One Door Closes (21 page)

“Reid,” the boy offered with an offhand wave. He looked around the room, a bored glaze to his eyes, but Calvin could sense the curiosity beneath. He prompted the girl sitting to the right, and introductions went around the room.

“Welcome,” Calvin said when they got back to him. “This is my house. Was my mother’s, but now I share it with my brothers. We have group twice a week, but attendance isn’t mandatory. Just whenever you have time.”

“He just moved here,” Glenna piped in. “He lives in my complex.”

Reid met Calvin’s eyes for a moment, then looked down, his gaze going directly to Glenna and away.

Hmm.

“So.” Calvin grabbed a handful of Goldfish and sat back. The effort to act natural was still just that, but it was getting easier. “This sharing thing I keep encouraging you to do goes both ways. If you have questions for me, ask. If I’m not comfortable answering, I’ll say so. And you can do the same when it’s your turn.

“You know I’m gay,” he went on. Nods. Reid chewed his lip. “I don’t know if you’re aware that my brothers are, too. Or that this house wasn’t just our home, but our foster home. My foster mother Audrey—”

“So cool,” one of the kids said lowly.

“You think so?”

The girl looked around as if someone dared challenge her. “She was a cool old lady.”

Calvin smirked. “The thing about this house was that Audrey took in boys who were being shunted around the system because of their sexuality. She didn’t want them going to people who would abuse them or turn them out once it came out that they were gay or questioning. I wasn’t one of the guys who got kicked out by his real parents because I came out, but a lot of the boys here were. They had a lot of anger, and no way to deal with it, until they learned that Audrey wasn’t going to treat them the same way.”

He definitely had their attention. “I know a lot of those kids were depressed. Some of them were pretty severely messed up by what happened to them. They hid it pretty well, though, because they didn’t think anyone cared, and because people looked at you differently back then when you got treated with therapy.

“I want to make clear that what I’m going to tell you isn’t about being gay. It has to do with getting lost. If you’re part of this group, you don’t have to deal with it by yourself. It’s important to me that you don’t feel like you’re alone.”

He really needed to just say it, before he confused anyone. So he spread his hands and opened his mouth, and it still made his heart race.

“I’m clinically depressed and I take medication for it. I have for a long time. I’ve always been a solitary guy, and I was twenty-four before I recognized what was going on, but it started earlier than that. It slides up without you noticing, a lot of little things that pile up.”

One of the girls on the far couch, usually quiet during group, was nodding. Annie. Calvin had a moment of shock when he recognized that peculiar intensity in her eyes. She knew. Whether from her own experience or because a family member suffered was open to debate, but... Calvin’s smile to her was equal parts relief as it was acknowledgment.

“I know it’s especially tough for kids who are questioning. Transgender. Being told constantly that you’re not normal grinds you down, and a lot of negative feedback is unthinking, or comes through in the media.”

“I...” Annie started, then raised her hand. Calvin nodded to her. “I tried to talk to my parents. About liking girls. That was a while ago. They didn’t say anything, they just kind of shut it off when they figured out what I was talking about. It’s like the whole thing just wasn’t there. I brought it up again and they told me to come here, so...” She shrugged. “I’m not saying my parents are bad.”

“They sound pretty bad,” a girl said from the other couch. Laurel, probably the most outspoken in the group.

“Yeah, well, they’re not.” Annie’s response was firm, and Laurel didn’t offer a rejoinder this time. “We do things together. They don’t insult me or... They’re trying to be helpful, but I don’t think they get it.”

“They’re ignoring it,” one of the boys put in. “It’s easier than facing that their daughter is a lesbian. They can just pretend nothing like that ever happens.”

Calvin could see Annie struggling to reorient. “Look, what they do isn’t mean. I’ve heard of a lot worse happening to kids who come out, and I didn’t even come out. I just asked. I’m their only kid. It’s uncomfortable for them.”

“It’s uncomfortable for
us
,” Laurel said. “They need to sack up and face reality.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Laurel. When you came out, your parents bought you a freaking car.”

“Yeah, so I would reconsider liking girls.”

Calvin held up a hand. “Did they tell you that?”

Laurel looked uncomfortable. “They didn’t say that. But I saw their faces, I know what they were thinking.”

“And I know what my parents were thinking,” Annie said. “So don’t act like they’re bigots.”

Laurel leaned forward so she could see Annie clearly. “Oh, just come out already, would you? ‘Hey, Mom, Dad, I kiss girls, and you can just suck it.’ Problem solved, and they really can suck it.”

