One Last Shot (Pub Fiction #3) (16 page)

Me:
I love you too. See you soon for our intervention. Xoxo

Kat:
Love you more. Be ready! LOL xox

“Thanks, I think she needed that,” I laugh, handing Mary back her phone.

“No problem, I’m sure that will satisfy her for now,” she says, stuffing the phone in the back pocket of her shorts.

We sit quietly for a few minutes before Mary breaks the comfortable silence that’s settled between us. “Do you want to talk about it, sweetheart? I saw you and Matt last night. Seemed like things were a little tense,” she observes, and I nod.

“Yeah, we’re having some communication issues, I guess you could say. He wants me, I want him, but I just can’t seem to let myself have him. I’m too scared he’s gonna leave me, like he’s going to get hurt or realize I’m not worth all the hassle. Then on top of it, I come here and everything comes flooding back: the pain, the loss, the guilt, feeling like an ass for never coming to see my own parents to pay them the respect they deserve…” I exhale with a sob, thinking of the mess I’ve made of my life. The tightness in my chest is suffocating; it takes what feels like minutes to catch my breath. “How did my plan backfire like this?”

“Ah, honey, I think you’re perfectly normal, if you ask me. All this means is that you’re finally ready to face all the things you’ve been avoiding in the past, head on. Your parents’ deaths, as well as what you’d like to see happen between you and Matt. You’re ready to heal.”

“Pardon my French, Mary, but how the fuck did I do this to myself? When the hell did I get to be so weak? I mean, I’m Claire Fucking Knox! You’re right, I need to get myself back.”

“Oh, Claire. We both know I’m fluent in French.” She waves her hand flippantly, laughing. “Now grab your bag, I want to take you to the place I go every Sunday after I visit your mom and dad. I think you’re ready. I even think you’ll appreciate it now. Let’s go get that crazy Claire Knox to come out and fight again,” she says.

Mary helps me to stand back up, and gives me the tight hug I need.

It’s time to kick the shit out of those damn bridge trolls once and for all!

Matt

W
aking up this
morning after the wedding, I’m foul. Pissed off, hurt and just fucking foul. After my talk with Levi, I hooked back up with Justin and the guys, polishing off one too many bottles of whiskey. A bottle that’s now beating the shit out of my head—point, alcohol; a resounding loss for Bishop.

Too bad, I’ve got too much pent up aggression to care. Skipping the breakfast invitation with the guys, I find myself at The Locker Room, pounding the shit out of the speedbag. One of the advantages of owning a place like this is twenty-four hour access to the top-notch gym, one I can come to whenever I want, even on a Sunday when I’m hungover and barking mad.

“It’s all fuckin’ bullshit. I know it is, but I’m done. I gotta get over it. I need to be done,” I say to myself in the empty gym, the echo of my punches meeting my ears as I attack the speedbag faster and faster, until sweat drips from my chin.

Hearing my phone, I stop, like the chump I am. Of course, deep inside I’m hoping it’s Claire but knowing her, I know better. Grabbing my towel, I wipe my face and glance at the screen.
Ryker. Who the hell else would call from their honeymoon?

“Miss me already, fucker?” I greet him.

“You wish. I told Kat I’d call you to make sure you’re okay. She’s been talkin’ to Claire, I guess we missed some drama. How you holding up, wanna talk?”

“Nah, man, go sex up your wife for the next two weeks. We can talk when you’re back. I’m fine.”

“Yeah, that’s what Claire’s telling Kat, too. You’re both fucking liars. You just need to go over there and hash all this shit out for good. Then I can start my honeymoon. I swear to God, if Kat makes me come home ’cause she’s worried about you two, you’ll be dead to me. This is my sexy time, don’t you ruin it, fucker.”

“Tell Kat to stop worrying. Claire and I are adults, we’ll sort this through eventually. But there isn’t much left to hash out. We’ve had the final round, both said shit we can’t take back. I just gotta move on, bro. I think I’m done for good this time. Can’t keep letting her string me along. But listen, I appreciate the call. We’ll talk when you’re back. Go be the doting husband.”

“Okay, man. We’ll be back before ya know it. My cell is here, so call if you need. I mean that, as much as it kills me and I hope for your sake you don’t call.”

“Aw, Rykie, you really do love me,” I chuckle.

“Whatever, dick.”

“No, seriously man, thanks. Now go be with Kat. I’m good, really.” I hang up on him then make my way to the shower.

