just did?”

“You probably have, yeah.”

“Jesus. I have to start being more careful. I don’t want to fuck people up the way you guys got fucked up.”

“I think that’s admirable. And potentially insulting. I’m not sure yet.”

“No seriously, you guys are like, completely crazy. Like straitjacket crazy. And let me tell you, you’re both so much better than Johnny and Ben, it’s a joke. I don’t get why you let them do this to you. They’re losers.”

“Love makes smart girls do stupid things . . . until it doesn’t.” I sighed.

“Do you realize that if either Ben or Johnny cared about you guys the way you care about each other, you both might actually be normal?”

It was one of the smartest points anyone had ever made. “Yeah,” I said as I finished my beer. “I think I finally get that.”

I went home and got into bed early, but I had a hard time falling asleep. I wanted so badly to call Grace, but I knew she wouldn’t answer. She needed to cool down, and I needed to let her, but still I hated feeling like I couldn’t call. In that way, all relationships share a common reality: it makes no difference if it’s a guy or a girl on the other end of the line, there’s nothing worse than wanting to talk to someone and being unable to dial. It occurred to me that I might not be the only person who felt that way. So I dialed.

“Hey, Mom,” I said when she answered.

“Abby! Is everything okay? You never call me. You didn’t get arrested, did you?”

“No, I didn’t get arrested. I’m just calling to talk.” There was stunned silence on the other end of the line, and I wasn’t surprised. I don’t think I had called my mother just to talk in ten years, and I didn’t mind the extra time to collect my thoughts. This was new territory for both of us. “I got into a fight with Grace,” I admitted.

“Oh,” she said quietly, still unsure how to handle this friendly phone call. “Well, that will happen. You two are like sisters. You’ll get over it.”

“I don’t know, Mom. It was pretty bad. I said some things I shouldn’t have.”

“You didn’t attack her, did you?” my mother asked. It would have been a ridiculous question under normal circumstances, but considering my track record that summer, sadly, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility.

“Not physically, no. Do you think I’m pathetic, Mom?” It hurt to say the words out loud, but I needed to know if what Grace said was true, and if anyone would tell me the truth, it was my mother.

“Pathetic?” she answered, the shock registering in her voice. “I wouldn’t use that word to describe you in a million years. Actually, I admire you and how you’ve picked yourself up over the last few months.”

“Really?” This was not the answer I was expecting. “You do? I thought you told me I had let myself go, that I wasn’t doing anything to help myself.”

She sighed, as if hearing me repeat her own words back to her was somehow painful. Now she knew how I felt. “Abby, I know I don’t always say the right things. I know I don’t always do the right things, and I’m probably not going to win any ‘mother of the year’ awards for some of the parenting techniques I’ve used over the years. But I was only trying to give you a kick to get you going. I didn’t know what else to do. I was trying to be protective of you, and I wanted you to show everyone how strong you are. How no man could destroy the confident, beautiful woman I raised. If I messed it up, I messed it up, but you know what? You don’t see how far you’ve come the last few months. You’ve got your smile back. I like to think my tough love tactics helped put it there. I tried my very best with you girls.”

“I know you did. You always meant well.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate you saying that.”

“Listen, I’m going to be home soon. Maybe we can get dinner one night after work. Just the two of us.”

“I’d like that,” she said, though I could sense her hesitation.

“We can go somewhere vegan if you want,” I added, offering one final olive branch.

“Great!” she said. “You’ll love it, Abby. It’s really not bad at all. Just try to keep an open mind.”

“I’ve been trying to do that all summer.”

“Keep it up, it’s working. And don’t worry about Grace. Just say you’re sorry. Sometimes those two little words go a very long way.”

“Thanks, Mom. I’ll call you next week, okay?”

“Good night, Abby. Get some rest. At your age, they say that a woman needs. . . .” She stopped herself, and I waited for her to finish her sentence and tell me that mature skin requires eight to ten hours of sleep a night to keep from looking like a baseball mitt. She took a deep breath and continued. “. . . Absolutely nothing. A woman your age is just perfect the way she is.”

I smiled as I hung up, knowing that my mother didn’t actually believe a word she had just said, but happy that she finally realized that sometimes a girl just wants her mother to lie to her.

M
Y ALARM WENT OFF AT
9:00
A.M.
, and I rolled over to turn it off, realizing that something was sitting on my feet. Odd, since last I checked I didn’t have a dog.

“Hey,” a very tired-looking Grace said from the edge of my bed.

“Hey. How long have you been there?” I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

“About half an hour. I brought breakfast. Are you hungry?”

“A little. I’m really sorry, Grace,” I said.

“Me too,” she answered.

I hugged Grace as I struggled to get out from under the covers. It felt like the two of us had been through everything together, and my one night not speaking to her was enough to know that I never wanted to have another one. I had thought the same thing about Ben once upon a time, but I was wrong. When you really love someone, you don’t let more than a day go by before you say you’re sorry, and if you’re really smart, you bring food with you when you do.

“Did you call him?” I asked.
Please, God
,
please spare at least one of us from ourselves.

“No,” she replied.

“What made you change your mind?”
Thank you
,
thank you
,
thank you.

“You.”

