Once Upon a Time: New Fairy Tales Paperback (46 page)

when the time came. I am old, Ivan, and this is my last winter with

the Wolf Guard. I believe I know why you have been summoned by

the Lady. With that charm, whatever battles you have to fight, you

should win. Now go. There is a storm coming, and you should be off

the mountain before it arrives.”

Ivan packed his belongings and made his farewells. Then, he left

the cave, following Tailcatcher and Blanchefleur. He looked back

once, with tears in his eyes, and felt as though his heart were breaking.

The journey to the capital would have taken several days, but in the first town they came to, Ivan traded his knife and coat for a horse. It was an old farm horse, but it went faster than he could have on foot with two cats. The cats sat in panniers that had once held potatoes, and Tailcatcher looked very cross indeed. When Ivan asked again

why he had been summoned, the cat replied, “That’s for the Lady to

say,” and would say nothing more.

They spent the night in a barn and arrived at the capital the next

day.

Ivan had never seen a city so large. The houses had as many as

three stories, and there were shops for everything, from ladies’ hats and fancy meats to bicycles. On one street he even saw a shiny new

motorcar. But where were the people? The shops were closed, the

houses shuttered, and the streets empty. Once, he saw a frightened

face peering at him out of an alley, before it disappeared into the

shadows.

“What happened here?” he asked.

• 373 •

• Blanchefleur •

“You’ll know soon enough,” said Tailcather. “That’s where we’re going.”

That
was the palace.

Ivan had never seen a building so large. His father’s mill could

have fit into one of its towers. With a sense of unease, he rode up to the gates.

“State your business!” said a guard who had been crouching in the

gatehouse and stood up only long enough to challenge them.

Ivan was about to reply when Blanchefleur poked her head out of

the pannier. “I am Blanchefleur. My mother is the Lady of the Forest, and our business is our own.”

“You may pass, my Lady,” said the guard, hurriedly opening the

gates and then hiding again.

They rode up the long avenue, through the palace gardens, which

were magnificent, although Ivan thought they were not as interesting as the Lady’s gardens with their cat gardeners. They left the horse with an ostler who met them at the palace steps, then hurried off toward

the stables. At the top of the steps, they were met by a majordomo

who said, “This way, this way.” He reminded Ivan of Marmalade.

They followed the majordomo down long hallways with crimson

carpets and paintings on the walls in gilded frames. At last, they

came to a pair of gilded doors, which opened into the throne room.

There was the King, seated on his throne. Ivan could tell he was the King because he wore a crown. To one side of him sat the Lady. To

the other sat a girl about Ivan’s age, also wearing a crown, and with a scowl on her face. Before the dais stood two men.

“Ivan,” said the Lady, “I’m so pleased to see you. I’m afraid we have a problem on our hands. About a year ago, a dragon arrived on the coast.

At first, he only attacked the ports and coastal villages, and then only occasionally. I believe he is a young dragon, and lacked confidence in his abilities. But several months ago, he started flying inland, attacking market towns. Last week, he was spotted in the skies over the capital, and several days ago, he landed on the central bank. That’s where he is now, holed up in the vault. Dragons like gold, as you know. The King has asked for a dragon slayer, and I’m hoping you’ll volunteer.”

• 374 •

• Theodora Goss •

“What?” said Ivan. “The King has asked for a what?”

“Yes, young man,” said the King, looking annoyed that the Lady

had spoken first. “We’ve already tried to send the municipal police

after him, only to have the municipal police eaten. The militias

were not able to stop him in the towns, but I thought a trained

police force—well, that’s neither here nor there. The Lady tells me

a dragon must be slain in the old-fashioned way. I’m a progressive

man myself—this entire city should be wired for electricity by next

year, assuming it’s not destroyed by the dragon. But with a dragon

sitting on the monetary supply, I’m willing to try anything. So we’ve made the usual offer: the hand of my daughter in marriage and the

kingdom after I retire, which should be in about a decade, barring ill health. We already have two brave volunteers, Sir Albert Anglethorpe and Oswald the—what did you say it was?—the Omnipotent.”

