Once Upon a Time, There Was You (32 page)

BOOK: Once Upon a Time, There Was You

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“Love
is
the answer,” Valerie had said. “But sometimes love isn’t what you think it is. Sometimes, it’s … I don’t know, for you? For you, I think love is a sheep in wolf’s clothing. I mean that it doesn’t have to be so
hard
, Irene. Look closer.

“Remember how I always used to have that E. M. Forster quote taped to my computer? For so many years, I looked at those words every day:
Only connect
. But then I thought,
No
. Only connect
presumes something on someone else’s part. It creates an expectation, a need to get something back from someone else. And what does that set you up for?
I also used to think the idea of nonattachment was bullshit. Was
wrong
. But now I see the wisdom of it. You put something out for your own sake, instead of having everything rest on what you get in exchange. So I changed
Only connect
to
Only love.
”

“Yeah, I don’t do so well with love,” Irene had said.

“You don’t do so well with marriage,” Valerie had said. “I don’t think you’ve even begun to realize all there is for you to love. And I know you better than anyone, and here’s what I know about you: You have so much love to give! But I feel like you’re all the time digging in the tomato bin, saying, ‘Where are the
apples
?’ ”

Irene sits longer. She closes her eyes tighter, breathes in more deeply.

The spirit does not come. Joy does not come. Illumination does not. But something does. Irene goes to the window and looks out onto the street, down at the people walking below. Some walk purposefully, sure of where they are going. Some walk aimlessly, in no hurry to get anywhere. Others are frankly lost. She goes for her keys, then heads out the door to join them.

Acknowledgments

M
y thanks, as always, to my editor, Kate Medina, to whom this book is dedicated. Her encouragement and support began in 1992 and has never wavered. I also want to thank others who do such good work on my behalf at Random House: Lindsey Schwoeri, Beth Pearson, Ashley Gratz-Collier, and Barbara Fillon.

At William Morris Endeavor, I am indebted to Suzanne Gluck and her assistants Caroline Donofrio and Mina Shaghaghi. Thanks also to Alicia Gordon in movieland; Cathryn Summerhayes in the U.K.; Laura Bonner, who handles foreign rights; and Claudia Ballard, who takes care of me and the magazines.

Many friends lent a hand in writing this book: Ross Mitchell talked to me about the complex feelings of children diagnosed with cancer, Jeff Appleman explained certain legalities involved with kidnapping, and John Rupp, my friend since we were eighteen years old, served as a model for John Marsh’s love of architecture, restoration, and the beautiful city of St. Paul, Minnesota. Elizabeth Cox convinced me of the value of sitting in silence. My writing group provided valuable support and insight, as always: champagne cocktails for Veronica Chapa, Arlene Manlinowski,
Pam Todd, and Michele Weldon. Also, they were an appreciative audience to my chicken show, soon to be reprised, though in a safer venue. Finally, a huge thank-you to Phyllis Florin, who reads things for me practically every day of the week and never, ever lies.

About the Author

E
LIZABETH
B
ERG
is the author of many bestselling novels, including
The Last Time I Saw You
,
Home Safe
,
The Year of Pleasures
, and
Dream When You’re Feeling Blue
, as well as two collections of short stories and two works of nonfiction.
Open House
was an Oprah’s Book Club selection,
Durable Goods
and
Joy School
were selected as ALA Best Books of the Year,
Talk Before Sleep
was short-listed for an ABBY Award. Berg adapted
The Pull of the Moon
into a play. She has been honored by both the Boston Public Library and the Chicago Public Library and is a popular speaker at venues around the country. Her work has been translated into twenty-seven languages. She lives near Chicago.