“Since when have I been able to convince you to do anything? That’s a first.”

“You were able to get rid of Ben, and you guys were engaged, for God’s sake. If you can do that, then I can get rid of a married guy who I know, deep down, will never be mine.”

I didn’t say anything because there was simply nothing left to say. She continued. “Well, it looks like we’re both single. That hasn’t happened in a very long time, huh?”

“How do you feel about it?” I asked.

“Like eating.” She looked pensive, sad. “How’d we get so fucked up, Abby?” she asked.

“I can blame my mother. I don’t know who you can blame. I’m not sure what went wrong with you.”

“We’re still pretty great, though.” Grace had apparently been doing her daily affirmations in the mirror again.

“I like to think so.”

“Someday some poor schmucks will be lucky to have us.”

“Do you want to go out with the pyromaniac? You can have him,” I offered, figuring it was the least I could do.

“I don’t think so. Thanks, though.”

“Did you really bring breakfast?” I asked, realizing that I hadn’t eaten anything the day before and I was starving.

“Sort of.” She pulled a pint of ice cream and two spoons out of her purse. “You’re right,” she said with a smile. “Empty calories really do make you feel better.”

“Yes, they do.” She crawled into bed next to me as I ripped the cover off the ice cream and grabbed a spoon from her hand. And for the next two hours that was how we stayed, just two best friends, having breakfast in bed at the beach.

Chapter 24

Renaissance Man

L
ABOR
D
AY STILL
means to me what it always has: the return to school. When I was a student, I was one of the few kids who actually welcomed the end of summer and the beginning of a new school year. I loved back-to-school shopping. I loved making textbook covers with brown paper grocery bags. I loved buying new supplies that had that familiar smell that somehow signaled the beginning of a new year rife with possibilities, and I loved getting away from my mother for eight hours at a clip. Even now that I returned to school as the teacher and not the student, I still loved the promise that the beginning of a new year held. For those kids, I’d be part of something they’d always remember, and that feeling, the one that had drawn me to teaching to begin with, was one of the greatest feelings in the world.

We packed up the house, scrubbed the place down, and prepared to return to our real lives back in Boston. Grace, Lara, and I went out to lunch on our last Saturday at the beach to toast the end of summer and each other, not necessarily in that order.

“So, I have an announcement to make,” Lara said.

“Do tell,” I said as I squeezed lemon into my water.

“I’ve decided to try online dating,” she said proudly. “I’m tired of fighting the inevitable, and I don’t want to be afraid of getting back out there. This way I can sit in the comfort of my own home and email people before I meet them. It’s a safe first step.” Finally, email and Internet dating have actually come in handy. Maybe there was something to it after all.

“I think that’s awesome. Just stay away from any guys who mention being in a band,” I said.

“Got it. If I need any help or anything, Abby, do you think it would be okay if I call you sometime? I can’t thank you enough for all of your help this summer. You were a godsend.”

“I didn’t do much,” I said. “I didn’t even know you were separated for most of the summer.”

“You kept me company, and you showed me that it’s okay to start over.”

“You’re welcome, and definitely call me anytime. You’re going to do great.” I reached over and rubbed her shoulder, trying to encourage her one last time before I left.

“Speaking of calling, what are you going to do about the cute guy from the store?” she asked.

I had forgotten all about Tom Marsh, and how I told him I’d call. “Thanks for the reminder,” I said as I pulled my phone from my bag and dialed his number.

“You’d never know you spent most of the last year afraid of guys,” Grace said as she nodded in approval.

“Voicemail,” I said when I heard his recording. I cleared my throat and in a cheery voice said, “Hey, Tom, this is Abby. We’re leaving the beach today, so I figured I’d call and tell you it was great meeting you this summer, and if you’d like to get out for a beer back in the city, give me a ring. Have a safe trip back. Bye.”

“Smooth,” Lara said when I placed my phone back in my bag.

“The bar was low, but I think that officially wins me the most improved award of the summer, don’t you guys think?” I asked.

“Definitely,” they said. And I agreed with them.

We soaked in the last of the summer sun and the Newport scene as we ate our salads, and when we had finished and paid the bill, I caught myself feeling so very sad to leave the place that had helped bring me back to life. Had I known that this little town in Rhode Island possessed such powerful healing properties, I’d have come a lot sooner.

“Well, Abs, I think it’s time we hit the road. Lara, let’s get out and troll for guys when you’re back in the city,” Grace said as we stood and prepared to part ways.

Lara hugged us both good-bye one last time before she hopped in her car and went home. It felt like the last day of college, when you and your friends all went your separate ways and you knew that things would never be the same again. You could only hope that things would get better. That was how I was feeling now––nostalgic and hopeful.

Grace and I walked back to the house, linking arms the way we always did. She asked, “So who do you think had it the worst, me, you, or Lara?”

“Three-way tie.”

“That’s some tough competition.”

“Everyone’s got something.” I laughed.

“Yeah, well, that’s damn true where we’re concerned.”

I had spent an entire summer trying to fill what I thought was a gap in my life, and if the experience had taught me one thing it was that that was a complete waste of time. None of us had had the fairy-tale ending, at least not yet, and that was perfectly okay.