Claire

“I
hate you,”
Kat pouts, sitting across from me in the oversized booth, crossing her arms like a petulant child.

I haven’t seen Kat since she came back from her honeymoon, which I just finished hearing about in all its gory love-themed detail, exactly what you might expect from Mr. and Mrs. Ryker Eddison. We’re sitting at Fine Grind, one of our favourite coffee shops, and per the pact we arranged while she was away, we’re here to talk about my so-called intervention.

“No, you don’t,” I laugh.

“Yes, I really do. I’m supposed to know when my best friend is having—”

“Had,” I interject.
For now, anyway…
but I keep that last thought to myself.

“Semantics,” Kat drones, “—having friends with benefits with the love of her life.” She exhales a dreamy sigh.

I hate to burst her bubble of love since she’s been waiting for this forever, but I have to. I need to do this my way without any pressure from Mrs. Happily Ever After. I still have a lot of things to sort out for myself, but I’m making headway.

But I know we need to have this talk; it’s definitely been a long time coming. I don’t usually keep secrets, especially not from Kat, so it’s no wonder she’s a little more aggressive with me than usual. I’m glad I’m going to spill the beans about everything because a part of me, despite hoping otherwise, believes that Matty and I are truly over this time.

With that uneasy feeling, I’m thinking this will be a good opportunity to talk to her about setting up some kind of Matty time-share thingy, because with the tension between Matt and I, we’ll need to map out some sort of visitation schedule because there is no way I can possibly face him. Not after the wedding—not until he and I get the chance to sit and hash things out, something I don’t think either of us is ready for yet. And I’m in no rush to see him.

Taking a deep breath, I come back to the here and now, preparing to do battle with Kat.

“Okay, there’s so much wrong with that statement. He’s not the love of my life…not anymore, anyway,” I tell her, defeated.

“Whatever, Claire.” She waves me off.

No longer able to hide my irritation, I ask: “Are you here to listen to me, or to sit in your little love bubble of happy, trying to project what you and Ryker have onto me? Because I’m serious. Shit has changed. Matt and I are over. You’re going to have to learn how to deal with it, like I’ve been trying to.”

“Whoa, calm down, killer. Maybe if I knew what’s been going on, I wouldn’t be
projecting
the love so much,” Kat chides, and she’s right. I’m being a bitch and it’s no-one’s fault but my own.

“I’m sorry. I swear I am. I’m trying to get better. I’ve been talking to someone. I don’t want to get into that yet, I have waaaayyyyy too much to tell you about first. Okay?” I say. “I’m getting the Claire Knox I’m meant to be back.”

“Alright. I’m glad and I can’t wait to hear about that. It’s about time.” She takes a sip of her steaming latte. “But, so you know, I’m not going to apologize for wanting you happy…” she pauses mid sip, gives me a sheepish grin before adding “…with Matt.”

“Kat!”

“Alright, alright. I’m done. For now,” she whispers.

“Dude.”

We laugh and it feels good, I’m so glad she’s back.

I get right to it and tell her everything that happened, from the bachelorette party to the wedding. I don’t leave out much.

What I really want to tell her is that she’s right, that Matt and I still have a chance to have our perfect ending, but I can’t, because deep down I know I’ve blown it. I’ve run him off for the last time. Even now, weeks after the wedding, I can’t get the image of the hurt and anger I put on his handsome face out of my mind. I still shudder at the shit I said to him, and what he said to me in return.

The fact that we’ve left things hanging between us like this since the wedding only solidifies the idea that Matt and I are through. Neither of us has reached out to the other. The radio silence makes it obvious—the bomb that was
us
has detonated.

Therefore, my goal today is simple: put on a brave face, fill her in, act indifferent and simply enjoy having my Kitty Kat back.

“First off, you can’t be mad at me. You were kinda busy with your wedding and honeymoon, you know. I didn’t want to ruin it with my fucked up drama,” I say. But who knows? Maybe she could have stopped me from ruining it all.
No, it’s better like this.

I’ve been happy-ish again, for now at least. I’d managed to unpack everything at home, I painted my godawful kitchen, started making some lesson plans for school which is starting in a few weeks, and I’ve visited Mary and Doug a lot, asking them to share stories about my mom and dad with me. I wanted to laugh at the stories I didn’t know about my parents, the ones I’d never have the chance to hear them tell me. It felt good to reminisce, to remember them. It gave me a sense of peace, one I didn’t feel before.