Sir Albert, a stocky man with a shock of blond hair, bowed. He

was wearing chain mail and looked as though he exercised regularly

with kettlebells. Oswald the Omnipotent, a tall, thin, pimply man in a ratty robe, said, “How de do.”

“And you are?” said the King.

“Corporal Miller,” said Ivan. “And I have no idea how to slay a

dragon.”

“Honesty! I like honesty,” said the King. “None of us do either. But you’ll figure it out, won’t you, Corporal Miller? Because the dragon really must be slain, and I’m at my wits’ end. The city evacuated, no money to pay the military—we won’t be a proper kingdom if this

keeps up.”

“I have every confidence in you, Ivan,” said the Lady.

“Me too,” said Blanchefleur.

Startled, Ivan looked down at the white cat. “May I have something

to eat before I go, um, dragon-slaying?” he asked. “We’ve been

traveling all morning.”

“Of course,” said the King. “Anything you want, my boy. Ask and

it will be yours.”

“Well then,” said Ivan, “I’d like some paper and ink.”

• 375 •

• Blanchefleur •

v

Sir Albert had insisted on being fully armed, so he wore a suit of

armor and carried a sword and shield. Oswald was still in his ratty

robe and carried what he said was a magic wand.

“A witch sold it to me,” he told Ivan. “It can transform anything it touches into anything else. She told me it had two transformations

left in it. I used the first one to turn a rock into a sack of gold, but I lost the gold in a card game. So when I heard about this dragon, I figured I would use the second transformation to turn him into—I

don’t know, maybe a frog? And then, I’ll be king. They give you all

the gold you want, when you’re king.”

“What about the princess?” asked Ivan.

“Oh, she’s pretty enough. Although she looks bad-tempered.”

“And do you want to be king too?” Ivan asked Sir Albert.

“What? I don’t care about that,” he said through the visor of his

helmet. “It’s the dragon I’m after. I’ve been the King’s champion

three years running. I can out-joust and out-fight any man in the

kingdom. But can I slay a dragon, eh? That’s what I want to know.”

He bent his arms as though he were flexing his biceps, although they were hidden in his armor.

Ivan had not put on armor, but he had asked for a bow and a

quiver of arrows. They seemed inadequate, compared with a sword

and a magic wand.

The dragon may have been young, but he was not smal . Ivan, Oswald,

and Sir Alfred stood in front of the bank building, looking at the damage he had caused. There was a large hole in the side of the building where he had smashed through the stone wal , directly into the vault.

“As the King’s champion, I insist that I be allowed to fight the

dragon first,” said Sir Albert. “Also, I outrank both of you.”

“Fine by me,” said Oswald.

“All right,” said Ivan.

Sir Albert clanked up the front steps and through the main

entrance. They heard a roar, and then a crash, as though a file cabinet had fallen over, and then nothing.

• 376 •

• Theodora Goss •

After fifteen minutes, Oswald asked, “So how big do you think

this dragon is, anyway?”

“About as big as the hole in the side of the building,” said Ivan.

“See, the reason I’m asking,” said Oswald, “is that the wand has to

actually touch whatever I want to transform. Am I going to be able

to touch the dragon without being eaten?”

“Probably not,” said Ivan. “They breathe fire, you know.”

“What about when they’re sleeping?” asked Oswald.

“Dragons are very light sleepers,” said Ivan. “He would smell you

before you got close enough.”

“How do you know?”

“It’s in the Encyclopedia of All Knowledge.”

“Oh, that thing,” said Oswald. “You know, I worked on that for a

while. Worst job I ever had. The pay was terrible, and I had to eat

soup for every meal.”

Another half hour passed.

“I don’t think Sir Albert is coming out,” said Ivan. “You volunteered before me. Would you like to go next?”

“You know, I’m not so sure about going in after all,” said Oswald.

“I can’t very well rule a kingdom if I’m eaten, can I?”

“That might be difficult,” said Ivan.

