One Hot Momma (3 page)

Layla
swore that child knew everything.
All of it.
There was no way she could know, no way could she remember it, but when she gave her that look… she knew, somehow that child knew everything. The counselors said she wouldn’t remember, that it would seem natural, but they were wrong. Nothing was natural. A bond between a mother and her children was the most natural thing on the planet, and she did not have that bond with either of these children. She didn’t know how to force that bond either.

Layla
went to her own bedroom and pulled the shoebox from the top of the closet. She could hear them in their room making up the beds. At least they were quiet. She took out a photograph and looked at it for a long while. The girl in the picture looked exactly like her. Well almost.
Layla
had lost a lot of weight since then, stress, pinching pennies, and dealing with the emotional strain on a regular basis in addition to time itself left her a shadow of the woman she once was though she was never like the woman in the photo who wore a painstakingly detailed bridal gown. The man next to her looked like an older version of Brice.

“This isn’t fair. I let you have everything. Now look at me. What do I have?
Nothing.
Not you, not a career, I don’t even have myself. I wasn’t the strong one, remember? How am I going to take care of them and not let them down?”

Layla
began to cry, and the picture crinkled in her hand. She heard Savannah’s footsteps and quickly put it back in the box. She wiped her eyes and stood. Savannah reached the foot of the bed as she was placing the box back in the closet. “Mom, Brice wants you to tuck him in like
Rafe
does.”

The word always sent a chill up her back.
Layla
nodded and tried for a smile. It was easier when they were smaller. She didn’t have to be so perfect. Now they had expectations, and she knew she was falling short of all of them. They lived in a dump, clean but tiny, and they would be too old to share a room soon.
Rafe
bought most of their groceries, and though she hated to admit it, she was thankful. The kids had gained weight and got sick less often since she allowed him to baby-sit for them. Both a curse and a blessing, the day her babysitter got the flu and sent her boyfriend to take care of them.

“How does
Rafe
tuck you in?” She looked down at the sweet faced boy and tried not to beat herself up with guilt. She should know this stuff. She should have a special way of tucking them in and not him.

“I just wanted to tell you I love you.” Brice held open his arms, and she hugged him. It took everything she had to keep from crying.

“I love you, too.” And she did. She loved them both. “Savannah, do you want me to tuck you in?
Rafe
said you like the bear and to be tucked all the way down your sides.”

Savannah grabbed her teddy bear, and though she had a sour expression allowed
Layla
to tuck her in. “I love you, Savannah.”

“Will
Rafe
be here tomorrow?”

* * *

Today was different.
Layla
knew she looked at him a lot, but today she really couldn’t stop memorizing details. She wanted to touch him a million times when they walked down to the stables. The children loved being out here on his ranch. She liked it, too, with the exception of his family. She knew they weren’t fond of her. She didn’t blame them, but it still made for awkward moments. They tried to be polite, kind, and inclusive, yet she never quite fit. Like today, they were having a picnic, and a picnic for a dude ranch means at least sixty people. How the man got all his work done and still made time for the children was beyond her. She struggled to work full time at the shelter, and she had been working overtime since they lost funding. She didn’t want to tell
Rafe
her job was in jeopardy. Instead, she kept her hopes up that the grant proposal would go through.

He walked toward her with a soda can in each hand. His jeans fit him so well, hugging his hips, showcasing his groin.
Stop looking at him like that.

“Hey,” he said as he tipped his cowboy hat with an uncurled finger and winked at her. She could feel the muscles in her throat tighten as she looked away feeling more than the sun heating her cheeks. “I brought you a drink.”

“Thanks.” She took the offered can of cola and drank in the cool liquid.

Rafe
sat next to her under the tree and leaned back against the trunk as he crossed two long legs.
“So.”

“So the kids look like they are enjoying themselves.” She tried for small talk.

“They do. What about you?” He was looking at her; she could feel it.

“It’s always nice to be out here. It has a real sense of family, of freedom.” She nodded. “It smells clean. The flowers over there travel on the air well.”

“Why did you kick me out the other night?” He wouldn’t let her evade him for long.

“It’s complicated,” she said honestly. “I don’t want you to pity me. I don’t want you to offer me a mercy proposal because you like the kids. You don’t know me. You think you do, but you don’t. You can’t.”

“I think I know you better than you know yourself. I know you didn’t hate me the night before last, but you put me out anyways.” He stroked a finger down her spine and every muscle in her body tensed. She wanted him. She wanted to turn around and lean right in to kiss his full lips, to taste his tongue, and to feel him all over.

“I had to.” She gulped. “I can’t let my body rule my brain.”

“So you still want me?” He sat up. His breath stroked her ear like a caress.
“Because I want you.”

She didn’t have time to answer. He pushed up off the ground and called for Brice who was chasing Savannah with a bug. She watched him approach the children and she wanted. She wanted him to be their father, she wanted them to be their children, and she wanted everything he would offer her and more. She couldn’t have it all, but she could have another night with
Rafe
.

* * *

She wanted him all right.
Rafe
addressed the problem at hand with the two children, but he knew
Layla
had changed today. Normally she could hide her perusal of him, yet today she looked at him as if he were a slab of meat. He was anxious to be with her forever, but he might have to take it one night at a time. He started to wonder what she could be hiding that caused her so much pain.

“Yes sir.” Brice held his head down, and Savannah finally forgave him. Once she did, he explained himself, “I just wanted her to see it.”

