One of the Guys (8 page)

           
Chris was out of the car and
shouldering his backpack. He had Kate’s duffel bag in his hand. “Put those on
the porch and I’ll show you their property,” Kate said. Chris dropped their
bags on the steps and joined Kate. “Let’s go around back,” she said, taking his
hand. They walked around to the back of the house and Kate immediately spotted
her parents’ three pigs rooting through the trees. “Here they come,” she said.

           
Kate and Chris walked across the
yard to the fence and stood looking down at the three enormous dirty pigs
trundling their way through the bushes. “Wow. They’re huge!” Chris exclaimed.

           
“Watch out for Dinner. He’s the big
one. I’ve heard that he can bite.”
 
Kate
reached through the fence and stuck out her hand. One of the smaller pigs
shoved her snout into Kate’s outstretched hand and snuffled around. “Sorry, I don’t
have anything for you yet,” Kate said.

           
“Did you call that pig ‘Dinner’?”
Chris asked suddenly.

           
Kate rolled her eyes. “That’s my dad
for you.
Named all three of them Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.
It was either that or Pork Chop, Ham, and Bacon.”

           
Chris laughed. “So, what do they
eat?”

           
“Everything,” Kate shrugged.
“Seriously.
I don’t think my mom uses the garbage disposal
anymore. The pigs eat a lot of leftovers. Let’s go take a look at the
chickens.”

           
They headed towards the corner of
the yard where the garden was situated. The garden looked like it was full of
everything from tall stalks of corn to thick watermelon vines.
 
Kate let out a whistle. She’d have to remember
to tell her mom how good the garden looked.

           
Kate’s dad’s tool shed was right outside
the gate, as well as the chicken coop. “Is this your parents’ property, too?”
he asked, watching two chickens strut past.

           
“Oh, yeah,” Kate said. “They have
ten acres. Which is, well… Way out into the woods that way,” she pointed, “and
way out into the woods that way towards the road we came in on. They’re working
on fencing all of the property in, but it costs so much…”

           
“I’m sure it does,” Chris said,
looking around at the property.

           
“So, anyway…
 
These are the chickens. Apparently they run
around during the day but all end up back into the coop in late afternoon or
early evening and I just have to shut the door so nothing gets in and gets them.”

           
“Do they
lay
eggs?”

           
“Yeah.
My
mom said she tried to get them this morning, but that she wasn’t sure if they’d
all laid their eggs yet,” Kate laughed.

           
“Should you look?” Chris asked,
peering into the coop. “There’s two sitting in there.”

           
“I don’t know,” Kate said. “I don’t
really know how to do this. Mom said you just reach underneath and grab the
egg, but…”

           
“I’m not doing it!” Chris laughed,
holding his hands up and backing away.

           
Kate took a deep breath. She stepped
quietly towards the coop, so as not to startle the nesting hens. She slowly
reached her hand into the coop, towards the first chicken.

           
“It won’t move!” she hissed. She
reached further and touched the chicken’s feathers. “Nice
chicky
,”
she said.
“Move,
chicky
.”
 
She tried to push the bird with one hand, but
the hen just squawked and looked at her sideways with one glassy, golden eye. Kate
reached in with two hands and gently lifted the bird up. Holding the bird up with
one hand, she reached underneath and felt something… slick?
 
Slimy?
Smooth?

           
“
Ew
!” she
cried.

           
“What?” Chris cried in response. He
looked alarmed.

           
“It’s… umm. It’s an egg,” she said,
her fingers closing around the egg and pulling it out. “It’s… kind of soft.”
 
She held the egg out to Chris, who cupped it
gently in his palm.

           
“Weird,” he said.

           
Kate repeated the process with the
other hen, but there was no egg. She peeked in and around the straw to make
sure she wasn’t missing any eggs. “I guess there will be more tomorrow.”
 
She turned and headed towards the house,
circling back around to the front porch. She stooped to pick up her bag and
Chris picked up his backpack, still holding the egg in his hand.

           
Kate reached down into the basket of
pink impatiens at her feet. She felt around a bit in the damp soil and came up
with the key to the front door. She unlocked the door and tossed her bag on the
couch. “I’ll take that,” she said, holding out her hand for the egg. “Make
yourself at home.”

           
Her mom had said to stick the eggs
that she collected in an egg carton in the fridge, so she headed towards the
kitchen. When Kate opened the refrigerator door, she stood gaping at the
contents for a second. An entire shelf was filled with egg cartons. She lifted
one up. Full. She reached for another one. Full. She reached for another one. It
felt lighter, so she opened it and placed the egg in an empty slot. “I think
we’ll have omelets in the morning!” she called.
“Big ones.”

           
Kate went back into the living room
and leaned against the door frame, tucking her hands into the back pockets of
her jeans. Chris was standing in front of the fireplace, looking at all of the
pictures on the mantle. “You were a cute kid,” he commented.

           
“Thanks,” she said, peering over his
shoulder and hoping that none of the pictures were too embarrassing. “So, what
do you want to do?” she asked.

           
Chris turned and looked at her. “I
don’t know,” he said. “What is there to do around here?”

           
“Um…”
 
Kate scratched her head. “Not much.”

           
“Is there someplace we can go grab a
drink or something?”

           
“Not anywhere nearby,” she said. “But…
my dad always has
beer
in the fridge in his tool
shed!”