“You go ahead,” said Oswald, starting to back away. “I think I’m

going to turn another rock into gold coins. That seems like a better idea.”

He turned and ran up the street, leaving Ivan alone in front of the

bank. Ivan sighed. Well, there was no reason to wait any longer. He

might as well go in now.

Instead of going in by the front door, he went in through the hole

that the dragon had made in the side of the bank. He walked noise-

lessly, as he had done in the forest. It was easy to find the dragon: he was lying on a pile of gold coins in the great stone room that had once been the vault. Near the door of the vault, which had been smashed

open, Ivan could see a suit of armor and a sword, blackened by flames.

He did not want to think about what had happened to Sir Albert.

• 377 •

• Blanchefleur •

An arrow would not penetrate the dragon’s hide. He knew

that, because while he had been eating at the palace, he had asked

Professor Owl’s tail feather to write out the entire Encyclopedia

entry on dragons. He had a plan, and would get only one chance to

carry it out. It would depend as much on luck as skill.

But even if it worked, he knew how it would feel, slaying a dragon.

He remembered how it had felt, killing the troll. Could he survive the pain? Was there any way to avoid it? He had to try.

He stood in a narrow hallway off the vault. Keeping back in the

shadows, he called, “Dragon!”

The dragon lifted his head. “Another dragon slayer? How

considerate of the King to sent me dessert! Dragon slayer is my

favorite delicacy, although the policemen were delicious. I much

preferred them to farmers, who taste like dirt and leave grit between your teeth, or fishermen, who are too salty.”

“Dragon, you could fly north to the mountains. There are plenty

of sheep to eat there.”

“Sheep!” said the dragon. “Sheep are dull and stringy compared to

the delicious men I’ve eaten here. Just the other day, I ate a fat baker.

He tasted of sugar and cinnamon. There are plenty of teachers and

accountants to eat in this city. Why, I might eat the Princess herself!

I hear princess is even better than dragon slayer.”

The dragon swung his head around, as though trying to locate

Ivan. “But you don’t smell like a man, dragon slayer,” said the dragon.

“What are you, and are you good to eat?”

I must still smell like the wolves
, thought Ivan.

He stepped out from the hallway and into the vault. “I’m an

Enigma, and I’m delicious.”

The dragon swung toward the sound of his voice. As his great

head came around, Ivan raised his bow and shot an arrow straight

up into the dragon’s eye.

The dragon screamed in pain and let out a long, fiery breath. He

swung his head to and fro. Ivan aimed again, but the dragon was

swinging his head too wildly: a second arrow would never hit its

• 378 •

• Theodora Goss •

mark. Well, now he would find out if the Captain’s charm worked.

He ran across the floor of the vault, ignoring the dragon’s flames, and picked up Sir Albert’s sword. It was still warm, but had cooled down enough for him to raise it.

The pain had begun the moment the arrow entered the dragon’s

eye, but he tried not to pay attention. He did not want to think

about how bad it would get. Where was the dragon’s neck? It was still swinging wildly, but he brought the sword down just as it swung back toward him. The sword severed the dragon’s neck cleanly in two, and

his head rolled over the floor.

Ivan screamed from the pain and collapsed. He lay next to

the dragon’s head, with his eyes closed, unable to rise. Then, he

felt something rough and wet on his cheek. He opened his eyes.

Blanchefleur was licking him.

”Blanchefleur,” he said weakly. “What are you doing here?”

“I followed you, of course,” she said.

“But I never saw you.”

“Of course not.” She sat on the floor next to him as he slowly sat

up. “Excellent shot, by the way. They’ll call you Ivan Dragonslayer

now, you know.”

“Oh, I hope not,” he said.

“It’s inevitable.”

The King met him with an embrace that made Ivan uncomfortable.

“Welcome home, Ivan Dragonslayer! I shall have my attorney drawn

up the papers to make you my heir, and here of course is my lovely

Alethea, who will become your bride. A royal wedding will attract

tourists to the city, which will help with the rebuilding effort.”

Princess Alethea crossed her arms and looked out the window.