“I’m not coming out if I don’t have anything to come out about,
Laurel.
”

“Okay,” Calvin broke in as Laurel opened her mouth. “What’s the rule? Laurel, you’ll handle this your way, and Annie will handle it hers. We’re not here to judge how other people are working this out with their families.”

“They should have a group of their own,” Glenna muttered. “Maybe they can get all their bitching out there and leave us alone.”

“That’s a good idea,” Calvin told her, and she reddened. He looked around the group. “Do you think your parents would attend something like that?”

Most of them shrugged. But Tag nodded, and, surprisingly, so did Reid.

“Then that’s something I’ll look into. If you feel comfortable with it, you can ask your folks what their take is on attending a family support group. But this is my point. You have something a lot of kids, a lot of people, don’t have. Other kids your age who get what you’re going through, and if they don’t, you can come here twice a week and explain it to them.”

A couple shrugs, a couple hands going for their glasses. The air still had weight, but it had turned into a lively tension. “Use this. Group doesn’t just have to be for sexuality and sexual identity issues. It can be for whatever you want to talk about. And we don’t have to solve anything. I’m here to listen.”

“And provide delicious snacks,” Glenna whispered, an obvious aside to Reid, who sputtered a laugh. He looked mortified, his hand in the bowl of Goldfish, until Annie giggled. Calvin pulled open the drawer in the side table, grabbed the mini candy bars he’d stashed there, and tossed the bag into Glenna’s lap.

“If it keeps you talking.”

The eruption of squeals was almost as deafening as the general dive for the bag. In the midst of the noise, Calvin’s phone buzzed. He slipped it out of his pocket and gave it a quick glance, then looked again.

Don’t
cook
tonight
.

He stared, puzzled, at Will’s text, and then a second one came through.

Trust
me
.

Calvin could feel curious eyes on him already. He put his phone away.

Epilogue

Watching Will walk up the front steps and knowing that he’d slept with him, twice, was a little surreal. Will’s clothing seemed to hang differently, the dark jeans and burgundy sweater, even his boots. Calvin felt overly aware of the body beneath the outfit, the skin and curves and shifts of muscle that he couldn’t see. His fingers hurt from not touching. Will caught his eye and gave him an easy smile that put Calvin right back in bed, naked and with all that bare flesh to touch anew.

Calvin cleared his throat. “So, I don’t have dinner for you.”

Will glanced around as if assessing the house. “Good.”

Calvin stepped back to let him in, but Will stopped in the middle of the porch, hands in his pockets. He wasn’t carrying anything. The smile remained on his face, and he just looked at Calvin for a long while.

“What?”

Will inhaled deeply, then let it out. He didn’t seem to be in a hurry to explain himself, or to drag his eyes away. Calvin began to feel like he was under a spotlight. “Seriously.” He shook his head. “What?”

Will finally stepped forward, but only to take Calvin’s hand. His thumb immediately tracked across the back of Calvin’s wrist, and kept moving as if Will were not even aware of it. “Come on.”

Calvin hesitated. When Will’s grip remained firm, he came out of the house, pulling the door behind him. He had his jacket on, having been half convinced Will meant to take him out. Now that seemed to be the reality. “Am I underdressed?”

Will looked him over and huffed a private laugh. “No.”

“Where are we going?”

Will led him to the truck, not releasing him until he had to let him in. “Something to show you.”

Calvin hoped food was involved at some point. After the group snack, he hadn’t eaten much.

Will drove with a strange and steady flurry, his hand covering Calvin’s on the bench seat until he had to shift, unfailingly returning right after. Sometimes they only touched for seconds before Will had to change gears again, but Will’s fingers always crept back, wrapped around Calvin’s. His thumb kept up that endless caress over Calvin’s palm and wrist.

And Calvin couldn’t kick the thought that this same hand had been on him just this morning. In him. Pangs of heat slid up his spine with every squeeze of Will’s fingers. His belly twinged down deep, a painful solidity that ached to be relieved. He tried not to squirm, begging his body to let it be, at least until he was sure Will had the same idea.

They didn’t leave town, instead heading straight through the center and into the small neighborhood on the other side. Calvin lost track of their progress on Will’s second turn after Main Street, his entire being fixating interminably on the few inches of skin they had in contact. By the time Will stopped the truck, Calvin felt flushed and aroused, way too self-aware.

When Will pulled the keys from the ignition, Calvin pushed across the seat into a kiss. Will grunted, his arm immediately coming up to steady him. For a moment, it was awkward, and then Will sighed forward and returned the kiss, sharp and heady.