Rafe
knew what it was like to tag after an older sibling and want their attention desperately. Heath was his older brother, and until Jack came along, Heath was the best thing since sliced bread in
Rafe’s
mind. Then Jack made him the big brother, and Heath was only partly special. As an older brother, he could also understand Savannah’s role. She liked her little brother, only sometimes she wanted to do her own thing. He imagined bugs were not a favorite of regular little girls. Jan, his little sister, was so much younger than him, Heath, and Jack that she would have eaten the bug if she thought her brothers would give her attention. “Well, buddy, most girls don’t like bugs. So let’s see if you can find something else.”

“I like butterflies,” Savannah offered.

“Okay, let’s look for those.” Brice was happy. Savannah smiled, and the space where her two front teeth used to be stood out.

The children were adorable, loving, and a handful. He could be a better influence if they were his. If their mother would stop being stubborn and just let him have all of them as his own family, he could make all of their lives better, including his.

* * *

“Hi, I’m Chance, Heath’s wife. We met briefly that time you came out with the kids and Savannah solved the problem of naming the restaurant.” The long legged redhead took a seat next to her.
Layla
remembered Chance. Who could forget her? Certainly not
Rafe’s
older brother Heath. “Man, this baby is already making me tired. Were you tired a lot?”

“When?”
Layla
brought her thoughts back to the moment, reluctantly pulling her eyes away from
Rafe
, who had been delayed yet again by a guest.

“When you were pregnant.”
Chance rocked into her shoulder. That gesture of sisterhood sent a different chill down
Layla’s
back. How she wished for her sister to be here now. Everything about her life would be different. “My sister said she was tired the first three months then she was so full of energy she could barely sleep the months following.”

“I don’t really remember.”
Layla
thought back, it seemed so long ago. Late night talks with Lola about pickles and peanut butter sandwiches. It was a happier time, a time when everything in her life made sense and she knew who she was and what she was doing.

“How old are they again?” Chance looked off to the children who seemed to be sneaking up on the bushes looking for something. “
Rafe
talks about them constantly, but I can never remember which one is which age.”

“Savannah’s six, and Brice is five.”
Layla
looked away from the children playing to look at Chance. Her bright brown eyes were genuine with interest.

“I know you don’t socialize much. I imagine you work a lot based on the way
Rafe
hauls ass out of here when school lets out, and then we don’t see him till the next day. But face it, you got two pregnant chicks here on this ranch, and you’re the only one around who’s our age with kids. We are bound to break you out of that shell.” She smiled. Chance was the kind of woman who meant business. She had a wild streak about her according to
Rafe
. The Johnson wives were all examples of headstrong females, but each was unique.

“Well, I don’t know how useful I’ll be.”
Layla
looked away from the determined woman and toward the two children.

“So, do you want me to come into town this week and grab lunch with you or what?” Chance asked.

“Me too.”
Bethany, Jack’s wife, approached. Bethany was quiet, sweet, and welcoming.
“How exciting.
I’ve been dying to get some girl time.”

Layla
was caught between a rock and a soft place so to speak. Chance bullied her way into lunch, and Bethany was so excited she couldn’t say anything other than the truth. “I can’t.”

“What?
Why not?”
Chance wouldn’t let her out so easily.

“I have to work through lunch tomorrow.
Maybe another time.”
Layla
pushed up off the ground and headed toward
Rafe
. It was time to go home. She wasn’t going to tell his sister-in-laws she couldn’t afford to go to lunch with them. She wasn’t going to tell them she feared every morning she walked into work would be her last. Instead, she ran away from them, the shame, and the inadequacy she felt in their presence. “
Rafe
, can you take us home now?”

He looked as confused as she felt. “Sure. Is everything all right?”

“I don’t feel so great.” Her stomach turned, and her head hurt from fighting the tears.

He called to the children who dramatized the exit to the point of throwing a temper tantrum. They didn’t usually act up when
Rafe
was around. They were tired, crying, and mad when they got into his truck. They were sleeping when he pulled up in front of her apartment building.

“You don’t look so good.” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. The gentle brush of his thumb against the shell, the subtle endearment behind the touch, all combined to make her eyes burn with unshed tears again.

This was her last pair of contact lenses. The insurance she had from the shelter didn’t cover contacts, and with the cutbacks it really didn’t matter because they’d lost what insurance she had three months ago. The one that popped out as she rubbed her eyes to prevent crying was lost. She looked at him; at this distance, she could see him just fine. She looked back at the children; they were a little bit blurry around the edges. Her lips pulled down into a frown and a tear streaked her cheek. “I don’t feel so good.”

“Come on, let’s get inside. You might have a cold or something. It’s fall, and if you don’t watch it, you’ll get pneumonia. Plenty of people think they can’t get sick because the weather is still nice, but it isn’t summer anymore.” He opened the door and woke Brice up. Brice stood next to him, sleepy and rubbing his eyes. He pulled Savannah out and held her with one arm as he grabbed Brice’s hand with his free hand. “Go on inside and I’ll put these guys down for a nap.”

“Okay.”
Layla
let them all inside. She walked straight back to her bedroom and crawled into bed. She silently sobbed. She heard him putting the children into their room, tucking them in, and then walking down the hall to her room.

“Turn over. Let me feel your forehead.” She obeyed. As his big warm hand touched her forehead, she knew she didn’t have a fever. The warm clean scent of
Rafe
combined with so many pent up emotions to make her weak. “You feel normal. Does your stomach ache?”