*

           
She couldn’t help it; so much for being
girly. Kate let out a big burp. She and Chris had been sitting on the front
porch swing for hours, drinking beers and talking. There was nothing else to
do!
 

She
felt completely comfortable and at ease around Chris. Maybe it was the beer
talking, or maybe they were just getting along really well. Either way, she was
enjoying herself. The late September weather was perfect, with the air just
beginning to cool off in the evenings.

           
“No wonder it’s getting cool,” Chris
said, nudging her and pointing through the trees. “I think we’re in for some
rain,” he added, just as the breeze picked up and sent Kate’s hair flapping
into his face. She tucked her hair over her shoulder and peered at the sky.
 
Dark clouds were quickly rolling in their
direction. They didn’t look pretty.

           
“Maybe we should go inside.”
 
Kate got to her feet just as another gust of
wind scattered their empty beer cans off the table and sent them rolling across
the porch. She and Chris stooped to gather them up and the rain began to splash
down in big, fat drops. They dashed inside and dumped the empty cans into the
garbage. Both of them leaned against the sink, looking out the window into the
back yard.

           
“It’s coming down really hard,”
Chris commented.

           
Kate yawned. “I bet the satellite
goes out. That means no TV.”
 
She trudged
into the living room and picked up the remote control. Just as she aimed it at
the television, the living room lit up with a flash of lightning. Thunder crashed
and she jumped. “Not even going to bother!”
 
Shaking, she placed the remote onto the table and backed onto the couch.
She curled up in the corner, poised and ready to clap her hands over her ears
the next time there was lightning.

           
“That was close,” Chris said, coming
in and sitting down next to her. He slipped his arm around her and rubbed her
shoulder.

           
Kate smiled and leaned closer. Chris
bent his head towards hers and their lips met. Kate smiled at the thought of
making out with a boy on the couch while her parents were out. She felt like a
teenager again. She scooted down so that her head was on the armrest and so
that Chris could position his body over hers. They kissed and groped and Kate
was thoroughly enjoying the buzzed make-out session when suddenly Chris lifted
his head and said, “I think it stopped raining.”

           
“Okay,” Kate said. “So?”

           
Chris sat up and looked out the
window.
“Yeah.
Looks like it stopped. You want another
beer?”

           
Puzzled, Kate sat up. “I’m good.”

           
Chris stepped into his sneakers by
the front door. “I’ll be right back,” he said. Kate listened to his footsteps
treading across the porch and down the steps. She leaned back against the
armrest and sighed. Then she sat up again, thinking that she had heard
something. Was that Chris?
 
Was he…
yelling
?

           
She got to her feet and opened the
front door. Yes, Chris was definitely yelling. She rushed to the top of the
porch steps to see what was going on.

           
“The pigs!
 
Kate!
 
The pigs are out!”

           
Kate hurried down the steps and
rushed towards the tool shed just in time to see Chris darting through the brush.
She sprinted through the gate to see what he was talking about. Swatting away
the palmettos, she came across Dinner the pig, happily flopping around in a mucky
puddle that had formed. “How the hell…?”

           
“Help!”
Chris yelled. Kate looked up to see him chasing Lunch towards the pig pen. “C’mon,
pig!” he cried, shoving the pig’s hind quarters and pushing her towards the
fence.

           
“Be careful!” Kate cried, running
over. “Those are electrified wires!
 
You’ll get shocked. You have to go through the gate!”

           
Chris stopped pushing Lunch for a
minute and straightened up. “If the fence is electric, then how did they get
out?”

           
Kate’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, shit.
Is it working?
 
How can you tell?”

           
Hesitantly, Chris approached the
fence. He stretched out his hand slowly and Kate cringed. He touched one of the
wires lightly with his fingertip. Then he touched it again. Then he closed his
fingers around the wire. “It’s not working.”

           
“What happened?” Kate cried.

           
“Maybe it shorted out in the storm
or something,” Chris said. “What are we going to do with these pigs?
 
They obviously won’t stay in there if the
fence isn’t working.”

           
Kate looked around in a panic. “They’re
going to have to go in the yard,” she said. “It’s the only way to keep them
fenced in.”

           
Chris nodded and started pushing
Lunch back towards the tool shed. “Where’s the other one?”

           
Kate’s eyes widened. “I saw Dinner
in the mud…”
 
She ran back towards the
tool shed.
“Breakfast!
 
Here, piggy!” she cried.
“Breakfast!”
 
She stopped to listen. She could hear snuffling
towards the front of the property. She pushed through the palmettos, wishing
she would have put shoes on.

           
She came to a bit of a clearing, and
found Breakfast rooting her way through the dirt towards the road. Kate ran in
front of the pig and tried to push her back towards the direction of the house,
but Breakfast seemed to ignore her and just kept moving. Kate pushed the pig on
her shoulder, on her rump, but Breakfast slowly kept trudging forward.

           
Kate had an idea. She sprinted
towards the house, relieved to see that Chris was getting Lunch closer to the
gate and that Dinner was still stretched out in his pile of mud. She pushed
through the gate and ran to the house. She flew up the steps to the back door
and slid on the mudroom floor, her feet leaving muddy streaks on the linoleum. She
hurried into the kitchen and looked around for food, for something to tempt the
pigs with. She grabbed what was left of a loaf of bread off the counter. What
else?
 
She grabbed a bunch of bananas. She
opened the refrigerator and grabbed a head of lettuce and a bunch of celery out
of the produce drawer.