“Oh, thank God,” Will sighed. Calvin pondered maneuvering them around in the front seat, how well people outside would be able to see into the cab, and oh, lord, was he seriously considering just—

But Will pushed back, breathing shakily over Calvin’s mouth. “Wait, wait, wait. Okay, not yet.
Yes
, but not yet.”

Calvin pressed his face into Will’s shoulder. He couldn’t stop shaking, and he had no idea how he was supposed to function out in public with Will if this was his natural reaction now. What had happened to him? He’d been perfectly fine without sex for ages. Will stroked soothingly up and down his side. Calvin wasn’t sure if it helped or hindered.

“Come on,” Will whispered. “Come inside.”

That got through. Calvin straightened, peering out the window into the deepening night. They were on a pretty street lined with trees, bare now but which must have been dense with leaves in summer. The houses were small, bungalows in several styles with little yards and sidewalks old enough to be cracked by the roots established below. There was something that looked like a park at the end of the block. Calvin recognized the street vaguely, but it had undergone a lot of change since he’d last been down it.

The house they sat in front of was pale green with white trim, a modest front porch and an expansive picture window to the left of the door. The yard was a little scraggly from the rainy months. “Where are we?”

Will coughed. “My place.”

All thought left Calvin in a single sweep. He gaped at the comfortable little house, at the walk leading up to it, the mail he could see sticking out of the box beside the door. “You own it?”

“I rent.” Will’s fingers drummed convulsively against the steering wheel. “It’s not very big, only one bedroom. A bathroom.”

Calvin liked its newness, the way it fit snugly into the street of soft colors and A-line roofs. He became aware of Will unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the driver-side door, but it wasn’t until Will opened his door that he tore his thoughts from the house.

Will stood there, looking inexplicably nervous. Adoration slipped over Calvin like warm water, that Will would be concerned of his reception here. That he wanted Calvin to see and experience it. He got out of the truck and shut the door, tugging his jacket close around his throat. Will led him up the walk and let them into a narrow front hallway that couldn’t have been more opposite to Neverwood’s cavernous spaces. The warmth was immediate, close and still. Cozy.

“Thought I’d cook for you,” Will said, not looking at him as he hung up Calvin’s jacket and kicked off his boots. Calvin followed suit, shuffling across thick carpet as Will took him farther inside. Within twenty feet, the entryway sprang wide into a living room on the left and a kitchen on the right, all of it spick-and-span. Calvin could smell astringent faintly, and realized that Will had been cleaning.

“Did you get that sourdough?”

Will laughed. “Yeah. We could go out instead if you want, though.” He padded across the kitchen in his socks and turned on the lights under built-in cabinetry. “I have stuff for pasta like you’d planned, and one of my dad’s sauces. You’re not allergic to shellfish or anything, right?”

When Calvin didn’t answer, Will turned around, a packet of noodles in hand. The wine-red of his sweater stood out against the motif of counter and tile, and the rich tones of the woodwork. It was Calvin’s turn to look, to not know how to stop, and he could see the tension building in Will’s frame.

“Cal,” Will said, almost pleadingly. Calvin crossed the room, right into Will’s space. He took Will’s face in his hands and kissed him, full on the mouth. Will went rigid, then sagged, opening to it, tasting of strain and relief. Calvin kissed him until Will was locked to him, moving incessantly against his body as if he couldn’t figure out how best to hold onto him, and then Calvin eased off and left Will leaning after him.

“Thank you for bringing me.”

Will chuckled, more a breath than a laugh. “I want you here. Any time. Any time you...”

He faded out as Calvin kissed him again, wound his fingers through Will’s hair and thumbed the scruff shadowing his jaw. They were definitely staying in where it was warm, where Will’s scent was all over the place, a subtle spiciness of cologne, detergent and soap. Calvin wanted to see the place lived in: Will’s jackets across the backs of chairs, socks on the floor and mugs left on the counter. He wanted to see
Will
here, wanted to be here long enough for the normality of life to encroach upon the cleanliness again.

Calvin caught Will’s lips again. “And the rest of the house?”

Will met his eye. Bathroom and bedroom were all that were left, and Calvin had no particular need to see the living room in detail right now.

“Special tour,” Will offered hoarsely. Calvin curled his fingers over the waistband of Will’s jeans, the button snug against his palm, and gripped, tugging Will forward. The coarse hair trailing down Will’s belly tickled his knuckles.

“You work tomorrow?” Will asked helplessly.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll drive you there—” The next kiss silenced the words. And it was okay. No matter how long it took them to find their way, now that he had Will at last, Calvin had no intention of letting go. It would be an easy thing, knowing that Will was gripping back.

* * * * *