Overall, I’d say I’ve got myself in a pretty good little routine. Thanks to Mary, I’ve been visiting that same place she took me to after she found me at the cemetery. It’s a place I should have gone to a long time ago, a place that is helping me to see that it’s okay to take risks and to not live my life worrying about being left behind, but rather to enjoy the here and now and stop dwelling on the possibility of bad things happening. I’m slowly learning a new mantra and I’m healing myself. Regardless of what happens between us, I’ll always be thankful to Matt for giving me the final push I needed.

“Did I mention he’s been dating, too?” I add, after the whole washroom incident recount. Needless to say, Kat wasn’t too happy with my whole “if you wanna fuck” line.
Yeah, not my finest hour, for sure.
“I heard he’s been out on a few dates, a little knowledge that Justin let slip one night when Brooke, Braun and I went to Pub Fiction for a few drinks. Let me tell you how much fun that was to hear.”

“Oh, Claire. I’m sorry.” Kat gives me a soothing look.

“Yeah, I’ll be honest, that tidbit of information, knowing that he’s moving on, cut deep. Even with Justin trying to explain that Matty wasn’t really dating ‘in the normal sense’. Whatever the hell that even meant. Justin tried to backpedal, saying that it was only twice and that nothing had come of it, that Matty still wanted me. I dismissed that, though, telling Justin it was none of my business and I didn’t need to know.”

God, dating.
It’s something I can’t seem to bring myself to do, let alone think about. Before, it was all I ever wanted for myself. I loved my Three Dates and a Mate rule. Now the thought alone is almost enough to make me physically ill.

“I’m sorry, Claire, but I don’t buy it,” Kat says after I finish. “The dates were bullshit and you know it as much as I do. I believe what Justin said, and you should, too.”

“I’m not sure what I believe. I know what I
want
to believe, but I’m not sure I can let myself believe it.”

“Now, honestly, tell me you think he doesn’t still love you. That if you were to pick up that phone right now and call him that he wouldn’t drop everything for you. And then try to tell me
you
don’t love
him
. Tell me he’s not the love of your life.”

“Whoa, easy there with the whole love of my life thing,” I challenge.

“Deny all you want, sit here and lie, but know, Bear, that I know the truth. I see it in both of you. So you can stop trying to do whatever it is you’re playing at.”

“Jeez, I thought you said you were done with that?”

She laughs, “If you can lie, so can I. Just give it up. We all know what’s going to happen…that you two will happen. It’s meant to be. He’s always been your Dorothy. You’ve just been too afraid to admit it and to go for it full-on. Don’t get me wrong, I get it: you don’t want to commit for fear of losing him like you lost your parents. At the same time, though, have you really stopped to think about the logic in that?” She takes a bite of her muffin, while I try to process what she’s said.

“Wait.” Slightly confused, I need to backtrack. “What the hell do you mean by he’s my ‘Dorothy’?” I’ll get back to her “losing my parents” comment in a minute.

Kat sighs like I’m exasperating her: “Okay, so on
Friends
, Ross had his lobster, Rachel, right? His mate for life?”

“Yeah. So?”

“Let me finish,” she huffs.

“Sorry, sorry, okay, please enlighten me, wise one. I really need to hear this.”

“Okay, prepare to be wowed. This logic is brill.”

“Oh, Lord, I can only imagine where we’re going with this, especially when you start getting all giddy—and don’t even get me started on the use of ‘brill’ in a sentence. Don’t ever do that again. Now go on.”

“Whatever. Now, listen. So Ross and Rachael are lobsters, right? Of course I’m right. Everyone knows that, and they were indeed meant to be. Then look at penguins, they have their whole mating-for-life thing going on, again: meant to be. And then there’s me. I have my Honeybutter. And you. You—you have your Matty—your
Dorothy
.”

I shake my head, still not getting her analogy.

“Oh, for goodness sakes, Claire. You really did drink way too much in university, didn’t you? Do you not remember your whole speech about ‘any mere mortal of a man’?”

As I sit there with what must be a blank stare, Kat clears her throat theatrically before putting on her best Valley Girl impression and rings out a sequence of words that transport me back in time:
“‘Oh, my God, Kat. Let’s not get crazy. I mean, jeez, I can’t go showing just any guy the wizard behind the curtain, now can I? The reality of that is just too great for any mere mortal of a man.’”